Laziness in potty training

Erin - posted on 04/07/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Hello ladies. I've seen a few posts lately about people not wanting to see 3 year olds in diapers.



My son is 2 1/2 and really has no interest in the potty yet. He knows what it is and that pee and poop go in it and has even sat butt naked on it but has no desire to sit long enough to do anything. I think that it's best to let them go at their own pace just so it's less stressful for both of us and it's a much easier transition to wait until he is ready.



What does everyone think? Is it laziness to wait until they are ready, even if it isn't until they are 3 or should we push them just to get it over with?



(for the record this post was not about anyone, so PLEASE don't be offended)

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Lindsay - posted on 04/08/2010

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If I had debated this same topic about a year and a half ago my opinion would have been very different. I was very lucky with my first. At one time, I may have considered myself to be a great potty teacher because my daughter was like a dream to train. She was fully trained by the time she turned 2 and it was very easy for me to think that their was no reason anyone should take much longer than that.



But guess what? Karma is a bitch and I quickly learned it was her and not me. About a year and a half ago, shortly after Cooper turned 2, I decided it was time to get that boy out of diapers. Today, it is still an ongoing battle. I honestly think that I pushed him too early and that's why we are at age 3 1/2 and still not fully in underwear. We've gone through singing potties, Cars potties, regular nothing to it potties, have umpteen potty books, potty dolls, treats, bribes, excessive praise, sitting down, standing up with cheerios, and countless other things. He's just not there yet. I've worried, been overwhelmed, thought of myself as a failure, cried to myself over it. Now I'm at the point of waiting. We've done everything we can to prepare him. Now it's time for him to hit the aha moment and for everything to click. It's a very real possibility that he may be 4 and not trained. Or it may be next week.



The one thing I have learned is that no two children are the same. I know the 2 in my house are night and day opposites and have been raised in the same house with the same parents. It's easy to say that if a child isn't doing this or that by a certain age it's due to lazy parenting. And I'm sure there are many of those situations out there. But sometimes a parent does everything in their power and the results still aren't what they were trying to achieve. Sometimes it has nothing to do with being lazy. I've learned this lesson the hard way.

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Kayle - posted on 04/08/2010

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I knew a mom whose son said "Mommy I have to go potty" and what she said made me so mad she said "well you have a diaper on" that is pure laziness not wanting to get off your lazy butt and take your son to the bathroom.

Ez - posted on 04/08/2010

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My 14 month old is already using the potty, and tells me when she's doing a 'wee wee'. I always know that she's done a poo, but I will ask her afterwards and she says 'yeah', or 'yeah poo'. She also figured out the association between the toilet and doing a wee... I would say 'Mummy's just going to the toilet', and she would say 'wee wee'.

It came up much earlier than I had planned really, so I just took the opportunity and ran with it. She is by no means potty-trained, and we have random success on the potty. Because she's so young, she doesn't have the control to tell me BEFORE she needs to do a wee, so it only works if I put her on at regular intervals (like every time I go to the toilet). I'm not rushing it, it's really no big deal yet, but I'm glad she's showing an interest and understanding so young. Hopefully it will make it easier later in the ear when it's time to get a but more serious about it.

As for the laziness aspect, I think that only applies when parents leave the child in nappies because it's the path of least resistance. I'm all for following a child's cues, but at some point, if the child still isn't showing signs of readiness, parents need to put the time and effort in to teach and encourage the use of the potty. If a parent has done everything humanly possible, and the child is still resisting, well that's another case entirely and is certainly not laziness. I must admit, though, the idea that the average age for boys in the US is 4.5 does seem very late to me. Around 3yo seems to be about average among my friends and family.

Amie - posted on 04/08/2010

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My story with my oldest two is a lot like Lindsay's. Our girl was trained by 2, it was super easy. Our boy on the other hand... took 18 months of trying, then we gave up. Just after he turned 4 he woke up one morning and said he was ready for his big boy gitch. Hasn't been an issue since. Our toddler is turning 3 at the end of May. She's in pull ups and doesn't mind the toilet but will throw a fit if it is not her idea to go. We ask throughout the day, if she's in a particular funk she'll scream no and run to her room. LOL! She's getting the hang of it though. We have a baby who just turned 1 a couple weeks ago too. So it'd be nice to not have to change 2 kids throughout the day but it will come. =)

Caitlin - posted on 04/08/2010

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When I commented about the 4 year old I knew that wasn't trained, I know the mother, and she hadn't bothered starting it yet because diapers were still easier and she didn't like to do laundry or feel like going through it all with her daughter.. THAT was lazy, because she didn't want to go running with her daughter when they were out to get her to the bathroom in time, figured it was easier to just keep a diaper on her.

Kayle - posted on 04/08/2010

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I think the only time its laziness on the parents part is when they are not showing and encoraging the child to go on the big boy/girl potty.

[deleted account]

I don't think it's lazy at all to wait (I saw those posts too, and I thought it was a little weird--according to the AAP the average age for boys to be fully trained is 4 1/2 years). Did you know that most kids who are potty trained before age 2 will regress at some point and they have to go through the whole thing again? Also, training a child before he/she is ready can lead to major power struggles that will go far beyond the potty.
If he's not ready, don't force it. He will be one day. IF you want to start hurrying things up, you can buy him a potty and give him a treat for going in it, but not punish him, or act disappointed if he doesn't.

Jessica - posted on 04/08/2010

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I don't think 3 is too late to potty train and if you don't wait until they're ready you'll be fighting a losing battle. All mine were trained by 2 or shortly thereafter but they also showed signs of interest, like joing me or dad in the bathroom and sitting on their potty.

I don't think it's lazy to wait, I think it's smart and in the long run will save you alot of headaches.

Caitlin - posted on 04/08/2010

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Jo.. I can sympathize, my 16.5 month old daughter is the same way. She wont sit still for a second, and if you try to pick her up when shes walking or running free, better put in the ear plugs! The toilet is starting to intrest her in the same way, so the bathroom stays closed... (unless i'm in it - then she follows me in - and resents that I close the door behind her, because that slows down her running around!)

Caitlin - posted on 04/08/2010

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I see some people who still haven't trained their 4 year olds! That's laziness! Some kids are ready before others, I've seen people on other forums getting frustrated they can't potty train their 15 month old! That's just insane in my mind, my 16 month old is nowhere near ready to train, she knows when she is pooping, but has no idea when she is peeing, and can't predict the pooing, she just makes faces when it is happening. Now i'd love to not have to buy diapers, but that's not happening anytime soon, so I should just suck it up. I'm just up to my elbows in diapers all day with 2 kids in diapers (16.5 months and 7 weeks).

?? - posted on 04/07/2010

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I think if you try and push a kid to use the potty you're gonna end up with a kid that's scared to take a shit. I know a kid that will be 5 this summer, he will refuse to go to the bathroom if someone doesn't hold his hand sometimes because he is petrified of the toilet... he honestly thinks he will fall in and get flushed away... can you imagine the horrible stomach issues and accidents that child would have if his parents were actually pressuring him?



My son is 17 months old and he got his first potty this past weekend. It's still in the box. He's NO WHERE near ready to even remotely think about potty training. We're moving into our house in a couple of months, I'll probably set it up in the bathroom after the bathroom reno is done but there's no way in hell I'm gonna push him to start potty training. I'm lucky if I can get that boy to sit still long enough to get his shoe on without a kick to the face! I have no intention of pushing him, at all. Quite frankly, I'm scared of him learning how to flush the toilet... he's the kind of kid who will be like "OHHH lets see if THAT will fit down the swirly water hole !!!"



I don't think it's lazy to wait until the kid is ready, I think it's smart. As long as, obviously, you're not just avoiding it all together, completely. No potty, no books about potty, just figure the kid will eventually get sick of wearing diapers... etc etc etc. But if you're genuinely prepared for potty training and your child knows what it is, how it works, why you do it and all that stuff... waiting for them to be ready is the best way to go.

Jodi - posted on 04/07/2010

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Nope, its not laziness. To me, it makes sense to wait until they are ready. Each to their own, but I preferred to wait until my kids were obviously ready. When I say "ready" I don't mean they literally volunteered to give up their diapers, because they didn't. I mean they were ready in the sense that they knew EXACTLY what they should be doing and why, they were just *choosing* not to, LOL. They were both about 3. I didn't do it this way because I was "lazy", I did it because it was less stress for ALL concerned, including the kids. Once I knew they were ready, I took away the diapers, and they were trained in days relatively fuss-free. Why create more fuss that we need to?

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