Lesson12 : Mommy Wars

Katherine - posted on 03/03/2011 ( 30 moms have responded )

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re-posted from cafemom


Last week a study came out which showed that working moms have sicker kids than stay-at-home moms. Almost immediately, the stay-at-home moms turned the study into a 500-page scrapbook project which they used to pummel working moms with. Then working moms retaliated by sending their secretaries out to staple all of the stay-at-home moms' nostrils shut. Or at least, I suspect that’s the kind of “mommy-war” bullshit that the media probably expected would happen.

In real life, however, almost everyone ignored the study because both the stay-at-home moms and the working moms were too damn busy to waste their time criticizing the personal decisions of fellow mothers. In fact, pretty much the only people who paid attention to this at all were the mothers-who-are-way-too-concerned-about-what-everyone-else-is-doing-because-it-distracts-them-from-all-the-shit-they’re-personally-failing-at.

Still, there are some new mothers who have fallen for the ridiculous idea that mothers are at war with each other, and who feel conflicted about making the decision to go back to work or to stay at home after having children, so I’m going to give you the lowdown of both options so you can decide for yourself.

The PROS of being a stay-at-home mom: You don’t have to shower until noon. If your child is under 6 months old, you can watch zombie movies and The Big Lebowski all day and they totally won’t care. Pajamas are your new uniform. You’re always home to sign for packages. You get to see all the cool things your kid does all day. Your kid isn’t exposed to the petri-dish of germs that is daycare. You feel like Donna Reed. You don’t have to deal with that bitch at work anymore. Your partner thinks you’re amazing. You have the quiet satisfaction of doing what’s right for your children.

The CONS of being a stay-at-home mom: You don’t have time to shower ever. If your child is over 6 months old, you have to watch really shitty kids TV all the time and you have weird sex dreams about Thomas the Train. All of your pajamas have bodily fluids on them. And not the good kind. You accidentally show your boobs to the mailman/cable guy/next door neighbor. You realize that your kid is boring and/or an asshole and you can never escape from them. You want to knife Donna Reed for making it look so easy. You irrationally shout, “STAY-AT-HOME MOMS ARE WORKING MOMS” every time you read an article like this and then you shake your head and wonder how you got like this. You feel so lonely that you actually start to miss that bitch at work. Your partner wants to rest after a long day of work and they don’t understand that you need to rest too and they say something like, “Why? What did you do all day? This house is a wreck” and then you have to go to jail for stabbing them in the shoulder. You find that prison is a pleasant break from being a stay-at-home mom. You secretly worry that you’re making the wrong decision.



The PROS of being a working mom: You get to escape from the insanity of motherhood for 8 hours a day. You have more disposable income that you can spend on family vacations and classes. You can afford to put your child in a Portuguese-immersion daycare that will give him a huge advantage in school. You have an experienced nanny/child-care provider to give you advice and help raise your child. You can belt out that “I can bring home the bacon” song and totally mean it. You are able to keep up an active social life, which makes you a happier, more focused mom when you're home. You have the quiet satisfaction of having a successful career and a family.

The CONS of being a working mom: You miss eight hours a day of your child’s life. You spend your entire paycheck on concerts to see The Wiggles. Your child is fluent in a language you can’t even speak. You have a nanny/childcare provider who is constantly telling you how to raise your child and occasionally your child calls her “mommy.” When “Cat’s in the Cradle” comes on the radio, you fall to pieces and everyone in your office hears you crying the ugly cry. Your kid is sick every other week from all the germs at daycare and your boss makes you feel like shit for missing work to take care of her. You end up using all your vacation days getting thrown up on in the pediatrician’s office. Everyone in your house gets lice. Twice. You’re so exhausted that you can’t accomplish anything and you feel like you’re failing as a parent and as an employee. You secretly worry that you’re making the wrong decision.

In the end, only one universal truth remains: You’re going to doubt yourself no matter what you do, but whatever decision you make is probably the best one for your particular family. Also, eventually everyone gets lice. That’s another universal truth but not necessarily one anyone ever talks about.

PS: If you’re a working mom still pissed off about the sick-kid study, then you need to take a deep breath and calm the hell down. Yes, the study implies that children of working moms are four times more likely to be poisoned but that doesn’t mean you’re the one poisoning them. Honestly, who has the time? I barely have time to cook dinner at night, much less plan a poisoning. My guess is that your children are being poisoned by stay-at-home moms who are retaliating after having discovered that you are secretly encouraging your sick children to lick all the playground equipment just to level the sick-kid playing field. Honestly, I can’t say I blame them.

PPS: Dear media: The paragraph right above this one? That’s how you start a mommy-war. Fucking amateurs.

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Amber - posted on 03/04/2011

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wow that's awesome, i liked the Kratt brothers as well. i had a huge crush on them when i was about 11 LOL

Krista - posted on 03/04/2011

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Hey, when you're stuck watching Treehouse all the time, you're desperate for something, anything that appeals to the adult side of you.

When my sister's boys were little, she loved it when Zooboomafoo came on, so that she could ogle the Kratt brothers.

Ez - posted on 03/04/2011

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Krista, did you know Anthony won a magazine's Bachelor of the Year contest a few years ago? So it seems lots of women share your admiration for the blue skivvy ;)

Krista - posted on 03/04/2011

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They are fun. And I like the fact that they actually have serious musical chops.

See, that's the funny thing. I work from home a few times a month, if the weather's bad or if Sam isn't feeling well enough to go to daycare. So I kind of get to live the SAHM life for awhile. I think I could do it if I lived close by to lots of activities and resources. But as it stands, I know I would just rely WAY too much on the TV to amuse my kid if I was a SAHM.

[deleted account]

Nope, not sure- just a guess. See why it's so wrong to judge people based on appearances? :D Those fellas just look so gay...but I like it....they make me smile. : )

Krista - posted on 03/04/2011

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You sure 'bout that? He's married with three kids. Besides, even if he was, it wouldn't change the fact that he's really quite nice-looking.

[deleted account]

Anthony!!! LMAO!!!! I don't think you're his type doll, if ya know what I mean. ; )



Have you ever heard "Cocky want a cracker" from the Wiggles? Very homo-erotic lol. My jaw dropped when I saw this on my kid's dvd! Then my 2 year old daughter was singing that she wants a cocky! ; )

Check it out! So funny!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5w8rt3qYh...

Krista - posted on 03/04/2011

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I've been HOPING to have a sex dream about Anthony from the Wiggles, but no luck yet.

Amber - posted on 03/04/2011

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i think it's not wether the parents are working but wether the kids are in a social setting at all. nothing to do with parents, i stayed at home and my kid is now in school and sick all the damn time. grr. kids are just germ-bags. and they love to wipe their snot all over each other. it can't be helped.

Bonnie - posted on 03/04/2011

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Funny!

If it were true that working moms have sicker kids than stay at home moms, why are my kids sick so often lately?

Amber - posted on 03/04/2011

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i'm getting the slack from a lot of people for being a stay at home mom now since my son is in school all day every day. but what most people don't see is that i am currently 12 weeks pregnant, and we had been trying to get pregnant for about a year before i finally got knocked up. i have such wicked problems being pregnant that we just decided i should stay home until i got pregnant, while i was pregnant and after. i think all those working mom's are just jealous that i have an awesome husband who let's me be super lazy ;D LOL just kidding obviously.

Katherine - posted on 03/04/2011

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In Michigan there are. Everyone frowns upon SAHM's. OR conversely working moms.

[deleted account]

Oh I love it, these blogs really entertain me thanks Katherine :-)

Oh and where I live there are no mommy wars you either work or you are a SAHM nobody cares, the only issue we have is working around people's work schedules to get play dates for the kids to get together :-)

Mary - posted on 03/04/2011

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Thomas the Train?...I think Handy Manny is more apt to do it for me....

Carolyn - posted on 03/03/2011

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"you have to watch really shitty kids TV all the time and you have weird sex dreams about Thomas the Train."


hahaha now that is epicly funny ... this article made my night !

Stifler's - posted on 03/03/2011

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Everyone here my age is a SAHM or works at Target/Woolworths part time and their husband is in the mines so they don't really need to work, just do it to get out of the house. My old mother's group were a bit more ambitious like either worked in the mines themselves or real estate but they were 10 years older than me.

[deleted account]

Carol, I don't really see the mommy wars in real life either, and I know a good mix of working moms and SAHM's. We're just all doing what is the best interest of our own individual families.

Johnny - posted on 03/03/2011

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I only see the mommy wars on here because every single mom I know works, at least half-time. In real life, I do not know one single SAHM. I know one SAHD though. Perhaps I could start a war with him.....;-P

Lucy - posted on 03/03/2011

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Ha ha ha, this cracks me up!

It's so nice to be reminded that we are all just trying to do the best for our kids, whether we decide to go out to work or be a SAHM. Each to his own- It's a shame this topic so often becomes a battle ground.

Stifler's - posted on 03/03/2011

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LOLOLOLOL. There's not so much of this mommy war stuff where I live but um back where I used to live there is. Mainly between other 20-25 year old mothers I know. It's so sad that people can't get a life.

[deleted account]

I love this! We just can't win no matter what we do so why bother sweatin' it, right? But if I catch sick kids licking anything my kids are gonna touch I'll be the one stapling nostrils shut. Those snotty nosed kids can't breathe through their damn noses anyway... ; )

Nadia - posted on 03/03/2011

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this is hilarious! thank you for making my day! Other than this i'm stuck watching really shitty kids TV all day... booo!

Krista - posted on 03/03/2011

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I am currently using one of my vacation days, 5 hours of which we spent at Outpatients, so that my sick (again) daycare-attending kid could get chest x-rays and bloodwork. He is now napping, and I am looking at my laptop case, because I know I need to be doing work. But my body and my brain are capable of doing no more than eating this peanut butter sandwich (my first meal of the day) and blathering on COM.

Yesterday, I had a damp shirt on at work because I had to spot-clean it in our office sink after realizing that when Sam threw up on me yesterday morning, he didn't just get my new pants -- he got down my camisole and in my bra as well. Sitting at my desk writing media releases while smelling like a dead hobo -- such is the life of the working mom.

Jocelyn - posted on 03/03/2011

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"Your partner wants to rest after a long day of work and they don’t understand that you need to rest too and they say something like, “Why? What did you do all day? This house is a wreck” and then you have to go to jail for stabbing them in the shoulder. "



I once stabbed DH with a toothbrush for this EXACT reason.



Edited to say...I stabbed him in the ear in case anyone wonders LOL

Medic - posted on 03/03/2011

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That is GREAT!!!! As I am reading this while sitting in class...and got looked at funny for laughing out loud.

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