Mail order brides

Sara - posted on 09/03/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I borrowed this from another debating site, but I'm curious to see what you all think of this practice? Do you think the US (or other countries) should make it easy for people to bring in a mail order bride? Do you think the men just view these women as property?

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Johnny - posted on 09/05/2010

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Well, I think it is a practice rife with corruption and abuse, so it does require some more careful regulation and legislation. But I don't think it is a horrible practice in and of itself.

There have been at least a couple mail order brides in my family going back a few generations. My great-grandmother (my dad's, dad's mother) and my great aunt (my dad's, brother's wife) were both mail order brides from Scandanavia. Their husbands were miners in communities where there just were not single women. If they wanted a wife, they ordered one. Both were happily married for all their lives. I knew my great-aunt fairly well. I spent some time in the summers at their farm. Their marriage was quite the intellectual match, both of them were highly passionate about politics and charity. They never seemed anything but happy.

My best friend was also raised by her father and her step-mother who was a mail-order bride from Mexico. Her Mama (she never knew her birth mom) was the one in charge in that family. She raised her husband's 2 children and they had 1 of their own. They are still married and travel the world together to watch tennis matches, her passion. I believe that her dad did something similar to Kati's uncles, in that he had a thing for Latinas and searched Mexico for the 'perfect wife'. Once he found her, he has spent the rest of his life treating her like gold and making her an important part of the family.

However, my husband has a friend who recently brought back a bride from the Phillipines. He is 41. She is 19 (I am assuming her age has not been falsified). I have no doubt that she is basically going to be his indentured servant and handmaiden. If he is abusive, she will have no one to turn to, no where to go, and if she leaves, she will be deported back to who knows what. The extended family (his) has not accepted her, although I think it is more because they are ashamed of their son. I hope someone in their community helps her, because she is living far from the local Phillipino community and will be very alone.

Rosie - posted on 09/05/2010

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coming from a different angle here....i know that MOST people who do this type of stuff are human trafficking, and probably treat their "wives" as slaves, but i have 2 uncles who have women from the phillipines that they aquired this way. while i don't know exactly how they "got" them, i know they didn't just meet them and then marry them. they actively searched the phillipines for a wife. now, they treat their wives like gold, and they are truly part of our family. no harm being done, and it's basically just like online dating, except that they specifically wanted to marry someone right away and from the phillipines. kinda creepy, but if you see their relationships it really isn't. :)

Jessica - posted on 09/05/2010

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IMO, if a guy wants to settle down fast and can't find someone then he should be able to buy someone (god that sounds horrible). I also think that these companies should be regulated to ensure no coercion and intimidation is used to force ladies into selling themselves.

Tara - posted on 09/03/2010

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I think this is tantamount to human trafficking as well, however on the other hand some of these women are leaving horrible situations. But again therein lies a problem, some women will do anything to escape their current situation including marrying a man she doesn't know in order to move to America.
I'm not sure how I truly feel about it.. Hmmm...
I think with all the internet dating sites available nowadays this kind of business shouldn't really be necessary, unless people are marrying for reasons other than attraction and love.

Kate CP - posted on 09/03/2010

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A lot of these women are forced into it so it's not by choice. It IS a form of human trafficking in most cases and should have stricter guidelines in place.

Sara - posted on 09/03/2010

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Part of me thinks that this is tantamount to human trafficking, but the other part of me thinks that if these women are coming from horrible situations, it may not seem like such an outlandish idea to them. But you hear stories all the time of MOBs getting murdered...it's F'd up.

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