mamas boys....

Tah - posted on 03/04/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Now i posted this in another group, but i'll do it here as well...



All my moms raising boys...are we raising them to be independent and able to have sustain a purposeful relationship in the future or are we raising them to be under our apron strings?

I know he's our lil man and our boo boo butt, but i know plenty of women and see it in post on COM everyday where little jesse doesn't grow up to know that when he has a family that his wife and kids come first. I mean one husband was willing to divorce his wife for his mama even though the mama was in the wrong.



How involved with their relationships should we be. I am getting my 13 year old ready for the world, he has to be responsible, learn to cook, clean, do laundry, all the things he will need to know when he is on campus, then a single guy in his 20's and even after he marries his wife, no guarentee she will be Holly homemaker. I am teaching him how to be respectful, care for his family and that when he gets married, he can call me to talk as always, but i will not be getting in the middle of any disputes unless someone is in danger. He also knows he can't run home every other week because she makes him mad and i am not going to be doing any spot checks to make sure the house is clean and the kids are ok. When i see my grandbabies i will love them and if something worries me i will address it no doubt.



I have no desire to be the M-I-L from hell causing a rift in his household. So i was wondering what our views are and getting honest, are we raising our son's to be mama's boys who will cling to us or are we rasing independent men?.



To my moms who have grown sons, being honest are you the m-i-l from hell or are you supporting from a distance, in other words, will your daughter-in-law be starting a post about you and your son on here tommorrow?

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Tah - posted on 03/04/2010

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i have a 8 year old daughter who i do not want dating or marrying little Ned if he can't tie his shoe or wipe his nose without mama.....she sees in her father and my husband how a man is supposed to be...and hopefully that along with what we teach her, she will know to be on to the next if she meets someone whose mother calls him 10 times while out on the date and he has to stop by and kiss her goodnight because he does it every night, i will def be telling my daughter to put her track shoes on and "run forrest run".

Tah - posted on 03/04/2010

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I am not saying we just teach them to cook and clean and be independent. we also teach him what to watch out for in females, like what is this hot chick thing he is on..I told him number 1 you can't have a girlfriend right now. but when we do allow it don't just date someone because she is "hot"...halle berry is hot and look at her record..i tell him she needs to also be understanding, caring, giving, intelligent, driven..PLEASE LET HER HAVE SOME COMMON SENSE...and all the other things that we want our sons to marry..but he if goes and married someone like who Gillians Nephew has married....guess what..you can lead the horse to water but you can't make him drink.



I mean i have met wives that because the son has to help out with the chores they have a fit..because they did everything for him and he kinda expects that the wife to do the same thing and so does the m-i-l...of course if my son married a self-absorbed,lazy, money spending chicken head, i would be disapointed, and i would tell him as much, but..i would not get too involved because it tends to push them further away..my cousin married one of these shiesters my mom calls her, and the family told him time and time again she's a piece of work and i mean Full time with manadatory overtime but he stayed, raised 3 children and now that the children are grown after over 20 years, he had the last fight he wants to have with her and has left...so sometimes it takes a long time, but just being there to listen is sometimes the best thing.



I am talking the judgemental, overbearing, my son is always right and if something has gone wrong it must be her m-i-l, I mean one called cps on her son and daughter-in-law because she didn't like the fact that she kept clean clothes in baskets instead of drawers because it was easier than the kids, cps came, and almost laughed, but what if they hadn't..i mean you never know..why did she do this..i mean some m-i-l will go to the extremes for little tommy with no thought about he will get on without her...

Dana - posted on 03/04/2010

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Susanne Young
8:18 am .Dana i said he could do them i didnt say he was pleased to be doing them lol
I was speaking in general, answering the OP. :)

[deleted account]

Well said Gillian i have to say if one of my sons marries someone i cant stand or who treats him badly i dont know how i'll react i'd like to think i'd try to stay back and let them get on with it but im probably fooling myself lol.

Lady - posted on 03/04/2010

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I don't want to be the MIL from hell but the thought of my son being married to someone I don't approve of is something that I have worried about - he is only 11 now so I still have some time. I am teaching him to cook and he's starting to clean up a little but I think as he's the oldest he's had it pretty easy so far.
My husband's nephew is married to such a bitch I don't know how my SIL stays out of it - all she cares about is her looks and how her life looks to everyone else - she has her kids in private school even though they can't afford it - her and the kids are always dressed in designer clothes - she doesn't cook apart from frozen crap for the kids she doesn't eat much and her 6 year old son doesn't eat either, my H 's nephew has to cook and clean for himself even when she was a SAHM in fact he used to make her lunch for her and leave it in the fridge before he went to work. They had only known each other for 1 month when she fell pregnant then they got married 2 months later despite us and his brother telling him no - the rest of the family thought he was doing the right thing -What I'm trying to say is that we need to teach our sons more than just how to cook and clean we also need to teach them that they are as worthy of being taken care of as our daughters are, that they should be in an equal relationship where they share everything. I want all my children to marry someone who will cherish them and worship them as I'm sure we all do and I only hope that I get my wish.

Dana - posted on 03/04/2010

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Well, for one, I think a boy can do all kinds of chores and still be a mama's boy. Some are doing all of it to "please" mama but, I get where you're coming from. I'm raising my son to be independent and I also detest mama's boys so I'll be steering clear from that as well.

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My 11 year old son can cook a dinner, wash his clothes, iron them, he can use a vacuum cleaner do the dishes etc. Hes independant as they come. Hes been brought up to know if he wants something he has to work to pay for it and that when he has a family its his job to provide for them.

Jodi - posted on 03/04/2010

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I don't know. I don't have the INTENTION to be the MIL from hell, but you tell me.....



My 12 year old son:

Loads and unloads the dishwasher

Hangs out washing

Brings the washing in and folds it, then places the folded washing on everyone's beds to be put away.

Organises his school diary (I sign it every week, and he really does do well)

Can cook his own toasted sandwiches, breakfasts, toasts, etc. He can also make his own lunch, but I tend to do it because his 5 year old sister can't so it is just as easy for me to do both.

Will ride down the road to the supermarket and do a basic shop for me (if he has a list).





There are a lot of things he's hopeless at, but even my husband is hopeless at those things - I think sometimes it really is a bloke thing. But believe me, I want my sons marriageable!!!!! Imagine the alternative!!! That's enough to scare me into moving house and changing the locks when the time comes.

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