marriage and teens...

Tah - posted on 11/09/2010 ( 49 moms have responded )

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Would you allow your 16 year old or to marry?



what if they were pregnant or had a baby?



What would be the deciding factor be?



Do you think that it would be the right thing to do?



why or why not???

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Charlie - posted on 11/09/2010

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If they are too irresponsible to wear a condom or take the pill they are too irresponsible to get married .

Becky - posted on 11/09/2010

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No. Even if she were pregnant. Honestly, if my 16 year old were pregnant, I'd want her living with me, so I could keep an eye on things and make sure the baby was well taken care of! 16 is too young and immature to get married. I believe marriage is "to death do us part" (except in extreme circumstances) and I don't believe 16 year olds are ready or able to honestly make that committment.

Charlie - posted on 11/09/2010

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Im imagining if i married the guy i "swear i loved " at 16 , thank fuck i didnt marry him or fall pregnant to him what a loser he turned into or maybe i just matured too quickly for him but thats a hormonal , irrational teen for ya !

This is totally what Erin is saying IMO.

Amie - posted on 11/09/2010

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When you're an adult your relationship changes with your parents. At least it should.

I no longer see mine as authority figures. They're my friends in a way, trusted people who I can go to with anything.

Tah - posted on 11/09/2010

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well..most adult children do run to mama and daddy when things go wrong, who do you run home and move in with when things haven't worked out..lol..but goodness forbid they have a say..i don't mean control of course, but i do mean some constructive advice and input is okay...no matter how old you are...provided your parents aren't bat crap nuts...

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Nikkole - posted on 11/11/2010

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I have been with my husband since i was 14 i wanted to marry him then and im glad i waited till i was 18! But it could work if both were mature enough but having a baby shouldn't force you to get married! I wouldn't let my daughter get married at such a young age! But when my daughter starts to look at boys im going to sit her down and explaine about safe sex not abstience i will tell her its soo much better to wait but im not stupid i know what can happen so i will tell her if she thinks shes going to have sex we will get her on birth control before! And i WOULD not let the father of the baby move in with us its TO Much like playing house and if they got pregnant once it could happen again much easier if there living together! But i would expect the dad to help in every way that he could and if he didn't then he would be GONE!

Tah - posted on 11/11/2010

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@Jenn...your mother and I both....smh..condom broke..still got my monthly for 3 months. I only had sex with him one other time from the first time to the time i found out..i had a flipping flat stomach and i have never seen that since..lol i was 16 weeks when i found out and fit to be tied..his response.."o yeah, when i took the condom off, it was nothing in it"..wait, i love my son, but just reliving that, i need a moment..jackbutt....

Brandy - posted on 11/10/2010

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My mom married my dad at 17. No, she wasn't pregnant. She was actually a virgin when they married. 30 years next year and they are still very in love. Times have changed though and so have people so in most cases, no.

Sunny - posted on 11/10/2010

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The only time i would give my parental consent would be if my child was terminal and it was their wish to marry before passing away. I was living with my partner at 15 we were parents by 18 and now 7 years on we are only starting to talk about getting married.

[deleted account]

Would you allow your 16 year old or to marry?
No. Here in the UK someone who's 16 needs parental permission to get married and I simply wouldn't give it so they'd have to wait until they turned 18 years old.

what if they were pregnant or had a baby?
Doesn't make a pick of difference to my decision.

What would be the deciding factor be?

Do you think that it would be the right thing to do?
Yes, I honestly believe that at that age they aren't mature enough to decide on something so important.

why or why not???
I wouldn't want him/her having a very short marriage and then blaming me as I would feel guilty.

Lacye - posted on 11/10/2010

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No. I would not allow her to be married. she would have to wait until she didn't have to have my permission, which in the state of MS is 21! I definitely would not allow her if she was pregnant. I am a strong believer that just because you are pregnant, does not mean you have to get married. My sister did that and her husband ended up being severely abusive! I don't think it would be the right thing at all. What if later on they decide they don't want to be together? Then you would have to go through a whole messy divorce with your child and help them coop with that, which isn't a bad thing but only if they got married at an older, more mature age!

Rosie - posted on 11/10/2010

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i would highly discourage it, but at age 16 if they are pregnant they can get married in my state without parental permission. if they weren't pregnant and wanted to get married, i'd tell them they were off their rocker (baby rocker, baha) and if they aren't allowed to smoke cigarettes or go to war you definitely aren't getting married.

i don't think marriage just because they are pregnant is ever the answer. however, i learned life in such a way that i NEEDED to make mistakes before i learned. nobody could just tell me that it was a mistake. i won't ruin my relationship with my child to prove a point to them. they'll learn eventually, and i'd be there to help pick up the pieces-if it didn't work out, cause sometimes they do.

Jenn - posted on 11/10/2010

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My Mum got married at 16 and my parents were together for 26 years. It can work, but would I let my daughter do it? Probably not. And just to note - not all teen pregnancies are a result of immaturity and a lack of birth control - my Mum got pregnant her first time having sex and the condom broke.

Tah - posted on 11/10/2010

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i was pregnant at 15..a mom at 16 and if i had married his loser dad(my first love, sex partner...first almost everything)..because of my son, or even moved in with him, i think someone would be maimed and someone would be in jail(call me inmate 2987679)....

Amanda - posted on 11/10/2010

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I got pregnant at 16. My parents never ONCE brought up the subject of marriage. Yes raising a child with 2 parents over 1 is a lot easier and every child deserves to have both parents in the home, but at 16 is anyone really ready for the commitment of marriage?! I know when I was 16 I sure wasn't and I'm glad my parents didn't bring that up! I married my 2 youngest daughters' father when I was 21 and we're now finally divorced. Neither one of us was ready for marriage and his family as well as mine were pressuring us to get married! My 2 oldest childrens' father sees them every other weekend and is now married to someone else, and my 2 youngest father is in the military but still is able to see the girls as often as possible as well. It was hard not to be able to raise them together but commiting your life to someone else is lifelong. I wasn't ready for marriage at 21, so how the heck would a 16 yr old be ready?! If any one of my daughters were to tell me they were pregnant at 16 I would be supportive of whatever decision they chose, but I would never ask them or expect them to get married at that age!! They wouldn't be able to make a stable decision that young! And I wouldn't want them to get married just because they have a baby. A child deserves both parents to love them regardless of whether or not they are together. My children are loved to pieces my both me and their fathers, and we're not together! So my answer would be NOPE! :)

Eronne - posted on 11/10/2010

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Of course not..I'm 57 and looking at the last few generations a pattern of change is obvious. My parents were expected to take on adult responsibilities in their early teen years. My generation were considered adults at 18. And my kids generation it seems to be 25. Many young people aren't leaving home now until they reach that quarter of a century mark. This is logical considering that life is getting longer and longer and educational requirements are growing. We've come a long way from readin' writin' and 'rithmatic. Children should not marry, should not rear children and should not be making these decisions on their own. So my vote is, if a baby is born find a great adoptive family and under no circumstances sign for that marriage.

[deleted account]

And OMG Erin and Loureen....I shiver at the idea of marrying the guy I was "so in luuuuv" with at 16.

[deleted account]

Would you allow your 16 year old or to marry?

no



what if they were pregnant or had a baby?

ESPECIALLY if they were pregnant or had a baby, I would discourage marriage.



What would be the deciding factor be?

I don't think it's a good idea to marry someone just because you created a child with them at ANY age. The sex that got you pregnant has zero to do with what it takes to make a marriage work.





Do you think that it would be the right thing to do?

no



why or why not???

See above answer. It's just not a good idea to get married solely because of a baby. You can still be a good, responsible and loving parent without the ties of marriage so young. If they still want to marry when they're 18 then I have no say in that decision and as long as they love each other and treat each other well then they'd probably have my blessing....at 18. I'd be supportive of them and help with the baby when they are 16 but would not sign any papers allowing them to marry.

Sharon - posted on 11/10/2010

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No.

If they were pregnant, they'd be busy looking for a job and figuring how to find a place to live and whether or not to continue their education and live in poverty, than to play fucking house with some infant who thinks he's a man because he knocked up a girl.

Bonnie - posted on 11/10/2010

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I wouldn't let my 16 year old get married whether pregnant or not. Wouldn't let them live together either. My 16 year old stays with me; still a child IMO.

Chrystal - posted on 11/10/2010

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I guess it would depend on the situation on whether or not I would let my daughter marry the guy she got pregnant with at 16. The deciding factor would probably be how, I have a girl, so it would have to be on how much her b/f stepped up after the baby is born. If my daughter's b/f truly loved her, than he would step up and be a good dad after the baby was born. So I guess if he was good to her and the new baby than, I would consider letting them get married. I mean let's face it, kids are going to do what they are going to do anyway. I can only try to guide them to do what's right.

Kate CP - posted on 11/10/2010

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Yea, I don't think I'd let my teen's SO move in, either. I don't care if they got pregnant or not...once you move in the chances of getting pregnant are much, much higher.

Tara - posted on 11/10/2010

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Nope. Why not? Because I know what 16 year olds are like. And there is no way they have enough emotional intelligence to have a healthy relationship. I also think it would be depriving them of part of their youth that is valuable and should be cherished. Being a teenager is hard but it's also a time of great discovery and growth if it's guided by the right principles and people.
My mom married at 19 to her highschool sweetie, divorced at 27. She admits they loved each other back then, but only as well as two immature people can. And when life started throwing curve balls she realized that neither of them had grown in their relationship because they were both so young when they got started that they had formed these patterns of behaviour that were linked to the emotions of people who were too young to make rational decisions and to act in the often self-less manner necessary in an intimate relationship.
Stats show that the younger you are when you marry the more likely you are to divorce. People who meet and marry after age 35 have a 70% + chance of staying together till death than those who meet and marry before age 25.

[deleted account]

No I wouldn't consent to my children getting married at 16, even if they were pregnant (or expecting) or had a baby. At 16 most people are not the same people they are at 18 those 2 years make a huge difference, to your goals, your outlook, your perspectives etc and if they are serious about getting married waiting 2 years is not that much of a hardship.

Yes I did say in the other thread I would allow the partner to move in if they were kicked out due to them being pregnant but only if they respected my rules and my home and family. I wouldn't have them living as a married couple at 16, although I do think it is wise before getting married if you live together so you can see the random little things that will end up driving you bat shit nuts!

Ez - posted on 11/10/2010

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lol @ Tah.. nope, still not happening. The teenage tantrums would be worth it.

[deleted account]

No. If she can't drink and she can't vote, she can't get married. I wouldn't care if she was pregnant or if she thought she loved him. If they were that much in love, they could wait.

Iris - posted on 11/10/2010

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No way!! Pregnant or not, my daughters are not getting married at 16.... and I sure hope they've listened to me well enough not to get pregnant at that age.
Even 18 sounds ridiculous to me. The ideal scenerio would be: Live your life, go to collage and make your own life... After that, meet the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with.
If not, I'm still going to demand no marriages before 22, the earliest!!

[deleted account]

If I have to consent to the marriage, they're too young in my opinion. I also don't believe in getting married just because you're pregnant or already had a baby with someone. Marriage is a relationship that has to be worked on for life, and it's not as easy as putting on a white dress and saying "I do". I am a little biased because my parents got married when my mom was 17 and my dad was 18. They had three kids and split up 4 years into it. In my opinion, they were just not mature enough (I don't think I know ANY 16 year old that's mature enough!). I would definitely support my 16 y/o but marriage would be out of the question.

Tah - posted on 11/09/2010

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thats terrible...if she wasn't pregnant when they got married she was soon after and stayed that way, i'm glad she got out...

Stifler's - posted on 11/09/2010

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He was abusive I think and now she has a DVO against him and it's drama drama drama. I'm not sure whether she was pregnant when they got married and that's why or what.

Tah - posted on 11/09/2010

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@emma..no wonder..she spent the whole marriage pregnant and hormonal....he probably ran..lol..sorry..lol

JuLeah - posted on 11/09/2010

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I am not raising my daughter in a culture that marries at 16, so not, I'd not approve. Her being pregnant or not would not be a factor.
It is not about right or wrong, if we were in a culture where kids married at 16, I am sure I'd feel differently, but my vision for her is to marry late in life, if at all.
I want her to have a stable long term relationship, if she wants that for herself, but I am not a big fan of marriage.

Stifler's - posted on 11/09/2010

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My friend's sister got married at 16 had 4 kids and is now divorced at 21. I can't say that I know too many people who have had successful relationships after having kids at 16 or even 18.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 11/09/2010

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They would have my blessing to get married when they turned 18
Until then they can wear promise rings….

Stifler's - posted on 11/09/2010

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No, 16 is still too young and it's a waste of time if it's just some immature relationship that ends up kaput by 17. They can wait til they're 18 and if by then they're still together I can't stop them from getting married. The deciding factor may be whether or not I think the boyfriend is a decent person or that they had a good relationship, if they were begging to be allowed to get married before 18. Just because they have a baby doesn't mean their relationship is good or that they need to get married.

Tah - posted on 11/09/2010

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@Erin..but she loves him mommy, you just don't want her to be happy..stomps off to her room.....smh..so sad erin..so sad...

Ez - posted on 11/09/2010

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Absolutely no way. There would be no deciding factor because it would not happen. Very few people feel the same way about things at 30, or even 21, as they do at 16. I would not want it all to hit the fan (which it undoubtedly would) and have my daughter turn to me and ask why I didn't do a better job at guiding her. No way in hell.

Amie - posted on 11/09/2010

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Carol, I just mean in general. I've met some whacked out people though. My in laws for starters. *sigh*

Johnny - posted on 11/09/2010

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Did someone say that on this thread? That parents think they should have a say in their adult children's lives? Or do you just mean people in general?

Amie - posted on 11/09/2010

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I was one who said I'd let him (or her) move in. Does not mean I'd let them live like a married couple. I would also only allow it if the other parents were bat shit nuts enough to kick their son (or daughter) out.

I will be there to help and support, not as a place to make the same mistake again. When they can afford their own place and can legally marry, have at 'er. They are then adults and I can no longer control them. Though I find it interesting that parents think they can or should have say in their adult children's lives.

Johnny - posted on 11/09/2010

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Well, in that department I'm consistent. No living together and no marriage. If, when they are of age, have completed school and can demonstrate maturity, they wish to live together under my roof, I will consider it.

Tah - posted on 11/09/2010

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but some would let the child's bf/gf move in, why not let them marry if you would allow them to live together and do what married people do???

Amie - posted on 11/09/2010

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No. If they are mature and as ready as they think, waiting the 2 years until they can do it without my signature should not be a big deal.



Pregnant or not, I do not care. I will not sign those papers.



I know of one couple who has, well two I should say. The one is the best friend of one of my friends. Her parents let her marry her boyfriend when she was 13 and he was 14. Both were extremely religious families and did not want them to even be dating at that age. Their (the teens) solution, let's get pregnant. It worked, they're still married. They are better than a lot of teen parents actually. They bought their first home when they were 17, their own vehicles, finished school and have good careers. I don't know how they did it but they do love each other and their family. I don't doubt they are, by far, the exception.



It's a pretty messed up situation though when you think it's a good idea for your child (or any person for that matter) to marry just because they got pregnant. Ugh.

Kate CP - posted on 11/09/2010

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*Would you allow your 16 year old or to marry?
HELL no.

*what if they were pregnant or had a baby?
Doesn't matter.

*What would the deciding factor be?
On whether or not I allowed my 16 year old to get married? There IS no deciding factor. No way in hell am I letting my kids get married that young. It's just a bad damned idea.

*Do you think that it would be the right thing to do?
I don't think any one should get married just because they got pregnant or have a baby.

*why or why not???
Because marriage isn't about kids it's about each other. And teens are too selfish to understand marriage.

[deleted account]

Nope. When both my child and the other child in question are of age and able to support themselves, then sure. I might discourage it at that point if I feel they are making a mistake. But I can only prevent it until they are legally old enough without my permission.

Tah - posted on 11/09/2010

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i can see that..i was with my ex from 18-24 and by the time we broke up, i was a totally different person, i wanted different things, liked different things, needed different things and they weren't the same as his...so i can definitely agree with that..Now if we were married, neither of us believe in divorce unless adultery..of course you can't Ike me..lol...so i was totally prepared to fake it and be content, but i figured i deserved more.

Johnny - posted on 11/09/2010

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I would not give permission to my 16 year old to marry, pregnant, with baby, or not.

When they have finished school, and are of legal age to make their own decisions, then they can screw it up. I don't want to take the blame, lol. I've had a lot of extended family members who married young. All of them divorced. Every single one. They all said that they grew up and each became different people.

I think it may be possible to get married that young and have it work, but it isn't all that likely and will only happen if you are either both stagnant or both grow in the same direction.

If my child is still committed to the same partner when they get older, then they can make that choice to marry when they are more mature.

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