marrying a virgin..

Tah - posted on 12/01/2010 ( 91 moms have responded )

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so my husband said he would never have married a virgin because they get one taste and lose their minds..So they would either want to A) Cheat..or B) leave and have sexual freedom..the jessica simpson syndrome so to speak...



So is this true..was anyone a virgin when they were married?(besides Jodi)...lol..If so have you ever wanted to just have crazy wild sex with no strings, or was your husband enough?



Would you ladies marry a man that was a virgin, or do you want your men experienced and ready to settle?

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[deleted account]

Terri-Lee back in the day there was probably a lot more cheating than the stats show because unlike today dirty laundry stayed behind closed doors and was not paraded around the streets.

C. - posted on 12/03/2010

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"Christina, a debate forum isn't a private conversation. So we can all comment on anything anybody else says. That's how it works."

Aye.. Why do I even bother?? I'm just trying to avoid a huge argument (which always happens b/c she keeps asking the same questions over and over and it eventually gets annoying). But you know.. Whatever.

Krista - posted on 12/03/2010

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Christina, a debate forum isn't a private conversation. So we can all comment on anything anybody else says. That's how it works.

And there have been several periods throughout history when prostitution was tolerated. In the middle ages, it was extremely common for upper-class couples to be exclusive to each other just long enough to produce an heir and a spare, and then they'd each have their own dalliances, the men often going to prostitutes or courtesans.

It was one of those things that wasn't really talked about, but was just tacitly accepted and was actually expected amongst men of a certain class. Heck, in Italy, The Great Council of Venice declared prostitution to be "absolutely indispensable to the world" in 1358, and government-funded brothels were established in major Italian cities throughout the 14th and 15th centuries.

There actually IS more of a taboo on it nowadays. Heck, it was legal in the U.S. up until about 1915 or so. And now the only state in which it's legal is Nevada.

[deleted account]

lol Sherri, im aware of certain era's way of life. I am not belitteling anybody who chose not to wait... im just stating my encouragement and optimism towards waiting. Not only because of statistics (regardless of personal opinion of how those stats were evolved) but because of marriages I have witnessed myself over the years. The people I know who married as virgins are very happy indeed and have no desire to play the field. I guess theres no comparison to go by, and no jealousy in the marriage in that area which is a plus.

I stand my ground.... people do what you want but i say ...go the virgins!

LaCi - posted on 12/03/2010

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Actually that depends on which "back in the day" you are talking about. Because prostitution was huge industry and much more socially acceptable "back in the day" It's not that "cheating" was less common, it was just socially acceptable (for men) and dealt with. Cheating for women was less common since women were completely dependent on the male "back in the day" and had no choice but to be obedient.

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91 Comments

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Kim - posted on 12/04/2010

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I was a virgin when I met my husband, but not when we married. I never wanted anyone else. I love him why would I?

Nelly - posted on 12/04/2010

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Both my husband and I were virgins when we were married 18 years ago. We are still happily together and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Kayle - posted on 12/03/2010

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My fiance was a virgin before me and he's never cheated.
Even though we are not married we have the same concept of a marriage going on with out the certificate.
We started living together shortly after we started dating and have lived with eachother ever since then.

I think it depends on the person. My fiance has a pretty good head on his shoulders when it comes to stuff like that. I mean he stayed a virgin til he was 20 years old. He had opprotunities but just told me they wern't who he wanted to lose his virginity to.

Becky - posted on 12/03/2010

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I wish I would have been a virgin when I was married, but I wasn't. Neither was dh. I don't think I'd want to cheat if I had been though. My sister was and as far as I know, she's never had any desire to cheat or leave her husband and sow her wild oats! I think that's a rather ridiculous theory, to be honest. People remain virgins until they are married because they believe that sexual intimacy belongs in marriage. So then, why would they want to go and break their vows after waiting for the person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with to lose their virginity?

Nikkole - posted on 12/03/2010

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Prostitution is NEVER acceptable IMO but its always happened even in biblical times so its always been and around and im sure always will be in I was watching something on some channel once and in China women get paid and its legal and husbands wifes know about it which is CRAZY to me but i guess in some cultures its ok and in ever period of time it has lasted and even when its illegal people dont care anymore some women and men have no self confidence about themselves or modesty !

ME - posted on 12/03/2010

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My husband was definitely NOT a virgin when we married. He had WILD teen years from the stories I heard. Then he got his girl friend pregnant at 19, they got married, had a little girl, and got divorced...I met him a few years later...I was the opposite of him. I was a virgin until 21, and had only been in three long term relationships. I had just graduated from college for the second time...I'd had my nose in a book for about 10 years. I'm glad ONE of us knew what he was doing, if you know what I mean...

Bonnie - posted on 12/03/2010

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Tracey, I had to re-read your comment three times to make sure I was reading it correctly lol...that is interesting and ridiculous at the same time. I don't blame that man one bit. LMAO

C. - posted on 12/03/2010

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I understand what you're saying, but that really has nothing to do with prostitution being acceptable or unacceptable- so I'm not so sure that's what was meant by it..

Rosie - posted on 12/03/2010

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i think what is trying to be said christina, is that women were treated like property back in the day, and just had to take whatever their husbands did because divorce was a HUGE no-no. hitting your wife, hitting your kids, cheating on your wife were all things that women just took. they had no voice. after the womens lib movement, being treated that way by their man was more socially unacceptable and women found the power to fight back, or leave by divorce. hence why divorce rates went up.

C. - posted on 12/03/2010

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Aye.. I said it always happens.. As in, it ends up that way. I didn't say it happened this time. In fact, I clearly said I was trying to AVOID it.

Dana - posted on 12/03/2010

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Um.,.I only posted my debatable point once, nor did I ask you a question.

C. - posted on 12/03/2010

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It's not wrong. It is more acceptable NOW than it used to be. I disagreed with LaCi's post b/c she said it was more acceptable back THEN. And no, there were SOME men who didn't find it 'acceptable', just as there are some now that still feel the same way about it.



You once said something about avoiding my posts.. You're not doing a great job of it :/ I think we can all agree that the two of us going back and forth can be put off for a while b/c it's just gotten so ridiculous anymore.

Dana - posted on 12/03/2010

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Is this not a debate forum still? You made a point that was wrong, I'm debating it.

Michelle - posted on 12/03/2010

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I was not a virgin when my hubby and I got married, but he is only the second person I have ever been with. My previous boyfriend and I had been together for 5 years. I don't wonder what it would be like to have been with more people. I enjoy sex with my husband and a relationship shouldn't be based strictly on sex anyways:o)
My hubby was far from a virgin when we got together, but I woudn't really care either way! No experience just means we would have to practice;o)

C. - posted on 12/03/2010

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"It was socially acceptable, among men, for men to sleep with prostitutes."



Well by that logic, it must still be acceptable, which still makes LaCi's post wrong..



And again.. It comes down to butting in just to disagree with me even though my post was directed to someone else.. It never ends!!!!!!! lol :)

Dana - posted on 12/03/2010

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Prostitutes were shunned by women because they were sleeping with their men. It was socially acceptable, among men, for men to sleep with prostitutes.

Tracey - posted on 12/03/2010

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My friend married a virgin. He divorced her because after a year of marriage she was still a virgin.

C. - posted on 12/03/2010

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"Because prostitution was huge industry and much more socially acceptable "back in the day""

Since WHEN was prostitution 'socially acceptable' back in the day??? If anything, people were even MORE uptight about it. Don't you watch the History channels?? Prostitutes were pretty much shunned.

Laressa - posted on 12/03/2010

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But maybe they were on to something back then better to get married than do something you regret. Just so you don't regret marrying i guess.

Krista - posted on 12/03/2010

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True. Staying a virgin until 18 is one thing. But staying a virgin until you're 33? That's a slightly different kettle of fish.

Sherri - posted on 12/03/2010

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Also don't forget Terri-Lee you are talking about a time that most people were married by 18yrs old vs. today where most people are not married until mid 20's-mid 30's.

C. - posted on 12/03/2010

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That is very true, Terri-Lee! I have to agree that marrying as a virgin would probably be better statistically. It did not happen that way for us, but a part of me used to wish it had happened the way I originally planned.

[deleted account]

I think it is better for people to marry as virgins.
Many many reasons.
Too much to explain.
But i see absolutely NO problem AT ALL with two virgins marrying. Infact, back in the day when this was normal, statistically there was LESS cheating and LESS divorce.

stats say alot for human habits.

Kylie - posted on 12/02/2010

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My husband likes that hes been my only one. He says things like one owner, high mileage (cause i just love to be compared to a used car ad). It's nothing to do with tightness and probably more to do with his possessive male ego.

[deleted account]

I am doing mine now (as in regularly not actually now) in the hope that as I get further into my pregnancy I won't leak when I sneeze and cough - ah the joys of pregnancy hey :-)

C. - posted on 12/02/2010

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Yeah.. I used to do kegels before I met my husband and then after I had my son. I don't do them very much anymore, though and it still hasn't changed.. Luck of the draw, I guess?

[deleted account]

Christina I was always led to believe that there girls that are 'loose' and there are girls that are 'tight' but really it is all about muscle tone not, usage. So your muscles were firmer than the previous girls he had sex with, hence why you are still nice and tight even though you've had a 9lb'er because your muscles resorted back to what they were or very close.

That is why we are told to do our pelvic floor exercise (I think you guys may call the Kegel?) because it tightens everything up down there.

C. - posted on 12/02/2010

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"Christina, your husband's logic is a little faulty. Unless he thinks that other women are screwing guys with dicks the size of butternut squashes, there's no way that having a bit of sexual experience would in and of itself make you less tight than someone who's had a baby."

Well from HIS experience, girls who weren't virgins (like the first two girls he had sex with) were much looser than I was. If you think about it, it makes sense, I guess. Also.. My son's face was about the size of a medium butternut squash at the fat end. Just by looking I would have thought that would have stretched a vag far enough that it couldn't go back to it's pre-labor size.

Nikkole - posted on 12/02/2010

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Laressa Marengere thats awesome!! i wish me and my husband would have waited but it didn't happen that way but as soon as we started dating i knew he would be the one i would marry and it happened! Im sure everyone has thoughts of having sex with someone else some just choose not to act on it its just human nature to think those things!

Laressa - posted on 12/02/2010

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My husband and I were both virgins on our wedding night. We've both never really wanted anything else. Of course the idea of sex with someone else has occasionally popped into my head, but not something I'd ever actually want to do. As it is right now we pretty much don't have to worry about std's, etc. Granted sex is better than it was at the beginning of our marriage, because we are more practiced!!! Also of course we also know each other quite well, as would any one in a long term relationship.

I like that I never have to wonder if I'm as good as that ex or something. And it was of course crazy exciting to have sex with your one true love the first time and know that nobody else knows my guy like this. I'd say the experience is completely satisfactory and I definately will recommend my children to remain virgins till marriage. Sure its a lot of self control, but hey I think the peace of mind is worth it.

Hannah - posted on 12/02/2010

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My husband and I are both divorcees. After my divorce, I went buck wild. I actually regret a lot of the choices I made. One being, waking up butt naked in the back of a semi with two guys! WTF???? Anyway, my husband hasn't told me much about his in between period and I don't care to know. I don't think I would have wanted to marry a virgin just becaue I was such a slut.

C. - posted on 12/02/2010

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Sharon, why do you ALWAYS come at me like that when I'm on my period. Seriously?? It's like you secretly know or something. I'm out..



AND for the record, it was 430 in the morning over here (long story and it's really none of your freakin' business). Give me a freakin' break.

Bonnie - posted on 12/02/2010

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My husband and I both were not virgins when we got married; I was a virgin when we first met though. We had broken up a few times for an extended period and that is when I lost my virginity to another boyfriend. He was 10 years older than me and now I feel he had taken advantage of me especially since within 3 months or so after he ended things. He used him being in the military as the reason, but I don't believe it for a second. He was an ass plain and simple. I regret it now because I would have liked my husband to be my first. Oh well.

[deleted account]

Yeah I understand that my husband was awkwardly shy, which often came over as rude to people, when he was younger. However, it seems I have rubbed off on him because he is getting more and more confident, so much so he actually sings on karaoke now (when he is drunk lol), I understand that it could be seen as something wrong with him but in reality everybody is different and sometimes people just need the right encouragement.

Being with a shy person or someone who is not fully comfortable with themselves is not for everyone but we all have things wrong with us, it's all about how the people around you choose to view those faults/ weaknesses.

April - posted on 12/02/2010

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Toni...one COULD interpret him "being shy" or "uncomfortable with his body" as something wrong. It's just one perspective, but it is a valid one. I'll use myself as an example. I've been painfully shy all my life. While I am Deaf...let me tell you...being shy was the even worse handicap!! I missed out on so much in life because of it...there is a such thing as abnormally shy!

Sara - posted on 12/02/2010

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I know a man that is 39 and a virgin, not due to religious beliefs but due to the fact that he's the biggest fucking tool that I've ever met in my life. Maybe that colors my opinion. :)

[deleted account]

Oh I know and actually I don't know any man that is or was a virgin at 26 but I wanted to point out that they are not always weirdos...

Sara - posted on 12/02/2010

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That's cool, I was just giving my opinion, I'm not trying to say that I'm absolutely correct. I was being honest by saying that would be my first reaction upon hearing that a 26 year old man is a virgin.

[deleted account]

"If he would have been a virgin at 26, to be honest, I would have thought there must be something wrong with him."

Just because they haven't had sex by 26 it doesn't mean there is something wrong with him (or her). There is a plethera of reasons why someone would not have had sex, you mentioned religious reasons and waiting until married, but what about:

~ Him being really shy
~ Him focusing on his education/ career
~ Him caring for a sick relative and not having the time to go out

~ Him being uncomfortable with his body (or embarrassed) and he just needs the right person to give him confidence

~ Etc etc etc

Sara - posted on 12/02/2010

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I met my husband when I was 25. If he would have been a virgin at 26, to be honest, I would have thought there must be something wrong with him. For a guy to be a virgin that late in life and not be due to religious beliefs/waiting until marriage, then I would have serious reservations about getting involved with them. Plus, I have to test drive a car before I buy it. I don't want to find out on our wedding night that he's needle dick the bug fucker or that the only way he can be turned on is if I squat on a coffee table in a grass skirt or dress him up like a big baby. No thanks. Sexual compatibility is a part of what makes a marriage successful if you ask me and I'm not going to take that step until I know we are compatible in that way.



Having said that, i do respect people that wait to do it until they're married, it just wasn't my path.

Nikkole - posted on 12/02/2010

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I was 14 when me and my husband started dating and he was 17 we were both virgins we didn't wait till marriage but we couldnt get married till i was 18 which we did and we have been together for 8yrs married for 4 and we are still VERY happy together and very much in love i wouldn't have cared if he wasn't a virgin when we met i just wouldn't want his ex's hanging around or hearing past stories lol

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