mature moms

Nicole - posted on 01/10/2011 ( 33 moms have responded )

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I have a question.

If someone has kids later on in life (define that as you will) do they have the right to be offended if someone mistakes them for being their child(ren)s grandparent?

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Jodi - posted on 01/10/2011

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LMAO, this makes me think of when I was in the hospital after giving birth to my daughter. My husband had run home to shower/change/eat that sort of thing. While he was gone, not only did a new shift of nurses come on to staff, but my dad arrived to see his new grandbaby. The new nurse though he was my husband and my daughter was his baby! She was so embarassed at her blunder (and so was my dad),still makes me giggle.

I think older parents need to expect it, just like younger moms need to expect to be mistaken as the babysitter or sister (I've been mistaken as my daughter's sister before when out shopping with my mom.) Does that mean you don't have the right to feel hurt or offended? Of course not, you feel what you feel and that's natural and right for you, but people make assumptions based on their experiences, and in today's society, experience generally leads towards younger-ish women having babies.

Becky - posted on 01/10/2011

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I didn't read all the replies before I responded. I think if you choose to have a baby when you're over 50, you have got to expect that people are going to think you're the grandma. Can you still get offended, sure, people get offended over all sorts of silly things. But to honestly be surprised when someone assumes that is being rather naive.

Sal - posted on 01/10/2011

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the right to offended is probally the wrong term too, everyone has the right to be offended by anything at all, but i know what you mean, do they have the right to make a fuss if someone thinks they are the grandmother, no they don't , if they are polite and point out the mistake, then the other party becomes rude, then they have reason to be offended, and reason to make a fuss about it, but it is the same as dying your hair green, or wearing goth (or is it emo now) or pushing your dog around in a pram like a baby, people are going to look, they are going to make assumptions, right or wrong and as i said what other people think of you is none of your bussiness....basically you get to chose how you respond to any situation and if you are going to get offended everytime someone made a wrong assumption about you you are going to be a pretty miserable soul.

[deleted account]

I'm gonna go with a solid, "it depends" on this one (as far as what you consider "older"). I'm 39, have a 3 year old, will be 40 in July and am considering another. However, I'm lucky in that I don't look my age (from what people tell me...maybe they're just being nice?). I know that if anyone ever did make the assumption that my son is my grandson, I'd be hurt and offended. Mostly hurt, I think. To me, it's kinda along the lines of assuming a woman is pregnant because of a belly. You never know, and to make any assumptions about someone based on their appearance isn't always the smartest thing to do. For the sake of manners, if you DO make those kinds of assumptions, it may be nicer to keep them to yourself.

Jenn - posted on 01/10/2011

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I think people have a right to feel offended by whatever offends them. You are always entitled to your feelings.

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April - posted on 01/11/2011

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i think that if you are 70 and having your first baby, then no..you shouldn't be offended that someone called you Grandma. You're old enough to be one, so deal with the Grandma comments.

If You're 40 and having your first child, I would think you'd be more justified in feeling offended. My mom was 15 years ago...when I was 14. If someone had called her Grandma back then, I think she would have cried!

Stifler's - posted on 01/11/2011

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i agree, you would expect it if you looked old. even though there is nothing wrong with having kids in your 40s or 50s. it goes for younger mums too. you have to expect that people will say stuff if you look 14. you have the right to be offended but you have to expect it.

Rosie - posted on 01/11/2011

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i think they should expect it. would it get old?? yes, but that goes with the territory of having a kid at an older age.

Jodi - posted on 01/11/2011

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In my original post I was referring to women in their 50's-60's that might actually *look* grandparentish. By "young-ish* women, I mean anything from 20's to early 40's. BUT, around here, most women are grandparent's by their mid 40's, my parents were, my in-laws were, my best friend's parent's were, most of the women both my mom and my MIL work with were, so in my area, or at the women I know, 30's is still getting to be "late" to have kids. So for me, just because I'm not used to seeing it around here, if youi're obviously in your 40's with a small baby, I will probably assume you're grandma, but I wouldn't say anything, mostly because I don't strike up odd conversations with strangers! lol

Shauna - posted on 01/11/2011

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i think people need to stop getting so offended easily. If someone mistakes them for grandma who cares, you gotta expect it.
My example: my husband bought a kitchen play set for my son... as we walk out the store the clerk says '..... Awh what a good daddy you are how old is she? My husband says Its a HE . the lady goes oh have a nice day.... who flippin cares if ppl mistakes things. I dont.

Katherine - posted on 01/11/2011

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Haven't read the other posts.........



I think everyone should have the right to have a choice. If you choose to become a parent later on, that's your CHOICE. I would be offended and I think I would have every right to be.





Edit to add: I read the other posts





30-40 is not old. 50? Maybe.

[deleted account]

I have a friend who was 43 when she had her last child. She looks older than her age, but the funny thing was that she was actually BREASTFEEDING her baby once when someone came up and asked her if it was her baby!

Now that's weird! You don't meet many people breastfeeding babies in public that aren't theirs!

Becky - posted on 01/10/2011

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I don't know if I'd be considered a mature mom - I had my first at 31 and am 34 now. But I'd sure as hell be offended if someone thought I was my child's grandparent! I'd also think they needed their eyes checked, since most people think I'm a lot younger than I am.
When my sister (2 years younger than I am) was pregnant, I went to a prenatal class with her because her husband was out of town. The class instructor asked if I was her mom!!! I was dumbfounded - I was in my 20s at the time! And people almost always assume she's older than me, because she's taller and I have a babyface.

Johnny - posted on 01/10/2011

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Most people I know in real life who are parents of young children are in their 30's and early 40's, a few in their late 20's. If a person younger than about 60 assumed I (age 34) was my daughter's grandparent, I might be a bit upset, but I wouldn't be angry. I'd just run to the washroom to pluck my greys. However, if an older person thought so, I wouldn't think much of it. My aunt was a grandmother by the time she was 32 and a great grandmother when she was 51. So it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility.

Meghan - posted on 01/10/2011

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yeah, I took the question to mean like actual grandparent age, like mid 60s...ish. *shrug*

Meghan - posted on 01/10/2011

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when I took my son to play groups probably 75% of the moms were in their late late 30's early 40's...I wouldn't consider that "old" in todays society. I think it really is more common for woman to wait! :)

Jodi - posted on 01/10/2011

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Nicole, I suppose it depends how old their children are. For instance when my daughter is 15, we WILL be in our 50's. In fact I will probably be almost 60 before she finishes school/college/university. So I guess never say never, LOL. I don't think I'd be upset, I guess it depends on how it was approached. But as I said, I'd never assume myself, the same as I never make that "sister" assumption about a teen mum, or the teen mum assumption about an older sister.

[deleted account]

i don't know but what i do know is that my mother gets a kick out of going out with my kids because she always gets compliments on how good her kids ( my kids) manners are. Gah bugs me because she doesn't do a damn thing with teaching my kids manners.

Nicole - posted on 01/10/2011

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Fair enough, I wasn't specific. You said, " I'm only 41. It's not THAT old." No that isn't THAT old at all.

In parenting groups I have known older parents who were 50-60 and I have heard them complain about being mistaken for their child's grandparent and they were really upset. I expected more maturity and understanding from them and was surprised to see how upset they were.

Jodi - posted on 01/10/2011

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Nicole, I guess I put it at a woman having a baby at around 40 or in her early 40s, because beyond that, natural conception is not really as common. But if you are going to go conceiving at 50 or 60, well, you ARE the same age as my children's grandparents were when they were born, and I was no spring chicken when I had my kids :P

Nicole - posted on 01/10/2011

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Perhaps, though I do mean it. I am in fact asking if they have the right to feel offended. While many people feel strongly that everyone has the right to feel anyway, whether or not the emotion can be justified, this is not the only way to view it.

" if you are going to get offended everytime someone made a wrong assumption about you you are going to be a pretty miserable soul"

I agree. It is more pleasant to be forgiving and good natured about misunderstanding.
I am open to a different way to ask this question that might bring out different answers:)

Nicole - posted on 01/10/2011

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Remember the question is not about a 40 year old. I asked, "If someone has kids later on in life (define that as you will) do they have the right to be offended...". I wasn't sure how you would define later in life but I have seen anywhere from 39-41 in the answers.



Since you seem to be answering in that range, I will ask this question in a different way.



If a woman had a baby and the mother was between the ages of 55-70 years old, and someone saw her with her new baby and thought that she was their grandmother, would her anger be justified?



I think many of you might answer the same way, as I read more than one, "everyone is entitled to feel whatever they will".

Jodi - posted on 01/10/2011

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See, I have a hard time thinking anyone would mistake a 40 year old automatically as the grandparent unless they looked quite a LOT older than their age. It's actually never happened to me, and if it did, I would figure that the person making the mistake was just being a judgemental bitch, because I don't even LOOK 40. I have friends in their 30s who look older :P

Bonnie - posted on 01/10/2011

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I have the opposite problem too Julianne. I don't know how long it will last, but according to other people, when I was 20 I looked 13 and now I am going to be 30 and I usually get 20.

Charlie - posted on 01/10/2011

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If they are offended then it is something that hurts them and they have every right to feel that way but if you can laugh it off than go for it .

Sal - posted on 01/10/2011

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what other people think of me is none of my bussiness....that is to say what does it matter really.....people who matter know the deal, i think someone called me my little ones nanna last week (not sure is she was talking about my daughter catching up with nanna (me) or aother child ) did i get offended, no, i did look pretty sick and tired because i was coming down with the flue, i did how ever make a point to go home have a facial and not ever will i go out without make up and hair done again!! oh and i'm only 37... if they are going to get offended b that, they are going to spend a lot of time offended, angry and miserable......

Stifler's - posted on 01/10/2011

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People used to ask my mum how being a grandma was when I was holding my brother. I WAS 13. BAHAHAHA.

Jodi - posted on 01/10/2011

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Um, yeah, I'd be offended if someone mistook me for my 5 year old's grandmother. Would you be offended if someone thought you were your's child's older sister if you were a teen mum? Do you have a right to feel offended? Yes. Well, so do I. I'm only 41. It's not THAT old. And it isn't THAT old to have a 5 year old.



You know what they say about assuming, don't you?



I guess I just don't look my age, so it won't be an issue, but neither should it be.

[deleted account]

I agree Bonnie.
I have the opposite problem, people think im the babysitter or something, when they find out im her mom, they think im a teenage mom...i take it as a compliment :)

Bonnie - posted on 01/10/2011

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Yeah I think people have a right to be offended by someone mistaking them for the child's grandparent instead of the parent. At the same time, I also think that because the parents are older that they should expect that things like this may happen. It doesn't mean that older people shouldn't be having kids. It's just natural for people to assume.

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