men or women...

Tah - posted on 03/27/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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well my husband and I are having a dispute(sorry girls this is as gritty as it gets between us...lol)...wo has the hardest time finding a good person to be in a relationship with, men or women?...



I must say, my husband has had some winners, it was the first love he was engaged to, dating since high school, after he did a couple years in college, he decided to do navy to help him continue his education, well after his first cruise, he came home and she had the guy she was cheating with, come to his welcome home party(she was a winner right)...then there was the girl who spent 3 years acting a fool and had him thinking that her son was his....(keep her right ther)..



I told him that those young ladies were young and not ready to settle down, but as we get older and mature and find out who we are, and realize what we want in a guy..that's when we realize how many guys out there don't have those qualities. When i broke uo with my ex-fiancee. alot had changed with me from 18-24...I realized what I wanted and he wasn't it....



I met my husband soon after that, but we remained friends while he was working on his relationship with the latter from above. While he was doing that i was kissing so many frogs i thought i was in a pond...



So I am asking you ladies, who has the harder time finding a good quality person that they can have a meaningful, mutual respectful relationship with?..Not meaning sex...that's easy to get for a women, but the man you always pictured yourself with.

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Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2010

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Yeah it can still be fun but you don't meet someone for the purpose of having kids. You meet them to be in a relationship with them.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2010

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Also if you look for it you won't find it. When you're young have no kids and single you don't want someone who is wanting to tie you down and have kids... you have to have a fun relationship that is about going out and having fun first and the kids and marriage and shit comes later.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2010

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Both. People have to change for each other they can't just get into a relationship and decide they aren't going to accommodate their other half at all and "if they don't like it they can fuck off". I know so many people in relationships for 2 weeks and break up because of this reason and I doubt they are ever going to find a long term relationship.

[deleted account]

I think it's equal on both sides... Women have to learn to set standards and make them clear from the start of a relationship/dating. It prevents the assholes from pursuing you and the guys who are actually looking for the same things you are will put efforts into the relationship. Once you have set your priorities and put your cards on the table with a guy, he will run like the wind if he's only looking to get laid.

Guys have to weed out the crazy ones out of the pack... Women are good at playing games and not showing their true self until they have the ring and the 2.5 kids.

We both have our struggles.

Tara - posted on 08/24/2010

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Totally depends on age and circumstance. The saying "you don't know what you have till it's gone" is great but so is the one "You didn't know what you were missing until you have it".
After being married for 10 years and knowing what I wasn't looking for in a man and what I did want and what I myself could offer, once knew what those things were than it was easier to find someone who shared the same views.
We were older when we met, having both gone through shitty learning relationships, and now we appreciate each other even more for it.
But I do think that it's generally harder for a man to find a woman who doesn't have an agenda, but at the same time I know men who can't find a good honest, fun to be with woman, despite them being great guys.
tara

Tah - posted on 08/24/2010

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see i was the opposite..i guess it's because.i had older sisters school me and all my friends were guys for the most part....i had long term relationships..but if i had a friend with benefits, thats what it was to me...i have had guys tell me i think like a guy, i run game on them....(say things i dont mean)...lol...they fall for it just like we do...and i have had friends with benefits want to start a relationship with because they had fallen in love and my response was "i thought we agreed to keep feelings out of this, i wouldn't be a good girlfriend to you right now and you deserve the best, lets keep things the way they are and maybe later, we can talk about it, i love spending time with you, we dont need titles for what we share"....fun times...for me anyway..

Rosie - posted on 08/24/2010

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i think it's women, BUT we as women need to understand men a bit more and i think it would maybe be a bit more equal. we need to learn how men work, and what they do so we don't fall for stupid bullshit that they pull.
after i broke up with my ex fiance when i was 19, i went around trying to find love with whomever. hell, i'd had love for 5 years prior to that, i figured men who told you they liked you and slept with you meant they actually wanted to be with you!! haha, i was pretty damn dumb. i spent som much time trying to convinced myself that i was worth something, trying to find that in a man....aaahhh, the joys of growing up.

Emma - posted on 04/30/2010

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Well i think woman
Ive been Engaged to 3 frogs before i gave up on the whole idea then met my hubby lol
Frog #1 was a real ass hole as it turns out he was engaged to another woman when he asked me and then after he married her begged me not to leave the county so he could keep me as a bit on the side (i forward all his f his text messages to his wife while waiting for my plane to take off)
Frog #2 Ran up 20 thousand pounds worth of debt which i got saddled with common law is a bitch, cleared out my bank account and our Flat
Frog #3 I was friends with for 3 year before we got together and the second we got engaged turned it to a controlling clingy nut job stalker..

So i think we woman have a hard time finding a prince among a shit load of frogs lol

Patricia - posted on 04/02/2010

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I agree, everybody is different...however, if you are young...like younger than 18, I think guys have a harder time, because girls are just spitful and mean. While the guy will do anything and everything for the girl...it's about after 20, that thge girls start to mature a little and the boys are having to play catch up with them. But all experiences lead to lessons learned...WE HOPE

[deleted account]

Depends on the person. I know both men and women who are having a hard time finding someone to settle with. I know both men and women who have dated crazies and/or cheaters.

For my husband and I...I had it easier. I was only 21 when we married, but he was 30. We had had about the same number of previous relationships, but I just progressed through mine a lot faster. And I don't think either of us had been in a "bad" relationship. Our previous relationships were just not with "the one." I guess we are pretty lucky. =)

Tah - posted on 03/27/2010

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o she knows..i havent kept it a secret....they go through periods of we are living together, but not together, where she will date and those are the guys she meets, they have things, but aren't ready to settle, she gets discouraged and they "work on it"...he's like a dirty security blanket, its hard when you want better for someone then they want for themselves....and she will be the first to tell you, she is stupid....i told her she needs to change her mindset, not be afraid to be alone because she is doing everything herself anyway so shoot..do bad by yourself...so there is some stupid mixed in no doubt....

Sharon - posted on 03/27/2010

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THAT is not hard. THAT is stupid. Your friend is either lazy or enjoys having her thumb on him at the least, instead of tossing his wastrel ass out and just doing things herself. She already is. Now she has mr. disease vector living in her home, possibly sharing her bed. NICE.

She knows he's a friggen idiot but keeps him around anyway. nasty.

Tah - posted on 03/27/2010

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my best friend..met her in nursing school, has been with her kids father for 16 years..we are 29(she a month older than me)...he hasn't worked in i want to say about 7 years, meaningfully anyway...she does everything herself..so when she was visiting her father in california he has some chick in her house..how did she find out..because the girl(on ourpose) posted some pics to a website with her and the boyfriend, drinking out of shot glasses...but wait my girlfriend doesn't have shot glasses cause she hardly drinks...how did she know that it was her house..cause you could see her furnishings in the background....his excuse...it was her b-day and she was in the neighborhood and called him cause she had to pee...like my husband said..she would have peed on the door like a dog before he let her in to use the bathroom any of them....the worse part, the 8 year old daughter told her that daddy had a girl over and made her go in her room when she got back, but he called their daughter a liar to her face, and the pics were found about a month later....you would think that he was kicked out....right....uhhh..no..still living in her house, being taken care of like a 3rd child...i think he's the special needs one, not their son(whom i love to death)....why won't she completely leave..because the options she is meeting are the same or worse than him...



If they have a job and car and house, then they have a whole new set of issues....not ready to settle, ...so tight with money you can hear them pop when the bill comes....or as one said..she is 2 independent.....huh...so you don't want someone who is educated, working and handling her business, then he went and got a weed head, no ambition having, looser than a pack of college ruled paper chick from way down in the hood pregnant....i mean...if it's not hard to find mr. right, i don't want to know what is....

Sharon - posted on 03/27/2010

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idiots always have a harder time.

Seriously - it is hard. But when you weed out the hysterical demanding shrieker, don't date women who are ok with cheating their current boyfriends, get rid of the guy who wants to know if you salted your food last night, and when you say you can't remember he can tell you that you did.....

When you think you know everything at 15 +

Seriously - I am disgusted at the obvious signs some girls miss.

My co-worker is dating a guy who claims to be "progressive".. uh huh, as in he didn't feel the need to graduate highschool... he accepts everything and everyone as they are .... soooooo he expected her to accept the other girl he was sleeping with.....

She would tell us daily how open minded he was. How forgiving of the most heinous things. ugh makes me want to puke thinking about it.

My other coworker..... her mom... yeah not her, her mom was shacked up with a guy with the past umpteen years, they have two small girls together, she confronted him about some stuff... he kicked her out of HIS HOUSE. Apparently in a moment of brilliance he got them all out of texas where she was considered his common law wife and moved here, to this shithole, where she is nothing more than a girlfriend and in living in HIS house, a step above a squatter and now has custody of their two daughters and she is the hysterical bitch who bit him while he tried to shove her out the front door...

Wise up dumbasses.

Tah - posted on 03/27/2010

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i think its women....it isn't hard for a women to get "some" if you will. or to have a man that is willing to keep her company, or go out..as a matter of fact a "friend with benefits" is iding around every corner, but when looking for someone who won't cheat, someone who is ready to settle down, and beleives the things you do, wants the things you do when you want them, i think is a little harder for women, i mean, men don't mature as fast, as women do..alot them have a phobia about settling down, and what do we do alot of times, chase they guy that lets us know he only half wants us, and why?..because we think we can change his mind, if we cook, clean, listen, support and do all the other things a ood girlfriend does to show him we can be "the one"..what does he do...suck ya dry and then marry the next chick 6 months later..and what are doing, crying and still on the market..I think alot of guys aren't married because they don't want to be...some have trouble yeah..but some are having a ball at the time when we are looking for our soulmate...maybe it's timing...but i gotta go with the woman, my husband had good girls come around, but he was, at that time, having fun...so he could have been married before he was, just chose not to be....

Charlie - posted on 03/27/2010

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Well i am biased , having gone through nothing but assholes before i found the perfect man i would say girls have a harder time , i also think its about finding someone on the same level as you dont get me wrong i know i made my choices when i dated those guys but i am not a man and i have never had to look for a woman so i couldn't really answer that fairly .

BUT like i always say if you want to find the perfect man you gotta stop chasing boys !

Carolee - posted on 03/27/2010

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Well, I think it's about even. My husband had a hard time finding somebody who wouldn't cheat on him, but he's had quite a few less relationships than I have. I couldn't find anybody who wouldn't either cheat on me, abuse me, or use drugs behind my back. What happened to me (and happens to a lot of women) tends to be more extreme, but my husband was 34 when we got married and I was 27 (New Year's Eve), so it took him a lot longer (age-wise) to find his match.

LaCi - posted on 03/27/2010

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I think its easier for women. Honestly.



I think men are laid back and easy going, typically. I think women-especially when their young, tend to be conniving, catty, and vengeful. I'm not leaving myself out of that one. I think the biggest problem men face when finding a girl to settle down with is finding one they don't think is absolutely insane after a few months (my friends at least, and ex's). Then there's the problem with even catching the girl they might like to try something with, men have a lot to deal with when it comes to catching a woman's attention. I've really never had a problem getting a guy I had in my sights, I think its easy for women to catch their *prey*. The problem is just finding someone we click with. So yeah... for those reasons, and many others, I think women have a much easier time finding a good man than vice versa. The only problem for women is finding a man they click with and having unrealistic expectations for *the one*.

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