Miserable People + Babies = Disaster?

?? - posted on 02/14/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I have a 'friend' that I have known for 10 years, she's MISERABLE. One of those 'emo' types. Poor me. Pity me. Life sucks. Everything is against me. FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY IT'S A SCAM! Bitter, miserable, negative, constantly whining about how HORRIBLE life is.

I just want to scream at her "YOU'RE PREGNANT NOW - TIME TO GROW THE FUCK UP !!"

She's about 2 months pregnant, she's been miserable like this since I've known her. Her status on FB was about Valentine's day and 'the poor saps that buy into it' and I made a comment about when that baby comes around it will be different, kiddo will run up to her with a mangled heart shaped piece of paper and say 'lub oo mommy' and the whole meaning of Valentine's day... and ANY other holiday will be completely different.

Pretty much ALL of the comments on her status, except mine, was a negative holidays are BS, LIFE SUCKS, don't get sucked into the hype speil.


I can't help but think this poor kid is going to be listening too, surrounded by and grow up with NO HOPE of anything because mom and all her emo buddies think everything is bullshit.

I am almost at the point where I'm going to just delete her because it makes me so irritated that she isn't even ATTEMPTING to be happy about ANYTHING. All those negative vibes, all the stress and sadness is just so unhealthy for a baby !! In her belly AND after baby is born !!

Do you think people who are miserable should be TOLD to smarten up? Do you think it will ultimately affect the baby? Before and/or after it's born? Do you know anyone like this?

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?? - posted on 02/15/2010

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I've been talkin to her tryin to convince her it's time to get some help, grow up, take responsibility for the fact that she's going to be a mom, and get her head in a place where she can really get what that 'means. I wanna throttle the father of the baby that's for sure, he doesn't help the situation... she needs to tell him all in or all out, stay or go, make a decision and stick to it but neither of them 'get it' and neither of them want to say 1 way or the other.

I'm so done with the pity party crap though. This is a 24 year old woman that has been living on her own and out from under her parents grasp for about 6 years now, she should be at least ATTEMPTING to grow up and be an adult now.

Krista - posted on 02/15/2010

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It very well might be depression. An acquaintance of mine has been that way for awhile now. She'd complain because she never got to spend any time with her friends. So her friends invited her out, and she complained because a) they wanted to go out, instead of just going to her place, which would cost some money and she didn't want to have to spend any money, and b) she was convinced that when she got back, that her boyfriend wouldn't have done any housework and she'd be coming back to a mess. So she cancelled! After months and months of complaining that she missed having girl time, she decided NOT to go when she was invited, because all she could focus on was the negative (and the theoretical negative, at that!)

Needless to say, her kids aren't exactly happy campers, either. Fortunately, their mom is seeking counselling. Your friend really needs to do the same, Jo. Cripes, she has a baby on the way and she doesn't have ANY reason to be happy or smile???

Sarah - posted on 02/15/2010

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Like i said, i think if she's truly depressed, then she needs to get help for it.
If it's just 'the way she is' if it's kinda an act or an attention kinda thing, then that's different.
Hard to tell as i don't know her! lol!

I think there are just some people who tend to be on the miserable side, adding being pregnant to that will make it worse (for some)
I would imagine that it's part of who she is, but i'd be willing to bet that once she holds that little baby, her outlook will change somewhat. (unless she's truly depressed)

?? - posted on 02/15/2010

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I wish it was *just* her status... she's been miserable, emo, half glass empty for 10 years lol she is a negative, pessamistic, everything good is overshadowed by the bad, kind of person for as long as I've known her... even the amazing thoughts of being a mom that most moms feel in general, even amogst all the scary thoughts, she doesn't and won't let herself enjoy.

I sent her a PM and she said "I don't have any reason to be happy or smile right now, and I know I won't at least until the baby comes. And even then, it will probably be awhile until I enjoy the kid cause I have ALL of this bullshit to deal with."

She focus' on the bad ALWAYS. I told her I think she should be careful with that attitude because even though we can't see it, baby can tell when mommy is sad. And I asked her to try and be more positive because it's worrisome seeing ONLY negativity coming from her, all the time :(


If there's typo's or whatever in this post... ignore em, I'm typing with 1 hand and holding 30lbs of dead weight aka Gabe with the other so I'm a lil distracted and only typing with 1 hand lol

Sarah - posted on 02/15/2010

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I don't know, i agree that babies pick up on parents emotions. My eldest was far more work than my youngest, and i've often said i think it's due to me being more stressed and freaked out by the whole thing than i was with my youngest.
I was bloody miserable when i was pregnant with my eldest too!

I don't think it's fair to judge her solely on her FB status tho to be honest. Also, when i'm miserable, i don't show it around my kids. Once you have kids, it's a lot harder to sit around feeling sorry for yourself! I think some people are just naturally more 'glass half empty' i don't think that means they're going to be terrible parents.

It all depends on whether she is actually depressed, or just reaching out for people (albeit in the wrong way).

Jocelyn - posted on 02/14/2010

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Oh babies totally pick up on the energy and vibes that people put off. I've noticed that relaxed mom=relaxed baby, stressed mom=fussy baby, etc. I think that people who are miserable and having kids should definitely look into things like anti depressants, anti anxiety, therapy, better diet... I have always been told that I have the happiest, most relaxed babies; and I don't do anything specific! My cousin on the other hand has always had cranky, colic-y, sleep deprived babies, and I would bet anything it's because she's a high strung mess lmao.

Johnny - posted on 02/14/2010

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I would agree that the parent's attitudes definitely rub off on the child and alter their perspectives about the world. If you have happy, positive parents, you are more likely to see the good in everything and look for the bright side. I think I'm good proof of that. My mother is an overwhelmingly negative person. Even though I was apparently a very good baby (which I think may have been more out of a fear of disappointing her, because she's scary when disappointed in you), until I became an adult I assumed everyone around me was always going to do the wrong thing and were thinking negative thoughts about me. My mom taught me that people are inherently nasty and rude, and given the opportunity will inevitably disappoint you. I realized when I got counseling in my teens (that my mom sent me to because I seemed down, go figure!) that I was seeing the world through a very pessimistic prism and I needed to learn a better way. I worked hard for years at it. Marrying my hubby has helped a lot because he is a very cheerful, glass half full kind of guy. Now, I'd say I am pretty happy-go-lucky, even when things do go wrong. But now that my attitude has changed, listening to my mom just makes me want to cry into my beer.

Lindsay - posted on 02/14/2010

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I think babies definately play off of the vibes around them. Some of you know that Josh's mother is a miserable woman and I always here her telling stories of how Josh was such a terrible baby. In all honesty, I think it was her. His mamaw has told me stories upon stories of how whne he was a baby, she would come over and he would instantly turn from a fussy child to a well mannered, sleepy baby in her arms.



I believe I confirmed this theory when we had Madeline. She was a great happy baby, though not the best sleeper for awhile. She was always good for me and Josh and for my mom when she watched her while we were both working at the time. Josh's mom babysat for us twice when she was an infant just long enough for us to have a dinner out together. The first time, she complained that Madeline cried and cried the entire time. That time I wrote it off as maybe she wasn't feeling well but didn't notice the fussing when we were home. When it happened a second time, I realized that it was probably her and we didn't ask her to watch her anymore until she was older.



These are obviously not facts but merely observations I've experienced. But, I definately believe that babies feed off of their parents or people around them. It's one thing for someone that only has them for a short period of time. But, I could definately see it being very bad if that negative person was their parent that they spend the majority of their time with.

Krista - posted on 02/14/2010

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I think babies do pick up on the parent's vibes, and if the parent is just a dour, negative, pessimistic person, then the baby will pick up on that and will always feel like something is "off" and it will make him or her anxious. I could be wrong, but that's just my gut instinct. Hopefully having the baby, and seeing him or her discover everything for the first time will cut through some of her cynicism.

You'll want to watch out for your friend for PPD, though. Sometimes extreme negativity and pessimism is a sign of undiagnosed depression, and having the baby might throw her hormones out of whack enough to make things much worse.

[deleted account]

When I read the title, I thought, well maybe baby will help miserable people become happier. But I also think that babies feed off the emotions of their parents, especially their moms.



Real life example of two moms from the same family with babies the same age: Happy newlywed, not much money, 21 year old mom with first baby - happy baby you want to be around and rarely cries. Negative, fairly wealthy, 35 year old mom that just had babies because that's what women do - baby that cries day and night.



I don't think that you can tell anybody anything as far as getting them to change their lives. They have to realize that on their own. Unfortunatly the baby will most likely be affected before they (if they ever) lighten up.



When I was pregnant I was also teaching elementary school. I worried that being around cranky, complaining teachers (you remember them from school) would affect my mood and my baby's mood. I also worried that if I fussed too much at my students it would affect my baby. I don't think it did. =)



**Note** The above examples are not meant to say that all older wealthy moms have miserable babies. That's just the case of the mom I know.

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