Mistress being sued?

Meghan - posted on 08/09/2010 ( 200 moms have responded )

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This is a new story in the news
http://blogs.bet.com/news/newsyoushouldk...

Apparently there are 7 states that you can sue the mistress for alienation of affection...and win.
Should the mistress be held to this level of accountablility?? What are your thoughts?

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Michelle - posted on 08/09/2010

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Speaking from experience, I wish I lived in one of these states, because I would sue the mistress. In my case: she made first contact, she knew he was married, she didn't care, and then ran around bragging about how she ruined his marriage. Without a lot of details if I could sue her sorry worthless homewrecking ass I would in a heartbeat. Is he guilty?? Absolutely. Is she? Just as much. Because she knew and didn't care enough to say 'wait till you are divorced'. She has no respect for herself by acting like a tramp and definitely has no respect for anyone else.

Amie - posted on 09/14/2010

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Oh that case is stupid.



The woman was married, left her husband for the man. Then the man said he didn't love her, left her and now she's testifying on her (ex)husband's behalf. Gimme a break. Wonder if she has a deal with him for some of the money he may win.



Sick. People need to start taking responsibility for their actions. No one can make a person cheat. No one can make a person break their marriage vows. NO ONE. If they were going to cheat, they were going to cheat. Most often there's already something wrong with the relationship before someone will even entertain the thought of cheating.

Ez - posted on 09/13/2010

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No, a mistress should not be held legally responsible for the destruction of a marriage. I get so sick of women being blamed for the failings of men.

Lindsay - posted on 09/13/2010

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I'm not even going down the religion road. If you want to go by the god shit and bible, go at it full force but don't pick and choose. You cannot say that they have to uphold all the commandments but then ignore your own judgements and turning the other cheek. If those are truly your beliefs then shouldn't you continue on and do good things and let them face god when the time comes?

My thinking is that if you are going to take it to a court of law, god is not there. The 3rd party has no obligation to your marriage. The punished person should be the person that stepped outside of the marriage and them soley. He's a big big and can make his own decisions.

Lindsay - posted on 08/10/2010

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Wow, Michelle, I never knew that the father of my children was also a child! That's news to me. He's an adult and is just as capable as I am to make his own choices. I am not a mother to him nor a babysitter, as I will never be. If someone steps outside of their marriage or relationship, it's a choice they made. I don't care how tempting it is, it's still a choice they made and it carries consequenses. If a female approached him knowing his relationship status, yes it's low and says a lot about her character but ultimately, he makes a decision to act. Ultimately, she can't be totally blamed. She owes nothing to the wife. she made no promises to her. If he can't keep it in his jeans, it's on him. Period.

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[deleted account]

I swear you can sue anyone for anything these days. What is the world coming to? I think anyone who knowingly sleeps with a married person should be held accountable, but a lawsuit, come on. If my husband was cheating, and she knew he was married, she would probably need a restraining order. My husband would need one too, along with a new house.

Cyndel - posted on 09/14/2010

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I think that having an adulterous relationship or having a relationship with someone you know is married is disgusting and horrid and both parties should be held legally resposible, especially considering both parties are breaking a legal contract, as marriage is a legal contract binding a man and woman together. Adultery is breaking that contract and should have legal ramifications whether or not the married couple stay together and work it out or not.

Amie - posted on 09/14/2010

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I think we've derailed this thread enough. lol I sent you a PM Teresa.

[deleted account]

Oh, and believe me.. I KNOW I can come off as an emotional basket case sometimes. That's one of the reasons I GOT a lawyer in the first place. ;)

[deleted account]

You are listening to ME though. The judge only hears my lawyer. I don't know what the judge is thinking... I'm not coming off as anything that I can possibly think of. Not to mention there is a BIG difference between venting frustrations on a message board and going to court where I never open my mouth... My lawyer is the one that speaks for me. We set up visitation calls and visits FOR my ex's benefit... which he won't take advantage of except extremely rarely. My ex admitted to the judge about raping me (doesn't involve the kids, but as I have 2 young girls I'm concerned...), tried to get full custody and remove a young toddler permanently from his home... after not seeing that toddler in a year, told the judge he would never pay a penny in child support, and has proven himself to be a liar in court on several occasions... among other things. ALL I'm trying to do is all I've ever tried to do... Have my ex have a relationship w/ his kids and keep my kids safe at the same time.

As far as visitation goes... I'm not fighting any of it for my girls anymore. They KNOW their father and I have enough faith in THEM that they will be ok. The only fighting I'm doing is for the sake of my son who deserves to not be emotionally traumatized by being thrown w/ a man for an entire week straight when he's never been w/ him for longer than an 8 hour stretch... I'm working on a very reasonable proposal that WILL get to the week long visit, but in the baby steps that my son needs.

Amie - posted on 09/14/2010

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Teresa,

In my very first post I said this:
"It's not easy hearing it, it's not easy thinking about it but I have noticed that a lot of times, the wronged mom tends to be a lot more hostile then needed and throws up road blocks all over the place. Consciously or not, it happens."

And then went on to ask you this:

"Have you ever thought how you look in the judge's eyes? It's hard to look without the bias but you need to try."

Whether you are doing it or not, on purpose or not; Whether you realize it or not, is not the issue. You need to look and see how you are communicating and coming off. If this is the implication I am getting, what is your judge thinking?

[deleted account]

I'm upset because of the implication that I'm fighting against my ex because that is false. I don't hold anger against him or her for what has happened to ME.. fleeting moments of pain, yes, but not anger. My anger is for the sake of my kids. My fighting is for THEIR well being. Every single person that knows me, my ex, and my kids KNOWS that I am doing and have done everything I possibly can for the best interest of my kids.

I just happen to have to deal w/ a judge that gives unsupervised visitation rights to men who abuse their kids (not in my case, but a friend's.. police granted a restraining order to protect the boy.. judge overturned it). So,yes, I HAVE to fight to protect my kids. The only thing that says about me is that I actually CARE about what happens to my kids. It's not about me. It hasn't been for a LONG time.

Amie - posted on 09/14/2010

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That says a lot too though Teresa. I think you have a lot left over you need to work on. I don't hold anger, hurt, resentment, any ill feelings over what's gone with my ex and myself.

He's a huge douche bag who can't keep his regular visiitaion to save his life, for 3 years he was gone completely and had no contact with our children. He was pissed that I had found someone and went on to marry that man. Those are his issues to deal with though, I've been nothing but accomodating and if the day ever comes up where he decides to fight me in court for anything. I know for a fact he will lose any and all claims. He has nothing because I have not done a single thing. I may have at first because I was hurt and pissed he left me with a toddler and a week old baby but I got over it and moved on. He is not worth the wasted emotion and time I spent brewing over it.

The best part of that, is it gets him worked up more then it does me when he tries to pull shit. Which he still does from time to time but 5 years later and he's making progress.

Oh and the person he left me for, who he had been cheating on me with for awhile, I never felt any ill for her and don't blame her for the demise of our relationship. There was a lot wrong on both sides, even if I don't like and very rarely say it out loud, we were both wrong in ways. I never cheated but I did do my share of "wrong".

[deleted account]

Forget it. I'm way too pissed off at the moment to make any rational comment. I'm not fighting against their father. I never have. All I've ever fought for is the emotional well being of my children. If that means fighting against their father.... then that should tell you something ABOUT their father.

Amie - posted on 09/14/2010

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That is where you are looking at it wrong. It's not the selfish rights of a man, it's for your children. They deserve their father, no matter how any of us may not like that fact.

The more we fight and throw up road blocks, the more we look like the bad people. Have you ever thought how you look in the judge's eyes? It's hard to look without the bias but you need to try.

[deleted account]

Amie, he moved away to be w/ the other woman and her kids. I spent a year and a half BEGGING him to come and see his girls and develop a relationship w/ his son. He refused cuz he can't 'afford' it... yet has no problem coming up for funds at the last minute to make a court appearance or bring his girls over there. Why would I uproot my children and our entire lives, move away from our family, friends, and church that they've known their entire lives, just to satisfy the selfish whims of a man who lies everytime he opens his mouth. He's only called them twice in the past 8 weeks even though he has call days/times scheduled twice a week and as long as he calls when they are available... he can talk to them ANY other time..... So, yeah, I'm quite confident in my assessment of him.



Oh, and he has family here w/ an extra room AND an extra vehicle who he's never asked to stay w/.... plus half his wife's family lives here, so his excuse of having no place to stay and no vehicle to drive is just that... an excuse.



Oh, and this last time we had a court appearance he asked to have the kids the entire weekend. They already had plans on Saturday, but I said he could see them all day Sunday (10 hours), and he refused. He flew in JUST for court on Monday. I have no idea when on Monday he flew back, but he never spoke to me and never asked to see his kids......

Jennifer - posted on 09/14/2010

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As enlightening as this has been, we disagree and that is that. I have wasted enough of my time on this topic. It's has been fun, happy debating.

Jennifer - posted on 09/14/2010

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If people would take responsibility for their own actions...there would be no one to cheat with.

Lindsay - posted on 09/14/2010

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Yes I would hope that the 3rd party is practicing safe sex and being responsible. And that the married party takes responsibility for stepping out of his marriage.

Jennifer - posted on 09/14/2010

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Amie, finally we agree on something. "People need to start taking responsibility for their actions." This I agree with completely.

Lindsay - posted on 09/14/2010

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Stated perfectly Amie. NO ONE can MAKE a person cheat. It's a CHOICE.

Lindsay - posted on 09/14/2010

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my views do not differ between it being the man or the woman that stepped outside of marriage. It's the person in the marriage that should be at fault. Gender is a non factor.

Amie - posted on 09/14/2010

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Either way it goes though Jennifer, it's still ridiculous.

The one who made the promise is the only one who has the "job" of upholding that promise.

Ez - posted on 09/13/2010

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**** Mod Warning ****

While all this God-talk has been lovely, can we please get back on topic. If anyone wants to debate religion or forgiveness feel free to start another thread, because this one has been railroaded way way off-topic.

Johnny - posted on 09/13/2010

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Huh? I thought you posted all the biblical crap? This is so confusing. ;-)

I usually call her Lindsay, not 'the Catholic'. Or sometimes 'smartass' if the occasion warrants. But I think I might just start calling her 'the Catholic'. Although it might lead to confusion amongst all the Catholics.

Johnny - posted on 09/13/2010

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LOL. Jennifer, I did read back over the most recent posts in this thread. It was pretty clear from all the postings that you were finding the conversation here somewhat difficult to deal with. You're new, so I'll give you a heads up....this is an open community and anyone is welcome to enter into a thread at any point and post.

As I recall from reading this thread, you actually mentioned that you did not want to talk about this with someone who is Catholic either? At least that is what you seemed to be saying because I did have a bit of a difficult time getting through a few of your posts.

No, this is not an atheist site. But there are plenty of atheists, agnostics, Wiccans, a few Muslims, Jews, etc. who frequent this site. So if you are expecting that everyone here will and should share your worldview, you will be sadly disappointed. You will not meet with success refusing to debate issues with people who do not believe in God, you'll probably find that they will continue to engage you. So I thus suggested that if you are uncomfortable or unwilling to talk with those who do not have faith in god, you'd best go elsewhere.

Stifler's - posted on 09/13/2010

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@ Jennifer you need to stop taking things as an insult. The OP was about the law, not about biblical laws or atheist beliefs, or catholic or jewish.

Lindsay - posted on 09/13/2010

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That was me....the catholic...this is a debate about legalities and we were all trying to get back to that except for you, Jennifer. Can we please get back on topic?

Johnny - posted on 09/13/2010

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Jennifer, if you can't talk to atheists then this is probably not the place for you. Perhaps check out a cloister...

Isobel - posted on 09/13/2010

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Jennifer...really...it took you like 20 posts to figure out I was an atheist?...go back and take a look over those ;)

Amie - posted on 09/13/2010

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Teresa,

This may upset you but I'm asking anyway. What's your part in that? Could you move to be closer so he can take part in his monthly visitations easier. You've admitted on CoM's you both live on different Islands. Though it may not be possible right away, where there is a will, there is a way. Have you asked your ex for help to move, so he can see his kids each month like he should be?

Are you dead certain, because you've asked and reached out, that he is just preening for the courts and nothing you have done or not done comes into play?

It's not easy hearing it, it's not easy thinking about it but I have noticed that a lot of times, the wronged mom tends to be a lot more hostile then needed and throws up road blocks all over the place. Consciously or not, it happens.

Jennifer - posted on 09/13/2010

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Teresa, well said. I feel like you said some of things I have been trying to say only 1000 times better.

[deleted account]

I probably shouldn't jump in here now, but I just wanted to say that I'm not interested in revenge or ruining ANYONE'S life.... and I don't wish harm on my ex OR his wife. DID I want revenge at one time? Of course I did... I was 8 months pregnant w/ no education and no money when I found out that the man I had committed my life to was leaving me for another woman (who's ex husband has a child w/ her AND another woman who are only a few months apart). It hurt and I was a huge, emotional wreck. It took a REALLY long time to get past that. Would I go after her NOW that it's been 2.5 years... absolutely not. Do I still think she (and him) should have to face SOME responsibility for their actions? Yes, but there is nothing I can or will do about it. HER kids didn't lose anything though. They got a 'dad' for the first time in their lives.... and I have a 2.5 year old son who has only been w/ his 'dad' in 3-8 hour intervals for a total of 10 days in his lifetime. It HURTS. That is all. I AM human. Being a Christian doesn't make me perfect and I am in no way proud of still having some pain and anger left. It still comes up though. Especially when you overhear your ex telling some random stranger at the courthouse that HIS ex hasn't let him see his kids in 3 years... when he has monthly visitations scheduled that he just doesn't choose to take advantage of.

I would never go after millions or any nonsense like that. Just the $1,000/month that I am supposed to be getting anyway.....

Jennifer - posted on 09/13/2010

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Reading skills...now you are personally attacking my reading skills? Seriously, reading skills. LOL.

Jennifer - posted on 09/13/2010

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Laura, you and I definitely disagree on that topic. You believe that you cannot commit adultry if you are not married, I believe that you can commit adultry if you are not married. I will leave it at that.

Isobel - posted on 09/13/2010

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and I'm saying that I don't have to...holding hate in your heart and wishing for revenge is hurtful...TO YOU!

Jennifer - posted on 09/13/2010

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Laura ? you amaze me. A pissing contest, really? I really don't know how many times I have to state the same thing. I think I have said in at least 4 posts by now that forgiveness is something I work on everyday, did you miss that somehow? I never said that my pain was any worse than yours, I simply stated that you do not know the entire story.

Amie - posted on 09/13/2010

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"Hmmm, I seem to remember at least one specific post stating that for all of us who (not specifically myself) think it is ok to destroy another persons life it is good that we have God because otherwise what kind of people would we be...or something along those lines"

That is a blanket statement and is not calling anyone names. I do agree that post was not needed if it was made but still off the mark.

Isobel - posted on 09/13/2010

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nope, not what I said...and since I'm an atheist (kind of), your logic does not hold true...if you cannot see that I was wishing you well in that last post...I wish you well in your reading skills as well

Amie - posted on 09/13/2010

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No more then you Jennifer. First with Lindsay and religion, now with Laura and her situation.

At least mine can be chalked up to misinterpreting the tone behind your post, you just assumed with venom in your heart. Which is very much how you are coming off.

Laura's right too. Living with such hate in your heart does not do anything but harm yourself.

Jennifer - posted on 09/13/2010

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Hmmm, I seem to remember at least one specific post stating that for all of us who (not specifically myself) think it is ok to destroy another persons life it is good that we have God because otherwise what kind of people would we be...or something along those lines. I would have to go back and look it up but that one sticks out in my mind off the top of my head. It's funny that it is ok for you to have that attitude, but I am not a christian if I think that someone who has committed adultry should be held accountable regardless if they were the married party or not.

Isobel - posted on 09/13/2010

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boasting about wishing other people ill hardly seems very Christian...and if you wish to enter a pissing contest about the pain that our exes and their respective mistresses have caused us...I can start with finding out my exes mistress was knocked up when I was 2 months pregnant...and she was 3 and a half...which was, by the way, two weeks before my wedding, and two months after we bought our house...

wishing people pain is not good for YOUR soul...I hope you get over that.

Jennifer - posted on 09/13/2010

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Amie, how presumptuous of you. I did not look down on her for naming herself Catholic, I simply stated that I would not continue further discussion with her on that matter. Big difference. I was raised catholic and have been a catholic for 34 years of my life.

Jennifer - posted on 09/13/2010

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I pray for myself everyday as well as my children and alot of other people. And all humankind has a sinful nature, not just christians. I do not take pride in my sins, in fact on more than one occasion throughout my posts, I have said that I pray to God everyday to find the heart to forgive and let go of the pain caused by both of the guilty parties. I understand that you have said that your husband cheated on you several times over and I am sorry for that. With all do respect, you do not know my entire situation and the hell that both of these people still bring to my life everyday. So you will have to forgive me if I am having a difficult time getting over what the two of them did and still do...with God's grace one day I will be able to forgive and let go but right now I am still angry and I put my kids to bed at night with tears in their eyes and hurt in their heart.

Isobel - posted on 09/13/2010

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I don't think anybody was called anything...you were certainly disagreed with...but this IS debating moms.

Amie - posted on 09/13/2010

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And then went on to preach at her, thus ending in a nice little quip looking down on her religion after naming herself a Catholic. Awesome.

No one has, that I have read so far, called anyone any names for disagreeing with their stand points. I may have missed a post or two though, feel free to point me in the direction of them.

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