Mom Confession: I Spoil My Kids. Got a Problem With That?

Stifler's - posted on 04/12/2011 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I stole this link from STFU Parents;


Mom Confession: I Spoil My Kids. Got a Problem With That?

My kids aren't spoiled brats...They're just spoiled. I'm not sure why people have a problem with it. Why do other people care if my girls have nice things? As they get older, they are asking for more expensive and nicer things, which they get if they have good grades and do what they are told. What is wrong with that?!?!

I'm sick of people commenting on the fact that my daughters have many things that other children do not. Sure, they're lucky. But if you have the financial means why not reward your children for their good behavior and for their hard work in school? I understand that not every girl gets the "Super Sweet 16" that they had and not every girl has access to an extensive collection of Christian Louboutins and Chanel dresses. But why is it anyone else's business how we spend money?

I want my daughters to experience things I didn't at their age -- like traveling the world. Some people think that I spoiled them by taking them to Europe. They wanted to see where the Holocaust took place, where the Berlin wall was and where the king lived in Versailles. What is wrong with that? When I told someone they were spending their summer before college (hopefully Yale, Harvard and Princeton *fingerscrossed*) volunteering to teach children English in Tanzania I was told "you just foot the bill for any vacation don't you?"

I don't get any of it...my kids are grateful and thankful for these experiences. Why not let them have the best of everything if we can afford it?

As long as my kids aren't bratty (they aren't), I don't see any problem with spoiling them.

What do you think? Do you spoil your kids?

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Alexis - posted on 04/12/2011

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The point of spoiled is when a kid gets everything they want by whining for it or throwing a fit. If your kids have earned it, and if you were to say no or couldnt do it for some reason and they wouldnt have a complete melt down then I wouldnt say they are spoiled. Spoiled IMO is more in the behavior of the kids towards what they want and what they don't get vs what they have. I agree with you, that as long as your kids aren't bratty the price tag on the items or the number of items doesnt matter, just be sure that they understand the value of the dollar when they are on their own and there won't be any problems.

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Jenny - posted on 04/13/2013

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"I see no point with raising mindless consumers so no support from me on that part. It's a waste of resources."

I second this.

If your child has all the newest toys out on the market, then he is spoilt, no matter what his attitude is.

Lady Heather - posted on 04/13/2011

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I think it's only spoiled if they expect it and/or don't realize that they are lucky and it's not necessarily the norm. If traveling is spoiling my kids then call them spoiled. I already have our first Europe trip planned for when new baby is 18 months old. That's just a priority for us. They will have music and sports and whatever kind of lessons they want because I can give that. If I can afford a car for them when they are in high school they will have it because a) it means I don't have to drive them places or lend them a car that I might want to use and b) they will be in a reliable vehicle which makes me feel better. If I can pay for college, I will. Why would I want them to have student loans or devote less time to school if that doesn't have to be?
I think there are ways to give these things to kids AND teach them to be grateful for everything they have. I'm not going to buy them a bunch of crap because I don't have much use for designer this and that, but the major stuff and the life experiences - they can have those. I'm certainly not going to stop traveling so they'll have to come with me.

[deleted account]

Love This...I was just saying this the other day...My daughter is spoiled but not a brat...Her father and I buy her nice things...on the condition that she keeps her room clean and is a good girl...What's the big deal....My daughter knows that if her attitude is ugly...and her room is a mess...I take away the things that she loves to have in until she straightens herself out...You have to have a balance....

Krista - posted on 04/13/2011

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I want Amber to adopt me. :)

And I agree with the others. Spoiled is in the attitude, not in the stuff. I've seen some kids who are spoiled little shits, and their parents have barely two nickels to rub together. And I've seen some kids whose parents are very well-off, but the kids appreciate what they have, don't take it for granted, and understand that their lifestyle is a privilege, not a right.

Do I spoil my kid? I don't think that I do, but obviously it's not the easiest thing to self-judge. I certainly have no problem saying "no" to him if it's warranted, and I rarely give in to tantrums or whining.

Jessica - posted on 04/13/2011

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I agree with the OP and am glad to see other people do too. I grew up in an upper/middle class family in an upscale suburban community. My dad had a good position with a large multi-national company. Our house wasn't a mansion but had lots of expensive renovations, inground pool. My dad and step mom drove a bmw and an audi, we had nice things and took great vacations every year. I've gone to Europe 5 times by the time I graduated college, as well as Hawaii and The Dominican Republic. We had a nice lifestyle. My dad worked his ass off to get to the position he did- he started out working in the factories. He's always been a laid back, down to earth person and I feed he has raised us to be the same.

I get so ticked off when I hear people talking down on "rich" people- they seem to think anyone with money is a snob and doesn't deserve it. My MIL is the worst. DH and his family grew up the opposite of me- single working mom, 4 kids, they were always poor and sometimes didn't have enough to eat. So I can understand that must have been hard and so her resentment makes sense from that perspective. But it cracks me up because she'll go on and on about rich people meanwhile SHE is the one sounding like a total snot!

[deleted account]

If your children only learn to "expect" things then its not a good way to have your children.(spoilt)

My children don't expect things.When the do get nice things, there grateful and humble.They appreciate them more.Teach your children good values and good manners.Teach them to give also.Its not always about getting or wanting.So i would say my girls are lucky not spoilt.

Nikki - posted on 04/13/2011

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I agree with Loureen. My best friend's family are multi multi millionaires, she has been given everything from her dad, a gorgeous 5 bedroom designer waterfront property, car, clothes, etc. She is the most down to earth, generous, giving and appreciative person I have ever met. So no I don't think that spoiling a child is a bad thing as long as you have the sense to teach them important values in life.

April - posted on 04/12/2011

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For me i don't think their is anything wrong with giving your child/ren all that you can afford to give them. As long as you teach them to be humble and grateful for the life they have, i strongly disagree that by letting them travel the world (which i am fortunate enough to have been able to do) your spoiling them. For me travelling is learning about other cultures, it opens your eyes and that is a great gift that anyone who travels takes with them.

The only problem i find with that is what happens when the kids go off on their own? Parents should teach children that money is not easy to come by and that it is earned. Teaching them the value of the dollar and letting them know that they can't always rely on their parents for money are also important.

If i had enough money to buy my kids designer stuff all of the time, hell i'd do it! LOL i want my children to have nice things, i want them to travel but i also teach them to be grateful for everything and to be humble.

Rosie - posted on 04/12/2011

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i agree that as long as the kids aren't ungrateful brats about it, and they can do what they want with their own.

Stifler's - posted on 04/12/2011

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I think she is getting upset by the fact that people comment on her standard of living. There's being spoiled, ungrateful, buying things you can't afford and maxing out your credit card to look like a better parent who provides everything for their kid. She has money obviously and can afford to give her kids these things, meanwhile others can't afford it so they see her kids as spoiled because they have lots of things.

JuLeah - posted on 04/12/2011

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To spoil means to ruine, to destroy, to let rot. If you raise a kid not fit or able to live in society, you have spoiled them. If they lack the basic skills they need to suceed in this world, like self discipline, self control, empathy, compassion, work ethic, morals, ethics .... then you have runied them. If they have all of that, and nice shoes, so what.

Amber - posted on 04/12/2011

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Thanks. That's exactly how I feel about it. I honestly think that by not making a big deal out of "things" that he's not obsessed with them. Does he get obsessed with certain things? Of course, but I'm guilty of that too on occasion.

Most of our splurges are travel or entertainment things anyway. It's kind of hard to have an effective tantrum over that since he can't grab hold of it. lol

Toni - posted on 04/12/2011

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COM just ate my reply :(

Amber I think it sounds like your child is a great kid.

To me being spoilt isn't about the amount of things you own or how much you travel but your attitude toward it all.

Too many children and adults demand things because they think they deserve them just because they are alive. They are spoilt people.

You keep doing what you're doing with your son because he sounds awesome!

Amber - posted on 04/12/2011

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I've had this argument with people a few times.

People tell me I'm spoiling my son. But my son is well behaved and has wonderful manners.



Do we have things? Sure, but when he gets told no, he says ok and leaves it at that. He knows that whining will get him absolutely nothing. He also is the first child to give away his own toys. And I can't tell you how many times he's asked me to buy another child a toy because they can't afford it. We also make him choose toys twice a year to give away to children who don't have them.



The thing that I really don't get is when people make comments about us having memberships to museums, taking trips to zoos, going sight-seeing, or traveling. These are all experiences that he can have that make him more diverse and aid in the understanding of the world. What's so spoiled about that?

Jenny - posted on 04/12/2011

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I see no point with raising mindless consumers so no support from me on that part. It's a waste of resources.



The travel part is great though. It was my dream to travel the world with my kids and have them experience school and life in different countries. The poor man's Brangelina. If I won the lottery I'd donate pretty much everything we own and we'd be on a plane tomorrow.

[deleted account]

I don't measure spoiled by possessions, etc... I measure spoiled by attitude.

I can't afford a lot and even if I could I probably wouldn't buy it (though a few vacations would be nice), but that's cuz things don't really mean much to me. If you can afford it, you want to buy it, and your kids have good attitudes... go for it. I won't understand it, but that doesn't make it wrong. :)

Toni - posted on 04/12/2011

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I don't think she's spoiling them! She's using the whole process as a reward system and it seems to be working.
As to the travel - Wow! Educational and Aid!
You go girl!

I agree Alexis. To me spoilt is a child who gets what they want whenever they want it and don't appreciate a thing about it. Behave badly, oh let's get a toy. Hmmmm!

Ez - posted on 04/12/2011

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She's right. How a family decides to spend their money is entirely up to them. As long as the kids are grateful and not arrogant twats, who cares?

Stifler's - posted on 04/12/2011

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Bahaha STFU (Shut the fuck up). I read it before I had kids and still love it now that I have kids hahaha.

I don't even think these kids are spoiled really, if they're that rich then Louboutins and Chanel are like KMart and Target to us plebs anyway. If they aren't demanding brats then who cares. The mother does seem a bit smug though.

Charlie - posted on 04/12/2011

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What does STFU mean *giggle* is it what I think it means ?

Spoil them as much as you want as long as you are teaching them to be humble and appreaciative then by all means lavish your children , if they can grow up knowing material things are just extra luxuries and not something they should feel entitled to then go for it .

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