Moms vs. Moms...

Bonnie - posted on 10/14/2010 ( 65 moms have responded )

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Do you care what other mothers think of you and why?

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[deleted account]

To an extent, yes. If I'm confident with myself then I'm certainly not going to lose any sleep over it but I think it's human nature to care what others think of you. EVERYONE cares to an extent!

[deleted account]

Well usually, no. I don't care. At all. I mean I am a teen mom, 19 now. I had my girl when I was 17 so I had my share of horrible looks and suchforth. As for me caring, I know that age does not determine your skills as a mother. There are plenty of neglectful cows over the age of 20. I respect polite people and ones who know how to make a critisism in the form of help. I mean saying something in a nasty tone or giving horrible looks is never necessary. It's just stupid. And as for dealing with people like that, I can ignore the stares and looks, comments on the other hand will be returned with a nice cup of slap-in-the-face. :)

Amie - posted on 10/14/2010

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Teresa,

Argh! People just need to STFU and mind their business. =)

Stifler's - posted on 10/14/2010

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Not really. I care what they are doing with their kids and stuff and sometimes others bring me up to speed on things but a lot of the time. I am guilty of judging people for not disciplining their kids when they're throwing tantrums in the supermarket. I'll never stop judging them for ruining my day.

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Bonnie - posted on 10/17/2010

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@Ashie, good for you! I think that is the main problem. There are not enough mothers sticking up for themselves and just step up and do what they got to do ignoring the other people around them. I know I for one find it difficult to ignore people.

[deleted account]

Vanessa i got pregnant at 18 and gave birth at 19.I got looks but as for comments thankfully none said to my face but i was always so concerned& consumed with my own thoughts/ feelings on becoming a mother and caring for a new life..i didnt care to look around or stop to listen to others very often.I stepped up and i had nothing to prove to anyone else only to my baby and my partner.I think having that attitude gained respect of the people who would quickly judge to not and as i always say the proof is in the pudding..and my children are all the proof that a young mother can raise two wonderful, healthy, intelligent, polite, delightful children no problem.Without constant butting in by others and i know better as a mother already, i had no one tell me anything or any help and my daughters turned out fantastic ..so, so far we must be doing something right as parents..

Bonnie - posted on 10/15/2010

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Nope i'm not offended. I know what she can be like and I try my best to deal with it. Sometimes it just seems over the top. Like she wants respect, but not really willing to give it most times.

[deleted account]

Yikes, sounds like she's a lil' overbearing, maybe? sorta? I don't want to offend you...

If it's truly a problem then I think you should sit her down and specifically talk about what's bothering you. Bring up specific examples and politely tell her she needs to mind her own business. If you're not willing to do that, then you need to learn to ignore her comments.

Good luck!

Bonnie - posted on 10/15/2010

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Dana, not really a situation in particular, but have had some spats with my own mother about this kind of thing. So just curious as to what people think or what they do in the situation. My mother is the type of person who because she has been around for 57 years now(I believe), at times she knows it all and no one else does. And I have communicated with her and that's the problem because it turns into arguments. My older son who is almost 4 told her to be quiet at least once or twice because grandma (my mother) was not listening to him. She has gotten offended (although she easily gets offended) and tells me I need to get him to stop that. Yeah maybe so, but at least he didn't tell her to shut up. Besides the point, he is barely 4. She wanted to put on Family Guy for my boys at my brother's house one time (again I have an almost 4 year old and a 2 year old). I don't think it's appropriate as kids catch on and remember things so quickly and repeat them, especially since my 4 year old already has when he saw a part of that show in passing. But really it's just general stuff. She has done things her way and she feels it's right and it's the only way.

[deleted account]

Calm and relaxed? My kids don't DO calm and relaxed. ;)

I don't know how I'd handle it Bonnie, cuz it's never happened. All the moms I respect know that every kid is different and you have to do whatever you think it best for YOUR family. We certainly discuss things we do differently, but no one has ever told me 'you're doing it wrong' or anything even remotely similar.

[deleted account]

Dana, I'm due January 10th. I've seen a lot of moms who come in with fussy kids and I just think it'd be a lot easier on both of them - and help teach the kids some respect for mom and realize they aren't going to always get their way - if the kids are calm and relaxed when they go to the store. I have a rant about it on Facebook but it probably needs a bit of revising.

[deleted account]

Yup, it's funny because I parent VERY differently than my SIL but I respect her and think she's doing a wonderful job with my nieces. It IS possible to find some common ground AS LONG AS you communicate with whoever is upset with you. I'm guessing it's about something the other person feels pretty passionately about or they wouldn't be so upset. Perhaps trying to validate their feelings and let them know that their opinion does matter to you...COMMUNICATE!

Good luck, Bonnie!

[deleted account]

Like Dana said, I will consider their opinion and maybe do some research, but beyond that they are your children and you need to parent the way you see fit. My older sister and I don't see eye to eye on many parenting issues but I do respect her opinion, and she respects mine.

[deleted account]

Bonnie, I would seriously consider their opinion, probably do some research if I felt it was necessary but ultimately it's my child and my decision. I've changed my mind or adapted because I realized there was/were better methods. If you've considered their opinion and you still feel that what you're doing is best for your family, then maybe you need to explain how you feel. Open a dialogue and try and come to some sort of understanding.

I'm curious - can you please explain what type of situation you're refering to? Perhaps we can give you better advice if we know the whole story?

Sharon - posted on 10/15/2010

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Not because I care what they think,

Open criticism - gets a slap in the face. ok not really but I will put them down, even if it is only my most scornful look. It hasn't happened, ever.

Questions - answered honestly and probably in the most politically correct way.

Statements - that they are right and I am wrong, - well anyone willing to push the envelope of our friendship to that extent is NOT a friend. They are looking for drama and are apparently close minded and unwilling to accept other parenting measures and are cut out of my life.

NONE of that has ever happened to me, not about parenting that I can recall right now.

Bonnie - posted on 10/15/2010

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Liz and whomever else has stated that they care about the opinions of mothers whom they respect, how do you handle the comments when they are refering to how they raise/raised their children and they think they are right and get upset with you because you do it differently with yours?

[deleted account]

I love it when people see me with my youngest and I get the whole "being mother is great you'll have so much fun" and then I tell them he's the youngest of 4. Sometimes I'll just let them assume what they want as far as my age goes, but it is flattering when I tell them I'm 27 and they say I don't look a day over 20 or something like that.

But like Krista said
I care about the opinions of mothers whom I respect. Other than that, no.

September - posted on 10/15/2010

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Awe Dana ♥ Well I love you too!!! :)

I have to add....we could almost be family us Italian/polish girls! :)

[deleted account]

Congrats Jaime! Having a plan ahead of time is wonderful but sometimes things don't work out. We have to adapt. I used to get so stressed when things didn't go the way I had planned but I learned to breathe and adapt. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. When are you due?

[deleted account]

I haven't had my first child yet (27 weeks along) but I feel somewhat embarrassed to go to the store because I'm almost 21 and pregnant. I'm married and all, but I'm living in my hometown now and I feel uneasy because of all the teen pregnancies that go on in this town. There are a lot of older and highly judgmental women living here too, so that doesn't help. It makes me not feel so proud to be pregnant but...

So I guess I'd care if my kids were acting up in the store. That's why I've already decided if my children can't behave before they get in the car to go to the store I'm not taking them with me. If they really want to go they'll calm down. If not, we can either wait if it's necessary that they go (clothes and stuff) or they can go to one of the grandmas' houses if I have to go to the store that day.

Hannah - posted on 10/15/2010

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Havent been on here in forever!!!
Sometimes I worry that people are giving me dirty looks when my kids are throwing a fit or that my son who is 2 1/2 still uses his binkers. At the end of the day, it doesn't bother me enough that I would change anything I do. My kids are happy and I know that I am a great mom!

Krista - posted on 10/15/2010

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I care about the opinions of mothers whom I respect. Other than that, no. Although I will admit to being more than a little intimidated by those mothers who have toddlers but are still yoga-toned and perfectly groomed. I see them, and then look at myself in my old (size 14) jeans and perpetual ponytail and feel like a schlub.

[deleted account]

I get the young looking comments..i have sales people come to the door and ask for the woman of the house..i say "Shes looking at you"..lol..there left with there mouths wide open.I take it as a complement.I am 25 but i look 16 to everybody else.I have people in shops shocked to find out my six year old and 21 mth old are mine..lol.I had the doctors on my second child come to me and there super sweet and then the check my file and it changes to a more assertive mature tone lol.

[deleted account]

That actually happened to me as well. I was outside with my mom and daughter, so it could appear that it was my mom's house and I was living there as a teen mom. The sales lady started talking to my mom and she said, "I don't live here." Poor lady was confused. She said she thought I was 16. Turns out we are exactly the same age! And after some conversation we realized we had class together college. But it was one of those pony-tail/t-shirt/no make-up days and I do look young when not in my grown-up clothes. Oh, we got a free air purifier out of her...lol!

To answer the OP, sometimes. I used to take care of a little girl several days a week, and yes I cared what her parents thought. Sometimes I find myself getting defensive when I do things differently from my in-laws. But that's because they genuinely care for my daughter, and I want them to KNOW I'm doing a good job. Otherwise, I don't really care.

[deleted account]

My mom used to get the same thing w/ the door to door people when my brother and I were little. She used to just say 'no' and shut the door. lol

Bonnie - posted on 10/14/2010

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Teresa, I get the 'oh, you look so young to have kids' comment. Sometimes I don't mind it and take it as a compliment. I think it depends on their tone and if it sounds like they could be just joking around. One day last week someone who was canvassing (door to door) in my neighbourhood asked if my mommy or daddy was home when I answered the door. See generally that wouldn't piss me off, but the fact that he was looking right at me, I do have a chest (not a big one but I have one) and here is this guy talking to me like i'm 5 or something. I just said to him, "i'm actually a mother, I will go get my husband". "oh you look too young to have kids," he said lol.

Leslie - posted on 10/14/2010

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I care to hear their opinions. I think that everyone is intitled to their opinion. If I think their way is better then of course I'll try that, but if one mother thinks that I am doing something wrong that I feel is right then no, I don't care how they feel about it. I do like to hear about how other mothers do things, but I usually don't think they are doing it wrong and I'm doing it right, I know we are both doing what is right for us and our babies.

The ever so old, Breastfeeding vs. formula is one of the biggest issues that ticks me off. I have never and will never tell a woman what she should do when it comes to feeding her baby. If they ask what I do, I tell them, but I try not to leave it open for conversation. I BF my first for 8weeks then chnaged him to formula, and I'm still bfing my second at 9mths. They have both grown the same, both had the same kind of colds. I don't think that another mother should ever put down one mothers choice. Let's all be supportive, cause sometimes we are just going by what we feel is right. We don't always know and good support from other moms is what every mother needs, old and new.

[deleted account]

Amie, I used to get the 'teen mom' judgements when I was out w/ the girls when they were little... cuz I look so young. Old ladies used to come up to me and say I was too young to have kids. Um... I was 25 when they were born.

Christa - posted on 10/14/2010

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Sure to a degree.....I hope they think of me as a good mom. Good enough to trust me to have their children over to play or spend the night with my children. I would feel horrible if other moms thought I was an unfit mom and didn't trust me with their children.

Amie - posted on 10/14/2010

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I know! It's one of the biggest things that irritates the crap out of me! Get off your almighty high horse, you don't know jack crap about what's going on over here.

Especially based off the 30 second interaction you just had as we were walking by each other. =/

Bonnie - posted on 10/14/2010

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Amie, I hate those who judge without knowing what is going on. It's like they see what they see and that's all they know, nothing else, yet they still judge. So annoying.

Amie - posted on 10/14/2010

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Not particularly.

I can give two shits about the ones who offer unsolicited advice. ~ Do your kids, your way and I'll do mine, my way.

I can give two shits about the people shooting dirty looks/saying something stupid while we're out. ~ Kids have bad days, STFU and keep truckin' before I put my boot in your ass.

The ones who judge without knowing WTF is going on. ~ I'll never forget the loud mouth who had something to say about my sister being a "teen mom". Move your ass and again, STFU. They are not her kids, they're mine and I'm a married adult, tyvm.

I get irritated a lot but I really don't care what they think of me. If I did, I'd probably bottle up what I have to say a lot more. haha

Jodi - posted on 10/14/2010

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I couldn't care less of what other moms think of me or how I raise my child, I'm confident I'm doing a great job, my daughter is smart, happy, independant well behaved and well rounded. What does bother me is when other moms feel the need to criticize my parenting (not that it has happened often, mostly my sister, but we have VERY different parenting techniques), my belief, think what you want, but keep it to yourself!

Serena - posted on 10/14/2010

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I used to let it bother me, even complete strangers. I once had a woman curse me out online because I made a post asking if anyone else gets frustrated with their child. It hurt for a while but I have learned in the four years that I have been a parent that my children are healthy, love the crap out of me, and seem to be generally happy kids. Thats all I can ask for...

Charlie - posted on 10/14/2010

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LOL im unmarried and have two except im not white , am i double mocha trash haha

Charlie - posted on 10/14/2010

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Not really , i do things my way if people dont like it well thats their opinion and you know what they say , opinions are like assholes !

Stifler's - posted on 10/14/2010

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I care if people think I'm white trash for being unmarried and having a kid, probably because that's what I think of myself sometimes.

[deleted account]

No I don't, my husband and I are raising our son the way we think is best, based on aspects of how we were raised =]

Jenny - posted on 10/14/2010

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No, I don't. I have a plan to raise well rounded responsible adults and will do so, my way.

ME - posted on 10/14/2010

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I care about my mother's opinion of me as a mother...if my grandmother were still alive, her opinion would also matter to me as well...I can't think of anyone elses opinion that matters to me at all...

Sal - posted on 10/14/2010

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only ones whos opinions i value......but when i was a single mum i was much harsher on myself and it bothered me a whole lot more, wrongly i know but that was how i felt, now as a married mum i have more confidence in myself...and as they say "what other people think of you is none of your bussiness"

Becky - posted on 10/14/2010

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I'm with those who've said that I care about what the people I care about think of me. But strangers, no. Although I don't like being judged. I don't know if you'd say, I care what they think of me, because it's not going to make me reconsider or change the way I parent. But, I do feel, I guess awkward or uncomfortable when my 2 year old is really acting out in public, kind of wondering if other people are judging me as a parent. Not that it's any of their business! So yeah, I guess I do kind of care, and really, I shouldn't be bothered to!

Bonnie - posted on 10/14/2010

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@ Dana, I agree with you. I care to an extent. If someone gives me a dirty look in a store, yells something out, or whispers something to the person they are with because my child is taking a fit or doing something that perhaps they shouldn't be, no I couldn't care less. These instances have happened a few times, but they will likely get a dirty look or comment right back. If it's a family member, I usually care, but even in that case sometimes what they tell me goes in one ear and out the other because I either don't agree with them or I don't think it's in their place to bud in.

September - posted on 10/14/2010

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Nope. I've never been the type of person to care what others think about me. You either like me or you don't it's as simple as that! :)

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 10/14/2010

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As others have said…if its family or friends who are mothers then I care…to an extent….
But other mothers I don’t know or barely know…
nope could careless what they thought….
Because at the end of the day..they are not in my life….

[deleted account]

Some random stranger or someone that obviously can't stand me.... Nope. Don't care what they think.

Mothers/other people that I greatly respect.... yes, I do care what they think and they all think I'm pretty awesome. :)

LaCi - posted on 10/14/2010

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"@ Laci, other than not knowing many women who are mothers personally, how about when you are out in public (ie. shopping, restaurants, etc.)?"



I rarely pay attention to other people enough that I would know what they think of anything. I'm never approached, given dirty looks, or snarky comments (so far) So I really haven't noticed or been in a situation to care. That being said, if some pretentious cuntface ever commented on anything, I don't mind conflict, and I'm sure I'd have something to say to her ;)





I do remember the first time my son threw a mega tantrum in a store and I had to carry him out kicking and screaming. All the moms just smiled, because they'd been there. I happened to say something along the lines of "Ya know, this is why some mommies leave their kids in hot cars" jokingly to my son, who of course isn't listening because he's kicking and screaming, and this middle aged man looked at me like I was satan. It made me laugh though.

Rosie - posted on 10/14/2010

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oh, i forgot to add, that i care more about what they think of me as a person-not as a mom. i am more confident in my mothering ability, than i am in just being me. which is weird, but sadly true.

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