money or family ??

Charlie - posted on 10/19/2010 ( 34 moms have responded )

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So this last weekend many of my friends have asked why my partner doesnt take up the job offers in the mines earning quiet frankly a SHIT LOAD of money ( over 70 kand up to 100 k ), the thing is he would be 6 weeks away and 6 weeks home .

He earns enough for us to live comfortably at the moment the only thing that stops him taking this job is our boys ( 3months and almost 2 ) they are both at a time where they are rapidly developing and Jamie is a very hands on dad who really doesnt want to miss out on seeing his boys crawl for the first time or ride his bike on his own for the first time , he feels it is a huge sacrifice to make all for money and i agree but a lot of my friends just cannot understand it , if they were older maybe .....

What do you think money or family ? and does age matter ?

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Sharon - posted on 10/20/2010

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Oh to the post'er who thinks that there will always be a better opportunity out there to make money , you're wrong.

You as a human have a shelf life.

If an accident takes you out today what is your family left with?

If you suffer an accident today and become even slightly disabled, who will support your family?

Its a juggling and gambling act to decide to live paycheck to paycheck.

Plus as you age, employers find you to be to much of a liability. people are steady & dependable want to be paid well. Kids who are young and work only for beer money are screw offs and are easily fired, termed out, etc with no cost to the company - well very little.

Isobel - posted on 10/19/2010

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There aren't many people that, in the last moments of life, wish they had spent more time at work ;)

[deleted account]

The way I see it, when you're on your death bed, you're never going to say "Damn, I wish I spent more time at the office!"

Definitely family.

C. - posted on 10/19/2010

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In your situation.. Family. If you and/or spouse/partner are making enough money as it is, there's no need to go out and find another job that would take away the time you spend with your family. Your SO seems like he has his head on straight and knows what's truly important.

Now, if there's not enough money being brought in, seeking a higher paying job would be necessary.. But that doesn't mean the only job you can find is one where you're away for 6 weeks at a time.

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Jodi - posted on 10/22/2010

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Well, I gave up a $95K job to be home with my kids.....We now earn less than that between 2 of us. So I guess that says it all about how I feel.

Rosie - posted on 10/22/2010

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i'm always for family. when my husband was offered a job working overnights it meant a $3 hour pay raise, and he would be a supervisor, which leads to climbing the ladder more and more in his company. i told him no way. i LOVED the idea of more money, but i was a single mother to my first child, and i sure as hell didn't want to do that again with 3 of them. (he'd be asleep all day, and work all night, so i'd never see him).
unfortunately they made him take the job, or else they'd fire him, so basically we were screwed. so now i'm miserable, he's miserable, my kids rarely get to see their dad. all for some measley money. i hate it. it's straining my marriage, and my childrens relationship with their dad. i'd give anything to have his old schedule back. i just want to see my husband. :(

Jane - posted on 10/21/2010

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I would struggle with this. I'm for both...family and money. Making money now allows for saving and retirement later. However, being gone for 6 weeks at a time would be hard...you'd miss a lot. BUT, being home for 6 weeks straight would be nice too. I THINK, if it were me, I'd probably go with the job. Seems to be more benefits to take a job making a lot of money and having 6 weeks home. BUT, him not taking it does not make me think anything more than he loves his kids and doesn't want to miss out on a minute! Tough call, in my book!!!!!!

[deleted account]

Family. As much as i have thought about hassling my hubby to get a job in the mines i know i couldn't do it to him. All i have to think about is how hard i would find it if i were the one to work and had to be away for weeks at a time. I couldn't do it so why should i expect him to. At the moment we are surviving but with our love for each other and our children is all we really need.

[deleted account]

My husband work 37 hours a week, never does overtime or works weekends or christmas. Thats his commitment to his kids, time is precious he wont ever get time with his kids back so he has to enjoy it now while they are young. I feel the same way, i could go out to work and we would be better off for it but our kids would lose that time with us.

Desiree - posted on 10/20/2010

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Far too many fathers are not or have not been there for thier families. A good many of them have just walked out and didn't have the excuse of work. i admire your husband for doing what he believes and sticking to it. Money is a very poor excuse and to far too many people it means far too much. Keep going and if this is the way you feel then no one has the right to question you.

Jenn - posted on 10/20/2010

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@Sharon - what I mean is, if you want to make more money, you could find another job, start up a business, make investments, go back to school to start a new career, etc. Perhaps I shouldn't have said always. But I'm not sure what looking for a better paying job has to do with an accident? Her question was in regard to the family thinking he should take this better paying job.

Kimberly - posted on 10/20/2010

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Family should always come first as long as you have all your basic needs met, and are living the way that you both agree is comfortable. And your friends don't have to understand his reasoning, he's not supporting their families or investing in their family values. I think they just might be pea green with envy! You got a good one!

[deleted account]

Family always..sometimes age matters for the maturity level and understanding of certain situations etc.

Becky - posted on 10/20/2010

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Family has always come first for me and it has hurt my career. I have no regrets.

Jenn - posted on 10/20/2010

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My thought is this - there will always be a better opportunity out there to make money - but is that all that matters? NO! You have to also enjoy (at least somewhat) your job or it makes getting up for a work a dreadful experience.

Lucy - posted on 10/20/2010

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Family every time!

Some of you will know from my posts in general on this topic that we were making very good money between us when we had our first bub, but we weren't happy work our work/family balance. We made some drastic life changes (I gave up work, we sold car, down sized, sold everything non essential, now grow most of our own food, cycle everywhere, reuse/repair all we can etc) and we are so much happier!

It really isn't money that brings you happiness, IMO. We live a very simple life with no luxuries at all, but we don't owe anybody anything and we have each other and get to spend lots of time as a family.

If it feels right for you guys, and you don't feel you are struggling, go with it.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 10/20/2010

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I think it would depend…family is very important, and yet if a person could not afford to NOT take the job, they would…in a way be hurting there family…
But I say if your comfortable and don’t need it…then stay with the fam…that would come first…

Becky - posted on 10/20/2010

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Yep, family for sure. My husband feels the same way. He could go work up in the oil sands in Fort McMurray and make a buttload of money, but it would mean being away from the us for over half the month. As long as he has a job here where he is able to support us, he's not willing to do that, and I wouldn't be willing to let him go. There is so much he'd miss, and frankly, I'm not prepared to do the whole single mom thing for 2/3 of the year.
Now, his brother on the other hand, does work there, and I think he does it to get away from his family! It's what's keeping his marriage together! His wife is a major nag though!

Nikki - posted on 10/19/2010

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Jodi that quote remind's me of one I use to get out of housework every now and then.
"My kids will not remember how clean our house was, but they will remember how much time I spent with them"

Nikki - posted on 10/19/2010

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I agree family first, my hubby got offered a job in a mine in WA, but we turned it down, yes the money is great but it comes at a big cost. I didn't want us to live our lives like that, it wasn't fair on any of us. I really think unless you have no other option the mines are for single blokes with no ties! Your friends wouldn't understand, there are just some things you don't fully comprehend until you are a parent. Love the quote Jodi.

Bonnie - posted on 10/19/2010

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Family...you can always have a chance with more money later on in life, but your kids only have their firsts once and they grow up so fast as it is. In my opinion, any amount of money is not worth more than family. Children put a bigger smile on your faces than money does...money isn't everything.

[deleted account]

I agree with all the others here...family first!

I don't think your friends' attitudes have to do with age, but priority. I'm sure their priorities will change when they have their own children.

Jodi, I'ma hafta steal that poem. :)

[deleted account]

Ooo the majority of the mines here were coal mines as far as I know lol! Yeah that's similar to what people do here who work on oil rigs, they do so many weeks work then so many off, but all the people I know who do that have grown-up children. At the end of the day people without children can never appreciate how valuable the time is that you both have with your children =]

Charlie - posted on 10/19/2010

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Iron and Copper , most people her go away to the mines a few weeks on a few weeks off since the fishing industry ( our main industry ) died but most of them either dont have kids or their kids are in highschool .

Jodi - posted on 10/19/2010

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I have no idea where that quote came from, but my mother gave it to me when I had my son :) I love it, and sometimes, I just read it to remind myself of what really matters.

Cat - posted on 10/19/2010

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I love that quote Jodi! I completely agree... Both my parents worked long hours for my more than comfortable lifestyle growing up, and y'know, I dont remember the material things as much as I remember the days/nights by myself or looking after my younger siblings... I would never push my husband to take a job that would take him away from his kids for more than a week straight... The sacrifices are not worth the gains...

[deleted account]

That quote is so lovely Jodi!!! =]

Working in a mine is so last century here...well not last century...lol slight exagerration lol! But most mines have closed in the UK now. What type of mine is it just out of interest?

Charlie - posted on 10/19/2010

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I agree and i love that quote Jodi and to be honest the friends questioning us about dont have kids so i guess they cant really understand what its like .

And Jennifer i totally understand ;) LOL

[deleted account]

Family always comes first, obviously you need money to survive but I would never want my husband to work more hours just to earn more money and in the process miss out on time with his son and wife! I think when the children are older and perhaps left home I'd be fine with him working more...don't think I'd ever want him to work away though...like my sex too much to put it frankly!

Jodi - posted on 10/19/2010

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"One Hundred Years from now....
It will not matter what kind of car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
how much money was in my bank account
nor what my clothes looked like.
But the world may be a better place because I was important in the life of a child."

I have this one on my fridge :) Something to live by. That sums it all up for me.

Krista - posted on 10/19/2010

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I think Jamie's doing the right thing. If he missed those moments with the boys, all the money in the world can't buy those moments back. If you guys were struggling financially, that might be one thing. But if you're fine, then why miss out on so much, just for MORE money?

He's a good dad who has his priorities straight.

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