"mother donates uterus to daughter so she can have a baby"

Merry - posted on 03/15/2012 ( 38 moms have responded )

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http://thestir.cafemom.com/pregnancy/127...







Would you take your moms uterus?

Would you give yours to your daughter?



Personally, no, neither. I feel like there's oodles of babies and kids without parents and there's no need for such drastic measures to create more lives.

Sorry, I know how badly I wanted to carry my own babies and how I loved pregnancy and I could imagine the sadness at not being able to do this but no, I wouldn't go through surgeries or spend tons of money to create a baby if it wasn't working naturally.

I would accept my body best I can, cry a bit or a lot, and make myself focus on the child or children I could love through adoption.



How about you? How far would you go to procreate?

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Mary - posted on 03/16/2012

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This might sound a bit snotty on my part, but in these types of discussions, I usually tend to discount the opinions of anyone who has not gone through any type of extensive infertility. It is so very easy to say "Oh, I would never....I'd just adopt...." - until you are actually in that position. Sorry, but this really is something you cannot know until you have been in this unenviable position.



Without question, I would give my daughter my uterus if there was a chance it could work. (Although, by the time she would be in need of one, mine will be pretty damned old, so I doubt it would do her much good. Not sure how well a 60ish y/o uterus will function!)



As for whether or no I would have considered being a recipient....I'm honestly not sure. There are a large number of factors that would influence that decision. Like this couple, I would have had to have exhausted every other option first. I'm not sure if any of you noticed, but it does mention in this article "... have tried to fulfill their dream of becoming parents through IVF, adoption, and three surrogate attempts to no avail.".



I know that many of you who have not struggled to become a mother don't understand this, but there really aren't "oodles" of babies out there to adopt. The adoption process (for US parents) is very tedious, time-consuming, and almost prohibitively expensive - and that is all if it doesn't fall through at some point during the process. As a an infertility veteran, I have many, many friends who have gone the adoption route (private, international, babies, and "older" kids) and had more than one experience with losing the child that they thought for sure was theirs. A child that they had invested not only their hearts on, but often a good deal of money on as well. As an L&D nurse, I can also say, based on over 15 years of observation, it is very rare to encounter a biological mother who is putting her baby up for adoption. It just isn't something that happens all that frequently anymore.

Mary - posted on 03/18/2012

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Rebecca, from what little I have read about uterus transplants, there hasn't yet been success with it. I think it's been attempted at least 2 other times, and in each case, the uterus has had to be removed from the recipient. I also remember hearing that they haven't yet succeeded in animal trials unless the donor and recipients were identical twins.



There is no denying that the chances for a successful outcome are pretty low - and I'm sure that this girl and her mother are aware of that. I also think it should be noted that they did not seek out this treatment; this research team from Sweden approached them. I'm guessing that this girl is willing to be a guinea pig for the sake of furthering the knowledge about this procedure. She was born with this rather rare condition, and may think that even if it doesn't work for her, it may help researchers learn more about how to (eventually) make it work for others. That's not something that most people would choose to do, but for every advance we make in medicine, there were plenty of failed attempts preceding them that contributed to the overall knowledge of how to make it work. Someone has to be willing to take that risk; someone had to be that first kidney transplant donor and recipient, bone or skin graft recipient, or the first couple to undergo IVF.

Sarah - posted on 03/16/2012

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I can only answer for myself Rebecca(s), and it may sound disjointed, but here goes:



Do you remember the instant joy, excitement, and nervousness when you flipped your pregnancy test over to see a positive result? Telling your husband, your family, friends? Do you remember that feeling when you're pregnant, watching in wonder as your body expands? Those first flutterings of your baby moving inside you? Going to an ultrasound and SEEING the life inside you? The excitement of shopping for clothes to adapt to your beautiful new figure? Feeling that baby kick inside you as they grew? How about delivery? That moment when the baby first comes out and they place him/her on your chest and you look down empowered, amazed, awed, instantly loved, proud, and in love with the life you created?



For ME, when we were struggling to get pregnant, I wanted to experience all of these things myself. I dreamed of that from the time I was young. The prospect of not having any of those moments was devastating. I thank God every day that I was able to have those moments for myself, and I also pray that other women who know that yearning and fear that they will be able to as well. Like I said, I can't answer for anyone but myself, but for me, this is why it was so important I carry my own.

Mother - posted on 03/16/2012

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"I just think too many moms keep or abort their babies when they *should* give it for adoption,"

Being infertile does kinda mess with ones self esteem and ego. That being said, I would never expect someone to carry a child and give it up for adoption if they wanted to abort a baby. It isn't my place or anyone else's to say they *should* put it up for adoption.

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Sally - posted on 03/18/2012

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No and no. There are already lots of treatments out there. I think we are messing with mother nature to much as it is.

Jodi - posted on 03/17/2012

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You ladies are making me really want another baby right now! I miss being pregnant. I loved being pregnant! Which is why, if my daughter we unable to conceive, I would probably give her my uterus.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/17/2012

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Sarah, I definitely relate to how you described the feelings from finding out being pregnant to the time of having the baby. Every single part of it for me was miraculous! I would love to do it again right now. ;)



Heck, I still have my pregnancy test showing positive from 26 months ago! LOL It's going in my sons baby book (I thought it would have lost it's colour but nope, still showing as it did on the day I took it). It was sooo exciting, especially after losing our 2nd baby and having to suffer 6 months after. It was the absolute best feeling in the world. I am lucky though, I have awesome pregnancies. Never sick. Well except for the GERD I had with my son. I am sooo glad that is gone. ;)



I know 2 people that did IVF and it cost them $25 000 each round. One of them is getting ready to do it again, in the next month or two. It isn't a cheap procedure for sure.



I have thought of being a surrogate but, I realize I would not be able to hand the baby over, even if it wasn't really mine. So, I just can't do it. I think it is absolutely wonderful that there are some women out there that can though.

Merry - posted on 03/17/2012

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Mary I didn't suffer from infertility but I can totally relate to how you describe yourself in pregnancy! I simply adore being pregnant and even when I was throwing up all the time with Eric I still was ecstatic about it and rarely even thought to complain

Everyone assumed Ihad an easy pregnancy but when comparing, I had a lot of the unwelcome symptoms but if asked I was always all smiles and said I felt excellent.

My dr said I was 'too happy' whatever that means.

I just loved being pregnant and soon after each ones birth I've been dreaming of pregnancy again.

When I was 9 days overdue with Fierna I was still running around with Eric at the park, going for long walks daily to try to induce labor, and I said to a few people, I could do this another month on usually, but I want to see her!

I agree Rebecca, it sounds risky! And I would rather not be an experiment so I would definetly pass in these early stages. But even when it's been used a lot I doubt I'd do it. I just feel like I'd never go through so much risk, trouble, and money to conceive naturally.

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I also struggled with infertility so I get the joy of being pregnant (OK -- the joy of FINDING out you are pregnant -- I personally hated ever second of both pregnancies). What I don't get is the risk of this procedure. No one has any idea whether it will work. How do we know that a transplanted uterus will even be capable of maintaining a pregnancy? And won't the mom have to take anti-rejection drugs? Won't those potentially effect the fetus? I think the less risky and more likely to result in a healthy baby route would be for her mom to carry the baby (if that's possible).

Mary - posted on 03/17/2012

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Janice, it wasn't so much that I felt like I couldn't complain, it was just that I think I (mentally) stayed in this little euphoric bubble of shock that it had finally happened that I really was clueless at the time over how physically crappy I was. Hell, I was still walking my freaking dogs a couple of miles of day, and cheerfully hurling every time I bent down to pick up after them! It was almost as if each physical pregnancy-related discomfort was yet another affirmation that I really and truly was pregnant.



I also think that having gone through all of that infertility, and then getting pregnant has made me even more passionate in my wish that everyone who ever has to go through it have the happy ending I did. It really was worth it. It really was that incredible. It really was everything I hoped and wanted it to be. If I was granted 3 wishes by that magical genie in the lamp, a healthy pregnancy and baby for every infertile woman would be at the top of my list.

Janice - posted on 03/17/2012

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I'm a complainer by nature but I was so happy to be able to complain about nausea. Granted my 1st pregnancy really wasn't bad.

Mary - posted on 03/17/2012

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Oh, Sarah - I identify so completely with what you said! I still vividly remember thinking about how I was going to "miss out" on that thrill of peeing on a stick and announcing to the hubby that we were pregnant when we did that first round of IVF. Instead, I was going to have to spend the day waiting for that phone call after having my blood drawn at the hospital. There was no element of surprise with anyone, since everyone you are even remotely close to knows that you are going through all of this. That anticipation was always dampened by the underlying feeling of dread, and vainly trying to steel yourself for what you fear will (yet again) be a day of heartbreak and disappointment. And for me, with all 5 IVF cycles, it always was.



Amazingly enough, years after that, I was lucky enough to have that incredible moment...the sudden realization that I"m late, the peeing on the stick, and the absolute joy of surprising my husband by saying, "We are going to have a baby!!!!!" It was even more wonderful than I had dreamed it would be!



The other funny thing about having gone through all of that infertility...I was so ecstatic to finally be pregnant, I was almost oblivious to just how physically miserable I was. I threw up 3-4 times a day, everyday, up until delivery. I had hormonal migraines throughout my second trimester (and I had never in my life experienced that until pregnancy). I had a horrible time with sciatica from week 30 thru 34. However, it honestly wasn't until she was about 6 weeks old that I even realized just how miserable I had been. I think I was just so overwhelmingly grateful to finally be pregnant, that it just never crossed my mind to acknowledge or complain about any of that stuff, or allow it to in any way dampen my joy in finally being pregnant. (My OB was shocked to learn how much I hurled - I never even thought to mention it until she noticed my weight loss in those last few weeks. She was floored by it, since not only were we friends, but we worked together on a regular basis).

Becky - posted on 03/16/2012

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Wow, Sarah, where in Canada do you live that adoption is $50,000.00?? Unless it's international, in Alberta, private domestic is between 5-10 thousand. Government is free. International is obscenely expensive.



I said I wouldn't do the surgery, and wanted to clarify. For myself, at the present time, no, I wouldn't do it because it is a new, experimental surgery and I would worry that it would make pregnancy much riskier. If I had a daughter, which I currently do not and most likely won't, I would consider giving her mine, since by the time she was wanting children, I'm sure the surgery will be much more common and any kinks will be worked out. However, by that time I'd be in my late 50's, at least, and would have had 4 kids, so I really don't know how good of shape my uterus would be in! I guess I would maybe consider it for my daughter-in-laws too, since I'd do anything for my boys. But, as much as I dislike being pregnant, I'd still rather go through pregnancy and be a surrogate for them than have my uterus removed.

Sarah - posted on 03/16/2012

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For sure, Rebecca, I do know people who hated being pregnant. One of my friends struggled with Hyperemesis Gravadarium and was sick up until the moment her baby was born. I have absolutely no problem with surrogates, or someone using one. If I didn't have fertility issues myself or if I thought I could give the baby away, I would in a heartbeat love to help someone with the gift of motherhood. I also have nothing against adoption. I think it's amazing that there are people out there who love and raise babies they didn't bear and give them a wonderful home. As I said, I can only speak for myself. As I also stated too, for many people finances to becoming a parent are huge. If you can go through IVF (or any other fertility treatment for that matter) and have it work, chances are it will be cheaper than adopting or using a surrogate. I think the key point though is no matter what journey a person takes to become a parent, whether it's easy or fraught with medical intervention, if they were successful then it was worth it all!

Mrs. - posted on 03/16/2012

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Yes, I've struggled with infertility and reproductive issues. I'd really like to have a baby again BUT if someone could carry it for me or I could afford to pay for a surrogate to do it - I gladly would.



I was of this opinion before, during and now after my pregnancy. I didn't enjoy my body getting bigger or the birth..enjoying buying the tents I had to buy to cover my "beautiful new body". In fact, I really didn't feel beautiful at all and could objectively say I looked like as big as Jessica Simpson is looking these days. For me, the best thing about being pregnant was not getting my often painful period. The rest of it...I could do without. I know I might be in the minority on that, but I also know I'm not alone (because all those famous people with money pay someone else to have their babies are probably thinking along the same lines as me).



I do get that some people feel that way about being pregnant - just not all (me included).

Mrs. - posted on 03/16/2012

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Rebecca K, I thought the same thing...a caesar surgery couldn't be that much worse than the uterus removal and placement...but whatever, I might not know all the details.



I would love my mother's uterus for different reasons...she doesn't have endometriosis all over hers. If it was a long standing surgery and my mom was up for it - I've often wished to have someone else's uterus.



My uterus kind of stinks so I don't think anyone would want it.

Sarah - posted on 03/16/2012

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Well, since IVF is about $10 000 a pop (here in Canada) with about a 25% success rate, and adoption is at least $50 000, chances are you could conceive naturally for cheaper. Having faced this (we beat the odds and conceived and carried 2 pregnancies - I only had a 3% chance I could), I can say FOR ME, the desire to create life beyond my own was very important to me. It's easy for everyone to just say you can adopt, but it's not always that easy.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/16/2012

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I would not take one, but I sure would give mine. I would also consider being a surrogate.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 03/16/2012

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I would adopt. I wouldn't want my mother's, even if she had one.



As for my daughter? Yep. If it was very safe and had a very high likely hood of her becoming pregnant. However, since nothing is 100% these days, I would truly spend a lot of time talking with her. I would see what her views were on adopting. I would want her to explore those options with her spouse and me, if she wanted me to be a part of it.



If she was pressed to have one herself, then yes. I would do that for her. I do know what it is like to want to be pregnant terribly bad, then to lose that baby. I also know how I absolutely LOVE being pregnant. I would do it again right now but I love my career too much.



I would do almost anything for my children. As long as it was a positive thing, I would never kill or steal for them! LOL

September - posted on 03/16/2012

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Yes and yes for sure without a doubt! Being able to create and grow a beautiful baby in your own body is the most precious gift in the world imo. So if my Mom was willing and I needed it I'd do it in a heartbeat. I would also do the same for my daughter if needed.

Merry - posted on 03/16/2012

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Mary, yes I have to think more openly about it! I'm sure the road to extreme fertility treatments like this is a slow process, like first it's just a few rounds of clomid' then maybe after a few months you try the next tep. By this time you have a fertility dr who is giving you options and solutions, each one just a bit more 'extreme' then the last and I could see how the progression could get you up into procedures like this if nothing works.



I do know adoption isn't super easy, but as a foster family I saw 25 newborns placed with adoptive families and only one was returned to mom.

So I also know many many older kids who were adopted by families at my church.

But yes, I don't discount the hardships of adoption one bit.

It's not easy or cheap. But in my opinion, as a fertile woman, I'd rather adopt then tamper with my body to conceive.

But really, what do I know right :) I agree, I'd have to be there to really have a valid opinion.

I just think too many moms keep or abort their babies when they *should* give it for adoption, and in turn too many moms go to the ends of the earth to conceive a baby when they *should* adopt.





There's also embryo adoption! A valid choice if you want to experience pregnancy and birth but can't use your eggs or your husbands sperm or if you just wish to not create a new life

Janice - posted on 03/16/2012

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I 100% agree with Mary and Mother B.

Infertility is such a heart wrenching ordeal. My daughter took 3 long years to "make." I cant even imagine what would have happened if we didn't conceive when we did. I do know I was willing to try anything I could afford.

Mother - posted on 03/16/2012

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Infertility is devastating!!! My husband and I have been trying for 8 years. I can get pregnant but end up losing the baby around the 2-3rd month. Can never seem to get into the second trimester. Its awful and it leaves a person feeling inadequate. My husband is a lot younger then me so it makes me feel even worse. I think most of us would do anything. Now that I'm in my forties.....I don't know if we should just stop trying and accept we'll never have kids?!?! Who knows...

Mary - posted on 03/16/2012

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Jackie - I actually wasn't responding directly to you, nor did I directly quote you anywhere in my post. I was responding to the OP.

**Jackie** - posted on 03/16/2012

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Mary....with all do respect...how do you know my position? Since I was the one who said I would adopt...and you quoting me, I am assuming that you are speaking about me. You are absolutely entitled to your opinion but how do you know what I went through or am going through right now?

Becky - posted on 03/15/2012

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Being as it's such a new and risky procedure, no, I don't think I would. I don't have a daughter to give mine to anyway... I don't think I would want to go through a major surgery - which I'm sure makes a pregnancy quite a bit riskier, just to get pregnant. If my mom was willing to give me her uterus and was in good enough health to handle it, I'd probably ask her to be a surrogate for me instead.

**Jackie** - posted on 03/15/2012

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I wouldn't take my mother's. I would look into adopting (which is something I still want to do). As far as giving my uterus to my daughter? ABSOLUTELY 100%. If this was a procedure that was well researched and had little complications and my daughter and I thoroughly looked into it and she wanted this then YES. I would give any part of myself to my daughter, no questions asked. I made a promise to protect her, teach her and prepare her for a successful life and I intend to do just that.

Wendy - posted on 03/15/2012

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Damm right i would do it! Hell i don't need my uterus anymore....If ether of my daughters needed it they can have it.....

Janice - posted on 03/15/2012

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I personally would never try a new and risky procedure unless it was possibly life saving. However, if this procedure was already well established and the cost was the same as adoption I would use take my mother's uterus. Also if this procedure becomes safe and my daughter needs/ wants my uterus 20+ years from now, I would give it to her.

Mother - posted on 03/15/2012

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I'd have to say yes to both of them. Problem is, mom doesn't have one and mine is broken!!! LOL

Jodi - posted on 03/15/2012

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I'm not sure I would take my mother's uterus. I'm all for adoption, and when my kids are older I plan on doing foster care, hopefully permanent placement foster care. But, I would probably give my uterus to my daughter if she really felt that strongly about having her own children.

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