My adult daughter dislikes my partner and is causing a lot of disharmony at home she still lives with me

Maria Rupina - posted on 09/29/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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What should I do? I feel very torn between the two

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Ana - posted on 10/09/2013

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Why does she live with you?
Why doesn't she like your partner?
Who lived with your first, daughter as an adult or partner?
Need more info...

Alison - posted on 09/30/2013

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just sit down with her alone and listen to her feelings without judgement or feeling like you need to defend your partner. All feelings are valid whether you agree with their basis or not. After listening to her, strike a compromise like saying "I will try to be respectful of your feelings and you need you to act courteously to preserve peace in our home. I won't push you to like my partner or do things with us and you can always tell me when you need time alone with me." That seems fair to me. She's an adult and should be able to act kindly regardless of her approving your dating life, but she also doesn't have to be best friends with your partner or love all your choices. If she doesn't shape up at all and there's still a lot of contention, I would say you and your partner should ignore her behavior. She's probably looking for a reaction like a whining child and the less attention her negative behavior gets, the better it will eventually get. It could get worse before it gets better, but keep ignoring all non-violent behavior and I really think it would improve. That doesn't mean ignore her altogether or glare at her all day, just don't respond to little digs and treat her normally or even better otherwise.

Nelida - posted on 09/30/2013

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Hi okay well .... She has to under stand tht your happy with who your with and there must be a reason why she dislikes your partner have you tried talking to her also you shouldn't have to chose between them that's a dumb thought your daughter is always gonna be first you should know that sit and have a talk with her I think that's the best solution

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