my baby's dad has changed now she's been born.

Butterfly - posted on 08/03/2012 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I have a beautiful 10 week old daughter. Me and her dad have been together 1year and a half. He is an ex heroin addict, and regularly uses cannabis. I love my man so much and have another child with an ex partner. So wanted to be sure this time i loved him before we had a child.
I am in tears and have been since my daughter was born!
1month before her birth, he kept going out more and more, nights too. Wasn't there at all was almost as if he was scared of what was to come.
On my due date he physically pushed me and had me by my throat.. I was really bothered about it.
But at 8pm i started going into labour, phoned him, he told me he had taken heroin and was sorry!
He hadn't touched it for a year *(that im aware of.)
Contractions every 10mins from 10pm... he arrived at 11.30pm.
My mum drove us to hosp, lovely birth, but im holding in this big secret.
First 5days were precious, felt like a real family and so close.
Soon as got home, he started buggering off again and hasn't been a proper dad, hasnt been there for me, i've been on microwave meals.. all this time pretending to both families everythings fine!
Violence been worse too, he hit me 10times few weeks ago. Big fight last week, coz i will hit back n i've always said that thought he said he'd never hit me!
(ex is in jail still from relationship 2years ago that was horrifically violent.)
2weeks ago, he sat me down n told me he's been taking heroin once or twice a week since she's been born. I am in pieces as its just been constant constant lies then for all this time, and the other thing he never pays for any food etc and lives at mine all the time.
Now once i'd let him back again!!! He decides to leave after 1day and says he must start selling drugs so we have more money?!
I don't want this for my baby and i've lost one child to social services and i don't want to lose my girl because it'd kill me!
Don't know what to do and cant even ask for help coz social services keeping an eye on us (just as precaution they know none of this.)
Plus my drinking's bad again coz he's hurt me so much.
At a loss.
But still im being stron, breastfeeding and bein full time mum, never not by her side.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/04/2012

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They why bother posting if you clearly don't want help? You are endangering your life, and your childs life. Apparently the bottle and heroin are more important. Maybe you should just give her up for adoption now and give her a decent shot at life, instead of later on when she is taken into foster care anyway. You post is totally pointless if you want no help. It is a troll post then.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/04/2012

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If you want to have your life change at all, stop drinking. Get some flippin help, and at least get HIM out. SMH. Otherwise you are just enabling him, and he is giving you an excuse to drink.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/04/2012

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Ok, hold on here. There is all sorts of fucked up in this post. First of all, why WOULD you stay with him? He grabbed you by the throat and that BOTHERED you? Thats it? I don't care if you hit back. If he hits you, he will hit you more the next time. Then the next. Then he might start hitting you with objects like chairs. He might start hitting the baby for crying, or shaking her. I WOULD NOT WAIT TILL HE HITS YOU AGAIN! Bad advice to WAIT for the abuse. Get out now.

So, having 1 drink and waiting an hour or 2 to breasfeed, fine. It gets out of your system. You have made it clear that your drinking is "bad". Does not sound like you should be putting a breas full of alcohol to your babies lips. Stop drinking or get her on formula. If you r drinking is BAD, then that means it is in your system when your daughter eats. Not good.

Get the fuck out. He is an addict. I will bet he has been doing heroin since before your labor. Get a clue honey. Go save yourself and your baby. Or, you could have your child taken away, and possibly go to jail yourself or die in the hands of your husband. Good luck. Get out. Be strong. Your daughter is depending on you.

MeMe - posted on 08/05/2012

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Get out, get help and move the fuck on! This is a terrible situation for a child, let alone a baby! I am in despair knowing this story. I feel for this baby and it deeply saddens me, that you are putting her in DANGER for your own wants!



Oh and STOP breastfeeding her! You said your drinking is BAD and that you are breastfeeding (like as if you are doing something good). Sorry honey, but you are harming this baby and YOU need to STOP!

20 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 08/06/2012

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If your breastfeeding you need to stop drinking! and you need to leave him! Sounds like he isnt actually living with you so maybe just pack up and move. Thats not good for your child and if you do not want to lose her then you need to get out before child services do find out. You are not safe and neither is your child.

Molly - posted on 08/05/2012

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FInd a safe place and get away from him and the drugs. If you do not, you are going to lose your child.

Aleks - posted on 08/05/2012

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A drug addict, is an addict is an addict. I know, because I lived with one! And have knowledge of a few around as family friends!

That is typically behaviour of addicts. They do not or cannot stop. They just relapse and frequently. Unless they get proper professional help (and that is no guarantee that they won't relapse sometime in the future, sooner or later). They will lie about it, and many other things. Its almost compulsive type behaviour.

Sometimes they will swap one addiction for another - like here heroin for pot, or vice versa, or pot for alcohol, etc.
IT WILL NOT STOP.
Don't kid yourself. Get out! Before he kills you or baby when he is off his face. Either that or does some untold physical damage.
He will only keep on getting more and more abusive as his compulsion for drugs worsens. And IT WILL be start his cycle of shame and guilt about it, especially since he knows and feels that he should do and be better for you and baby. And this then will set off his compulsion to want to and need to use. While the violence is also his own guilt trip he doesn't know how to handle and own up to, so he takes it out on the nearest available, especially the ones that call out his bullshit (which threatens them, and at the same time frightens them of having to face and own up his faults and short comings, ie his demons). Its a never ending cycle that cannot be broken! It can be at times managed and controlled (most of the time) once the person wants to and seeks professional help and guidance.
Anything less than that is nothing but an illusion and wishful thinking.

Tina - posted on 08/05/2012

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I'm sorry but drinking and breast feeding is not a good combination. Not trying to be mean. but it's not. Number 2. The problem is he is a violent addict and it's only a matter of time before your little girl gets in the way. What happens when he comes home one night like this and she runs to mummy because she's scared and gets in the way when he's hurting you? She will get hurt. Not might - will. Growing up seeing this crap from a step dad and his druggy mates. Plus knowing other relatives involved with addicts. I can tell you it's not a matter of if but when. If you love your daughter pack your shit and get out of their and ask for help. They can't take your daughter from you when you're clearly asking for help and willing to do anything necessary. They can if she's in an abusive household with drugs. If your drinking a lot and breast feeding it is in her system. Anything put into your system goes into hers. If you love your daughter you have to do what is best for her not just for you. Either ask for help and get out of that situation. There's no reason other arrangements can't be made so you're still able to be near your son or atleast see him. Or give your daughter up because it's only a matter of time before she gets hurt. I know this is blunt but it has to be. There's no way in hell I will even go near relatives of mine that I know are involved with drugs and are violent let alone let one in my house abuse me and put my child at risk.

User - posted on 08/04/2012

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Thank you everyone and it is easier said than done. I went into a refuge beginning of last year, have a lovely house now, and got my boy nearby. He n his dad have only just moved here. So im not going anywhere. Nut i probs would. I've called the police on all violent occasions. Has prompted the social worker to call wonderin whats up. x he would tell them abotu my drinking if i said about his gear. That what i afraid of. He knows this and so knows i wont say anything... (i lost my first child to drink (in their eyes anyway.)

User - posted on 08/04/2012

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Thank you everyone and it is easier said than done. I went into a refuge beginning of last year, have a lovely house now, and got my boy nearby. He n his dad have only just moved here. So im not going anywhere. Nut i probs would. I've called the police on all violent occasions. Has prompted the social worker to call wonderin whats up. x he would tell them abotu my drinking if i said about his gear. That what i afraid of. He knows this and so knows i wont say anything... (i lost my first child to drink (in their eyes anyway.)

Amy - posted on 08/04/2012

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The next time he hits you call the police! Have him arrested. If he's dealing drugs call the police! Change the locks on your door so he can't get in. Reach out to friends and family, you stated that you've already lost one child and you are playing with fire which could cause you to lose this child. And if you need help to stop drinking get yourself some help too. Good luck.

Corinne - posted on 08/04/2012

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Get your family together and tell them what is happening, they can support you. Speak to social services, they can help you if you let them. If you continue to hide this, they will have more reason to question your ability to keep your child safe and well. Get the hell out.

User - posted on 08/04/2012

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Firstly he is not an ex-heroin addict. He is an addict. If he is dealing he will likely end up in jail too.

Why are you trying to pretend to your family that everything's fine? Talk to your mum/sister/aunt/ anyone you can trust and work out somewhere to go. Think about what would happen to your baby if you ended up in hospital or worse because of his violence.

[deleted account]

Is this the life you want for your little one?
I'm betting it is not.
So be honest with your family, reach out for help and remove this man from yours and your baby's life.

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