My daughter's boyfriend of over a year is going to her dream college. She is begging me to let her go, but I do not think it would be best for her. What should I do?

Julia - posted on 09/22/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter and her boyfriend have been dating since the end of her sophomore year (his junior year) in high school. He is now a freshman in college and goes to the college that she has dreamed about going to since she was a little kid. I went to this school and loved it and the school is a great fit for her since they have the subject that she wants to study. This is one of the few schools that has this program and the other schools don't really compare. I will not budge on this because I believe that if they go to college together she won't branch out and make new friends. I believe that by not letting her go I am helping her. I think it would ruin her experience because they would constantly be together and not go out and see what everything college has to offer. My daughter is heartbroken and I know that she loves the school but I am just trying to do what is best for her. I really need help this is a very big issue and I would appreciate any and all advice. Would I be making a mistake by not letting her go to the school of her dreams? Thank you.

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Lori - posted on 09/25/2014

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college is a very different place however so, depending on the size of the college, your daughter may very well branch out on her own. is the boyfriend in the same program? if not, your daughter will have plenty of opportunity to be around other people. high school relationships very rarely last the college years. different atmosphere.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/23/2014

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*****WARNING: BLUNT CONTENT***************************

So...you'd restrict her choice of colleges because of ONE person?

And what exactly are you going to do once she realizes that she's an adult at the age of 18, and can make her own educational and life choices (and from that day on doesn't even have to tell you what/when/where/why)?

Not to mention, but you'd actually cut out her chances of going to 'one of the few schools that has this program, and the other schools don't really compare'...you'd try to make her choose an alternative school that isn't as good a quality, simply because of ONE PERSON?????

Well, mom, you aren't doing what's best for her, you're doing what you THINK is going to work. It won't work, by the way, but you may end up with one pissed off, resentful daughter that may even cut off contact with you for being an overcontrolling mess of a person.

Your daughter is never, ever going to do exactly what you wish. She's an individual. You need to let her BE that individual, attend the school of her choice (provided she's got the means to do so), and grow up. Yes, she will grow away from you, but if you manage it correctly, this will not be a big deal. HOWEVER, if you continue to try to control her every move after she reaches adulthood, you will risk the very real situation of perhaps losing her entirely.

I know its hard, but you need to back up and let your daughter be herself, and grow up to be her own person, with her own education, and her own dream fulfillment, rather than pushing her into your perfect mould of what you want her to do and be. And, yep, my eldest is 20. I know its difficult, but its well worth it!

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