My husbands sister is not the brightest lightbulb in the package- must run in the family...

Shelby - posted on 10/22/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My Husbands sister had a baby a 17. She now has a CNA but she can barely feed her 5 year old and herself. She cant hardly pay her bills and has to live with a family member because she cant afford rent for anyone. She is a serial dater and dates all the time. In the three years that my husband and I have been together she has been with about 10-15 guys that she considers serious relationships (one was even an ex boyfriend of mine), not counting the ones she talked to and well had sex with. Well my husband and I had our baby four months ago and even though his family insisted we use all of our neices old baby stuff (been locked in a shed for three years, expired carseat, and broken baby equiptment) we bought our own. They made a statement that when my husbands sister has another baby, we can just give them all our stuff. My parents bought alot of it, clothes and such. I bought the crib myself, and we spent several months scraping up the money to buy all our new baby equiptment. I really dont want to see all mine, my parents, and my husbands hard earned money/work to go to waste on someone I know isnt going to care for it. Well just the other day my sister in law glady announced the news that shes pregnant. after trying for almost 2 years with several other men. This baby daddy is in jail for breaking probation. The only people who dont seem thrilled at the news are my husband and I. We both feel that she should have waited for a more responsible time in her life to actually try for another baby(I understand accidents happen, my daughter wasnt planned but this new baby is planned), even with the aid of WIC and medicaid, she still wont be able to afford diapers, clothes, equiptment etc. My husband and I also worry that we will be expected to hand everything down to this new baby, even though his family hasnt bought our daughter anything but two or three outfits. I also planned on consigning alot of clothes and such so I could get new clothes for my daughter. I guess we are worried that we are going to be expected to prepare for this baby for my sister in law. By handing over everything we bought for our baby. The rest of the family is happy about the news. Yesterday we were stopped and someone asked my husband what he thought of being an Uncle again and he was honest. He said he thought she had made a poor decision and he was lectured that he needs to be more supportive of his sister. Any advice? Please help us through this!

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/24/2013

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Well, you and your husband really don't have any place in making judgments about his sister's choices, because they are HER choices to make. If her family members want her to live with them, that's not infringing on your life, and if they want to support her choices, again, since you and hubby aren't making those choices, they aren't your responsibility to worry about.

If you don't wish to contribute to the preparations, there is no law saying that you have to. Tell the inlaws that you are saving or selling the things that your kid grows out of in order to either be prepared for another birth in your own family, or to cut down on future expenses for necessities for your own kid. If they get huffy, it's not your problem, because no one should EXPECT anyone to give them anything, much less hint at wanting it.

But, I will say that, if you don't want criticism from the rest of the family, also keep your mouths shut. You don't have to agree with the circumstances, nor do you have to support them, but you also don't have to make it a point to say that you don't agree with them, and you don't have to openly pass judgment when asked. Hubby could have simply replied "well, it's not necessarily what I would have done, but it will be interesting". It's an evasive answer, doesn't indicate acceptance, doesn't indicate support, but also doesn't indicate negativity

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Danicia - posted on 10/27/2013

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I think his family and his sister should not expect you to give her anything. YOU have worked hard for what you have and what you can provide for your child, she/they haven't. it's not theirs, they have no say. they don't have to like the decisions you make but it's not their stuff to rule over. you do what's best for YOUR family. if they don't like it that's their choice. if they give you crap, you simply say- "I bought it, I decide what to do with it" and walk away.
I understand that they want y'all to be more supportive but it's extremely hard to be supportive of poor decisions. you can love her as a person but that doesn't mean you have to agree with every choice she makes and hand her everything you have worked for.
stick to your guns and don't let anyone try to bully you. It's your stuff, your choices. They don't have a say and need to respect that.

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