my son got drunk

Caz - posted on 02/05/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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please can someone help me, ie the law on this, my 16 year old son went to a party on saturday, the mother of the child whose 16th birthday it was allowed my son to get drunk and stay at her house along with many others, i never gave permission for the drinking or the staying over night, is what she done illegal, i am very concerned as it has also caused huge problems between our house hold and my son, to a point that he was that badly hung over on sunday that we had a huge fight and he smashed my other halves car window in and was arrested, he is now staying at his girlfriends and will not talk to me as he thinks its all my fault, the so called responsible parent is a nursery nurse looking after young children, i dont think her actions show her to be responsible, especially as some of the other children in her care that night were under 16

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/05/2013

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I agree with Dove, with one addition: If you find out that she's hosting another alcohol party, you can anonymously turn her in, and have officers pay the house a visit during the event.

Otherwise, punish your son. He knew darn good and well that what he was doing was against the law. He did not make a good decision. He did not opt to call you to obtain permission, he did not turn down the alcohol, he got drunk, he did not return home within his agreed curfew, he destroyed your personal property, and he was jailed as a result.

Carry out the sentencing recommendations of the judge, restrict the kid, and monitor his activities. I would also recommend (if the judge doesn't) finding someplace that he can volunteer for some community service. My suggestions would be the local soup kitchen, food bank, or clothing bank. Or, a local museum, kids after school club, or things like that.

Dove - posted on 02/05/2013

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I'm not sure where you live, but in the US it is illegal for her to provide your son with alcohol under 21... While I would be upset with her and my son would never again be allowed to go to her house while living in my home.... I probably wouldn't pursue any legal action against her as your son at 16 is old enough that I would hold HIM 100% responsible for his stupid actions. Now... if he were around the age of 12-13... yes, I would consider pursuing legal action against her, but for a 16 year old... my big issue would be with his irresponsibility.

Jodi - posted on 02/06/2013

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It depends where you live. In some places it isn't a crime to supply alcohol to other people's children in your own home, so it depends on the laws where you live as to whether this is a criminal matter.

However, having said that, a hangover is absolutely NO excuse for his behaviour, and he should be held responsible for that 100%.

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Kristi - posted on 02/07/2013

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IDK...I'm kind of leaning towards reporting that woman. Obviously your son knew what he was doing was "wrong." He definitely needs to suffer the consequences of his actions. It is great that you are making him pay for the damages. Shawnn's suggestion for community service is excellent. I know you said your son didn't have to go to court but that doesn't mean you can't include that in his consequences. He definitely owes you and your partner a sincere apology.

I do think under the circumstances, it would be extremely difficult for the majority of teens to say no. That does not excuse his behavior following the hangover. But, what if someone had been seriously hurt or suffered from alcohol poisoning or God forbid, drove drunk and killed someone and/or themselves. I don't think there would be a question as to whether or not to report her if anything like that would have happened. And if there were kids even younger than 16 there drinking, like you said, I think that adds another layer of recklessness to the situation.

That's just my two cents. I hope things smooth out and your family gets back on track! ; )

Caz - posted on 02/05/2013

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Evelyn, I was told by him that he was going to work, i knew nothing about the party, the parent who had the party used to be a friend and knows exactly how i feel about my son drinking and socializing with her children, i have tried to stop him but that is easier said than done, it would seem that the parent encouraged him to lie to me knowing that i would not allow him to be a part of a drunken binge for underage kids x

Ev - posted on 02/05/2013

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I would report that to the police. In the States at least its not legal for anyone under 21 to be drinking. It is also illegal to serve minors in your home. It is also illegal to sell to minors. So yes, she did break the law. Its not your fault that your son got angry and broke the car and got into trouble. What you did not do is check into what kind of party that was being given for this boy instead of just letting him go. Make sure there is proper supervision and no drinking allowed. Set a time for him to come home even if you have to take him and pick him up. Get to know the parents of the kids your son hangs with too. That could have prevented this.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/05/2013

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Caz. you can call that luck, but then again, my kids would say that's "hard luck"...LOL Because I, and their dad, are harsher on them than any other form of punishment.

Sounds like you've got it under control, but were I in your shoes, I'd still be listening for the next party update. Those types of parents that host alcohol parties usually make a regular thing of it...because they're the "cool" parents, who "understand" what it's like...LOL.

Caz - posted on 02/05/2013

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he is paying for it out of his 1st wage at the end of this month, luckily (if u can say that) it was my other halfves car window that he kicked in, thanks again x

Dove - posted on 02/05/2013

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'You' may have to pay for the damage, but you'd better believe 'he' would be working off every penny.

Good luck with it all!

Caz - posted on 02/05/2013

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he will be punished for doing what he did once he returns home, it was suggested he stays away for a few days so we can all calm down, i am very disappointed in him as he knows how i feel about things like this, the judge will not be involved, he spent the night at the police station and as it is his 1st time being trouble he will receive a police caution, and have to pay for the damage, i must admit, although he had the choice and chose the wrong one, there was an awful lot of peer pressure, unfortunately my son acted like a sheep instead of an individual, thank you for your advice, really appreciate it x

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