Need some recommendations for an embarrassing medical problem.

Nikki - posted on 12/12/2010 ( 54 moms have responded )

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Not a debate, and normally I am not a fan of asking for medical advice on here, but I am certainly not asking on the welcome page for advice and reassurance.

Ok I am not sure as to whether I should see my Doctor about this, to be honest I haven't had time lately and I am not sure if there is anything he can do anyway. This is really embarrassing....... has anyone had any problems with incontinence after giving birth, and I am not talking 2 weeks after giving birth, I am talking 13 months. It's not that bad that I actually wet myself or have to wear adult nappies or anything, but I have a cold at the moment and the sneezing has some pretty negative consequences. Is this normal? Will it ever go away? Is there anything a Doctor can do? Is there anything I can do to help? I have googled it but without much luck, I would rather get some answers from mums who have been there, please tell me there are other's out there and I am not the only one!! lol

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Jocelyn - posted on 12/13/2010

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You could try some ben wa balls. They are little weighted balls (that come in a variety of weights and materials) that you stick up your vag, and then hold in place using your muscles. You can wear them all day, and you can even keep them in during sex (I haven't tried THAT yet...I'm just going off what I hear lol) You can get them at any run of the mill adult store, or online.

C. - posted on 12/13/2010

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Like the few comments I saw, it is normal and yes Kegels can help. If they don't and the problem continues, see your doctor. You may have a fistula (a small hole that can be due to giving birth), and if that's the case it may require surgery.

Kegels do tighten things up down there, it also works on strengthening the muscles that hold your urine in until you go to the bathroom. Doing those can help with leaks. Good luck and hope you get over that cold soon!

Mrs. - posted on 12/12/2010

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By the by, they do have Kegel weights that are used like bar bells for your pelvis.

http://www.vaginalweights.net/compare.ht...

There is a site where you can comparison shop if you're in the market. Just don't bookmark it if your using a communal computer :).

These would give you a really good idea which muscles are supposed to be used when doing them.

Krista - posted on 12/13/2010

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Nope, not weird. It's normal for sensitivity to heighten and lessen throughout the arousal period. That's why it might be good for you to do this yourself at first, as you can ease off when things start to tickle too much. Guys can't know exactly what we're feeling at the time, which makes things tricky and sometimes frustrating. Besides myself, I've only ever had orgasms with my husband -- it was always so frustrating to be lying there and thinking, "Okaay, that's good. NO, don't go faster -- ah fuck, now it's gone. Sigh. Oh shit, I have GOT to remember to pay that phone bill tomorrow!"

A good book to start with is an oldie but a goodie: "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. It talks about women's fantasies, and there's really something for everybody, from the romantic to the utterly depraved. I'm sure you'll find something in there that gives you a tingle in your drawers. Penthouse also has a book called "Between the Sheets" which is all little short stories, and is more mainstream erotica in nature.

Krista - posted on 12/13/2010

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April, do you have a difficult time becoming aroused, or is it that you can't quite reach the finish line?

If it's the former, have you considered maybe reading some erotica? There's lots of stuff out there ranging from Harlequin-gauzy lovemaking to seriously randy and raunchy. It might help to arrange for a time to be home alone, and just read some erotica to get yourself all hot 'n' bothered. Then, if you want to start touching yourself, go for it. And the only rule is that if it feels good, keep doing it. A vibrator may help. Or, if you're too embarrassed to buy one, get thee a showerhead with a detachable nozzle and adjustable spray. (Just go gentle with it -- don't put it on full-jet, or you'll wind up on the floor, and not in a good way.) Try to not put pressure on yourself to come -- just enjoy the sensations, and like I said, if something feels really good, then just keep doing it and see what happens. It's often easier to have an orgasm by yourself than with a partner, because you're not thinking, "Oh, I should hurry, his tongue/fingers/pecker must be getting tired!" A vibrator or a showerhead won't get tired, and won't fart in bed, either! LOL!

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April - posted on 12/14/2010

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Nope...I never have. i can get excited, but i can't orgasm. btw...excitement only lasts a few seconds.

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April can you orgasm when your alone? Because sometimes its too much pressure to do it so your not relaxed enough when your with your other half. If you can get used to having one when your on your own then you can gradually relax enough with him to do it.

Barb - posted on 12/13/2010

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couple other questions not to ask would be: what do you think your mom wants for christmas? and did you pay the electric bill while you were in town today?
Just speaking from experience :)
hope i don't get a ball gag for christmas

Mrs. - posted on 12/13/2010

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By the by, if you are having difficulty reaching orgasm and you have tried many of the things suggested, you might want to talk to a gyno. Sometimes it can be a physical issue or neurological issue that is giving you problems. If that's all clear and fine, go see a sex therapist. I went to one with my old partner when I was having issues due to my chronic health problems during sex. It was very helpful and only took a few times to get some ideas about way I needed to do for myself. She told me that, it really is your responsibility to figure out what gets you off alone first and then whatever that is, no matter how odd or different, that's what you do with your partner. So if the only way you can climax is with a vibrator and looking at pictures of Christian Bale...your guy better start getting his Batman costume and one of those hand held finger vibrators. Still, it's up to you to figure your own body out first, like a little project or your partner is going to have a really hard time doing it for you.

Bonnie - posted on 12/13/2010

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Yeah you definitely don't want to talk or think about work while trying to get it on, that will likely ruin the mood hahah.

April - posted on 12/13/2010

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Oh i know what you mean about the phone bill...only i am a talker. I say what i'm thinking out loud! i'm like how was work honey?" and he's like...i don't want to think about that!!!!!

April - posted on 12/13/2010

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ps...should i start another thread or PM someone? I don't want to be rude to the OP here who has a totally different question.

April - posted on 12/13/2010

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@ Krista I think it is difficulty becoming aroused...like some of the moms during and right after pregnancy. only i was always like that.

as for the manual stimulation...i make my husband stop about halfway through because "it tickles"....it really does and i have to cry "mercy" because I can't take it. Weird?

Barb - posted on 12/13/2010

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A lot more women then you would think have this problem, it's okay. If they didn't have this problem they wouldn't make gels, creams and other enhancers :)

I'm not a Dr, i don't think kegels will help you achieve an orgasm but i'm sure it will him. Doing kegels will tighten your vaginal walls which will give you both more sensation.

Exciting your clitoris before sex will engorge it with blood and make it more sensitive. This will help increase your chance of having an orgasm. They have gels, creams and lotions that do this as well as a medication. But you, or your husband can also manipulate it yourself with your fingers or toys or oral sex.
Another key to achieving an orgasm is to relax and let yourself know it's okay to have one.

Bonnie - posted on 12/13/2010

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I can't see your name, I think it's April though lol....there are many women out there who can't orgasm through intercourse, they need to be stimulated manually, it's normal.

April - posted on 12/13/2010

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ps...Nikki I'm sorry I changed the subject...carry on ladies! I was too embarassed to start a thread about it

April - posted on 12/13/2010

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will doing kegels help with orgasms? i apologize for the TMI but i have never had an orgasm before. ever. with any partner. including my husband. I feel more sad for him than for me because I don't know what I'm missing. While we are talking about embarassing things...should I get some medicine for that? Is there something wrong with me?

Barb - posted on 12/13/2010

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Anyone who is unsure of how to do a kegel, the next time you go pee, stop the flow of your urine. That is a kegel. You don't have to be peeing to tighten this muscle, just imagine yourself doing it and your body will.
The second muscle would be the one you use to push the pee out of you.

So try exercising those muscles by alternatively holding and pushing your pee out of you.

When you damage a muscle, you sometimes have to give it a bit of physical therapy to re strengthen your muscle.
We have had babies, we have had a bit of trauma in the area of our bladders. We need some physical therapy in that area so our muscles can regain their strength.
To me it would be no different than working your deltoids and pectoral muscles for a shoulder injury.

Tracey - posted on 12/13/2010

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For those who have trouble doing Kegels you can buy cones that go inside you you and you grip thrm, you can buy them from chemists.

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Four kids and i still havent worked out how to do those kegel exercises lol im just squeezing everything and hoping for the best. Its become habit to cross my legs when i sneeze and seriously avoid trampolines.

Jess - posted on 12/13/2010

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Nikki, I'm sorry you have been suffering in silence for so long :( I can't really offer any advise unfortunately, I'm very lucky to have a bladder of steel.

I'm not sure if I got it from holding my wee a lot, but its something I do often *due to working in a call centre*, but perhaps that helps. Not sure though, I would suggest chatting to your doctor or even the mat ward of your local hospital, you might qualify for physio. When I had Ava they invited me back at any time if my bladder wasn't measuring up !

Nikki - posted on 12/13/2010

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It's compulsory in Australia, you have an epi, you get a catheter. Good luck with twins, I would love twins next, get all the kids over and done with!

Jodi - posted on 12/13/2010

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I had a vaginal birth as well, but since I hadn't urinated for a couple of hours after my epidural they gave me a catheter to help things out...I blame the catheter because I had been doing kegels and had had no problems with leaking while sneezing or laughing as other pregnant women had. Although, now with twins, if I twist wrong I leak!! lol

Nikki - posted on 12/13/2010

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Thanks Ladies :) Jodi, that's interesting, I had a catheter for my epidural, but I had a vaginal birth. Christina, hopefully the kegels work and there's no hole there! :)

Lauren - posted on 12/13/2010

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I gave birth 5 months ago , it still happens now and then , when I tell my mom she has no pitty for me cause she is almost 50 with 3 kids( oldest being 19) she still can't sneeze or laugh hard w/o it happening to her :(
The hospital mailed me some info about doing a pelvic floor exercise, I am not sure if that is the same as kegels ... I didn't read it lol

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2010

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My mom has this problem...and she's 55 years old. Granted, I doubt she has ever had kegels (I say that because I told her my doc suggested kegels since two babies is a LOT of weight on my bladder, and she had no idea what I was talking about!) Common causes beyond just a sensitized bladder from pregnancy include c-sections (not sure why exactly, but supposedly it can mess with your bladder I am told?) and catheters. I had a catheter when I had my epidural and had bladder problems for months despite doing kegels (not that it's definitive it was the catheter, just saying) but eventually it all evened out for me.

Like the other ladies, i suggest kegels and talking to your doctor to see if they have any other ideas. Best of luck!

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I am actually getting my bladder control back pretty quick. Kegel exercises are simple, my doc just told me to act like I really have to pee and hold those muscles for 5 seconds then release and repeat that for as often as I think about it. Now it's just a natural thing and shes surprised I don't have more trouble because I've had 4 kids (2 in one year) but I took her advise with my first one and the rest that followed.

Katherine - posted on 12/12/2010

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Pubic toilets?



It should feel like hmmm when you contract when you're having an orgasm........you know.......only it should be your urethra moving.

Katherine - posted on 12/12/2010

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Yep. It's been 20 months. Pissed myself laughing. Wasn't so funny after that.

Nikki - posted on 12/12/2010

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Ahhh glad I am not the only one! April I am the same, I HATE pubic toilets, but slowly they are becoming my friend.

I am never sure if I am doing Kegels right either, is there anyway to be sure? Should you feel something somewhere?

April - posted on 12/12/2010

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i too pee a little when sneezing or if i have a really full bladder. i used to be able to hold it like champ, but now i am forced to use public bathrooms if i am out in public! used to avoid those like the plague but now desperate times call for desperate measures!! but i had a c-section so what's my excuse?

ps...cannot do kegals. NO idea how. lol.

Bonnie - posted on 12/12/2010

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I have a really bad cold myself right now, like I can barely even breathe through my nose:-(. I had my second child 28 months ago and I still leak sometimes especially when my bladder is full. Hope you feel better!

Krista - posted on 12/12/2010

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I went to a fitness class that involved jumping rope.

Big mistake.

Big, BIG mistake.

Mrs. - posted on 12/12/2010

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Weird. I didn't think they did anything but then they put these little electrodes on my pelvis and I could see on this machine how strong my muscles were contracting....it was a bit surreal. Still, I don't have as many bladder and pelvic issues anymore!

Mrs. - posted on 12/12/2010

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My SIL had to have surgery after her second (he was giant) but it was beyond just sneezing. She would go out for a run and leak. She did say the surgery was not bad and fixed things up nicely. So, if it ever comes to that, you'll know it's not too frightening. But it sounds like some weak muscles in the pelvic area.

For some women, I'd say most, Kegels work. Personally, when I went to therapy for my pelvic pain, my PT told me not to do them, they just make it worse for people like me. She taught me another version that is kinda like a bum Kegel and isolating those muscles. I know sounds weird but, if the regular old ones don't work, you do have other options to help out.

Barb - posted on 12/12/2010

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I'll be #12 to tell you Kegels!! LOL.. However, there are 2 sets of muscles there. Kegels work the top and there is another set that work the bottom.

When you do a Kegel it feels like a pulling motion, like you are stopping the pee. Then you need to do the backside motion, a pushing motion, like you are pushing the baby out again.

Here is a link to a video where Dr Oz talks about it with visual aids, an experiment and suggests adding magnesium to your diet.

http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/identifyi...

Tara - posted on 12/12/2010

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Kegels when you read, Kegels when you watch TV, Kegels when you drive, Kegels when you are on com. lol
Seriously though, I have had 6 babies and it will go away after repeated and consistent work outs of those umm... muscles.
A doctor will tell you the same thing at this point. Then he will say see me in 6 months if things haven't improved.
I feel for you!! Try wearing a panty liner until you have things under control.
:)hope that helps some.

Amanda - posted on 12/12/2010

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I had the same problem after I had my first child! It happened up until he was almost 2!! My dr told me it was normal, and to try to go to the bathroom more frequently to help prevent it from happening so often. I also did the kegal excercises, and it did actually help! :) But yes it's common and if the problem persists than see a dr. Good luck!

Krista - posted on 12/12/2010

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Oh honey, I am in the EXACT same boat right now. I've got bronchitis, and so have been coughing REALLY hard, and I just had to give up and start wearing a Poise pad, because I was constantly pissing myself. And my kid is 16 months old.

And yes, I've been neglecting the Kegels. Guess I'd better get back at it!

Becky - posted on 12/12/2010

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Yes, my son is 15 months old and I also have a cold, and have been peeing myself when I cough hard. Just a little bit, not like a puddle on the floor! gqtm I agree with the kegals, I need to do more of those myself!

Caitlin - posted on 12/12/2010

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It used to happen to me a lot, but now it's only if I have a really big sneeze and a really full bladder.. I try to make sure I stop in at the bathroom more often because of it, but it`s pretty much gone..

Nikki - posted on 12/12/2010

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For some reason I though kegels were just for tightening things back up. Well, I best get back to doing them! Thank you :)

Tah - posted on 12/12/2010

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it is normal and yes you can use kegels to get the strength back..if it continues or worsens then see your doctor

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In sever cases, its because of the muscles being torn, and if it doesn't go away then you can surgery to correct it. edit%%Gabbys a year old, and sometimes when i sneeze or laugh too hard it still happens to me. It was really bad at first but now its better because ive been doing the kegels.

Stifler's - posted on 12/12/2010

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I agree, kegels can help it. It's pretty common in women that have had children!

[deleted account]

My doctor told me to expect it after pregnancy. do kegels to exercise those muscles and it should go away.

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