Never had an Orgasm!!! :-{

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 04/21/2011 ( 27 moms have responded )




This lady is in the same group as me on FB, she posted this

"What can i do for my hubby to have an interest in me ......the only time we have sex is when we watch porn together n when we do have sex he only cares of what he feels n not what i feel . i want to know if theres anything i can do to fix this... he makes me feel like im ugly.... i have been faking orgasms for 7 years now"

I said something’s gotta change, every women should have at least one orgasm before they die …
That isnt really helping so....

What advice would you give her?


Jocelyn - posted on 04/21/2011




There's a book called How to Have an Orgasm; As Often as You Want (Rachel Swift)

It's a wonderful book (yes I did read it lol) My friend was having issues and employed my help (because apparently I am the sexual-go-to person of my friends ;) hehe)

Tell her to STOP FAKING IT. If her hubby doesn't know that she isn't getting the pleasure she deserves, then he's not going to be able to help.

Tell her to go out and buy a little bullet vibrator. They are small and not-scary-looking and she can use it on herself, or her hubby can use it on her.

Also tell her that once SHE can give herself an orgasm, it will be easier for her hubby to do the same.

Johnny - posted on 04/21/2011




Stop faking orgasms. Men are dumb in that department. He may have absolutely no idea. If she's faking the orgasms, has she even thought to mention her dissatisfaction to him?

Marylea - posted on 04/24/2011




Um if her husband thinks he's been giving her orgasms for 7 years then he obviously doesn't realize he's not meeting her needs. If she's pretending to enjoy it hows he supposed to know that she's unhappy? Sounds to me like she's created this problem for herself by faking it for so long, its not really fair to blame the husband.

[deleted account]

I think the biggest problem would be that he's only having sex with her when he's watching porn! Sounds like he has some issues and his issues are tearing his wife's spirit down. No wonder she feels ugly, just having a baby and her hubs into porn. Poor girl. It sounds like they are very disconnected and if she wants to have better sex they have to start with the emotional aspect first. They have to be able to connect emotionally and spiritually. I'm not saying you can't have good sex and an orgasm with someone you aren't connected with but this is her husband and that changes things. Woman have the need to be emotionally embraced as much or more as physically. I agree that she needs to do a bit of self exploration so she knows where her 'hot spots' are then once she can have an orgasm alone where she's is only focusing on herself and not him, then she can teach him what to do. I don't understand why anyone would want to fake it....I mean, for that long anyway.


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[deleted account]

ok. I will give you some real advice here.

Your friend needs to start before her husband if she wants to end up satisfied. If that is a problem then just stop faking it. Sooner or later he will stop all together. If it is a deal breaker on either of their parts then they need to think about seperation or divorce. IMO

Christina - posted on 04/24/2011




Um, she needs to just lay there and have no reaction. No moaning, nothing. If she is faking orgasms then obviously he thinks he is doing his job and has no clue why she is bitching.

On a side note, screw that! If a guy I'm with can't get the job done, he's gone.

[deleted account]

I'm wondering how she could fake it for 7 years. I couldn't have done it for seven DAYS!

I think she's done the damage to herself by faking for so long. Of course if your never (or rarely) getting your rocks off and you compound it by faking to your husband, after a while it will start to play on your self esteem. HE can't possibly know that she is unsatisfied if she's never said so.

There are plenty of ways to tell/show your husband how to get you over the edge, but you do have to show him. Most men enjoy seeing a woman orgasm because of something they are doing and many men actually like being told or shown what will get you off. Women are all built differently, so it is up to us to show them what we need, otherwise they will go with whatever they know has worked for other women they've been with.

Mel - posted on 04/24/2011




I dont really have advice in particular but I think its stupid to fake an orgasm. Ive never done it personally. Some people are just that way in the bedroom its probably hard for him to change, but I hope she gets it sorted out soon

[deleted account]

get a lawyer and leave. What's the point of having sex with someone who doesn't care if you enjoy it or not? why bother?

then i'd give her a gift certificate to adam & eve

Rosie - posted on 04/22/2011




sounds like she's really insecure.she feels she needs to be able to please him and make him happy, and not herself. maybe she feels he'll leave if he isn't happy.
if he makes her feel like she is ugly, i am left to wonder if he says things or if she just feels like it. they need to have a talk. she needs to open up about what she is feeling. often sexual problems are a result of emotional problems. fix that, and she may be able to enjoy sex.

Tah - posted on 04/21/2011




My husband said he doesn't understand why women fake it because then men keep doing the same thing thinking it's working...

Charlie - posted on 04/21/2011




Some men actually find it a turn on when you tell them / show them exactly what you want.

JuLeah - posted on 04/21/2011




NEVER NEVER fake - Demand your partner please you, or kick them to the curb. - Experiment on your own. Get to know your body and know what you like ... what works for you. Then ask for it. Don't expect anyone to read your mind. You have to tell them what you want. It is bull that every woman should have an orgasm before they die... a woman can have an orgams any time she wishes ..... alone ot with a friend. Very few woman are satisfied with intercourse alone (about 3%) the other 97% of us, need more direct clit stimulation and again, if your partner won’t do what you need, find someone better.

Charlie - posted on 04/21/2011




Well it could just be that she feels insecure about her looks because he isnt paying attention to her you know the thoughts like " maybe he doesnt find me attractive anymore" she will be highly hormonal too which wont be helping AT ALL.

Krista - posted on 04/21/2011




Cripes, that'd the last thing I'd be thinking of, with a one-month old, but hey, good for her.

And I agree with the others.

First, she's got to figure out what actually works for her. That's key. Girlfriend has to start letting her fingers do the walking, in order to wake up her libido and figure out what kind of touch she likes.

Then, while doing the deed, she needs to hop on top and torment him a little. Make him wait for it, and she should move in a way that feels good for HER, and not even think about what he's feeling. If it feels good, she needs to keep doing it, and just enjoy the sensations.

But...the thing that makes me worry is this: "he makes me feel like im ugly". That's more than a lover just being clueless and oblivious...there's something else going on there.

September - posted on 04/21/2011




She should find a new man that can dick her down properly! :) Or maybe talking to him about how she's feeling would be better...Hmmm not sure!

Kendra - posted on 04/21/2011




well, sadly.. faking leads to partners thinking everything is okay. Clearly, it isn't. She needs to be honest, and communicate with him. Might take some major work, but if he's the right one, it'll be worth it. And one month after a baby? Give it a rest and work on some romance, and making her feel good about herself.

[deleted account]

How is he suppose to know shes not getting off if shes faking it?!?! She needs to take charge and figure out what she wants in the bedroom...leaving it up to him is getting her nowhere. If its that bad....find someone else who will knock her socks off..They may just not be compatible sexually.

Amanda - posted on 04/21/2011




How does she know her hubby doesnt care how she feels if shes been faking orgasms for 7 years?

Charlie - posted on 04/21/2011




stop faking and take charge , find her position and stop thinking about anything else but what SHE is feeling , you need to be in the mood , not insecure and quiet frankly you gotta think like a man , as in start caring about what she feels , really concentrate on the sensation , she might want to try getting a waxing ( brazillian is best ) because it really does make the clitoris more sensative too .

Bonnie - posted on 04/21/2011




If that's the case, maybe now wouldn't be the right time for her to be worrying about this. She is still recovering from having a baby and likely not having much energy or enough sleep.

Bonnie - posted on 04/21/2011




Not really advice, but if it bothers her that much, maybe she should look for somebody else who she is more compatible with.

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