Not a debate...a rant!!!

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

Does anyone get annoyed when friends without children assume that because you have a child you are unable to go to anything....I keep finding out I've not been invited to things arranged by my friends. Yes I'm 20, married and none of my friends have children...but as far as I know I havn't suddenly lost the use of my legs, mouth etc. and my husband is capable of looking after our son when he's not at work/college, like at weekends or on nights...but nah I can't be missing that much, then they complain I don't see them much....fuming!!!

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Charlie - posted on 10/24/2010

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I invite myself along !

And once they noticed i wasnt a housebound lady who still liked to indulge in adult fun i get invited to everything , i think its about putting yourself out there , i also plan a lot of things like dinner parties or girls night out .

My brother in law once said to me " i want to ask Jamie ( my SO) out but i dont want him to get in trouble or miss out on time with you guys " i just laughed and said TAKE HIM haha .

Look , people are not mind readers but they do assume so i think its up to us to let them know that we are ready to mingle :D

Oh and i talk very little about kids unless asked because its really not that interesting to people without kids and quiet frankly i would rather discuss other adult things .

Sharon - posted on 10/24/2010

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Psh! Jennifer, mine aren't even remotely babies any more and I get "why don't you come out and party with us?" um because my ass has to be up early to get them off to school.

I TRY really hard to not do the bragging parent thing... but, lol, omg my kid scored SIX of the 8 goals in their winning game today!!! I can see their eyes glaze over with that single statement.

THANKFULLY I have a co-worker who is also a grandmother who follows her grandsons' games as closely as I follow my kids. So I have someone who is obligated to listen, if she wants me to listen to her, lol.

[deleted account]

I'm gonna try and arrange more things. My son's nearly 11 months old so no night feeds for me anymore but I do like my sleep regardless lol! I only ever stopped going to things when Logan was very young, but you know you times change and people move on which is totally normal I guess =]

Serena - posted on 10/24/2010

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I agree with you that it is annoying being the first to have children because it does change the dynamics of any friendship.

But I hate to say it, it comes with the territory. Children change everything whether we want them to or not. In my case, the girls would always plan something when the guys (our husbands) were out to sea (we're military) and I would never get to go cause I had no one to watch my baby. Then when my husband would get back they wanted to spend all their time with their hubbies.

I have noticed since being married with children, my friendships include more people with kids cause there's more to relate to.

Maybe you can plan something and show them you can still be fun :) just make sure to be in bed by 12 or that 3am feeding is going to be hard. LOL.

Sharon - posted on 10/24/2010

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These days mothers' can't make their friend dates for so many reasons.

Have you excused yourself from many outings over the past year/two years?

Do you find yourself talking about your precious bundle of joy to much? Or if you haven't, do you think that maybe they think you do?

Do you go but then not join ALL the festivities (ie round of shots because you're breastfeeding?) or something along those lines?

Seriously - I was one of the last to have kids and I slowly dropped all my friends with kids because of things like that. The difference was, I was honest.

I didn't think my married friend should join the single ladies for a night out because we fully intended to indulge in non sexual whoring around.

My breast feeding friends couldn't/shouldn't join because we planned to get hammered and go home at WAY inappropriate hours for married people with young babies.

I didn't want to dance on attendance to their married life schedule, feeding baby schedule, baby nap schedule, etc. They were married now, with kids now, they should find friends with similar schedules & interests.

i tried to stay in touch but the discussion of what their babys' shit looked like that morning was more than I could handle after our 3am, close the joint down, party.

not every night was a liqour party. But when the mom couldn't join in because we were gonna meet up at the coffee place because of 1. caffeine, 2. diapers are expensive, it was a bummer.

When they did turn up, they were all about "jr said his first word! baby took a crap on the potty." omg spare me please.

Yeah, now as a mom, I'll beam with you as your kid shits his brains out after a week of no shit. But back then? BAWAHAHAHAHA no fucking way.

Calm down, look things over carefully, ask pointed questions about why you were left out, and if the answers don't make sense, move on.

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