NOT A DEBATE.. Need advice and/or suggestions..

C. - posted on 09/04/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Ok, so recently (like the last month or so) it's been almost excruciatingly painful to have sex. I still do it to keep hubby happy, but nowhere near as often. Probably in the last week and a half, we've done it twice, which is VERY unusual. Also, I'm PMSing AGAIN. Which means within the next week, I'll be getting ANOTHER period, which will make 3 periods in a month and a half. Not on any birth control or anything and haven't been for more than a year, so I know it doesn't have anything to do with that.

Here's a little bit of history, too.. When I first started my period at 11, I used to get irregular periods. They would go at the beginning of the month, the end of the month and the middle of the month, so I never knew when it was coming or anything. That lasted almost up until I got pregnant. I think they started regulating about 6 months before we conceived. Also during my periods, I used to get the most excruciating cramps- so bad that even 4 Pamprin couldn't fix and I'd literally lie in the fetal position all day. My oldest sister thought I should get checked out for Endometriosis, but with everything that was going on, I never told my mom about it b/c she had too much on her plate as it was.

Fast forward to after I have my son. Got on BC, had irregular periods and HORRIBLE mood swings, so I quit taking them. Hubby was deployed for almost an entire year and now the sex is just so painful. I really don't know what to do. I know I need to go to the doctor- I'm not asking if I should or shouldn't. I KNOW I need to go. But I can't make an appointment until Tuesday b/c of Labor Day.

In the meantime, I was wondering if anyone else had similar experiences? And if so, what did it turn out to be?

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Johnny - posted on 09/04/2010

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Actually Christina, I have been going through something similar. I was diagnosed with endometriosis before Michaela was conceived and it didn't bother me during the pregnancy and for almost 18 months after. Then it started getting really painful, and sex is painful too. I had a Mirena in and at the beginning of July, started bleeding. I bled continuously until 2 days ago. I had the Mirena taken out last Friday. The doctor had tried giving me Provera (straight progesterone) and the pill (mostly Estrogen) to stop the bleeding, but removing the Mirena seems to have done the trick. But after this, I still don't have any actual answers. I am waiting to see a gynecological endocrinologist but my appointment isn't until the end of October. I'm hoping she'll provide me with some answers. But I do know that if it's endo, there's not all that much they can do unless I go in for surgery and have the lesions zapped. Which they probably wouldn't do unless I'm having problems conceiving. Frankly, if it comes back after they next baby, I may just try to stay pregnant until menopause, that day or so of labor is easier than the endless daily pain (either that or I really have forgotten how painful labor was).

Rosie - posted on 09/04/2010

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havn't had the experience, but one of my friends has the same problem, but your hubby is lucky compared to her, she's only had sex with him once in the 6 years they've been together. the doctor did some tests and told her nothing was wrong with her, so it must be mental. if after all your tests are done and they don't conclude anything physical, mayeb see a psychologist. it can be very stressful having a child and then having your husband deployed to iraq. there could be some unresolved issues there that might need to be taken care of.:) good luck.

Heather - posted on 09/11/2010

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When I was getting ready to get married my doctor(family doctor...embarrassing!) sat down with me and explained that, unless I'm sexually arroused, sex can be very painful. There are several reasons, but the main one is that when you're arroused your cervix is pulled up away from the vaginal opening preventing him from causing any pain or bruising. If you're having sex and you're not really into it, this could be a huge factor... Especially if you might have endo.
P.S. If he's especially long he could have already bruised your cervix accidentally during a pervious session and may be repeatedly doing so everytime you have sex. Check with your doc., but I think they say it can take up to a week or more for that kind of bruising to heal. Good luck...and condolences on the continued bleeding.

JuLeah - posted on 09/11/2010

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I am glad you will check this out with a doctor. If you doctor says nothing is wrong, fire her/him and get someone smarter.



Take care of yourself. Does your husband know you are in this much pain?



No caring man would want to cause such pain.



Never never have sex (like this) just to make somone happy. And add more nevers if it causes you that much pain.



There are many ways to have sex that would not cause you such pain, if you are even feeling well enough to have sex.



Talk honestly with your husband. His job is to support you, be on your side. He will want to work with you to figure this out.



I can't believe for a second, if a friend of yours were posting this, that you would suggest to her she keep having sex and forget the pain.



You would advice her to take care of herself, tell her she is worth it, advice her to be honest with her husband. Tell her she is worth the time and attention. Tell her to care about her own health and well being as much as she clearly cares about others. Tell her to be her own best friend. :)

Jenni - posted on 09/11/2010

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You just had your baby? Are you nursing?
My periods were very irregular and painful after giving birth with both of my children. They eventually went back to normal by 6 months post-partum. My OBGYN attributed my pain during intercourse to nursing. I found my first pap very painful and she said when your nursing some women experience vaginal pain. Hormones and such. I found it went away around 3-4 months post-partum.

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C. - posted on 09/11/2010

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@Jodi, thank you :) I told hubby last night that I want to buy a heating pad b/c nothing else seems to be working. Going to try to go to the store today when he gets back from the gym (he's training for a PT test).

@Jennifer.. I had a baby a little more than 2 years ago and no, I'm not nursing. But thanks for that bit of info :)

@JuLeah.. We actually haven't had sex in over a week b/c even when we're not having sex, I'm getting pains. The other day I had vaginal pain along with cramping, so that's definitely a no-go until we figure out what's wrong and what we have to do. I've still been taking care of him, but I'm not into it with as much pain as I've been having. And no, he hasn't been asking for anything at all. He's actually very understanding about how much pain I've been in, so I guess I'm kind of lucky. But that was a sweet post :)

@Heather.. The thing is, though, that up until I started getting pain during sex, I was always into it- every single time. That's something I love to do with my husband. But once I started having pains, my sex drive has plummeted, which is why I haven't been having sex at all. The pain is just too great to even try right now.

The length thing rings a bell, but then again, my husband hasn't all of a sudden grown, so I don't know why this would be bothering me at all now and not when we first were having sex.

Thanks :)


I have an appointment on the 17th, but like I said, I don't know if I'm going to wait that long. It's just less than a week, but this has been going on for a while, so I don't want to wait much longer.

I was, however, talking to my sister and something I mentioned last night worried her. There was tissue in the menstrual blood last night and she's thinking maybe I am having a miscarriage or something, even though the ACC (Acute Care Clinic) gave me a test several weeks ago before they gave me X-rays and it came back negative, so I don't know. Although another thing I was looking at was Ectopic Pregnancy, but my symptoms match up more with the Endo than the Ectopic Pregnancy. I guess we'll see soon enough.

Thanks for all your support and your sweet words! It's comforting :)

Jodi - posted on 09/11/2010

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Heat pack, pain killers and bed :) The only remedy I can think of!! But you probably can't. **sigh**



Hope it turns out to be something that can be easily dealt with. But you know where we are if you need to vent or some support. That sort of pain sucks. I've been getting it with every period for the last 25+ years :) Some are worse than others, but I guess I just live with it nowadays. Maybe that's why childbirth was such a breeze for me and I didn't think it was all that bad :\ My doctor DID tell me I go into first stage labour every time I have a period, because my muscles contract and my cervix dilates.

C. - posted on 09/11/2010

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It's official. Started again today, so that's 3 in a month and a half. Have an appointment on the 17th, but I'm going to call early Monday morning and ask for a same-day appointment. With this pain I'm having right now, I can't wait til the 17th.

Sharon - posted on 09/04/2010

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Menopause does NOT look like fun. A coworker has it. Nothing seems to help it. She goes from fine to at deaths door from over heating... I kid you not. We have rush her to a chair to keep her from collapsing.

I love her. She's sweet and does her best and her best is better than the teenie boppers best any day. But I seriously wonder how she is not a liability for the store. If she ever collapses face first into a puffy cart (I have no fucking idea why they're called puffy carts) she's gonna be scarred at the least. If she hits the floor she could get serious damage. Not to mention she's pretty fragile.

So, I'm not looking forward to menopause at all. And no one caught Carols' "forever pregnant" reference... lol I totally pictured her pregnant for years on end.

Dana - posted on 09/04/2010

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I don't know, I hear hot flashes are a real bitch. I've seen my MIL go from being fine to literally having sweat drip off her face in a matter of seconds... :|

Jodi - posted on 09/04/2010

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BRING ON MENOPAUSE!!!!!!

Sorry, but after putting up with endometriosis for years on end, I reckon menopause will be a walk in the park :)

Katherine - posted on 09/04/2010

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I have endometriosis too. Irregular, heavy periods. Mood swings, can't tolerate any kind of BC, pain during sex, feels like there is something in my uterus(that's painful) I had a lap done and they cleaned the scar tissue out. I conceived immediately. I have 2 girls and like Amie said it just fixed itself.
The pain was excruciating, I do know that. Hope you find out.

Jodi - posted on 09/04/2010

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Christina, I was also diagnosed with endometriosis, and I have had extremely painful periods since I started at 15. I have put up with them now for over 25 years, LOL......hoping menopause will kick in soon :)



Anyway, yes, there have been times when sex was painful (when I was younger, before kids and before any treatment), when my periods were so irregular I was getting 7 days a month OFF instead of the other way around, and pain during ovulation.



Each time I have had my endometriosis treated, it has been better. I'm due to get it checked out again because I've been having issues again, but I am thinking some of those are related to pre-menopause (let's just say my mum was 42 when she started menopause, and I am almost 41, so that's probably what it is) and hoping that's all it is :)



Hope they can sort something out for you when you see the doctor :(

C. - posted on 09/04/2010

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Thank you, ladies! Usually the pain starts if my husband jabs my cervix, which happened often. But like I said, the pain started recently, so IDK. It happens other times even when he's being extra careful, too, but it isn't anywhere near as bad.



You've all been very encouraging, thank you! And Carol, I hope they can do something for you! I can't imagine bleeding for that long. And I hope they figure out what it is exactly, and soon!

Amie - posted on 09/04/2010

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Mine was irregular and very painful when I first got mine. I'd be laid up in bed, until I went to the doctor and then I'd go to school high as a kite. =S

My mom took me to the doctor and I ended up on painkillers and some other meds. After I had kids though it "fixed" itself. Still no idea what it was or the cause. I have no cysts or anything else wrong with me. I don't think this helps much but I can kind of (since I wasn't having sex at that time) understand the pain aspect.

Until you can get something from the doctor though I'd get the strongest OTC pain killer you can get. I know here you can get Tylenol w/ codeine from the pharmacist. Failing that, the Motrin 400 mg work well for me.

Make it abundantly clear when you call the doctor too that you need to get in as soon as possible.

Dana - posted on 09/04/2010

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That's the first thing that popped into my mind Carol.
I hope they are able to figure it out for you soon, Christina.

Krista - posted on 09/04/2010

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It sounds like vaginismus, which can have a lot of different causes.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus

It's not something I've experienced, so I can't really give you first-hand advice, but I do hope that you find a solution for this and that your Ob-gyn is able to help out.

C. - posted on 09/04/2010

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I should add that my husband has NOT been asking for sex b/c he knows it's so painful. Just wanted to clarify that.

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