Obesity...how tolerant are you of others?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/11/2011 ( 51 moms have responded )

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Ok, so a thread prompted me to instigate this thread. I am very curious on everyones tolerance of people who are overweight. Do you have any empathy? Do you call overweight people overweight, fat, obese, lazy, pigs,lardasses?



Do you think overweight people are lazy? Cannot do things like you? I want to hear it ALL!



*edited to add*



Do you stare at overweight people in public and judge?

Do you name call...or teach your kids not to be fat?

Do you automatically assume someone overweight is not cleanly?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

I treat people and teach my children to treat everybody equal.I Treat everybody with respect and decency.Peoples looks alone will not determine how i treat others.I would not judge, stare or call names.



Treat others how you wish them to treat you is my motto in -life-. ♥

[deleted account]

I agree jenn, every eating disorder should be treated for what it really is. overeating or starving, its still an eating disorder and treatments should be available for each. People look at morbidly obese and say, well just stop eating so much. If only it were that easy...its more of a mental issue than a physical one.

Happy - posted on 03/24/2011

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OK! Whooooo! So here is the fat girls response! Don't cringe, seriously! I am obese, well if you go by the latest BMI maybe even a little more than that, so here is my two cents! LOL

1) I have not always been fat. Until I was 27, the most I weighed was 135 lbs @ 5'6". Hardly what I would call fat but definitely not anorexic. After having 4 misscarriages, I battled heavy depression and just didn't give a damn about what I was eating or excercising. I lopped on alot of weight in a very short period of time. I wasn't lazy, I just didn't care, at the time.

2) I can definitely tell you that being overweight severely limits my ability to do certain physical activities, including soething as simple as walking.
For your pointed questions, here it goes:

1) I was lways taught it was rude to stare and judge, no matter what the reason and/or excuse!

2) I call myself fat all the time. I am. Am I proud, absolutely not, but I am realistic. With that being said, I am also no longer suffering from depression and therefore am comfortable in who I am.
2) I am teaching my children that being healthy is more important than weight and that weight is not an accurate indicator of health. I have a friend that eats nothing but burgers, fries, pizza and never eats vegetables and is a size two. She is by far MUCH skinnier than I am, but I would have to debate you on the fact that she is hardly healthier than I am.

3) WTH does cleanly mean?

[deleted account]

That isn't what I meant I'm sorry Jennifer I think I phrased it wrong it's not that if you feel sorry for them you're looking down your nose at them, I just kinda realised how a lot of people feel sorry for obese people and I just don't and I guess that side of it makes me judgemental. My mom thinks I'm judgemental because I don't feel sorry for drug addicts whereas she feels for their struggle I just don't. I can understand it to a point maybe they had a rough go or they don't have the resources to get better and thats sad but I just don't feel pity for them. The way I see it is if it's a real problem then its your responsability to get help, if you don't then thats your choice and I'm not going to feel bad for you about staying that way be it addicted to crack, obese due to an untreated thyroid problem, or missing digits because you wouldn't treat your diabetes.

I don't think you're snobbish Jennifer for feeling the way you do I just realised I am actually judgemental to a degree and thought it would be good to own up to it.

[deleted account]

Okay first off I don't make comments or give looks to anyone unless they do something deliberately to warrant that from me. It isn't my place to judge someone and it isn't any of my business what others do with their body or life. That being said I've been fat due to unhealthy choices and took the innitiative to lose the weight, my mother was severely obese and had to have surgery to save her life and I have friends and family still who struggle with obesity so I'm not insensitive to obese peoples struggles nor am I uneducated as to the many varying reasons that people become that way. That being said when people impose themselves and expect special treatment for things that generally are in their control to a degree it pisses me off. I would never teach my kids that its okay to call people any kind of names fat included its rude and hurtful but I gotta be honest somedays I think less than friendly things about some obese people.



The buses here have priority seating for disabled and elderly people and passengers are expected to give up these seats if an elderly or disabled person boards the bus. Recently they have changed it so that there is priority seating for mothers with little ones as well which is nice since taking the bus with a little one is cumbersome and difficult, now the ettiquette remains if there is one seat it goes to an elderly/disabled person before a mother with her tot. This doesn't bug me at all I will gladly give up my seat to an elderly person but just because you have a seniors card to me doesn't make you elderly and I've had an issue with some guy once because he demanded my seat when there were plenty others because "I'm older than you now move" I told him to have a seat elsewhere as did the bus driver. Same goes for disabled people, you are on crutches, use a cane, limp, blind, or just not right in the head then yes I can totally get why you need that seat in order to make your ride on the bus safe and manageable. I've had a drunk girl come on the bus and demand my seat because she had a tensor bandage on her wrist, I told her no I'm sorry but a sprained wrist doesn't make you disabled and has no effect on your ability to sit in a different seat no more than it has an effect on your ability to drink booze, leave me alone. Now when I get on the bus with my son and there are no seats I've had elderly and disabled people try to give me theirs and I will not take it, I thank them but I think that would be ignorant of me when they are just trying to be polite. The other day on the bus to an appointment a highschool girl was sitting in priority seating (I think her disability was she was wearing heels and had a huge purse that needed its own seat) I did ask her to please move her purse so my toddler could sit down, she said no and I told her to move it or I would. Usually it's pretty black and white and there is an obvious rude or polite move but on the busride home I hit a grey area for the first time and found myself thinking very inpolite thoughts towards an obese person. I get on the bus with my toddler and there was an obese person taking up two seats and using another as a foot rest, the seat next to them was occupied by their large pizza. They eyed me and my toddler up and looked away making an obvious refusal to move even though there were no other seats. I personally don't view obesity as a disability but I can see why being obese would make it difficult to stand or sit at the back. So I stood holding onto my toddler and folded up stroller for dear life for a half hour (our bus ride is an hour and a half) before the person exited the bus. I took their seat and the people around us started making rude comments about the previous occupant. In that moment I was thinking the same thing this 'lardass' had no problem taking up 4 seats with their fat ass and pizza while they watched a pregnant woman with a toddler get tossed around the bus for 30 minutes how ignorant, and seriously is your obesity that much of a disability when its most likely self inflicted by your huge pizza. I'm not proud of it but yes sometimes I'm very judgemental of obese people when they go out of their way to impose their size on others and have this sense of entitlement. When I get on the bus yes I will expect someone to make some room for my toddler but you don't see me demanding priority seating because I smoke and might get out of breath, thats my own choice to smoke and therefore not a disability, I view obesity the same way. Yes there are exceptions but generally the people who do have a thyroid problem or a glandular disorder or have stubborn baby weight aren't the ones demanding others treat them like a disabled person, from my experience its just the ignorant pigs that pull that.



I really hope I didn't offend anyone here but what happened the other day just really got to me and now there's a thread about it lol convenient. So to answer the OP No I don't stare, or make rude comments to or about obese people but I do on occasion think it but my rude thoughts are more along the lines of 'what an ignorant person' since I have a problem with ignorant people in general. If someone who is ignorant to me or pissed me off is overweight then yes I might thing what a rude fatty but I try to just address in my own head what really bothered me about them, usually exterior traits aren't the actual problem just like the ignorant prissy chick I disliked her rudeness not the brand name of her purse. I try not to judge anyone but some people make it very difficult not to. I do/will not teach my kids to be verbally disrespectful to anyone for any reason and I promote a healthy lifestyle if they did become overweight despite that (a lot of people in my family have thyroid problems) I would get them the help they needed to get healthy, I don't think thats the same as teaching them to 'not be fat'. I don't think of obese people as unhygenic I think if you smell then you're a smelly person wether you're big or small has no effect on wether or not you use soap.



Edited to add: maybe I am horribly judgemental I just realised most ladies on here have made a comment about how they feel sorry for obese people, I don't feel sorry for obese people anymore than I would feel sorry for a blind person or an alcoholic. Yes they are impaired in some way wether its their fault or not it doesn't have an effect on me I don't feel sorry for people I guess I've got no pity just because I feel we aren't given anything more than we're meant to deal with. I don't want people pitying me when I'm struggling on the bus with my kid or feeling sorry for me if I get some sort of cancer from the previously mentioned smokes, maybe thats me though I would just be insulted.

51 Comments

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Alexis - posted on 03/24/2011

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I will be honest, on the outside I am very non-judgmental, but on the inside I do judge. I am not in shape by any means and I usually just cant stand the overweight people that seem to use it like a disability, the truely lazy! I have family members that are fat and lazy and it drives me nuts! I understand life happens, look at me, but I am still active and don't just sit around the house being miserable and making other people do stuff for me. I am also actively losing the weight.

Stifler's - posted on 03/24/2011

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Cleanly as in they can't get to all their skin for fat rolls (I think). I never thought about that one either until this post.

Happy - posted on 03/24/2011

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LOL, Layce! I am a firm believer that there should be weight limits on clothes! LOLOLOL I agree 100% with you!

Sarah - posted on 03/17/2011

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Wow, I am really surprised that most of you are sooo judgmental! Do you know these 'obese' people? Do you know what their life is like? Yes, society puts a huge amount of pressure on the overweight and obese population, but geeeez people, have a frickin heart!!! I know a lot of overweight (including myself) and obese people and they are NOT in any way nasty,disgusting or whatever others choose to label them as. They are clean people and eat decently. Now, I'm not saying being a big person is right....because gluttony to me is wrong...but if you have a genuine health issue that has caused you to gain weight, then yes, I can relate.
Over the past 2 years, I was on anti-depressants and it made me gain 50 pounds on top of me already being 170 pounds...so you can imagine how upset I was. I am currently dieting and exercising to get it off (gonna take a while).
My point is: stop judging others, you don't know what their life is like, you don't know their situation and how do you know that they aren't already trying to do better or get help? Let me put it to you like this: How do you know that those stares you give are the last stares they notice before they go off and kill themselves? I am not disgusted by big people, I am disgusted at society making these people out to be like they are the scum of the Earth!
By the way, I teach my kids to eat a variety of healthy foods...and I myself, being overweight still, am eating a lot of whole grains, veggies and lean meats.....so the next time you are out and about and see an obese person,think twice before thinking they are nasty or that they are below you. We all have demons folks, we all struggle with different things....have more compassion!!! That's what's wrong w/today's world!

Nikkole - posted on 03/14/2011

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Before i got pregnant i weighed 125pounds and im 5ft 3 at the end of my pregnancy i weighed 193!!!! I began loosing the weight hen my son was 2 then i got pregnant again gained 25pounds now i weigh around 170 and i feel sooo fat i hate it (my daughters 8months) this summer i am going to walk everyday and watch what i eat more but i dont judge anyone any more!!!! My goal weight is 125 :) hopefully i will get there again!

Bonnie - posted on 03/14/2011

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I have never had a problem with my weight, but I have never judged people on theirs. When I see overweight people, they are overweight and that is it. I don't stare at them or name call. In fact, I have a few friends were are fairly overweight and they are a billion times sweeter than a lot of the thin people I have come across over the years.

Really, who are we to judge. Yeah you might happen to see an overweight person just as they are eating a slice of pizza or McDonalds. It doesn't mean that all they do is eat or eat unhealthy. They could have other reasons for having weight problems.

Erica - posted on 03/14/2011

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I read through all the responses, and I agree with some views. But really, the ONLY thing that popped into my head about obese were the children off of Maury. I'm overweight, and trying to drop some weight, but at the moment....I don't feel motivated to do anything. I don't know if this is just an excuse or not, but I feel like I need friends to do it with me.

Whenever I see some obese people, I instantly think, I'm glad I'm not that big and keep going. But when I see KIDS that are Obese...I instantly start thinking what the hell they are eating, and why the parents can't say no. Granted, I don't know their health problems, and thats ignorant and uneducated of me to think these things.

When I'm out with my husband and see somebody that is MORBIDLY OBESE, I tell him in a quiet voice, that if I ever get that big, to shoot me. For me, there is no excuse to be Morbidly Obese. I got a size 20 pants and instantly started going out walking, drinking more water and trying to eat less. This was over a year ago. A few days ago, I went out and bought a size 14 :) - Now it's just trying to keep going and doing different things.

As long as I can't smell this person, I don't assume they are not clean. At the moment, my child is only 2 1/2 - so I haven't really gotten into the name calling stage, but I don't want her to call ANYBODY names.

*Sorry if I offended anybody with the above statement*

[deleted account]

I haven't read any replies but no, I don't do any staring or judging because I don't know what causes someone to weigh whatever they weigh. Now, if I see an obese person with a grocery cart full of Ho-Ho's and chips, then in my head, yeah, I may think something to myself like, "Hey buddy, NOT the best way to stay alive." I don't see that as a judgement as much as it's a personal opinion. It's not up to me to choose what someone puts in their body.
To answer the questions, I never call an overweight person anything more than a person. I definitely never use the terms "fat, lazy, pigs or lardasses" in regards to anyone period. I don't think overweight people are lazy. I think some may be but I also know what it feels like to be trapped and not see a way out of a habit. For some people, over eating is a compulsion and it's much harder to get over a food addiction than it is to get over a drug or alcohol addiction because unlike drugs or alcohol, food is necessary. I don't see it as laziness. I see it as someone who may be lost in a problem and since I've been there, I don't judge. I definitely don't stare or judge. I don't name call and I definitely don't assume that an overweight person is in any way unclean. I do however, try to teach my son healthy eating habits and try to get in as much exercise for him every day as I can. Not because of me worrying he will be obese, but more because I know that when it comes to eating, bad (and good) habits start at an early age and it just makes sense to try and teach him how to eat in a healthy manner. This is also why I allow him french fries from McDonalds on occasion or ice cream or cookies now and then. If I deny him everything "bad" then I feel like I'm just setting him up for failure. Forbidden fruit is the most tempting, the most appealing. If I let him have a small order of fries once a month, then when he's an adult he won't decide to gorge himself on something his mother never let him have. Take the mystery out of food and teach him all things in moderation.

Lacye - posted on 03/12/2011

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I'm going to be honest, I'm obese. I could stand to lose about 100 pounds. But, I do eat healthy, I just don't get to exercise as much as I would like to. I will never be a tiny person. I'm 5'7, I have a large bone structure (big hips and broad shoulders that would make a football player jealous), and I have a low metabolism. I have fought with my weight since puberty. The smallest I have been was after I had been on diet pills and I had lost down to where I could wear a size 16 pants. It's been hard on me because I am a large person raised in a small person family. My oldest sister, she is 42, has 4 children, is 5'2, and wears a size 4! Have I always wished I was her size, good god yes! But it will never happen. I will never be a small person.

On that note, I do stare at some obese people. Mostly the women that walk around wearing hoochie shorts with half their ass showing and act like they look good. Trust me people, you don't! If I'm out with my honey and our daughter and I see a person that is at a restaurant that is going back to the buffet for their 6th plate of food, yeah I stare.

I try not to judge people because let's be honest, I don't know them or their situations. Sometimes it's harder than other times. I don't name call because I know how that would feel. My daughter is 21 months old so I'm starting to teach her to be polite to everyone. I don't assume overweight people aren't clean because I know that's not always the case.

Christina - posted on 03/12/2011

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I have opinions on people, but I'm not judgmental because I don't know their situation. Working as a nurse, I know that there are a lot of medical factors that can cause obesity.
On the flip side, I am 5'5 and 112lbs. I have given birth to four children and have had 8 pregnancies. Yep, 8 pregnancies! I am always on the go, and hardly sit down at work. I have lost about 8-10lbs since June, and I can't put any of it back on. I get judged pretty harshly for being my age (I'm 28yrs old) and being my size. People call me a skinny bitch, ask if I'm anorexic or bulimic, and make nasty comments about me while I'm eating. It gets really old really fast. Usually the people who are rude to me are overweight, so you bet your butt I will make a nasty comment right back to them if they keep going on day after day. One heavy girl I know refused to stop making nasty comments to me about being so skinny and criticizing me for drinking diet cokes, so I finally looked at her and said, "Well if you ever learn to put down your snickers bar, maybe you could be skinny too you fat bitch." (Mind you, I had been listening to her egg me on for a month at that point.)
Everyone gets judged on their size regardless if they are skinny or fat.

Jenni - posted on 03/12/2011

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@Kaleigh, I do feel sorry for people if they are struggling. It's not that I'm looking down on them as a person but for what they have to deal with. Whether it's a diabilitating illness or a life struggle. I'm not looking down my nose at them, I'm feeling empathy for their struggles. Whether it's by choice or not by choice that really makes no difference to me. If someone is in pain... I feel for them.

Jenni - posted on 03/12/2011

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I know what you mean Sara,

I'm not disgusted by obese people. I feel sad for them. And I'm not speaking about a little bit chunky... I don't feel any different about overweight people than I do about thin people. I'm talking morbidly obese, I feel sorry for them and it makes me feel sad because I know they're at that point because deep down they are hurting, real bad. The obesity is just a very visable symptom of their pain and depression. I think it's crude when people don't see that and just think they became morbidly obese because they don't care if they're *fat* and they're lazy. I think in the vast majority of cases eating is for comfort to cope with pschological pain.

It's almost like the people who judge are thinking, How dare they force me to look at how disgusting they are? Do you ever stop and think how much harder it is for them to have to struggle with the disorder and depression? I mean geez... have a little human compassion.

Sara - posted on 03/12/2011

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I find it kind of funny that several people in this thread have said they do not judge overweight/obese people, but then say that they can't stand to see them shovel food down their throats.

Someone also said that they feel that it's socially acceptable to be obese....judging by this thread, I'd have to say that's not true.

Jenn - posted on 03/12/2011

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@Deanna - how do you know that they aren't using one of those scooters because they have arthritis? Or any other number of possible health conditions that could make walking very difficult. Perhaps their health condition is part of the reason why they've gained weight in the first place. And the term "obese" is a medical term to describe someone who has a BMI over a certain level, so unless you are over 6'5" tall, you would be considered obese. Anyway, I'm not trying to be rude by saying that, just pointing out that your are what you say you have no empathy for. My Mum is also obese, has been for as long as I can remember. There are several factors that come into play as to why she is, and yes, at the end of the day it's because she eats more than she should and doesn't exercise like she should. She also suffers from bi-polar and schizoaffective disorder, and was raised by parents who were cold and harsh.

Ez - posted on 03/12/2011

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I have been very skinny (in my early 20s), very overweight (the first year after my daughter was born), and somewhere in between (now). I gained a shitload of weight with pregnancy (34kg/75lbs), dropped 15kg in the first month, but then gradually put it all back plus some. When my daughter turned a year old, I was 3kg heavier than I was at full term. Over the next 6 months I lost all the baby weight on Weight Watchers, but I refuse to become one of those 'reformed fatties' who judges overweight people (kind of like ex-smokers who slam people who smoke).



I don't care if someone else is chubby, fat or obese. The only reason I really notice is if a) they're trying to squeeze into clothes that are 2 sizes too small, or b) their mobility is compromised. One of our patients is so severely obese she can't even walk from the waiting room to the consultation room without stopping to catch her breath. Yes, I do notice that. But what goes through my mind is not 'you filthy fat slob', but rather 'how the hell do you manage to live like that?'.

Stifler's - posted on 03/11/2011

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Do you think overweight people are lazy? Cannot do things like you?



No, but I do think that some just eat too much of the wrong foods and drink too much alcohol then wonder why they are unhealthy.



Do you stare at overweight people in public and judge?



No.



Do you name call...or teach your kids not to be fat?



What's wrong with teaching your kids not to be fat?



Do you automatically assume someone overweight is not cleanly?



I've never thought about that before.



I think being morbidly obese would suck though and I feel sorry for them more than anything. I've been 90kg and couldn't fit into any nice clothes and was generally unhappy with my appearance and ill health. At the end of the day my obesity was my own fault though and I refuse to let my children go down that road.

Katherine - posted on 03/11/2011

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I used to judge, but don't anymore. I see overweight people jogging and think good for them!!!!!



Sometimes I get disgusted at fast food restaurants if I see someone stuffing their face and they are morbidly obese.



But for the most part I TRY not to judge anymore.





Edit to add: when I was pregnant I weighed in at 197. My normal weight is 130.

Sharon - posted on 03/11/2011

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Do you stare at overweight people in public and judge?

It depends on just how fat they are and the circumstances.

Do you name call...or teach your kids not to be fat?

We do not name call, we do not discuss lardasses in public, but if my kids have questions, I make sure they understand that people can be overweight for any number of reasons. Depression, medication, coping mechanism, bad genetics, lack of education, poor choices, etc.

Do you automatically assume someone overweight is not cleanly?

Nope. There is a very large obese woman who shops regularly at my store and she is clean faced and lovely smelling. There is her opposite too. The woman wears nice clothes but there are grease stains all down the fronts and she smells rancid.

The first woman is more obese than the second. She does not pant, or champ her mouth together (I have no idea why some obese people do that).

And there are those who just sit on their butts all fucking day long shoving in fried chicken chicken and ding dongs, watching oprah, sucking up a 2ltr bottle of soda for lunch and then they wonder why they are fat and the shocks on their car go bad every other month.

[deleted account]

I only stare if you have the balls to use one of those disability carts in the store. You need to get up and move not sit on your butt while buying more food.

I don't name call and don't allow my kids to do so either. It is rude not just for obese people but for any reason.

I do not automatically assume they are unclean unless I can smell your odor or you look like you haven't bathed in a week.

Obviously I call everyone obese that is so. However, I call myself fat. I am. I topped out at almost 300lbs or around that since I stopped looking at the scale at 295. Anyway, I am now 255lbs and still losing 4months later. (yes I even lost during the holidays! yay me!) However, I am still fat. My DH is obese. (fat) He is the heaviest he has ever been and that saddens me. However, you can't change people. You must only change yourself and hope that others will follow down your same path. Assuming that everyone can be average weight is wrong as well. There truly are people out there that will forever be obese. However, it is how obese they allow themselves to be that will be the key. If you eat right, keep your calories, fat, etc. at low levels and are still moderately over weight then you are fine in my book. However, I don't have empathy for people that are obese. If you are obese you are the way you made yourself. You should still be able to keep up with everyone and do everything just as everyone else does. I out walked most people every week when we went to the zoo. People half my size complaining of the zoo's 200+ acres being to much for them. I had no problem and I was huge. What's your excuse? lol I don't care what people look like honestly. 95% of the time your weight is the absolute last thing I see. It is only the truly obese, 400+ lb people that I start having passing thoughts like; "I wonder how active they are? or I wonder if their kids suffer?" Even at 300lbs I still got out and played soccer, walked hours at the zoo, nature walks, etc. I still do too.

I truly believe that if you love yourself and you can still do the things you want to do then your weight should be a none issue. Sure work at your weight loss goals but don't let it take over your life either.

I say congrats on what you have lost. I plan on having a pic of me with my biggest pair of sweats taken and posted on here within the next 6 months so everyone can see how much I have lost. I surprised my BIL with it today. He didn't realize how much I had lost until I pulled out the pants. :) It was a great feeling.

Nikki - posted on 03/11/2011

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I haven't read the other posts.

I am in mixed minds regarding this issue. I am overweight, not to the point that I have difficulty moving or stand out in a crowd but I am chubby. I had eating disorders for much of my life and I am addicted to food, I manage to mostly control it these days but for me and many others I am sure it's not just about eating too much because I am lazy. It's about fighting with myself all day every day to resist the urge to eat continuously.

I don't stare, make fun or judge other people who are over weight. However people that take on the mantra big is beautiful and eat to their hearts content bug me. I know that it can be a struggle, I think I get more frustrated that they haven't been able to seek help, or to help themselves. It bothers me that our lifestyles, the ease of fast food contributes to a problem that sends insurance premiums and taxes through the roof, and ultimately leads to a shorter life span.

I would be horrified if my daughter call or judged someone who was over weight. I would also be horrified if she turned out like me. I have spent the past year talking to a dietician my doctor and a councillor to work out a way to raise her without the issues that I have had over my life time.

I think that hygiene can be more of a challenge for very over weight people, but I have met many smelly skinny people too!

Jenn - posted on 03/11/2011

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I feel the same as Sherri. You never know why someone is overweight or what got them to that point. Food addiction is the worse than being addicted to any drug or alcohol. At least you can quit using a drug or alcohol - you HAVE to eat. Food is a necessary evil. Another sad fact is that things like anorexia and bulimia are considered life and death health matters and help is available in many forms including, but not inclusive to rehab. Being obese is not seen in the same light, although it should be, and the help just isn't there for those who truly need and want it.

Jenni - posted on 03/11/2011

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@Julianne... if they had painted me violet I would have been rolled away by Umpa Lumpas.

[deleted account]

Its a wonder why we gain so much for such a little baby. I ate super healthy through my pregnancy and i still ended up at 172lbs just after giving birth. im 5'3 so that is HUGE for me.

Rosie - posted on 03/11/2011

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marina i gained 70 lbs with each one of my pregnancies. first it flew off in 3 months, second took a year, this third one....well, lets just say he' gonna be 4 in may and i still have 25 lbs to lose to be the weight i was before i got pregnant with my second. FOUR years. i was stuck at 150 FOREVER. i started going to the gym and really didn't change my eating and i lost 20 lbs. i stopped going to the gym (i have all sorts of excuses why) and gained 10 of it back. now i'm trying to eat better, and i swear i'm going back to the gym one of these days soon. i'm not perfect. i wasn't trying to imply that i was and those who weigh more are inferior.

Jenni - posted on 03/11/2011

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@Marina I know exactly how you feel! I've been so up and down with my weight gain since I had kids. I was a size 1 (I'm 5"2) earlier in the year I conceived my son. But had put on a bunch of weight right before I conceived i went up from 112 lbs to 125 lbs when i became pregnant to 175lbs at the end of my pregnancy. Took me a year to get down to 135 lbs. Then I got pregnant with my daughter and reached 175 lbs again. Still afraid to step on that scale but I think I'm around 145lbs right now :P Would love to be at 120 lbs again but it feels like an eternity away. I've grown to detest mirrors and when I can't avoid them, I wonder who that chubby girl looking back at me is.

But I know eventually... I'll get there! So I try not to think about it too much right now. Just concentrate on making healthy choices and staying active. :)) chin up girl! You're doing amazing!

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Its hard after you have a baby, I'm the same weight as before i had gabby, but my body is no where near what i looked like before. I have extra skin to lose ..how do you get rid of skin? You exercise fat off and eat right but the skin stays.... the only thing i can think of is cut it off and thats not going to happen...lol

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/11/2011

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I will admit, as a heavier girl, I am very conflicted by everyones statements. I feel encouraged, and confused all at the same time. I feel like I am empowering myself with the 25lbs that i have lost....yet I still have about 40 to go to get to my ideal weight. I am so happy when I can see the weight coming off, but am hurt so deeply still by mirrors, and my own insecurities when I am in public...cause I know I usually don't look like this...but you don't. It is so emotionally conflicting....and painful.

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It really bothers me when i see someone who is clearly morbidly obese, shove food down their throat like their life depends on it. I get overwhelmed with hurt, frustration and sadness because i know what they are doing to themselves is a slow suicide. Its not me judging, its being concerned about a fellow human being. I feel like i really want to tell them they need help and to stop doing what they are doing to themselves. It is a sickness and they do need help.(notice i said morbidly obese, not overweight.)
I find people do judge overweight people, its horrible if someone is slightly bigger than what is "ideal' If someone is drastically underweight, though, kodos to them for maintaining a healthy lifestyle apparently.....Skinny doesn't mean healthy, slightly over weight doesn't mean sick.

Marylea - posted on 03/11/2011

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I have a really hard time with this topic and how I feel about it. I have always been very skinny, I used to get made fun of in elementry school and constantly called anorexic even though I wasn't.



Previously in life my stance has always been rather negative towards the obese. Its not the people themselves that I have a problem with, its what they've done to their bodies. Being overweight is one thing and I don't have a problem with it. But over eating is such a selfish act when there are so many starving people in the world. I think allowing yourself to become obese or morbidly obese is disgusting. That being said, when my daughter was in the hospital my hubby became very depressed and in about 6-8months he gained close to 70lbs. He is now obese.



His whole family has weight problems. His mother has diabetes and his grandmother died from complications from diabetes so its a real fear of mine that he's going to get diabetes if he doesn't lose the weight. I've seen how devasting it was for him to become obese and I think that its something people take too lightly. Being obese is not okay, its an illness and should be treated instead of ignored and accepted.

Charlie - posted on 03/11/2011

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The only time it has bothered me was when I watched an morbidly obese mother ( my cousin ) feed her clearly overweight children ( 6 months ,3years , 4 years and 6 years ) nothing but shit food, chips , lollies , pies ,and red cordial .

I don't care what she puts in her body but what she was doing to her children is wrong .

Katie - posted on 03/11/2011

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I have to admit that there are situations where I do judge Obese people.

I used to manage a restaurant and have worked in the food industry since I was a teenager...I have seen a lot of people eat a lot of junk over the years. If someone is extremely obese and continues to eat unhealthy crap all the time, I do judge. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I have watched women who are easily 200 lbs overweight come to an italian restaurant for lunch and order a whole extra large pizza and eat the entire thing...Day after day! We had customers who would show up to our gelato parlour and order a litre of gelato and eat the whole thing out of the container on their lunch break.

If I see a well kept person on the street who just happens to be overweight, no I wont stare or make rude comments. I know how easy it is to look at the scale and think "crap, were did that 20 lbs come from." My problem lies with the people who do nothing to improve their health and situation. People who need scooters to get around because they are too big to walk, but yet continue to lunch at mcDonalds every day, not cool!

I get that there are medical conditions that can influence weight gain and the ability to lose weight. But I can't see any situation that will be made better by feeding it with greasy junk food day after day. I work hard to feed my son healthy foods, and put reasonable things into my own body. Everyone has their naughty days but if your "naughty days" lead to you being morbidly obese then it's time to change your life.

Carolyn - posted on 03/11/2011

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I have always struggled with my weight, never having been thin, even as a teenager who participated year round in afterschool sports teams, with practice or a game everyday. and keeping it up during the summer months.

there is a difference between overweight, and obese, and of course there are always the extremes.

At my thinest after losing 60lbs in 5 months due to reasons unknown by doctors, I looked great, Was average sized, and according to charts and bmi and all that jazz, i was still considered overweight ( which really boggled my mind )

anyways, for some people some of it is genetics, metabolism , and health issues.

For other people its unhealthy living and eating. I too sit and quietly wonder what that girl was thinking squeezing into those jeans etc, or seeing a tray of food to feed a family, being eating by one single person and think OMG. But to ever be derogatory towards them, make them feel worse, more insecure and belittle them more than i am sure they already do themselves ... not a chance.

do i treat them any differently because of their weight .. hell no. They are a person regardless of size and deserve the same decency afforded to anyone else.

size does not equal cleanliness, I have seen just as many stanky ass, dirty as ever skinny people as i have larger people and everything in between.

I want my son to know how to eat properly and exercise and be active, so i will teach him healthy living as best as i can, by not only telling him, but showing him as well. This will help me be more accountable for the things i shove into my face as well !

Sara - posted on 03/11/2011

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I think my biggest problem with people who are really harsh about people that are obese/morbidly obese is that they think it's a character flaw of some kind. Like that person doesn't have the willpower/desire/etc to lose weight and keep it off. That's simply not true.

In the last year I have lost 80lbs, and i can tell you with certainty that I am treated very differently in public as a size 14 than I was at a size 22. I'm treated differently by doctors, I'm treated differently by waiters in restaurants, people say hi to me more. It may have a little to do with feeling better about myself, but I don't think that's the whole story. I think our culture in general looks at obese people as second class citizens, and I truly think that they are the last group of people that it's socially acceptable to be biased towards. When I look at someone who is obese, especially morbidly obese, I just feel bad for them because not only do I know what's it like, but it's also sad because all they're doing is digging their own grave with a fork and knife.

I try very hard to give my daughter good options to eat. I know she'll have a predisposition for being overweight, so I want to try and nip that in the bud so that she won't have all the struggles I have.

Amanda - posted on 03/11/2011

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I have to admit in many cases I have very little tolerance. For example a very large family was at the mall. The husband/boyfriend got upset when his wife/girlfriend picked a table with seats that didnt move out, he got very upset. Telling her how she knows he can not fit into those tables, why would she ever pick that spot to sit (at this point I felt really sorry for him, it was clear he was embarassed, and upset). Then without missing a beat he says lets have taco bell, and goes and orders half the menu. I have to admit I was disgusted watching their young over weight toddler (around age 2) eat a meal made for an adult, while his parents ate enough food to feed my whole family.

There is a huge difference between a over weight person who is trying very hard to control their weight, and a obese person who no longer cares.

I dont judge the weight someone is, I judge the actions that keep them there. I never name call, and I would never assume someone who is over weight isnt cleanly. I have many good friends who are obese, their weight doesnt make them bad people, and if they asked I would help them in a split second.

Yes I teach my children to eat properly and healthy. This is my job as a parent.

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I only really pay attention to larger people who look a state, for example those who are a size 20 thinking they can fit into the size 14 dress regardless of the fact they look ridiculous and have fat spilling out everywhere. If a person is overweight or obese and dresses appropriately (i.e. with the correctly fitting clothes) then I don't have an issue with them. As for stare no I don't generally stare at people though, I was always taught it's rude to stare!

I would never call people who are overweight rude names, people generally know when their weight is an issue and do not need me or anybody else pointing it out to them in a rude and offensive manner. However, there is a huge difference in speaking with someone close to you about their weight if it is affecting their health negatively - but that talk should not contain any kind of name calling just concerns.

My hubby and I have both had issues with our weight and so definately strive to teach our son healthy habits, I am pleased to say he prefers fruit over chocolate at the moment. We don't want him to have to struggle with food like we have.

The only time I assume someone is unclean is if they smell unclean or look unclean, being overweight doesn't fall into either of these.

Brandi - posted on 03/11/2011

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It isn't just overweight women who get stares and talked about. I am 5'2 and I weigh 100lbs. People assume that I do not eat, or that I have anorexia or I am bulimic. ALL not true. I eat what I want, when I want. And, I may or may not work out.

Point being, name calling and stares hurts EVERYONE. I cannot help the way I am. I have tried. So, No I do not name call, or judge people on appearance. I think doing so makes you shallow.

On the other hand... I do encourage those who are overweight to eat right, and exercise. Not just for your health reasons, but also for your children. SKINNY people also need to do the same things. Like I said I can eat what I want when I want and still be skinny, but that doesn't make me healthy. So, yes, I try to practice what I preach and try to stay away from sweets and such and I workout like twice a week.

Amy - posted on 03/11/2011

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I don't think all overweight people are lazy. I don't think all skinny people are healthy.

I have friends who are HEAVY girls. They were abused as children and honestly we talked about it in psych class that some women put on weight for 'protection' in their minds. But these friends of mine are clean, take care of themselves, are active....they just aren't skinny. IT doesn't make them bad people. They aren't slobs, they work their jobs and work hard at it. I don't teach my kids anything about size beyond....we are all different shapes and sizes - otherwise, it'd be boring if we were all the same!

I do judge the fat people with uncombed hair and ratty nasty clothes who smell like BO like crazy. But...I also judge the skinny people with too skimpy clothing who smell like BO and haven't combed their hair. So, I do judge. but on cleanliness, not size.

I am one of the great matabolism people, but I also exercise a LOT. I love bellydancing. I love yoga, I love walking with my kids and biking. I've had people tell me they HATE me because I'm skinny. eh, doesn't bother me.

Krista - posted on 03/11/2011

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I don't notice or judge overweight people, or even obese people. However, if someone is just enormously, morbidly obese, then yes, I cannot help but look and notice. I don't really judge them, per se, I just think to myself, "Oh my god, that poor soul." Mind you, I also have the same reaction when I see people who are thin to the point of emaciation. I saw a woman once who was just painfully, painfully thin -- quite literally skin and bones. And all over her back and her upper arms (it was summer) was a fine coating of hair -- a very common symptom of anorexia.

I don't think laziness is exclusive to the overweight. I know many a slim person who subsists off of junk food and doesn't do a lick of exercise. They just happen to have a faster metabolism. It happens.

As someone who has struggled with her weight for her entire adult life, I do want to teach my kids to eat healthfully and to be fit, just so that they're healthy and so that they can avoid some of the stress and angst that I've had in my life due to my weight.

I will confess that I once participated in a discussion that started with a fat joke and turned very mean-spirited. And another friend called me out on it. I felt like a complete asshole, and have been very conscious ever since to never name-call or to say anything around my son that could be construed as intolerant.

Rosie - posted on 03/11/2011

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i do admit i judge an obese person. let me repeat that OBESE, not fat. i do not name call an obese person around my children, and rarely do it at all. however i can think of one example where my husband and i were at Red Lobster during all you can eat shrimp. a man who had to be around 600 lbs was sitting at a table alone next to us. the waitress came over to him asked him if he wanted any more. he asked how many plates he'd had already, she looked at her notepad and said 39. that's right, THIRTY NINE plates of shrimp. needless to say my husband and i stared at each other with disbelief. of course he's that large when he downs 39 plates of shrimp in one course. gluttony isn't attractive to me.



now- my best friend is overweight, i have a few other friends who are overweight as well. they don't eat massive portions of food, they eat rather well actually. my bestie does have a weakness for chocolate though, but i can't believe her size is due to excess chocolate consumption, if that were the case i'd be her size cause of all the pop i drink. IDK.



do i assume someone is not clean if they are overweight? if they smell, yes. if the guy like my red lobster dude is stuffing his face full of food-yes i do.

am i an awful person now??

Bondlets - posted on 03/11/2011

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I'll open myself up for slamming and confess that my initial reaction/thought toward heavy/obese people is very negative. I gained so much at one point I weighed as much as at the end of my pregnancies, then I lost all of it with an excellent diet and exercise and kept that weight off for the last 18 years and 9 kids. I worked stinking hard and had to sacrifice stuff I would have liked to eat, had to use my time to exercise rather than sit in front of the TV/computer. Unfortunately, my choices created a hardness in me toward those whom I see not taking care of themselves and I do not feel much sympathy toward them. Now I understand there are physical conditions that contribute to being overweight and for those people I feel badly (although I do still feel they should do everything they can with their diet and exercise to be healthy).

So, yes, I stare (can't help it) at obese people (I quickly avert my eyes, though). I burn the image of them in my mind so I remember why I do what I do, what I do not want to let myself become. I do not make ugly comments to my kids about others however I do teach them excellent health practices and we talk about the dangers of being overweight. I stress being physically fit more than being a certain weight. I do not associate being overweight with being unclean.

So overall no, I am not tolerant of obesity (with the exception of true medical/physical conditions). I get it (I am addicted to food, btw) but I also feel personal responsibility and inner strength can work wonders...even 18 years/9 kids later. :)

Darn it...cheeseburger post is making me hungry for that now!! I will resist...I will resist...

Becky - posted on 03/11/2011

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I am overweight. Not obese, but I could definitely stand to lose 30-40 lbs. It's been very hard on me, because I was always underweight until I hit university. And then I started showing symptoms of PCOS and gained 40 lbs. in a year. it's been a struggle for me ever since. So, since I know what it's been like for me, I am sensitive to it with anyone else. I don't judge, because I don't know the reason for their obesity.

Jenni - posted on 03/11/2011

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I think as I've gotten older i've grown out of my intolerance... for well... not just obesity, but a lot of things.

I guess I'm more understanding now, especially after being pregnant twice and struggling to lose the weight after. Before I'd think: Just stop eating SO many Cheeseburgers!
Now I realize how hard it really is to lose weight and how much more there is to it than just cutting out a cheeseburger or two.
Also my sister has struggled with her weight since she was a kid. She lost over 100 lbs at one point through diet and exercise. I know how long and hard it was for her to change her entire lifestyle to include healthy eating, exercise and not to mention dealing with the psychological addiction.
And that's what it is sometimes, an addiction... it's just the side effects of the addiction are more visable to onlookers.

I believe you reach a certain point in your weight gain where the problem becomes so overwhelming to you, you begin to feel there's no hope. Or the changes you'd have to make to your lifestyle are too great. Just like any addiction.

I don't teach my kids "not to be fat". But I do try to teach them to live a healthy life-style. More from a health aspect than anything else. I want to teach them the importance of healthy eating and exercise for mind, body and soul.

Tania - posted on 03/11/2011

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I have been on both sides of this fence.

I was a skinny child untill puperty.....then at 18 I lost a lot of weight due to illness.

I had ups and downs....my lowest weight was 115 pounds my heaviest was 170 pounds.

4 years ago I was 132 I had a kidney transplant and gained 40 pounds...a year later I had a baby and now I am over 200 pounds.

I the last 3 weeks I have lost 7 and I am thrilled.

I will never judge anyone for being over weight....I don't know what happened to them.

I would hate....although I know people have....judge me for being over weight.

Minnie - posted on 03/11/2011

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Yeah, the comment in the pitocin thread bothered me. Uterine sensitivity to synthetic oxytocin has absolutely nothing to do with the rectus abdominus.

I work diligently to make sure those in my immediate family are concerned with their health and live healthy whole lifestyles. But I don't judge other people for their weight or body mass index or whatever. I'm sure that many judge themselves enough. I know I judge myself harshly often by how I think I would like to look.

You know, back in highschool we had to run the mile for the NY state test. I am not a fast runner- and a girl who weighed significantly more than I did ran the mile faster than I did.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/11/2011

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In another thread about pitocin, a couple of people blamed the potential physical fitness of a person corrolated directly with the effects of pitocin on people. Plenty of people, thin, heavy, short, tall, physically fit, out of shape have different experiences with different drugs...but this is not truly what this thread is about...but it prompted me to start it.

I am currently over weight. I had a baby back in April. I was running 5 miles per week ( I had just started running...My whole life I never ran..I was proud of this accomplishement) and walking 2 miles 5-7 times per week. I would do 200 hundred crunches per day, and was extremely active. Then I got pregnant. I breathed I would gain 5 lbs. In total, I gained about 65 lbs during my pregnancy...I have now lost 25lbs of it...I am working hard.
Mind you, in my state of (yes obesity) I delivered naturally a beautiful baby with no medicine AT ALL! With my first child, I also gained the same amount....I lost it...and became physically fit...but I had a c-section with him. I was the same weight for each of my delivers, and both of them were completely different.

I notice alot of people have intolerance of people who are overweight. I am very insecure about going into public due to my weight. It hurts to look into the fucking mirror, and not fit into my cute clothes. Strangers do not know how I USED to look....(like my picture) and only see me now. I feel judge, and mocked. I want to know if you feel the same, or maybe do it to others without knowing it.

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