Oh Holy Hell!

Jackie - posted on 12/29/2010 ( 25 moms have responded )




Well Ladies....

I just found out that I'm pregnant on Dec 23rd, (the day before my birthday) and I'm assuming that I'm probably 5 weeks ish.

Nobody knows except Jon, of course, and I am absolutely terrified. I'm sooo not ready for this! Allison will only be two in Feb so that makes them 2 1/2 years apart!.

I feel guilty because I'm not exactly thrilled and I should be. When I found out about Allison I was elated! I was all about eating right and not doing this and not doing that and making sure I did this. This time, I don't feel all gung-ho. I feel bad about it.

I feel like I'm going to be taking something away from Allison and Jon says to look at it like I'm giving her a gift. I'm trying to and I'm hoping that the joy will come but reality hasn't set in yet.

Also, I was taking Zoloft and I'm weening myself now. I'm nauseous and tired. (Which I never got sick with Allison) Over Christmas break I was so tired and un-motivated that the walls could have come down around me and I wouldn't have moved. I'm not sure if I'm drained from being pregnant, or if it's because I'm coming off of the Zoloft, or if I'm depressed?

Also, I quit smoking about 3 months before I got pregnant the last time and my dumbass started smoking again when she was about 3 months old. So, now... I'm a smoker and trying to quit cold turkey is HELL. And when I say HELL, you have no freaking idea unless you've been there. I've taken a drag or two here and there and I feel guilty as shit every time I do. I fo to the doctor on the 20th and I'm going to need to some serious help and support to kick this habit because I refuse to be THAT girl! OMG I'm so stressed.

Any kind words and support is greatly appreciated. Do you have a second kid and feel the same way about taking attention away from your first?

If you're going to be an asshole about me trying to quit smoking, save it. I'm trying really really hard. So hard, in fact, that I am fully capable of coming through this computer screen and kicking someones ass if I have to! lol


Tara - posted on 12/29/2010




Breathe. lol
I had most of my kids 2 1/2 years apart. It's actually a great age gap in my opinion.
As for the zoloft, I took it all through my last pregnancy and am taking it now while nursing, I contacted Dr. Newman the breastfeeding guru, and my doctor, motherisk, and my midwives, all said it is one of the most common ones prescribed to pregnant and nursing mothers.
I didn't quit smoking with my last pregnancy, I have a ton of other things in my life that were stressing me out, I cut back to 3 a day, one in the morning after breakfast, 1/2 after lunch etc. so that I still had my fix but wasn't really doing any more damage than breathing the air on a busy street corner, I felt guilty as shit but I knew that it wasn't that bad.
I have 6 remember, 6 kids!!
You'll adjust, you have 9 months to get ready and to emotionally prepare yourself.
Your daughter will be fine, it's all in how you feel, you will transfer that energy to her.
I liked this analogy when explaining to my kids how a mothers love works...
I light one candle, we talk about how bright it is, then I use it to light their candle, we talk about how mine is still as bright after I used it to light theirs, then I light another one for the baby, and again they see mine is still as bright. That is how my love for them works.
2.5 years old is a great age to introduce a baby, they are old enough to understand that things are a little different and they are old enough to start being more independent. Again, I can't stress enough that so much of the transition will be about your level of confidence in your ability to give to two, rather than one.
You Can Do It!!!
Oh by the way,
I hope I was somewhat helpful, now I must go help Steve clean up for our New Years bash, I'm gonna get loaded for the first time in about 15 years!!

[deleted account]

I'm pregnant with my second and my son will be three when this baby is born. First off the nausea is most likely the pregnancy not the zoloft same with the mood, I'm just coming out of the morning sickness, lethargy, and moodiness that hit me with this pregancy but that I didn't have at all with my last one. I'm still trying to quit smoking as well, just remember stress can be worse than the occasional smoke (I'm not advocating smoking I'm just saying stress can do quite a lot). A lot of people on their second are having the same mixed feelings, we planned this baby and I'm not gonna lie for some strange reason I've never felt so unprepared in my life. We were going through Aidens old toys to make room for the new ones from xmas and every baby toy I took out of his toy box and put into the new baby's toy box made me feel horrible even though Aiden was helping me and enjoying the process. The thing to keep in mind is that they aren't going to look at the baby and think of all their stuff, attention, etc. split in half. Your heart grows to love more people, their place in your heart doesn't shrink to make room. Don't worry too much you need time to adjust and once the surprise fades the excitement will kick into gear I'm sure. Best of luck, I wish you calm mellow thoughts!

Amie - posted on 12/29/2010




I have 4 kids! I'll be honest, going from 1 to 2 was the hardest transition. After that it's easier. You'll know what to expect, you'll be experienced at adding more to the family load. =)

I felt this way when I found out about my 4th though. She blew us completely by surprise. My sister was the only one around the night I found out. She held me while I bawled my head off. I knew we were going to have another one but she wasn't supposed to be there until after our wedding the following summer. So ya, it threw a serious kink into our plans but we adjusted. By the time she got here that spring I was as happy as could be. =) Now though... well some days I wonder wtf I was thinking having 4 kids but those days are the ones where they are all fighting with each other. =/

You'll get through it. =) It just really sucks while you're going through it.

Good luck on quitting smoking too! As for the husband aspect (if you do decide to stay home)... I'd seriously kick him, hard. After our last I decided to stay home for good. By this time my husband was already well versed in what kids do in a day, how much they drain you and I am only one damn person who may not get it all done every day! I left him alone with our oldest 3 before I found I was pregnant with our 4th. He changed his tune quick after he had his own in your face experience with the kids for a few days. haha. =)

[deleted account]

My first 2 a little over 2 years apart Things were great and then I found out I was pregnant AGAIN when baby #2 was about 6 months old. I went in for my ultrasound thinking I was maybe 6-8 weeks and found out I was 15 weeks pregnant with a boy. It took a while for the joy to come on that one but it did.
Your not taking anything from your family your adding to it. I hope you feel better soon:)

Mrs. - posted on 12/29/2010




Talk to your doctor, they'll help you. I had a surprise pregnancy and was on meds/not prepared/feeling a lot of the same things you are. I freaked out until I talked to the doc about my meds (pain meds for a neuro issue) cause I thought I was for sure going to have a messed up baby. He and my high risk OBGYN filled me in about the fact that many people have mental or physical issues that require meds, are pregnant and have healthy children. Every specialist I went to was more concerned that I was not in pain than if the baby would have issues. She ended up perfectly healthy and has yet to have any physical issues or developmental issues. I was ever able to breastfeed...even though I didn't produce a lot of milk...unrelated to the meds.

As well, give yourself time to adjust, this is a huge shock. Be gentle with yourself and remember you are trying as hard as you can to deal with an unexpected development.

Your doc might be able to help you get off the smokes too. It may not happen right away. I know I felt guilty because I didn't know I was pregnant and had smoked pot the first couple weeks. I told my mom and she said that she smoked cigs the first pregnancy cause they didn't really know better then and smoked pot too. My bro is in no way effected. She didn't continue with it but she told me that so that I could ease my guilt and just do the best with what had already happened. Can't change it now!


View replies by

Laura - posted on 12/29/2010




1st congrats.

2nd, My first 2 are 2 1/2 years apart and #3 will be 2 1/2 years younger than #2. I think it is a good age difference because they are old enough to help and understand and young enough to be good friends.

3rd- I am also one of those that started smoking again after the first. I quit when I was pregnant with the 2 and haven't had one in almost 3 years now. I totally understand the guilt, however quitting straight out may be worse for the baby depending on your stress level. What I've always heard from doctors was to only smoke about 1/2 to 3/4 of the way down because the really harmful stuff is by the filter and by then the filter is dirty so it doesn't block as much.

Good luck to you!!!

[deleted account]

I always knew i was going to have a big family. Even with knowing that when i fell pregnant with number 2 i felt aweful. The same issue your having. Would i have enough time for this baby/ would i love this baby as much as i love my 1st? would my 1st still get the same attention that she did now? The answer to all those got easier the further along i got. I fell in love with my new baby and got to know him with all his kicking int he womb i also got my daughter involved with everything. I don't know why i felt like that because now i have a 3rd child and i love all of them as much as i did my 1st. There is 21 months between my 1st and 2nd and 23 months between my 2nd and 4rd. They are close in age and i wouldn't have it any other way.
Congrats i'm sure it will work out fine. :)

Bonnie - posted on 12/29/2010




Congratulations! That is so exciting. Maybe you just need a bit of time to let it sink in and you will feel differently. That may help with quitting smoking as well. Good luck! Thinking of you:-)

Jackie - posted on 12/29/2010




Well, I spoke to the nurse of my Family doctor that perscribed the Zoloft in the first place and just told her that I wasn't sure if I needed to quit taking it and she called me back after she spoke to the doc and she gave me a schedule to ween myself, I assumed it was best to quit taking it. But I will speak to the OB when I go. I really really want to quit smoking. I wanted to quit anyways so this will just be that extra umph.

Thanks for all of the support. I'm getting really emotional. I know deep down that it's all going to work out but I just feel like there isn't enough time in a day to double my load and work full time.

I've considered maybe staying home but I'll be frank (you can be whoever you want, lol) I would go crazy being at home all day everyday. Not to mention, Jon is the type of guy that would be coming home from working giving the house the "white glove" test everyday. If things didn't get done around the house while he was at work, I would never hear the end of it....

I'll keep you ladies updated and I really do appreciate all the kind words and support. Like I said, nobody really knows yet so you guys are all I got right now ♥

Kate CP - posted on 12/29/2010




I would take the Zoloft but work on quitting smoking. Doing both at once while dealing with morning sickness and hormones is going to be just about impossible. I took Zoloft (low dose) all while pregnant and nursing with my first and I'm doing it again with this pregnancy with no problems.

I'm worried that Sam (my daughter) will feel left out and ignored sometimes but honestly she's been a big part of the pregnancy from the beginning. People ask when the baby is due and she tells them all about it: when he's supposed to be born, what his name is going to be, that she's going to be a big sister and he's her little brother. She's already protective of him, too. My sister called him lumpy because of the way he was making my stomach look and Sam got all huffy and said "Don't call my brother lumpy! That's not nice!" and she covered my stomach and glared at my sister. It was really cute. ;)

Keep the older one involved as much as you can (within reason) and just try to prepare her for the arrival of a new baby as best you can. Things will turn out okay. Besides 2.5-3 years apart is a great age gap for most kids. :)

Congrats, honey!

Katherine - posted on 12/29/2010




Oh and get right back on your meds after. I made the mistake of not doing that and got PPD. Tara is right though, you can take Zoloft.

Mary - posted on 12/29/2010




Jackie, ALL of what you are feeling is normal...cut yourself some slack!!

You can take zoloft while pregnant. If it really concerns you, talk with your prescribing doc about, and how best to gradually decrease your dosage. Tara is right, though - it is the most commonly used SSRI in pregnancy, so it is not essential that you stop it.

As for the smoking - all you can do is your best. ANY amount that you cut back is helpful. Don't beat yourself up about it, and fuck off to anyone else who tries to.

As for Allison...one day, she'll be just like me - the older sister who realized when I was about 18 that the best thing my parents ever gave me was my younger sister ♥ ♥.

Although every pregnancy is different, I'm sure part of the reason that you are feeling more tired this time around is because you are spending your time chasing after a toddler. I'm not pregnant, but damn...I LIVE for nap time these days!!

Katherine - posted on 12/29/2010




Congrats! I remember the second time I was like, "oops." I knew because I WAS so tired and crabby. I had to wean off of meds too. The hormones helped me though. I actually felt the best when I was pregnant.
Don't stress about quitting, do it slowly. When I smoked my doctor said if quitting is going to stress you out that much then just cut back. Or you can do the electronic one like Jocelyn said. It works very well.
You are giving your dauhter a gift. I so remember that feeling too.
But when I found out I was having another girl I was soo excited that she was going to have a sister.
It's scary and exciting.
Mine are 3.5 years apart and it was hard, but you get used to it.
No worries.

[deleted account]

Tara, I like the candle analogy. That's a perfect way to describe it, even though I only have the one child so far.

Rosie - posted on 12/29/2010




ii didn't worry about second kids taking attention away from the first for the simple fact that kids all around the world have been having siblings for centuries, and we all aren't fucked up because of it.
sure sometimes it's hard to divide your time, it gets even harder with 3, but it's not anything you can't manage, or anything that your first or second (cause they'll eventually get the shaft too) can't manage. but as a mother the feelings of what to do just come to you, and you just know what to do. if you really think about it, how silly is it to actually look at allisons precious face and think that you would ignore her?? that maybe came out wrong...oh hell, you'll figure out what i'm talking about when it happens!! :)

as for the stopping smoking thing, it's FUCKING hard. in fact i couldn't quit with my first pregnancy. the stress of the unwanted pregnancy, and his dad leaving the picture, made for an all around impossible situation for me. guilt ate at me, and it still does actually. but at the same time, i know that i cut back, and my reasons for not quitting are MY reasons, and what is done is done. just keep on trying, and hopefully you'll be able to stop! i don't know if you can take it while pregnant but wellbutrin helped me quit smoking, it worked wonders. other than that maybe the E cigarettes? good luck jackie, CONGRATULATIONS!!! it really isn't going to be as bad as you may think! :)

[deleted account]


And it's okay to have all these feelings. You're surprised, hormonal, and trying to quit medication and cigarettes all in one! Breathe...it will be okay. And come rant anytime!

[deleted account]

All I've got is congratulations!!!! I think everything you are feeling is perfectly normal. You weren't expecting this, so it's a shock and an adjustment. I can't fully relate to that since I planned all my pregnancies, but I can relate in a way cuz I CERTAINLY didn't plan on getting pregnant w/ twins...... ;) It was shock and fear w/ a little bit of excitement all rolled in to one.

Good luck quitting smoking! You can DO IT!!!! :)

Becky - posted on 12/29/2010




Congratulations! Our 2 are 18 months apart, and although we were planning the second one, he did come as a surprise. I was happy, but because our first was only 10 months old when I got pregnant, I did feel guilty quite a bit while I was pregnant - that he didn't get to be my baby for longer, that he was going to suffer and lose attention. But now, with the youngest 15 months old and the oldest almost 3, I wouldn't have it any other way! The first few months were tough, for sure, but they are so close and just adore each other. And Cole loves having a playmate. I think it's actually made it easier on me, because they entertain each other so much! I just have to step in to referee the fights! You'll get a good rhythm going after a bit and you'll find that you have more than enough love to go around and your oldest daughter won't suffer.
As for the smoking and the Zoloft - quitting both at the same time is a big deal! If you feel like you can do it, go for it, but I don't think there is any shame in quitting one at a time. You could ask your dr. if there's another antidepressant that's safe during pregnancy. Or just phase out the cigarettes gradually. Even cutting back is doing both yourself and your baby a big favor. And of course you know that overly high levels of stress aren't good either, so you need to do what you need to do to not go crazy! :)
Hang in there, eventually, you'll wonder what you were worried about! :)

Jackie - posted on 12/29/2010




Thanks sooo much Tara! Yes that helped alot. Like I said, I haven't seen a doc yet and there are so many things that I need to discuss. I think I'll feel better after that.
Have fun on New Years Tara! I just hope that you don't regret it and end up laying in the bathroom holding on to the floor for dear life! At least that's what happened to me the first time I drank in a long time. Makes me wanna vomit just thinking about it.

Jackie - posted on 12/29/2010




Yes I have thought about them but here is what I'm afraid of... If I quit, I want to quit for good this time and if I don't actually break the habit (hand to mouth) then I'll just pick the damn things right back up the first chance I get.

However, if it gets to the point where I can't take it anymore, I may have to go that route.

Jocelyn - posted on 12/29/2010




First off, Congrats!
Secondly, you aren't taking anything away from your first child. My oldest has a bunch of developmental delays (ASD) and that's how I felt at first, but he loves his little sister sooo much :) and we have given him more, not taken away.
Thirdly, have you thought about trying an electronic cigarette? You can get them in a really low nicotine level (even down to zero nicotine). So it's like you're smoking, but you don't get any of the nasty shit.

Jackie - posted on 12/29/2010




Thank You Ladies!! You know you're pregnant when you can read a few words of encouragement and start to cry :)

[deleted account]

Well first of all, congratulations girl! It sounds to me like right now you're in shock and getting used to the idea of going from one baby that gets ALL of your attention to two is overwhelming. I found out I was pregnant last summer (2009) and I was the same as you. I was a little happy and a lot of scared shitless and felt horrible about it because like you, when I was pregnant with Jacob I was THROUGH THE ROOF excited and did all the right things to stay healthy and safe. The second time around, not so much. Then I miscarried and was devastated. It was like all the sudden I realized how much I DID want another baby. I'm sure you'll come around, once it settles in to your mind and your heart. And if you don't, just keep talking about it, especially to your doctor and your husband. You've got a lot going on right now. Being pregnant and having your hormones take a rollercoaster ride, coming off the anti-depressants AND going cold turkey on top of it??? No wonder you're so stressed. Just breathe and know that it's gonna be ok. Take one day, one hour, one minute at a time if you have to. I'm betting that once you hear that heartbeat for the first time you're gonna melt and find a different kind of happiness about being pregnant this time. And Jon's right...you're not taking anything away from your daughter (or your family)....you're adding a wonderful new gift to it. A new branch on your own personal little family tree. Congrats girl ♥

Caitlin - posted on 12/29/2010




I wasn't as thrilled the second time around. It was harder because I was so busy with my first, I didn't have much time to enjoy being pregnant with my second, I felt more detached, but as soon as the moment arrived, boy those emotions kicked in just like they should. If it helps, it all comes together in the end. Our girls are 15 months apart and I wouldn't have it any other way right now.

Take time and dont worry about people judging you right now. As for the smoking, I know where you are coming from, I quit cold turkey and I wasn't even pregnant at the time. It's bloody hard, but if you really want to, i'm sure you can do it.

I'm happy for you, and I know that soon you will be happy for you too, this too shall pass (and the nausea knocks you on your butt, makes you exhausted..)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms