Old People Saying Shit They Should Not

Mrs. - posted on 01/04/2011 ( 61 moms have responded )

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Okay, I know there is a lot of discussion here about random people giving or sometimes yelling out advice. I've got a story and a question:

My fiance and my daughter were going down to the laundry room this morning. It was laundry day and my baby girl only had her German soccer uniform to wear from World Cup. My daughter still hasn't got a lot of hair despite being a full on toddler. An old woman came into the elevator and looked my fiance/baby up and down. She asked, "How old is your little boy?" Now, my fiance explained that it was no big deal but she is a girl and she was just wearing a soccer uniform for fun. The lady made a face and said something like, "I see." They came to the main floor and the lady got out of the elevator with them and was following behind as my daughter ran ahead happily to help open the door. The woman shouted out, "You know she's pigeon toed right! You are going to do something about that, aren't you!"

For the record, we do know she is slightly pigeon toed and asked the doctor about it. He examined her, said she is fine and even consulted with the big children's hospital here to make sure (because I wanted to know for sure and my oldest bro had to wear special shoes when he was little).

So, here's the deal, we get shit like this all the time...it's the first time we got the pigeon toed thing, it could really be anything. I live in a building that is filled with elderly people, most of whom, love kids, many of whom, have LOTS of opinions. Now we get the occasional nasty one, like this woman and they always seem to be the loudest.

Do you think it's okay to say whatever the fuck you want because you are old? Do you think old people get a pass on tact? Do you find that old people are usually the most vocal about your kids too, even though they are complete strangers?

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Beverly - posted on 01/05/2011

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Absolutely not. Sweety, I'm a grand-mom and not young, :)but I never nor would I ever respone to any parent like that. I do agree with you for some reason, some of these elderly people think it's ok, it's not, "MIND YOUR BUSINESS YOU OLD BIDDIES!":) So sorry this has happened to you. You know when people are rude or out of line this gives you permission to speak your mind. I would say to these people, " Excuse me, but I don't appreciate what your saying and next time wait for someone to ask you for your opinion if they don't ask for it then don't give it! It's ok to speak to them this way after all they just did it to you! Glad you did explain not all old people are like this because were not! :)

[deleted account]

I must say, I do think some of you arte overly sensitive. Just laugh - people will be people!
Just for the record, I'm 56 - I don't know if that is classified as old or not - but I've always found that there's rude people of all ages around the place.
As babies, my kids didn't have much hair, so people (both young and old) always thought they were boys. Perfectly natural mistake, but who cares? Just laugh.
People made comments about breastfeeding in public - just treat it as an opportunity for education - or laugh it off.
Young people (rarely old) have made comments about my husband's beard - so what?
I could go on. My point is, where's your sense of humour? Maybe some remarks niggle, but don't get your knickers in a twist, it's life. Enjoy life. Laugh lots. It'll get rid of more wrinkles than expensive creams ever will.

Mind you, I recall one occasion when my oldest was having a tantrum in the supermarket. An elderly lady made some not so positive comments on my parenting skills, so I asked if she'd like to take my daughter and look mafter her better! She was taken aback, then we both had a good laugh!

Jenn - posted on 01/05/2011

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@Kelly - I do agree that on here you will especially encounter some Moms who are VERY opinionated about things and have no quams about speaking their mind, but I'd bet that if you met those same people in the real world, they'd be less likely to run at the mouth. It's always easier when hiding behind a computer and when it comes to the debate board - that's what it's for is to debate controversial parenting topics, which is why it can get very heated. Plus, think about it, what types of Mothers come to a parenting board in the first place, then out of those Mothers, what ones are the type to come to a debate board? Well, OUR type! We're all pretty much intelligent, opinionated people - hence why we're here! LOL!!!

Sharon - posted on 01/05/2011

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ok the baby was bald and basically dressed like a little boy - I'd let it go. If you don't want her to be mistaken for a little boy - keep her in pink dresses with frilly headbands.

Pigeon toed thing - they're seeing something that was a big deal when they were parents. They don't know any better now - they're hoping to help you out. Is that a bad thing?

The other day I was cashiering and a family came in. The little boy had these odd white patches on his face. NOT that thing michael jackson claimed to have had. But it looked familiar to me. When my dad came back from vietnam he brought an odd fungus with him. I got it. (so said the doctor) Despite the fact they didn't speak american = I got it across that the patches would probably need to be seen by a doctor and that I had something similar.

Maybe I was totally wrong. maybe that kid just likes to eat chalk. but if I'm right - he'll get his skin fixed up. was I wrong? They were total strangers.

I don't know what it is about old people that makes them just blurt stuff out rudely. Maybe they're used to being ignored, no matter what they say, so they just blurt stuff out to get it said as fast as possible.

Jenn - posted on 01/05/2011

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OK - I actually read all of the responses and I have to say I'm a little bit sad. Just because of a few old cronies who don't know how to shut their pie holes, doesn't mean that all old people are like that. That's like saying that I saw a fat American so they're all fat lard butts. My Grandparents, Brian's Grandpa, my Step-Dad's Mom - all awesome great people who are NOT rude and are totally cool people. I think sometimes older people develop an attitude because they get treated like shit and pushed aside as if they're time is up and they're past their expiry date. Nothing sadder than when friends and family turn their backs on the elderly. :(

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Beverly - posted on 01/06/2011

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Good for you Elektra! I think these people need to be treated this way more often, maybe this will wake them up. I doubt it, but it sure makes me feel better! :) Hope your little one is thriving and doing well! I know for sure she has a great mom who cares about her a great deal, lucky little girl!! Keep up the good work!!!

Thejordan_family - posted on 01/06/2011

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people, young or old feel like they are being helpful. IMO It has alot to do with what is happening on TV. You can basically peek in on anyone in "reality" TV and be apart of that persons life. Whether they like it or not. It is shaping people to becoming busy bodies.
I have also had ALOT of experience with STUPID people who felt it was their right to say whatever they would like. My middle daughter had some health issues and part of the outcome of these health issues is that she is very petite. When i would tell people how old my daughter was they would say "REALLY???" as if I didnt know how old my kid was coz she was so petite. When my daughter was 6 months old and perfectly capable of holding her head on her own she was the size of a 1 month old. I had a woman come up to me and berate me cause I wasnt holding my baby's head. When I informed her that my baby was actually 6 months old, she looked at me like I was insane.
When people are rude to me I would be rude right back to them. OR I would be BEYOND polite in a really rude way. explaining that although I appreciate their thoughts and concern but instead of finding fault with my child I would rather hear how great my kid is. I also have said that i find their comments incredibly rude and that they shouldnt be aloud out in public if they are going to make complete ass's out of themselves. All depends on my mood.
Good luck....stupid insensitive people are all around.... and they think that they are doing you a service!

Jenn - posted on 01/06/2011

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What do I consider "old"? Well, it depends. I think someone is old when they think they're old. My Grandpa will be 80 on Sunday (we're having a surprise party for him) but he is certainly NOT old - he still works almost every day (he owns our family business - it's a print shop), he walks with a skip in his step, and can crack a joke with the best of them. So is he old? No way!

Ez - posted on 01/05/2011

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My grandmother has been getting a pass for being snarky and rude for the last several years. It drives me nuts! My Dad just brushes it off saying 'oh she's getting old' (she's 80). Even when she told him to fuck off and hung up on him after a minor misunderstanding lol.

[deleted account]

In cases of mental issues, a free pass is a given. In cases of just being plain rude (unless they're hard of hearing, in which case the argument would just piss me off because they couldn't hear my response anyway) no way. You don't have to be rude in return, but calmly and with a smile (thought your cussing them out in your head) say, "We are aware of the problem, and it's being taken care of. Are you going to see the doctor about that foot in your mouth?" And walk away. Age is no excuse for ignorance. I've been lucky and thus far, haven't had anyone give me any unsolicited advice, but I have gotten the "oh she's cross-eyed remark" when my daughter was about 2 weeks old, and it was normal, and had to explain that she would grow out of it. Why do people think they have a right to point out a child's flaws? Ugh!

Sal - posted on 01/05/2011

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no it isn't ok to be rude, at any age BUT i can't wait till i'm old and can have my turn, i have a list of people i'm just waiting to be rude to,

Johnny - posted on 01/05/2011

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Well, I usually just laugh off the crazy rude shit that old people say. I really don't mind the retarded comments about my child, they are often so out of whack that it is quite hilarious. Just before Christmas this old bitty (actually, she was probably close in age to my mom, around 65 - but acting like 75) asked me what I'd got my daughter for Christmas. I told her I got her a tool set, a garage & some play cars, a marionette rat, and an apron matching mine. She actually shrieked and said, "thank god for the apron, are you trying to turn her into a lesbian." I burst out laughing and said, "yes". I should have resisted, but I couldn't. It was too easy.



Now my grandmother is one of those old dears (she is 93) that makes racist comments even though she does know better and she thinks she can get away with it because she is ancient. She can't. My entire family will call her on it, especially because we know she knows it's wrong. One time we were out for my parent's anniversary dinner at a very nice restaurant. My room-mate at the time and her boyfriend happened to share the same anniversary and were coincidentally dining at the same establishment, seated across the restaurant. There was a wedding in the basement, and most of the guests were Chinese. There was a fairly constant stream of wedding guests coming through the place and down the stairs. In a very loud voice, enough for my roomie and her boyfriend to hear across the large restaurant, my grandmother says to my mother, "look dear, they're putting all the chinamen in the basement." My entire family just about dived under the table from embarrassment. Not acceptable, even for a 93 year old, and particularly not from one who is just doing it to get a rise out of people. My mother was furious, rightly so, and I demanded she apologize to my parents for ruining their dinner and I wanted to make her apologize to everyone in the restaurant, but that seemed a bit of a difficult thing to do. So old nutty comments can be funny, but sometimes they are just rude, cruel, and we should give them a good smack. Which is pretty much what my Grans deserved.

Jane - posted on 01/05/2011

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My 82 year old mother lives in an attached apartment that I built on to my home so I feel I have a lot of experience in this area. Do I think they should get a pass on tact? No and yes. I say it in that order because I don't believe anyone should get a pass but I've also learned that trying to correct an elderly persons behavior is pointless because all it does is frustrate the he'll out of you and they DO NOT AND WILL NOT change. So, for your sanity.....IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE!!!

Jaime - posted on 01/05/2011

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Kathy...sometimes I think 30 is old...especially when I can't walk up a flight of stairs without hearing my knee caps crunch or try to withstand the hip and back pain! GAH...I might be falling apart! I'd say old is 65 and up...mildly old, or MOLD is 50 and up...lol :P

Jaime - posted on 01/05/2011

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Old people always say stupid, out-dated shit! I'm staying with my aunts right now and they are both old...they say shit to me all the time and I either correct them or brush it off. Not much can be done to change the fact that old folks are often set in their ways. This woman obviously knows nothing about you or your family and likely just blurts out callous remarks because she lost reception for 'the price is right' on her dial t.v. because her dog ate her rabbit ears!

[deleted account]

No worries, Rebecca. As long as you're not accusing me of being old and rude! I intend to grow old disgracefully and laugh at everything!

Mrs. - posted on 01/05/2011

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Kathy, my fiance and I did laugh...at her and her rudeness. As I said before, we,ve made the mistaken gender thing a joke too. Of course, having a sense of humour about it doesn't mean it isn't worth asking if anyone else finds this common of a certain generation.

Amanda - posted on 01/05/2011

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oh no ladies, when you get old you are going to be censored! i mean come on didn't you read the other thread? they're censoring classics these days ;)

[deleted account]

OMG Ebony, that's so mean! And I know it's wrong but I giggled a little when I read it....sorry!

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 01/05/2011

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My Grandmother had not seen my two sisters and I for 9 years…and while growing up my sister was often hospitalized for Asthma and sick a lot.

So the first thing our Grandmother says after the hugs and kisses are given

“You were such a ugly, sickly little girl, your so pretty now! And smiled
I do feel that Elder get a pass more often...

[deleted account]

I don't know if I encountered rudeness from old people...just them giving me bad unsolicited advice. Which, if they are strangers, is very easy to nod and smile and say, "Thanks, I'll think about that." But when the grandmother in law says the reason my daughter walked late because I didn't put in her hard soled high tops to support her ankles...well, I pull the doctor card. She's just trying to help.

[deleted account]

I know I can't WAIT to get old and turn my fuckin' filter OFF! LOL

I do think old people get a pass on a lot of things. I think a lot of times, they feel that because it's been so long since their kids were small like ours, they feel useless in the parenting department anymore and just want to continue "helping" (putting their two cents in) to raise SOMEone's kid. They also may have a little "I know better" going on because for them, just about everything is a "been there, done that" situation. We'll all be there someday and I just hope that when I'm there, I'll be gentle with the youngsters and not a cranky old bitch. Ok, filter back ON, Joy :P

[deleted account]

I LOVE old people and YES, I do think they get a pass! They're old! When I'm that old, you better believe I'm not gonna censor myself!

;)

Lady Heather - posted on 01/05/2011

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Funny thing, but the old people I've encountered have always been the nicest to me about my daughter and our choices in raising her. They are much more likely to say she will walk when she's ready than a younger person. The other young mothers have been the wenchiest to me. I get this snotty attitude like I obviously did something wrong.

Janessa - posted on 01/05/2011

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Old people are scary sometimes and say whatever they feel like. I remember i was doing with world vision thing going door to door. Anyways this older white women was being so rude it like she forgot that I was black say so many untrue facts about people in africa or anyone of color. I was so pissed but i kept it calm and explained to her and tried to educate her but if i was not with world vision i would have bitch slap her and put her in her place.

[deleted account]

I only have input on 2 old people.

My dad's mom was always awesome (died about 12.5 years ago). My mom's mom has always been crazy, blunt, and rude....

Amie - posted on 01/05/2011

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Ok, my post could have been construed to mean ALL older people. I did say, Old people drive me nutty, after all. I did in no way mean every single person older than I am though. =/ My GIL is one such with no filter. She does understand though (as does anyone of the older generation who cares to pay attention to anything around them) what she says is wrong. She tries to make it a joke "Oh, haha, I can't say that though can I?" Too late gramma, you already offended the waitress. Ugh.



Old people who are that rude just don't care, in my experience. The ones who don't know better, generally have some sort of mental illness and are not part of the general public. I have met many fantastic grannies and grampas though.



On the issue of people around my age or even a bit older (up to my parents age, who are 20 years older than I am). I do find a lot of them have some serious loud mouthed tendencies. What I can not stand, more than anything, are the people who have NO kids and give advice to ME (*head/desk*) or the ones who are in fact older than me and give me advice about my older children when their own children are still young/toddlers/infants (*head/desk* x infinity). If I want advice, I will ask for it. Otherwise keep it in your head, where it belongs.



Sharon, There is a difference between politely enquiring about something and saying you had something that seems similar to it when you were a child. To outright telling someone "OMG!! You need to get your kid checked ASAP!! He could be infected!!" Ugh. It's all in the delivery.

Mrs. - posted on 01/05/2011

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I really don't care if people think she's a boy, never have. We even have a name made up, Vince (her name is Vivi), in case we want to play along. It's the know one asked you aspect of it.

I'd take that she was trying to help out if she respectfully mentioned it to my fiance. Approached him calmly and quietly offered the advice. Instead, she yelled at him down the hallway after they'd already left her to go on her way. That is just rude.

I'm in no way saying all old people are like this, I say as much in the OP. Just some are. I see here that it may be a generational thing....and widely spread though out different countries.

Mother - posted on 01/05/2011

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I don't think anyone said ALL old people are like that. They will be the ones that will be very matter a fact tho because thats the era they grew up in. They don't even think they are being rude.



I do agree with the comment about mothers from the same age group or younger. I'm not that much older the some on here but my daughter is pre-teen. I find mothers now are AWFUL. No disrespect intended to anyone. they have an opinion about everything and think their way is the only way. Just look at the battles that start over simple discussions. Imagine what those mothers are going to be like when they are old. LOLOLOL I already know I'm gonna be that freaky old witch lady with a hundred cats at the end of the street that everyone is afraid of. With my floppy hat, huge garden and strange aromas coming from the house. I'll be crusty all right because I'm old enough to have earned it. HAHAHAHA

Nikkole - posted on 01/05/2011

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Well i didn't mean all old people are like that my grandma is nice she just has some strange ways and opinions and my husbands grandma is nice but she can be crazy lol ive meet some very nice elderly people :)

Laura - posted on 01/05/2011

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Honestly I don't let it bother me, especially when it comes from a stranger. Most of these people come from a time when political correctness was non-existant, and after living 70+ years acting and talking one way there is no way they are going to change. My grandmother was one that was very blunt but also one of the nicest and sweetest people I have ever known and would give anyone the shirt off their back. It's just how they were raised. I was always taught to respect the older generation so yeah I do give them a pass.

Rosie - posted on 01/05/2011

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i do find that older people are the ones commenting on my children the most, but most of the time they are complimenting them.

at work i have come to realize that the old people are on both ends of the spectrum, no middle ground. either they'er bitter old hags who have nothing to do other than bitch, moan complain, over NOTHING, or they are the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful people i interact with on a daily basis. :)

Nikkole - posted on 01/05/2011

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When i go out with my mom with my 2 kids (my son is 3 and my daughter is 6months) all old people assume there my moms kids and im the older sister it drives me nuts and when i say uh NO there mine they give me a dirty look and walk away im 22 years old and married im not 16 for god sake's lol

Jenn - posted on 01/05/2011

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I find that I get more "opinions" from other Mommies closer to my age or younger. I've only ever had 1 old lady say anything and she asked if I was breastfeeding and when I said yes she said "well THAT's good" in a way as if to say that if I wasn't she would have had something to say about it.

Mother - posted on 01/05/2011

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LOL....I shouldn't laugh but old people are just plain crass. They come from a generation that allowed this. ANNNNND honestly, the older I get the more vocal I get. I just could give 2 craps about what people think of me and I have ZERO tolerance as well. I probably would have come back with....ya we can get her feet fixed however you're always gonna be a bitchy old busy body.

Amanda - posted on 01/05/2011

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lol, i was just thinking about this the other day! I don't think someone gets to take a pass on tact just because they are old, and yes i find the elderly are the most vocal about the kids, both family and strangers. they must figure that because they are elderly they can say what they want without getting backlash, it's crap. can you imagine what that old lady would have said if your fiance had said something about getting her eyesight or hearing or something like that fixed?!

Krista - posted on 01/05/2011

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As I get older, I find I give a bit less of a shit what people think, which has caused me to be a little more blunt and to speak my mind a bit more. However, I do not think that there is ever any excuse for being rude, regardless of your age.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/05/2011

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Old people feel like they can say anything...Well, as disrespectful as it may be,.,if they can say anything...I can say anything right back. Like...well my son may be wearing a pink backpack...but did you know your hair is blue?

Shauna - posted on 01/05/2011

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I lived with my grandparents in highschool---- Someone gave me a computer to do school work on. My grandpa would not let me have it in the house b/c its EVIL!!!!! ---he made me keep it in my car. He seriously FLIPPED OUT!!! .. old ppl are crazy

Bonnie - posted on 01/05/2011

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It just bugs me when elderly people think they know more or everything because they have been around longer than everyone else. Times are different now.

Shauna - posted on 01/05/2011

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This group of old women noticed my very pregnant belly in a store. The one old fart says oh hunny have you taken lamaze classes? I said no. They all looked SOOOO shocked and said WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? I said "i plan on just rolling with the punches" Old fart # 2 says : god be with you child.

Caitlin - posted on 01/05/2011

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They seem to have diahrea of the mouth. I've heard my fair share of them, can't remember anything specific except some old woman saying really sweet things about Kayla at the mall, how she was so cute and pretty and all that, then she went to poke her belly.. with her CANE.. I was like, "what are you doing?" she looked surprised. Either way, Kayla didn't like that and hid behind the hubby after that.. I don't mind a friendly touch once in a while, but use your hand at least, not your cane...

Jackie - posted on 01/05/2011

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I think it absolutly no excuse. You give respect to get it. There are the exception of mental illness like dementia or something though.

My old coot story:

There was a women that lived at the end of my moms street for ever and ever. She and her husband we total assholes to ALL of the kids in the neighborhood. I swear you couldn't walk past their house without them threatening to call the cops because you walked through their grass when really, they saw you LOOK at their grass and they got their Depends in a bunch. Anywho..

After the husband passed, she kinda warmed up to my Mom and I came over one really HOT day and was wearing shorts (Not really short shorts or anything) and a tank top. She was at Mom's and the first thing she said was, "You know you're gonna get raped wearing stuff like that..." WHAT!? I have no filter so I said something pretty clever at the time but can't remember what it was.

[deleted account]

I don't know, I don't think it is always because they are old. Some people are just rude and tactless regardless of age and think it is okay to say whatever the fuck they want because they are opinionated, self-entitled know-it-alls. But no, I don't think it is okay just because they are old, no-one gets a free pass on tact. Respect for or validity of opinion, input or constructive criticism of others is earned, not gained with every birthday you survive or your ability to express it at volume.

Katherine - posted on 01/05/2011

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I think it's more of an act of superiority IMO. They've lived longer , know better, and know more. My Grandma used to have dementia and she would see someone with a mole or in a wheel chair a say something REALLY loud. "That person can't walk!!! I can, she must be old and senile!" or "What is that? a huge mole?" I would get so embarrassed and tell her to stop. She would say, "What? They can't hear me.'

Stifler's - posted on 01/04/2011

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I just think it's funny when it's old people saying it. When it's young people asking me shit about why isn't my kid eating solids yet at 4 months I'm like ... and what would you know? Look at your 5 year old kid sucking a dummy and saying swear words! HA!

Joanna - posted on 01/04/2011

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When I'm old, I'll useit as an escuse to be crazy, say crazy shit, cuss. But be rude and disrespectful? Nope, age isn't an excuse for that.

Amie - posted on 01/04/2011

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Yes! ARGH!! Old people drive me nutty! Thankfully, I've perfected the art of the evil eye and they shut their yaps as soon as I stare at them.

Just because you're old does not give you a special pass to be a jerk! I do not care who you are, what you went through or how many children you raised "perfectly". Get over yourself. Like Lacye said though, the ones who are incapable of really knowing they are saying something wrong do kind of get a pass. Those same ones aren't generally out wandering society though either.

For my own story about old turds. (Ok they weren't that old, somewhere in their 40-50's) My sister, her boyfriend and myself were shopping in the mall downtown here. She and her boyfriend were pushing the stroller with our youngest in it as well as our (at the time) toddler. They were in front of me a ways, no big deal. A couple of older ladies piped up about "babies having babies" and a bunch of other hoo ha. So of course, being the loud mouth I can be, I spouted off about SOME people keeping their ASSUMPTIONS to THEMSELVES because they don't really KNOW if those babies belong to that baby. When in fact she is their AUNT and **I** am their mother, I am an adult and married so MAYBE keeping your mouth SHUT unless you KNOW what you're talking about is a good way to keep from making yourself look like an ASS. That is not verbatim, it was a year and a half ago. I do remember them slinking away after being put in their place by someone half their age.

I'm a pretty big bitch though when people push the wrong buttons or when I'm PMSing. haha =/

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