older man/younger woman, younger man/older woman: the same thing?

Tara - posted on 01/22/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )

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How do you feel about relationships where one person is significantly older than the other?

We're talking 15+ years difference.



Does it make a difference which gender is older and which is younger?



As well, at what age does it become okay to have a large age gap, is it okay for a 13 year old to date a 20 year old, etc.



edited to add "years"

edited to add more to my question. lol

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Krista - posted on 01/22/2011

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My guess, Kelly, is that those people were utterly focused ON their careers until they were older, and then when they hit their late 30's, they were established enough that they could relax a little and focus on their personal lives. And if you're a guy in your late 30's and have no idea where to meet women, you hit the bars...which tend to be populated more heavily by women in their 20's.

That's my guess, anyway. I could be utterly full of shit.

[deleted account]

Tara..agreed, grown men and women should stay the hell away from teens, Nasty ass ephebephiles

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Becky - posted on 01/23/2011

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If one is an adult and one is a teen, it's icky. Unless they're like, 19 and 20. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with a 16 year old, when we were in our mid-20's. I was more bothered by the fact that she was 16 - same age as my baby sister at the time - than that he cheated on me!
Once they're both adults, I don't think age matters. However, I don't think I'd marry someone more than 15-20 years older than me (unless I was just doing it for money, lol) because I don't want to be widowed and have my children left fatherless at a young age.

Elisabeth - posted on 01/22/2011

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My husband is 15 years older then me, it doesn't bother me obviously or I wouldnt be with him haha. We've had a lot of people give us the 'look', usually if its a guy he looks like he's giving a 'good on you' look to my husband but a lot of older women give a 'tut-tut-tut' look, but hey what business is it of theirs. It always makes me laugh, I'm not offended by it, it's uplifting to show people that we are deeply in love despite their prejudgements.
I have noticed a huge increase in older women dating younger men, a lot more then older men with younger women, not that it matters just an observation.
I read a previous comment that someone noticed that most tradesmen date women close to their age, just thought I would say my hubbie is a tradesman - a HD Fitter (Mining Machinery Mechanic), although I did meet him in the nightclub, he was a bouncer (on his nights off from mining) and I was barmaid, hehe.

Lady Heather - posted on 01/22/2011

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Oooooo...that would be weird. My cousin's step mom isn't much older than her and I always thought that was strange.

Although I have to say - if my dad found a younger woman who didn't suck as bad as his current live-in, I'd be supportive.

Lady Heather - posted on 01/22/2011

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I think for minors an age gap of anything more than 4 years starts to get a little iffy for me. I certainly wouldn't want my 16 year old going out with a 25 year old.

Once your an adult it's sort of fair game. Would I be concerned if my 19 year old was dating a 40 year old? Probably. It's hard to judge though. I've known a few couples that had really big age gaps and were together a looooong time, so there must have been a time when one was 19 or 20 and the other was 40+. Like my friend's parents - his dad died when he was 71 and his mother was still in her mid-40s. They had been together for 25 years or something. But somehow that wasn't creepy at all. They were very happy, successful and had 3 kids.

It's not something I think I would ever do. Probably 10 years difference would be the most I could see myself contemplating just because beyond that point you start to lose a lot of common ground, but I guess one can never say for sure.

Stifler's - posted on 01/22/2011

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I think it's kind of hilarious either way, but whatever. Especially 90 year old men like Hugh Hefner dating 20 year olds. Pffft hilairous. 15 years or so isn't that big of a gap though. 25 years apart is really pushing it. My mum is a year older than my dad and my grandparents are both 13 years apart in age. It's so not okay for a 13 year old to date a 20 year old. It's not okay to date someone 15 years older than you unless you are of legal age. My husband is 4 years older than me and we both agree that if I'd gone out with him when I was in grade 8 and he was in 12 it would have been disgusting and possibly sexual abuse.

[deleted account]

I met my husband when I was barely 20 (fresh out of my teens). He was 29. Nine years. We were married one year later. We were perfectly made for each other. =)



I know two couples where the woman is 15+ years the senior. Both second marriages. Both women are in failing health. Both husbands are very loyal and loving tend to their wives. One of these women has altizermers. She sleeps in a hospital bed in the living room. Her husband (in his 60's) sleeps in the chair next to her bed, leaves her with a sitter so he can work and pay the bills, comes home and tends to her every need. That's love.



In response to the teenagers dating older men, this is what happened with my preacher and his wife (7 year age difference). She was a student, he was a coach. Could of been very scandalous. They didn't officially date until she graduated, and they are still very happily in love. It can happen and not be "icky" but I'd say it's rare. And the older person needs to be mindful of how it appears and just be patient!

Krista - posted on 01/22/2011

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Perhaps the ones who have been divorced and remarried just don't want to go through that singles scene all over again, so they're more likely to meet women through their friends or their hobbies.

Bonnie - posted on 01/22/2011

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I say age doesn't matter once you are 20 years old; before then, not only is it against the law in many cases, but it seems odd. I don't think it makes a difference whether male or female. I dated someone once who was 9 years older than me (I was 21 and he was 30). When we went places my boyfriend would often say, "People are looking at us." It didn't help that I looked young for my age and I still do, but it really started getting on my nerve. They can't be looking because maybe they think we look good together? It has to be negative thoughts only? Really it wasn't anyones business, but ours. Turns out 9 months later he dumped me. I don't know what his real reasoning was, but I could only imagine. He claimed it was because he is in the military and he felt terrible for having to leave me all the time.

[deleted account]

That makes sense Krista. I had always figured they were too focused on career to date earlier, I had just never made the connection as to why they ended up with younger women. Hitting the bars does make perfect sense.



EDIT:....but then how come the older techs, the ones who have been divorced and remarried, are able to find women their own age to marry the second time around? Do they know something about finding older single women that the career guys don't know? I don't really care that much, but I just find it interesting :P I don't really know where to find older single women either...

[deleted account]

My husband is 12 years older than I am. When we met, I was 19 and he was 31 and he would not date me because of the big age gap, but eventually we got together.

We encountered some friction on the subject from friends and family, but nothing really got under our skin. I was mature....really he was too, but he was young enough to "keep up with me" and we had a blast together. We are 30 and 42 now, and happily married :)







I don't think it matters whether the man or woman is older, or which gender is older, but I do see more older men with younger women. I've often wondered why and I tend to notice it more with professional men in demanding careers, while men in skilled trades or blue collar work tend to marry in their age group. All of the partners in my husband's firm are in their 40's and 50's, but none of their wifes are over 36. The technicians range anywhere in age from early 20's to 50's, but those who are married (many are not) all have wifes within 1 or 2 years of their own age....I find that interesting. At first I was afraid that they were divorcing when the wives got too old, but all but 2 are on their first marriage. Conversely, more than half of the techs are divorced, and both their first wives, and second wives are close to their own age...so they are not "trading in for a newer model" so to speak (which I think is absurdly shallow and horrid, but I've heard of the concept)

Seeing an older woman in a relationship with a younger man is somewhat rare around here, but in every instance I've known couples like that, the woman is in a demanding career.

[deleted account]

I believe you MUST be at least 18 yrs old and have self confidence. After that I don't really care about age differences either way. (man to woman or woman to man)

Krista - posted on 01/22/2011

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As a general rule, I've read that to avoid being creepy, take your age, divide it by 2, and add 7. That's the youngest person you can date without it entering "icky" territory.

That being said, once both parties are consenting adults, then it's really their business.

The only thing that I would warn against is that sometimes you'll see a couple with a 15+ year age difference, and it's all fine when she's 25 and he's 40 (or vice versa). But that difference can become very pronounced again in a few decades.

My mom is 10 years younger than my stepdad. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but at 73, he IS starting to slow down, whereas she's still go-go-go, and is starting to find it frustrating that he can't keep the same pace as her. Plus there's the fact that she's caring for her elderly mother, and from the looks of things, by the time my grandmother passes away, Mom will have to turn right around and start taking care of her elderly husband.

Young at heart is fantastic -- but age does catch up with you eventually. And I can just see some 65-year-old woman, who just retired and who should be taking advantage of her newfound free time to see the world and broaden her horizons, but who instead is held back by her 80-year-old ailing husband.

[deleted account]

Oh brad is a big kid too,probably in a different way than your SO lol. He has action figures and comic books, he likes to play video games. Hes hitting 30 and people hit him up for ID all the time! because of his baby face.

Tara - posted on 01/22/2011

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Now that I've finally edited and decided what I wanted to ask:

I say age doesn't matter once you are an adult. I have no problem with a 20 year old dating a 35 year old. I would however have a problem with a 30 year old dating a 15 year old.
I also have a problem when the intent of the younger party is to take advantage of the older party. Or vice versa.
But other than that, whatever turns floats your boat. Love knows no age...

Shauna - posted on 01/22/2011

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My So is 7 yrs older than me too. I would date a guy 15 yrs older too as long as he was young and heart. And someone i was in love with. My husband is a big kid. I dont think he will ever grow up and i love it. And his babyface, disguises his true age as well :)

[deleted account]

My SO is 7 years older than me. I don't see anything wrong with a 15+ age difference. True love comes in many shapes and sizes :)

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