Older moms vs Younger Moms

Esther - posted on 03/02/2010 ( 56 moms have responded )

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Who makes the better parent generally speaking? I personally chose to be an older mom. I wanted to live my life for a while by myself, I wanted to travel, wanted to focus on my job, wanted time with my husband, we moved to a different country, etc. I think I would have personally missed out on a lot had I chosen to become a mother younger. I also feel that I am much more mature, more patient and wiser now than I was in my twenties and that my relationship is more "developed" for lack of a better term. Furthermore, I think I had a better idea of what I was in for, what the consequences were going to be, what kind of impact a child would have on my life. I also spent a lot of time thinking about what kind of parent I wanted to be before trying to conceive and I feel that that too prepared me to be a better parent than I would have been during my more impulsive twenties. That being said, I don't have the same energy levels I had back then, but I can still keep up and other than that I truly feel that I am a better parent now than I would have been then.

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Irene - posted on 03/05/2010

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@Susanne

You didn't read my 2nd post. I am not in any way judging anyone. As I stated before, I completely respect the decision to have a child at any age (almost - really, if your in your 50's, we gotta chat). But you seem to misunderstand my point, and that's probably because I didn't express it well.



I didn't want to have a child until I experienced life. I needed to know who I was, what I stood for, what I felt about the world and issues in it. So, for me, living included going parties, traveling and meeting amazing people.



Living also included a bout with cancer at age 23, suffering and curing myself of depression, and learning that my way isn't always the right way.



I lived on my own for many years, being self-sufficient and taking care of all my needs myself, without the help of a parent or a significant other. That was important to me. I wanted to have experienced life before I brought life into this world. I wanted to have something to offer my child other than "just" love.



So, when I say that people are not ready to have children at age 18 or 19, its not just because I think they are simply too young. There are many people my age who aren't ready to have children. It's mostly because "I" feel that life needs to be experienced before bringing life into the world.



Does that mean I am judging you poorly for making that decision? Absolutely not.



Here's one thing you must understand about me. I am open to any and all ideas regarding most issues. When I die and meet my maker, he may very well tell me that I was wrong in my thinking with this subject matter. But I can only go by what I have seen, what I know to be true by experience and through education. If I lived in a different place, at a different time, and had different values, then my ideology would probably be different. But for right now, this is my opinion on this issue, right or wrong,

Irene - posted on 03/04/2010

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@LisaMarie
I would NEVER assume that a person is a good parent or bad parent based on his or her age.

What I said was that I don't believe that anyone age 19 (or younger) can be READY to have a child.

I understand your story saying that you planned to have your first child at age 18. That is CRAZY. Yes, I said it, crazy. You were not ready to have a child at 18. (again, this is just my opinion). You made it work and that's great since you seem to be very happy with your life choices and I am sure you are a very good mom. But its crazy to consider a child having a child. And yes, at age 18, even though you are literally an adult in the US, you (and 99.9% of all other 18 year olds) are still children.

Before you get offended by that point, consider this...

The human body doesn't stop growing until a person is 20 or 21. So, if that is true, you had your children before you were fully physically and mentally an adult.

Also, 99.9% of 18 year-olds aren't financially secure. So, unless you married a sugar daddy (lol)...you are EXTREMELY LUCKY.

All that being said, I would never think that you are not a good mother. I was just saying that you, at age 19, were not ready to have a baby, even if you think you were. And again, that is just my humble opinion so take it with a grain of salt. I do not think you're a bad person for making that decision. I respect your right as a human being to make that decision. It just goes against what I know about teenagers (in general).

Irene - posted on 03/04/2010

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I have a strong opinion that older is better and for all the reasons the original poster stated.



I had my daughter when I was 32. By this time, I had traveled, partied, and really truly enjoyed my 20's. I have no regrets.



Someone posted sometimes people are ready at 19. Sorry, but I don't believe that. With what teenagers go through emotionally, how can anyone think they are mature enough to deal with a lot of what you have to deal with in having a child. Of course, there are many older people who aren't either.



The majority of people I know who had kids before 22 have regretted begin parents so young, including my own mother who had me when she was 20. Personally, I feel the best ages to have kids is between 28 and 38 years old.



I just think its better to wait. Mature, get more financially secure, get married, live for awhile before throwing yourself into the world of parenthood.

[deleted account]

Irene i had two kids by the age of 22 and i have never regretted it they were both planned and i was financially stable. Some people dont want to party and travel. At 19 i was ready to marry and have a family and was lucky enough to find the perfect man to do that with. Dont judge others by what you wanted out of life, partying and travelling etc isnt important to everyone just because it is to you.

Brooke - posted on 05/13/2010

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I have respect for Mom's in general! WE ARE AMAZING! =) I myself am a young Mother. I had my first at 20 and now my second will be here this December, both planned. My circumstances are very different from most my age. I am happily married, four years this September, have a beautiful 5 bedroom home (plenty of space for children), medical, dental, comfortable income, a happy loving marriage, and most importantly (to my Husband and I) a strong faith in God. This is what we wanted though. I don't like to travel (as strange as that sounds) our family goes on three vacations a year and even those are too much for me! I never wanted to party or drink. Those things weren't important to me. However, I am often told I am an old soul. One of my very best friends is 30 and we joke that I'm 37. =) I'm happy I'm having children so young. I want at least four but I'm neither my husband nor I are opposed to having more. I have tons of energy, can run off very little sleep, tons of patience and lots of love to give. I feel that there are definitely positives to wait as well, especially if you're not a 22 year old who wants this for yourself at 22. Overall, I wouldn't have done things any differently, never not in a million years. This was right for my husband and I but may not be for someone else. That being said, I don't find one to be better than the other. A Mother is a Mother. We are wonderful and beautiful and give life to another human being. That is something to be proud of no matter what your age may be. =)

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LaCi - posted on 04/07/2010

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If it were a gauge, in my experience more older moms just lean a little more toward to coddling side of the meter, and younger a little ore toward the tough love side. Which is better? Neither, in my opinion. They're just different. Not to say all moms fit that, just what i've noticed. I assume its because younger moms are still a little more self absorbed, and older moms have had more time to be self absorbed so its easier to focus on another being rather than yourself. It took me a while to find an acceptable balance of selfish and selflessness. I couldn't handle being selfless at all times. Not to mention older moms are more likely to have planned to have a child, younger moms are more likely to have had an accident. Just what I've noticed, its not a rule or anything and I am not judging anyone or calling anyone self absorbed. ;) But I don't think either is better than the other.

Louise - posted on 04/07/2010

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I think I have had the best of both worlds. I married at 19 and had my first son at 21 and another at 24 my sons are now 18 and nearly 16 and now I have completed my family with a daughter of 17 months. I do think I am a better mum now than I was then. I have more patience and can teach my toddler far easier than with my sons. Nothing phases me any more I take things in my stride. When my sons were small every thing was a crisis. I never had the money to travel and see the world in my twenties but I am the big 40 this year and I intend to start doing more for me and not put things off because I have a baby. It was my choice to have another baby and I would not be without her but I will not stop living my life to the full. My daughter is far more intelligent than my boys and I think that is because she is rich with life experiences that the boys never had. I don't think I was a bad mum the first time round just stressed out and tired. It is an individual thing I suppose every mum is different but I am glad I have my teenage sons as we are so close and now the girlfiends are also on the scene we are like one huge family. My daughter has three father figures in her life and is spoilt rotten by her brothers. My daughter has put the spring back in my step and is keeping me young.

Sarah - posted on 03/12/2010

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personally I think age has nothing to do with how prepared you are for a lifetime of parenting, because there is no way to prepare for the ups and downs and lets not forget the suprises of parenting. take all the classes you feel you should read all the books by all the "experts" but the bottom line is all children are different, no baby is the same so how would one "prepare" themselves for something as unpredictable as becoming a parent? aside from that and that being said i was 19 when i had my first and will be 22 when the one i am carrying is born and i'm glad i didn't wait. i'm happily married and we have our own place. but from what i have observed from the other mothers i actually do know that are 29 and 30 are the ones who complain about how they need "me time" and are constantly leaving their children with other people just so they can go and drink and have what they consider fun. so my point is how old you are has absolutely nothing to do with one's frame of mind when it comes to parenting. (my two cents)

[deleted account]

Sorry Irene looking back it wasnt you who said i was judging it was someone else who said i was judging you. The other comment made about intelligence was not directed at you at all but in response to comments madde by other people.

Irene - posted on 03/08/2010

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@Susanne,
I didn't say that you were judging anyone. Nor did I say anything regarding the children of older parents being more intelligent (not something I would ever assume). I don't think your response was to anything I said.

Tah - posted on 03/08/2010

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i had my children young and the college fund is in full effect and my husband and I both have careers that people older than us do not..so i'm with susanne on the college thing..

[deleted account]

I wasnt judging you or anyone Irene i was just stating that not all mothers want to wait until they are older. My whole intention from the age of 18 was to marry and have kids. Also in regards to older mums having more intelligent kids that are more likely to go on to college i dont agree with that at all. I think its more down to the way a child is raised than the age of their mother. My children will all be expected to go to college and adequate funds have been set aside for them to do so. So what exactly is it about the older mom that makes them more likely to have college bound kids?

Jennifer - posted on 03/07/2010

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I read somewhere that our bodies are most physically ready to have children before the age of 25, but we are more emotionally ready to raise children much later. According to that source, the most ideal setting for raising children would be a society where the young have children but were expected to pass on much of the child raising to the elders.



I had my first child at 32, and I think that was perfect for me and my husband. We both talk about how much more willing we are to give up our time for our baby than we would have been in our early-mid 20s. It's not hard for me to let go of any resentments for the strain my son is putting on my body, my time, my sleep, etc. I can mourn the loss of my old life and body, but I know that I chose this path. All the responsibility of it is on my own shoulders and has nothing to do with my son. I think if I had him before 25 or 26, I wouldn't have had the insight that I do now. I wouldn't have wanted to be resentful and would have buried it instead of acknowledging the feeling and letting it go.



I was a pretty mature 18 year old, but, I grew, changed, and learned a lot about myself in my early 20's. I'm not sure I would have been as good at helping my child learn about himself and the world as I am now. However, my son's just a baby, and I don't know what chasing after him is going to be like when he gets older. Maybe I'll look at younger moms with envy then. lol.

Amanda - posted on 03/07/2010

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I am both a younger mother and now an older mother. There are many benfits to both.

As a younger mother (22 with two children), I had way more engery to play and deal with the general fun of having toddlers, but I did not have the maturity, and wisdom I have now. I spent a lot of time trying to survive, and not enjoying my two children.

At 31 I had my 3rd child, wow how different it is to be a parent at an older age. I am not longer just trying to survive the day. I understand enjoying my baby is much more important, than trying to be the perfect parent. I understand that if my child isnt in bed by bed time, there is always tomorrow to try again, but I do not have the energy I had with my first two.

But that all being said, as long as you are truely happy then you had your children at the right age!!

Konda - posted on 03/07/2010

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Most of you know that I am an OLD mom, LOL. I have been AWOL for a while, but I am jumping in......I had my first at 36 and my second and last at 39. I could not have dealt with kids at a younger age, first off I suffer from nasty mental illness and it took me until my 30's to find the right medication, secondly, I was really immature and naive. I do agree with what Sharon said, as usual ;o), more older moms breed college bound babies because they wait until the are financially ready for the kids and don't live in poverty, of course this is not always true. I hope my boys want to go to college.

Mary - posted on 03/07/2010

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I'm not sure that age is the most defining factor in what makes a good parent. Some of it is just innate. There are some women who are simply born to be mothers, and this is true whether they are 18 or 38. Others simply lack that nuturing instinct...again, you can see this in a 17 y/o, or in a masters-prepared 40 y/o professional.

I was not an older mom by choice. Had I conceived at 27 when I wanted to, I still think I would have loved my daughter above all else. I may not have done things exactly the same, and I probably have a bit more patience now than I may have then, but...who knows? I do think that I'm a little less "me" oriented now than I was then; I've had a lot more life experiences that have drastically shifted my perceptions on what truly matters in life. Does that make me a better mother than someone who is 20 years younger? In some cases, I'm sure the answer is yes, but certainly not in all!

As for energy levels...well, I may be a bit unusual in that I was actually in better physical shape at 35 than at 25. At 25, I still partied a good bit, ate like crap, and didn't exercise a whole bunch. By the time I had my daughter, I was walking/running my dogs up to 5 miles a day, rarely drank to excess (it's hard to that 5 mile run when hungover!) and had given up smoking. So perhaps fate knew what it was doing when it delayed my fertility by 10 years!

Shayna - posted on 03/07/2010

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I am a young mother, our son was not planned, but sure is a blessing. I missed out on alot, and will as appose to people my age. I will none the less have a teenager when I'm 30, so I see it as a whole life ahead of me to live. I really don't think age is not"the" issue when being a parent. Everyone has different maturity levels, educations levels, experience, and financial levels. Just because your 30+ doesn't mean you any better off than someone who is in their 20's, or it certainly doesn't mean your child will be.

I'm blessed to have a wonderful fiance who loves us & works hard. I'm privileged to be a stay at home mother to our son, and continuing my education. We have a wonderful very supportive family, a beautiful happy home with all the trimmings. We are building our life together as a family, setting and fulfilling goals and aspirations as we grow together. Young mother certainly get stereotyped & talked down to alot more.

Sunny - posted on 03/06/2010

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Now i haven't read what anyone else has written but I am a young mum and wouldn't have it any other way. I think everyone has a time in their life that is right for them and for my partner and I it was at 18. I know that sounds quite dramatic but i had already become the guardian of 3 of my younger siblings and my partner and I had been living in a de facto relationship for 3 years. We provide for our son on our own, we are educated, mature and in a loving relationship. Our son is about to turn 3, has met all of his milestones and is a sweet, caring, beautiful little boy. My partner and i have just celebrated our 7 year anniversary and couldn't be happier. In saying all of this the two women who I connect with most in my son's playgroup had children in their 40's and my Mother just gave birth to my baby brother (she's 42) and is doing a fantastic job, even if she does get tired a lot quicker. Everyone knows that having children when you can't provide for them is irresponsible, age aside.

Kyra - posted on 03/05/2010

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I wouldn't know how older mums cope with being a new mum....but here's my opinion.......I think it all comes down to maturity!

Now i'm not saying i was mature when i had my daughter at 17 but i do know that it was the right decsision NOT to termimate. I love being a young mum, i have a lot of energy and i have alot of family support.
I don't know what i would do if i didn't have my mum and my mother in law to be there every step of the way.
At the start it was a bit rocky but i eventually learned that being a good mum takes time. I have the best support and me and my daughter have a great relationship. Sometimes i do wish i had waited but when my daughter turnes 18 i will only be 36 so i still have heaps of time to do everything i want to.

So i think the depate between young mums and older mums is that it comes down to how ready you think you are and how strong your relationship is with your partner and family.

[deleted account]

I was actually thinking the same thing Kimberly. I define a young mom as one who is 20 or younger. I would add any mom that cannot financially support herself into the same category. That could include a 25 year old grad student who is not yet standing on her own two feet, unless she has a partner that is stable and active in the child's life. Maturity is really what should be considered.

Kimberly - posted on 03/05/2010

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I'm just wondering what age people consider too young to become a mother?? Teenagers--16,17,18,19? I would say yes, they're too young to make the decision to start a family--but things happen and teens get pregnant. However, early to mid 20's I do not consider too young. Although, these days many people think it is. And who are they to say?! At 25 and 29, my husband and I are more than able to provide for our daughter.

Esther - posted on 03/05/2010

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I am only going to speak for myself as I have come to know plenty of mature & great young moms on COMs, but here's my thing. When I first started dating my (now) husband we were both 19. And I thought we were TOTALLY mature and that we pretty much had things figured out. And honestly, compared to my peers, I actually was quite mature and responsible. Anyway, we met in school. And we would write eachother notes, but instead of loose paper, we wrote eachother notes in a notebook. And I kept all those notebooks. When I read what we wrote now ......... *BLUSH* ......... we were totally immature idiots. We definitely still had a lot of growing up to do. Even though at the time we didn't think so. So no, I absolutely would not have been as good of a mom as I am now had I gotten myself pregnant then. I would have stepped up, no question about it. And I probably would have done a pretty decent job too. But I'm a better parent now than I could have possibly been then.

Christy - posted on 03/05/2010

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i don't think there's any "right" age to have kids. i got pregnant 3 months after i turned 21. i feel that from the time i moved out of my parent's house at 18 till i found out i was pregnant i had plenty of time to live. was my daughter planned? no, but as soon as i found out i was pregnant i was ready to grow up. life hasn't been easy in the past 18 months but we have always had a stable place to live, plenty of food, and the ability for a few luxuries as well. my boyfriend and i just are in the process of buying a house right now so my daughter will never even have to remember what it was like to live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment (nice or not, there's just not enough room in here!). my boyfriend supports our family on his income so that i can be a stay at home mom and spend my time teaching my daughter everything that she will need to know for kindergarten and more. i don't feel like i would have been a better parent if i would have been older when i had her, i think i probably would have just refused to grow up for a few more years and wouldn't have really been any more prepared than i already was. i don't feel like i'm missing out on anything either because like i said before, lived PLENTY in the 3 years that i was an "adult" without a baby. my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me and i have absolutely no regrets.

Jenny - posted on 03/05/2010

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There are definately pros and cons. I had my first just after I turned 23 and my second when I was 28. I do wish I'd waited a few more years to start for all of the reasons Irene mentioned. We'd like to go to Australia for a year but now it involves SO much extra work, just dealing with our house alone, that it will likely remain a dream.

Lisamarie - posted on 03/05/2010

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Dana, I don't see any way that Susanne was judging anybody, she was simply replying to a post and telling us her situation which is what everyone here is doing. :)

Dana - posted on 03/05/2010

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Susanne, you say don't judge others by what they want out of life and it seems as if you are doing the exact same thing to Irene.

Lisamarie - posted on 03/05/2010

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@ Irene, Hey, I just wanted to make it clear that I wasn't offended by your post, my post may have been a little defensive as I always feel I have to prove myself to people because I'm a "young mum", but that was your opinion and I totally respect that.

I live in England so wouldn't really know about American stats, I'm afraid. I just, personally, don't believe that reading something in a book makess it true for every living person out there, there is many situations and circumstances that don't follow in a perfect order. I am not, by any means, saying it's untrue, just not something I believe.

I think all children are a gift and no matter how old you are, as long as you love your baby and do what's best for them that's all that matters.

I didn't understand one thing you said and that was that you don't think young mums are bad mums, they're just not ready for children. If they are goods mum, what does it matter if they're old enough or not? I know a few people who are bad mums, some are young mums, old mums, middle-aged mums, everyone struggles.

I appreciate what you said about being financially and romantically ready for a baby. And no, I didn't marry a sugar daddy! lol My husband doesn't earn a lot but enough money to support us and like I said before I'm starting my own business from home. Thanks for the feedback though. :)

Nikki - posted on 03/04/2010

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I think it's all a matter of personal preference

In my opinion I think I had my son at the perfect age I had him one month before my 27th birthday. I always knew I wanted to have my kids before I turned 30, because I wanted to be young when they grew up. My mom had me at 20 which I guess back then was the norm but defenetely not my ideal age to become a mom. I wanted to make sure I was ready to bring a child into this world; which meant I wanted to finish school and start my career. I wanted to have a fully supportive husband who would be there as a father figure full time. I got married at 24 and we have been together since I was 20, he is my best friend , my soulmate and my rock. I wanted to make sure our relationship was strong enough to withstand anything before we had kids ( we both came from broken homes and promised ourselves that our child would get to live a different life) I also wanted to travel, I wanted to go out and party and get it all out of my system so I would never sit back and think what if?!?! But at the same time I didnt want to be well into my thirties when we started having kids and have to worry about health issues and the fact I'd be 60 when they were in college. I want to see them get married and have kids and be able to enjoy as much time as possible with them. I turn 28 in July and we are planning on trying for another :):)
I have nothing against young moms or old moms I just think that you should live your life a little before raising a child and that having a support system and stability makes it alot easier, but when you decide to become a mom is entirely up to you as long as you take on the responsibility fully. Just for me I knew what I wanted to do and was very lucky to have him when we were ready and know that we can give him the best.

Tah - posted on 03/04/2010

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OK...some of you have heard this before..others have not,so if you have forgive me...

I got pregnant the first time i had sex, condom broke, he didn't tell me and i had a cycle the first 3 months so i didn't find out until i was 14-16 weeks. The only thing i knew was that my flat stomach was getting unflat and i thought i need to lay off the cheese fries(i ran track and did dance so...i was hot..lol)..by the time i found out abortion was the price of rent and i would have to spend the night and i couldn't get that past my mom or dad(did i mention he's a preacher_.



So i had my son 1 month and 4days after my 16th b-day..i sprained my hip when i had him so i couldn't get cleared for school or work until i he was 4 months, so i had assignments brought to me, as soon as i went back i got a job..5.50 a hour but hey,it bought pampers..welfare wouldnt hear of me because my parents made good money(on paper..but with 7 kids..some gone, some there, o and with all those people somebody will feed the baby...the caseworkers words...)so when he was one and i was a senior i got a second job...7,00(we in the money now..lol..)...



I had to pay my parents some money every 2 weeks to stay there and also pay for pampers, food,clothes, and my transportation back and forth..also daycare(,y sister until he was older)...i graudated at 17 and started medical assistaning schools(the lady that calls your name in the dr's office,vitals, injections..etc) i had a little setback(stalker)..so i stopped school 2 months to make him think i was done so he wouldnt show, up then went back and finished...all the while working at the airport in a music store as a lead sales associate....and moved out at 18...also met my ex-fiancee..we actually ended up loving together at some point and stayed together for almost 7 years...so here comes my daughter at 21 bed rest at 4 months so there goes my acceptance to the nursing school in pa..since i can't walk i had to wait..again..



Move to va and a job in the rad dept of the hospital, start nursing school, before senior year of that...a break-up..then in the same month i meet my future husband, still in school and working and friendship turns into more....marriage and a pink stick 3 months later, that was 3 years ago..Now i was not a clubber, i didn't leave my kids on mom, and i didn't neglect them, i made it clear to my son i was raising him and we were not growing up together, i put them in activities was at the school checking on progress and was the one teaching them before school started, i provided for my children and loved them and put their needs above mine and still do...so as i said i think it depends on the person



If i had it to do over again of of course i would wait but i was a good mom then, trust me it was no 16 and pregnant moments going on in my house, and i still am. it took me longer to get to where i am, i mean i was accepted to good schools, temple u, penn state, cheney u...but with no room for single moms and temples private tuition, i took the long way around and still am but i am ok with that.



I know women that didnt have their children until late 20's and 30's and their children are terrible.. and so are they..so it really depends on you and your situaiton and what you choose to do with your choices..i choose to git er done...

[deleted account]

I wish I would have started earlier but it just wasn't in the stars for me......I had my now 18 month old daughter when I was 31 so I'm coming up on my 33rd bday it's kinda scary to think I might not get the chance to have another!

Isobel - posted on 03/04/2010

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I think there are benefits to both...When you have your kids young, you have tons of energy to keep up with them and you have more in common with them as they get older. (you also get your freedom back while you are still at a reasonable age to enjoy it.

When you have them later, you are more financially (and hopefully mentally) stable...plus you already enjoyed your youth and are ready to settle down.

What I don't understand are the ones who do both...I see no benefits from raising one group of children to adulthood and then starting over.

Krista - posted on 03/04/2010

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Lisamarie, I'm sure Irene can speak for herself, but she didn't say that there are no good mothers who are young. She said that she doubts that people are READY to have kids at age 19. Some people aren't ready to have kids, but when the kids arrive, they step up to the plate and become awesome parents. I sure as hell wouldn't have been ready for kids at age 19. I wouldn't have been ready for kids at age 27. But would I still have been a good mother? I'm quite certain that I would have.

Lisamarie - posted on 03/04/2010

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Irene, you posted "sometimes people are ready at 19. Sorry, but I don't believe that." So, are you saying that there is no good young mums out there? We're all as bad as each other? My mother two had us children young, her oldest at 18 and she never regretted it, I had my first child at 18, she was planned and I have never once regretted my decisions to have my children. I married their father before I had my children and am finacially secure.

Krista - posted on 03/04/2010

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Besides, part of this debate assumes that we have children at the stage in life when we want to have them. I probably would have preferred to have my kids a bit younger -- in my late twenties, perhaps. But, I didn't meet my husband until I was 26, and we wanted to develop our relationship for a little while before trying for kids. But then he became unemployed, and about 6 months after he found work, but I got laid off. And then we decided to move, and were both unemployed for awhile. And then we both found jobs, but were living in a tiny little basement apartment, and planned on building a house, and so wanted to wait until the house was done. So with all of that, I didn't get pregnant until I was 34.

I can't regret anything, though. I have the most kickass, laid-back, sweetie-pie baby on the planet. :)

[deleted account]

My brother was born to my 43 year old mother was he is not better or worse off than my oldest brother who was born when my mother was 21.

Lisamarie - posted on 03/04/2010

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Hey, I am 21, I have 2 children a 3 yr old and 7 month old. I married their daddy when I was 4 months pregnant with my 3 yr old. Both the wedding and my two children were planned. I'm the 2nd eldest of five children (my older brother lived with my dad for most of his life) my parents worked so I helped look after the younger ones and cleaned the house. I always knew I wanted to have my children young, my mum had my older brother at 18 and my youngest brother at 27 and we all have an amazing relationship and I know I can talk to my mum about ANYTHING, she is a parent and a freind. :)
I've always been a chilled out person and have the patience of a saint! I'm not a teen mum that you would normally stereotype, I'm a stay at home mum and my husband works full time, my daughter is very clever for her age because I teach her and both my son and daughter are well fed and well cared for. I always hated the school environment, despite gaining 8 C grades at GCSE (England, could have gotten into any college) but to make a bit of extra money for my family I am doing home learning courses.
I've never been one to party or go out all the time, I have exactly 2 friends who I see occassionally. I haven't been out drinking since before I got pregnant with my 7 month old and don't really enjoy it anyway, my life goes into my children.
I'm so glad I had my children early, it took me 2 years to fall pregnant with my son so would have had him sooner. My husband and I want one more child and plan on having that for before I'm 26!
I think it takes special people to be good mums and special people come in all ages. I do think some young mums give other young mums a bad name but that can be said about older mums too. I try not to judge any parent becuase I don't know there circumstances, I try my best and am told that my children are a credit to myself and my husband, which makes me feel good. But sometimes if I or my my children are having a bad day, I feel like more of a failure because I'm young and don't want to be stereotyped as "one of those mums".
Anyway, that's my story. I think the problem is accidental pregnancies not young/old pregnancies. If your baby wasn't planned then you're not ready and only have a short time to get ready. No matter how old you are, adjusting to a baby you weren't expecting is going to make you or break you as a parent. :)

Kimberly - posted on 03/03/2010

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I'm 25 (and have a 14 mo. old daughter) and plan on being done having children by the time I'm 30, and feel really good about it. I suppose it would depend on one's situation as far as marriage, school, and career...As long as your children enter a healthy home with parents that are prepared to nurture and support them. I do not respect those that look down on younger women who choose to start their families early. Do I know many 20 something's that are not ready to be parents? Yes! 30 somthing's? Yes! But who am I to judge??! And if I do say so myself, my daughter has a damn good mom ;) I would not have waited even another month to have my baby.

Charlie - posted on 03/03/2010

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Although Cooper wasnt planned there were a few things i knew for sure .



I always wanted kids before i turned thirty but i also wanted a life lived , lessons learnt and career established BEFORE i had kids and thankfully i did , at 24 i still though "holy crap im still to young " 27 was my "planned " age to give birth but it turned out beautifully and at the perfect time IMO .



I think there is a huge difference between having a kid at 16 and having one at 18 , there are a lot of capable , amazing mums who have made it through but an 18 year old is more likely to have a sense of maturity and responsibility than a 16 year old , a 16 year old is a child and in my opinion a child has no place having a child .



And although older parents ( 40 - 50 ) are more mature i just feel they are going to miss out on so much because they chose to wait so long to have kids .

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Interesting question. If we are talking about society as a whole without regarding individuals, I would say that older women tend to make better mothers. This opinion comes from teaching and observing 9-year-olds whose mothers were my age (a recent college grad) and other 9-year-olds whose parents were in their late 30's, early 40's. Children of older parents tend to be "planned" and not an "oops." Therefore they were mentally and emotionally ready for that child. I'm not saying that unplanned children are in any way less loved. In many cases they have wonderful parents. But on the whole (again, not regarding individuals), it is my opinion that older parents are more prepared and therefore make "better" parents. Of course for some, having an unplanned pregnancy forces them to grow-up and they thrive.

Rosie - posted on 03/03/2010

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it depends on the individual, and what they want. i know i never wanted to have kids past 30, i want them out of my house as soon as possible!! i don't think i'd have the energy to deal with little kids when i'm old. plus, i want to be able to enjoy my grandchildren when i'm younger. i had my first at 21 unplanned. i went to college when i was 19 and dropped out after 2 semesters. i couldn't figure out what i wanted to do. so i thought i'd figure it out and then go back. well, 11 years and 3 kids later i still don't know what i want to do. even if i did, i would still choose to go after my boys were out of the house, or at least close to that. i enjoy being able to be there for most everything that my boys do, and i want to continue doing that.

some people won't have these feelings and they're neither right or wrong, they just do what is right for them. :)

Sharon - posted on 03/03/2010

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Sara - I was just musing... fact ? fiction? beats me - just a theory I had.

Lea - posted on 03/03/2010

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I was 25 when my first and only child was born. I have a degree but am a full-time mom and have also worked part time since my son was 9 months old. A few generations ago I would not have been considered a "young" mom. I've been told I'm a great mom and that my son has "a secure attachment" to me. I think that whether you are young or old the thing your kids need is YOU - not money, not fancy clothes and toys, not junk food, not electronics. If you can be there for your kids then you are a great mom.

Sara - posted on 03/03/2010

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Sharon, that is just a connection I have read about, i wasn't claiming that it's true or false. I do agree with you. I think that every family has it's own culture, and in some cultures higher education is more emphasized than others. I expect my own daughter will want to go to college, because my husband and I both went to college and both work at a University.

Sharon - posted on 03/03/2010

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Sara - I'm not certain that kids born to older moms being likely to go to college is due to their age. I'm more inclined to think it has to do with mindset. (sadly) poor tends to breed poor. If you barely ever heard college mentioned in your home, you're not likely to think to much about it later. When decisions need to be made life versus college - people who weren't raised in a "college" family will make the "life" choice.



There is a girl at my work now. She really wants to go to college, she knows she needs it to succeed in the future. But she can't take that first step. No one in her family has done it.



She actually cornered me one day and just grilled me. I'm kind of tempted to drag her down the college enrollment office myself. She wanted to know if I used my military career to get into college, how could she do it, what are classes like in college, etc.



If we didn't have a college fund set aside for my oldest - I'd be willing to bet he would never consider college. Why? Because @14 he isn't able to grasp the importance of a college education. To him, its just "more school". Optional school at that.



My 10 yr old on the other hand has soaked everything up like a sponge and has his future all figured out (LOL it could change, I kind of hope it does) he is going to go to go to college, get a degree (in what? who knows.) graduate, join the military and be an army man. smh



The 7 yr old wants to know if she's going to be a big girl in college... omg, um no hunny you're not, so you still have to do what I tell you!

Esther - posted on 03/03/2010

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Quote Lindsay:

I do have to say though.....in general, when I see some of these young moms, it makes me sick to know that I'm in that same category. =)


Lindsay - I don't think you are. Statistically speaking maybe, but certainly not in any other way.

Sara - posted on 03/03/2010

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I think it does depend on the individual. However, there is evidence that children of mothers who were 30 or older at the time of birth are more likely to go to have higher test scores in school and more likely to go to college. Perhaps that's because older mothers tend to have some advanced education and develop traction in their careers before they have children. I don't think that means that younger mothers will be bad mothers. My child has a participating and involved father, we have steady income and she can depend on us. I don't think things like that are completely dependent upon age, though. Children deserve a stable home, whether that's with an older parent or not.

Ez - posted on 03/03/2010

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I was 27 when my daughter was born, so was neither 'young' nor 'old'. I always knew I wanted children, but my pregnancy was not planned and the circumstances were far from perfect. In my situation as a single parent, the fact that I was not a young mother was definitely a bonus. I finished highschool and got my degree. I partied and went through what felt like 7413354 housemates. I worked jobs I hated, then found one I loved. I had done plenty of living before I found out I was pregnant, so the sacrifices that have been necessary for me haven't felt like a burden.

So personally, I am glad I wasn't a young mum. But at the same time, I'm glad I wasn't much older either. I want to have more children, and that's not an option right now with my circumstances as they are. So it will be YEARS before it would even become a possibility, and I'm lucky that I have age on my side (I will be 29 in July).

Sarah - posted on 03/03/2010

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I think there's pro's and con's to both really.
I had my eldest at 21, she wasn't planned. My youngest i had at 26.

I do have my moments of wishing i had waited, especially when i see some of my friends going off and forging a career or going travelling. I do miss the spontaneity of just being able to say "hey, let's go to the movies tonight!" or whatever.

However, i also realise that having kids has calmed me down a lot (i was a total party girl!) it's taught me more patience, it's given me confidence, it's given me the drive to do things i may not have ever bothered with. So although my life is very different to some of my friends, who haven't had kids yet, it's not different in a bad way.

I think that age isn't really a huge factor. There are good and bad parents whatever the age. Would i have been a better Mum if i had waited? I don't think so, i think that whatever the age nothing can prepare you for having your own baby, that rush of love, the worry, the pride etc etc.

Age is but a number, it's how you take on the challenge of having a baby that matters. :)

Lindsay - posted on 03/02/2010

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Most of you that know me, know that I'm a young mom. I got pregant at 18 with my first and at 20 with my 2nd and last. I always wanted to have children but they were definately not planned. I had planned to finish school, get married, and general establish myself before starting a family. But, shit happens. My plan had to be modified and I had to put on my big girl panties, grow up and take responsibility for my actions. Five years later, I'm dropping my kids off to PreK and doing my own homework to finish my degree. But the great thing is that I'm loving every minute of it!



I'd be lying if I said it was always easy. And honestly, I think anyone would be regardless of age. But I have no regrets. I can't imagine having it any other way. I'm enjoying my life and enjoying being a mom. To me, it would seem so foreign to have not started my family yet. Everything has fallen into place perfectly. My kid are happy and healthy. They have everything they need and a lot of what they want. They (and Josh) are my life.



I do have to say though.....in general, when I see some of these young moms, it makes me sick to know that I'm in that same category. =)

Sharon - posted on 03/02/2010

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Its a toss up to me.

I suppose its about sacrifices. The truly determined among us will make a success of our lives somehow - either at the start of our lives or near the end.

I do think that life is harder for those of us who are uneducated. They have fewer options, fewer resources and have to work twice as hard for most things. There is nothing wrong with struggle but some times to much struggle just destroys lives. Sometimes we're so focused on surviving, "LIVING " gets lost. This is of course not for every young parent but for a lot of them.

Crap happens to older people too but those are accidents of life, could happen to anyone, and destroy lives (leukemia, fatal accidents, etc)

So if you factor in happenstance crap + really young w/few resources = doubly hard lives. Each person in your life brings an extra measure of potential happenstance. smh - its scary to me to think of how much more difficult life becomes. Look @pratface - ugh - perfect example of barely making it and she's worse, she takes it out on her kid.

Jocelyn - posted on 03/02/2010

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I think that it totally depends on the individual, either way (younger or older) you have advantages and disadvantages towards the other. Younger, you have energy (that's an important one lol) Older, you are more secure, a bit more stable. I got pregnant with my son when I was 18, gave birth when I was 19. Sometimes I do wish that I could have waited. I was not ready to have children. I wanted to be able to travel, go to university, live my life how I wanted to for just a little while. Some days I do regret that I didn't have a chance to have a "normal" life during my 20's. But then again, all my children will be grown by the time I am 40! I think I will be able to appreciate "freedom" way more. As a young mom ( I am comparing myself the older moms I know) I seem to have more energy, I heal faster (from birth, sickness etc) I feel I will be able to relate more to my children because the age gap is only 18 years instead of 35. Sure there are times that it is bloody hard because all of my friends are in school, or backpacking around Asia and I can't relate, but I take solace in the thought that when they are 40, and dealing with a screaming toddler, I can laugh at them and say, "Well I'm off to Italy for a month, have fun with teething" lmao.

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