on a lighter note

Isobel - posted on 12/17/2010 ( 50 moms have responded )

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My husband(ish guy) are having an argument over here as well...and my mother got in on it with him and ganged up on me.

When you can't find something, how long do you look before you ask somebody else if they've seen it?

My Mom and Husband say that it's rude to ask right away, and you should only ask AFTER you have exhausted EVERY place you can think of.

I say: what stupid sense does that make? why would I look for something for hours when you know exactly where it is?

which side are you on?

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Krista - posted on 12/17/2010

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Ebony and Joy, I TOTALLY hear you. My husband is the same way. If it's not right in front of his eyeballs, or if he (heaven forbid) has to actually move something in order to find it, then it's "not there".

As far as the original question goes, I think that the person should at least make an honest effort to look for the item before calling for help, but the other person should offer to help as soon as he/she (who are we kidding? She. Always she.) notices that the spouse is looking for something.

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I pretty much ask right away. I think it's rude to sit and watch someone look and not volunteer to help or at least say "hey, what are you looking for?" or let you know they know where it is. Are they just messing with you or really ganging up on you? I'll beat 'em up for you if you want lol

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Tara - posted on 12/20/2010

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I am on the ask side.
If I see someone looking for something in this house, I ask "What can I get for you?". Because I know where everything is... (almost).
If I am looking for something, I ask before I start looking. Why would I waste my time when someone might know exactly where it is???

Sandra - posted on 12/20/2010

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I've asked the person I'm on the phone with where my phone is before. And I was serious.....

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@Krista I totally agree about the Kitchen cupboard BUT I wouldnt get one because then where would I hide food I don;t want my husband to find!? LOL

I only think asking someone first is rude IF you expect them to look for it for you. My husband is USELESS at finding things. I used to charge him a dollar to find things for him but then he started accusing me (in a joking way) of hiding things just to get the dollar. Like I'd need to! I will admit that I'd notice things like he'd managed to get his wallet stuck down the side of the washing basket and instead of moving it I'd just make a mental note and laugh at him later when he couldn't find it. LOL.

Stifler's - posted on 12/19/2010

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I ask someone else first, because they might know where it is and save me the hassle. If I'm looking for something I ask where it is and then keep looking after they've said no and when I find it I'm like STOP LOOKING!! I FOUND IT. I hate when no one else helps me look for things.

Vegemite - posted on 12/19/2010

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I'm on the side of logic, just ask someone who might know where it is. Same goes in reverse, if you think i know where something might be I'm not going to get offended.

Bonnie - posted on 12/18/2010

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I say don't look forever and rip apart the house. Majority of the time when my husband misplaces something I usually know where it is or where I saw it last. There is no way I would be able to let him search and just sit back and watch. That would just piss him off even more lol.

Meghan - posted on 12/17/2010

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It must be a man thing cause J will ask where something is...I tell him "right there" and point and the freakin kid looks RIGHT at it and says "where mom?"

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i lose my crochet hook all the time. i just washed my dreads and was going to tighten them up. I can't find my hook though...:(

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Haha. I can usually find what I'm looking for within minutes, whether I know where it is or not. I have a gift. As long as I know what it looks like, I can find it. I'm the one who gets asked to find things in my house, or I volunteer. But when I can't find it, it's only after people have begged me to give up or someone else found it in a different spot, if I'm not the only one looking.

As for my own things, I'm usually pretty good about knowing where my things are unless someone else has run off with them. I usually look in all the places where my thing MIGHT be, and then I ask the only other person who'd have anything to do with it. As of right now, it's my husband. Before, when I was still going to high school, it was my great grandma, my grandma, my mother, my brother, and my great grandpa. I pretty much had to hide everything because yes, they'd grab things up and run off with them. Not even kidding.

So...Really, if I knew someone else knew where something of mine was, I'm going to look where I saw it last and then I'm going to ask the person I pretty much know took it. If they fuss, I keep looking on my own.

I typically find my things in that person's stash, though, either because they took it and didn't want to give it back or completely forgot they'd stashed it away. Or somehow didn't know it was mine. Ugh.

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It's just that it's different when IIIII look. Because when I look, I actually LOOK. With my EYES and I survey my surroundings, check in, around, above, and under things. I actually look. And when I can't find something then hell yeah, somebody better help me look lol Especially if it's important.

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Meghan, I have that in me too...to watch him look, knowing I could ease his "suffering" lol Only difference between my looking and his looking is that I actually look....so therein lies the rub. Women are all seeing, all knowing "where that thing" is beings and men....well men, most of them, the poor things don't have an ounce of a clue....so if we didn't get a laugh at their expense now and then, where would our fun be? Glad to see someone else like me who likes to take the occasional moment and watch my husband "look" for his glasses, while they rest on his face. I'll let him look for them for a good 3 or 4 minutes before I'll go "Uh hummm" (clears throat) and point to that spot right between his eyes....dumbass lol

Meghan - posted on 12/17/2010

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Laura, your house sounds fun!
I HATE when people ask for something before they look. It is one of my biggest pet peeves. I also think it is funny to watch someone tear the house apart when I know where something is...I am kind of an ass like that. But I think that exhausting every place is extreme. Actually try, then ask

LaCi - posted on 12/17/2010

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I ask immediately because I know if I didn't find it immediately I'll be looking for it for hours and finally give up. That's how it works with me. I misplace everything, so I ask my boyfriend after I've looked in the two or three most obvious places.

Krista - posted on 12/17/2010

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Weeelll... considering that WHILE I'm looking for whatever it is I'm looking for, I'm also attending to a 5 month old and a 3 year old while my husband plays video games I usually opt for asking right away.

If I don't have the kids... I will look, not find it, get pissed off, ask Kevin who will then say "no"... I'll get more pissed off and then snippily ask him if he's going to help me look and then spend the rest of the day pissed.


I usually hope to find it before all the pissed offedness.

Iris - posted on 12/17/2010

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@ Joy - My breast aren't nearly big enough for me to find foreign objects when I take my bra off. It's just, when I do stupid, I do it with style!

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@ a few of you...asking a man to move something to find it is like asking....a man to move something to find it lol

@ Tah, that's what I do too. I do make an effort to do it all by myself but if I can't find it after I've looked in the few places "it" may be, hell yeah, I'm asking.

@ Carol.....oooohhhh girl....you sided with the husband(ish) guy and the mother....you're in trouuuubleeee......ROFL

@ Iris...I have a friend who is always losing things in her boobs. She's rather large breasted and I've seen her undress....take her bra off in that "fold away from the body" motion over her bed so that whatever's in there falls onto the bed. She then makes a sweep of under and around the boobs to make sure there's no spare change stuck to her. Seriously. I've seen this girl pay for something and get 75 cents change back and tuck it in her bra. I used to dream about having boobs that big but now...I think I'll stick with my C cup thankyouverymuch lol

@ Krista ~ OMFG I about DIED LAUGHING when I read that about the kitchen cabinets! Steve and I have been talking about someday (maybe next year) buying the house we're renting and we've "dreamed up" redoing everything, including the kitchen. I am SO gonna run those kitchen cabinets by him tomorrow, just so I can wait for the irony to hit him and watch him slowly scratch behind his ear with his middle finger at me lol Ohhh, that is still making me laugh out loud 20 minutes later!

@ Jodi K. ~ Don't even get me started on finding things in wierd places. I gave that battle up long ago. If your husband puts your measuring cups where your large kitchen appliances go (and where they have gone for a million years), trust me girl, just let it go. Pick your battles. Be happy he puts anything away or makes the effort. I used to bitch that Steve didn't fold the towels right or put them away in the right place, or that he would unload the dish washer and then I'd spend the next 3 days looking for the blade cover for my slap chop (yeah, I have one, it's crap)....and then one day it hit me....be glad he's doing something to help and don't complain when it isn't done exactly like I would do lol
Sorry if this is long...this thread is cracking me up for some reason!

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Well two heards are better than one. I'll ask right away if I can avoid hours of looking for something.

Kate CP - posted on 12/17/2010

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What's wrong with asking if they've seen it? How is that rude? Your SO and his mom are weird. :P

Laura - posted on 12/17/2010

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I see no problem with saying "Hey have you seen _____? No, ok" and then start looking. If they say yes you've saved yourself a lot of time. My 4 year old is the worst with not even trying. I tell him to go get his pjs and he comes back down "I can't find them" so I walk upstairs and before I even enter his room I see them lying on the bed. Makes me so mad.

Although I'm one of those people that will run upstairs to find something and then forget what I was looking for. Damn pregnancy memory loss. :)

Dana - posted on 12/17/2010

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I'm on your side. What if they had just seen it and here you are wasting your time looking for it.

C. - posted on 12/17/2010

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Eh, if it's something I need like.. Right NOW! Then yes, I will ask someone right away if they've seen it. If it's really not that important, then I won't waste anyone's time and look for it myself, and I usually find it, so.. That's my take on it.

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2010

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"What's even better is looking for something that's...in...your....hand.......(or on your face / head)."

Bahahaha, like sunglasses!! I do that ALL the time. Forget they are on my head and go looking for them (well, not ALL the time, but often enough!!).

Joanna - posted on 12/17/2010

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I'm so scatterbrained that I have to ask my husband right away... Otherwise i'd forget what I was looking for halfway through the search!

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2010

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9 times out of 10 I can't find something because my husband moved it...and he admits to that! So I ALWAYS ask first because he puts things in the strangest of places! (Such as putting my measuring cups in our cupboard that ONLY holds our large kitchen appliances like our dust covered deep fryer and blender, or putting our bedsheets in the towel closet...in the bathroom, or my keys in the junk drawer instead of the key hook thing!)

I don't see the issue with asking first or soon instead of wasting all your time when the person may be able to tell you where it is in 5 seconds flat!

Krista - posted on 12/17/2010

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I've told my husband that if we designed kitchen cupboards for men, it would just be one long shelf, 6 inches deep and 5 feet 6 inches off the ground. That way everything would be at eye level and nothing would be behind anything else, because I know so many men who can't see something unless it is RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEIR F'ING EYEBALLS.

Iris - posted on 12/17/2010

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Joy, the other day I was running out the door, figured I didn't have my phone. I started looking everywhere while listening to music through my earbuds...that was actually connected to my phone that I had conveniently tugged in my bra.

Johnny - posted on 12/17/2010

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I'm with your mom & husband(ish). My hubby is like you, except in his case, he just accuses me of moving it. So annoying!

Amie - posted on 12/17/2010

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What? It's RUDE! hahahahahahaha

Sorry to your husbandish type dude and your mom but that is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

Really. Why would I go nuts looking for something instead of asking if someone has seen it?

Minnie - posted on 12/17/2010

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Hahaha I've got another husband who can't find things. He'll look in the fridge "Where's the half and half?" Ummm....right on the door, where it always is. Or he's ALWAYS losing his car keys and they're ALWAYS in his pants pocket.

Tah - posted on 12/17/2010

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i go to where i think i left it...look around that general area..if it's not there, i'm asking...

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What's even better is looking for something that's...in...your....hand.......(or on your face / head).

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Ask as soon as you start looking. Like you said... what's the point of searching for something when someone else may know exactly where it is..... ??

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lol, I ask right away, that way if they did see it, I know right away and don't need to look. Saves time that way.

Rosie - posted on 12/17/2010

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ooh ebony that annoys the hell out of me too, lol. my oldest is notorious for it. "mom where are my shoes?" "well, look under the coat you threw on the floor" so he picks up one little corner. i swear if it were a snake he'd be dead!

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2010

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@ Iris, that's exactly what I was referring to. But that is different :) In general, I ask first, look later.

Jenn - posted on 12/17/2010

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Why on earth would it be rude to ask for help? That's silly. I would ask FIRST if he knew where something was and if he didn't then I would start my search.

Rosie - posted on 12/17/2010

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i look for it for a little bit first just cause i'm stubborn and want to find things on my own. but if i can't find it pretty much immediately i ask, lol!

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 12/17/2010

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I wouldn’t call it rude, but I feel that if the person is not around watching you search for something, that you should try and look yourself unless you know for sure they had whatever it is last…then you should ask have they seen it/know where it is..

My hubby and son “Scan” the area…most times they stand in one spot and look the area over…then say “I cant find______have you seen it or where is it” and im like why don’t you MOVE and look, turn things over, look under….
That annoys me.

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The thing is, this stuff never happens to me. I know where every single thing is in my house. Ask Steve. LOL He's helpless. I do have to admit that many times I've sat and watched him look for something for a few seconds, purely for my own amusement, when I could see what he was looking for (usually his keys) right under his nose. I don't let it go on long though....I always come in and save the day. He's so funny though, when he "looks" for something, he'll stand there for 5 minutes just scanning the counter and go "I don't see it" so I walk over, move a sheet of paper and "tah dahhhhhhhh" lol

Iris - posted on 12/17/2010

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I think that's different Jodi. My daughter does it plenty 'Mom, I can't find my iPod, can you find it for me..?' Err no, get of the sofa and look around.
But asking if someone has seen something when it's not in it's usual place, I don't see anything wrong with it. If the answer you get is no, then you just keep on looking. If the answer is 'yes, I saw it over by the ____' It would safe some time.

Isobel - posted on 12/17/2010

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but that's it Jodi...I asked him where something was and he said "SEE! that's where they get it from!" hahaha

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2010

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But I REALLY hate it when my kids say *but I can't find it, where is it* and they only had a bloke's look.....they are just being lazy.

But in general, I agree with you :P

Iris - posted on 12/17/2010

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I'm with you on this one. No need to waste hours in looking if someone might know where it is.

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