One Regret

Nikki - posted on 12/19/2010 ( 124 moms have responded )

5,263

41

574

If you could turn back time and change one thing since you have been a parent what would it be?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Isobel - posted on 12/20/2010

9,849

0

286

Julie, would you care to put any of your most personal regrets out there, or are you just here to make theirs worse?

Isobel - posted on 12/20/2010

9,849

0

286

This is an intimate thread where women have bared their innermost regrets regarding motherhood, and you have belittled them. Either contribute, or don't bother joining in just to bash other people

Rosie - posted on 12/20/2010

8,657

30

321

oh holy hell...i've had 2 misscarriages and wanted a fucking girl with my last pregnancy. so sue me, get over it. doesn't mean i love my sons any less, it just means i want a girl and know i will never get one and that saddens me. i think you are missing the point of the whole thing and thinking only in one way. open your mind and see that people aren't sad about having a boy, but sad about NOT having a girl. there's a huge difference.



oh, and i don't regret it, nor am i dissapointed in my feelings about it. i'm confident in my emotions.

Charlie - posted on 12/20/2010

11,203

111

409

Like Joy I always said I never regretted anything but since becoming a mother and more recently losing my father I have some regrets .

I regret going home the night he died ( I had been sleeping in the hospital for days before hand ) but all I can do is learn to forgive myself of my mistakes or things I could have done differently accept it for what it is and learn from it in order move on and grow this goes for parenting issues and life issues I have , I think I now feel that feeling regret isn't a bad thing , it is more acknowledging past behavior or actions from which we can learn , it is how you deal with it that matters .

Isobel - posted on 12/20/2010

9,849

0

286

yes, you did. And I am more mature than that...I just wanted to let you know what you were doing.

124 Comments

View replies by

Danielle - posted on 12/23/2010

915

38

42

I do NOT regret my daughter. But I would've spaced my children apart a little more so I had more time with my son just him and I (they're 16 months apart). I love my little Hannah but she's a very needy baby and I often feel guilty from all the time I have to take away from my 20 months old.

Jane - posted on 12/22/2010

1,041

5

69

The only thing I can think of is if I knew better 20 years ago with my first, I would have breast fed her longer than I did. I was able to do it for 9 months with my 17 year old son but I didn't know better with her and so I only breast fed her for a couple of months. Other than that, I regret nothing I did as a parent. They are awesome people and we have an amazing relationship so I feel I did great raising them.

Dana - posted on 12/22/2010

11,264

35

495

I remembered a regret! I regret feeding my son rice cereal at 5 months (4 months adjusted) he ended up with a rice intolerance which in turn wasn't able to have any grains until he was 13 months and no rice until he was 2. It created a HUGE pain in the ass with tons of time spent checking labels.

[deleted account]

that i spoke louder when i thought something was wrong 6 months it took to diagnose me with PND 6 very long and dark months

Amber - posted on 12/21/2010

280

17

7

i regret that i didnt take enough time to just...BE. i was 17, i was so worried about sleeoing, feeding, bullshit, etc. that i didn;t actually ENJOY my teeny-tiny baby. now he is four and his infancy is a blur, and i wish i would have taken more time to just hold him and stare at him and, i dunno...i wish i would have cared less about getting him to sleep, because now i don;t ever want him to go to bed. this time around, with my next baby, i'm going to try to just relax.

Cassie - posted on 12/21/2010

0

0

182

I regret the feeding schedule I set up for Kiera when she was a baby. I was so terrified of her not getting enough to eat that I fed her every two hours around the clock until she was close to six months old. It established a horrible sleeping routine and she didn't ever learn to sleep for longer stretches than that until she was about 18 months old when she weaned.

Amie - posted on 12/21/2010

6,596

20

412

*** MOD Alert ***

Please, all new members, refer to our pinned thread about our Language rules here:

http://www.circleofmoms.com/debating-mum...

We have a more relaxed view towards swearing. There is no need to flag posts unless someone is directly swearing at another person. Thank you.

Amie
~DM mod

Charlie - posted on 12/21/2010

11,203

111

409

Jackie - It could be , My little sister was with him when he passed away , we promised him he wouldn't die alone so I am glad she was there , he actually died the next morning before I could make my way back to the hospital , my sister had to watch him go through a brutal night of pain , I know there really isn't much I could have helped at least the last thing I told him was I loved him and he told me he loved me .

Brittany - posted on 12/21/2010

113

72

18

I honestly wouldnt change anything before or after I had my little girl. Everything happened for a reason and made me who I am now a strong loving intelligent mother of a very precious smart little girl! I love my life even with all the bad things in it.

Ez - posted on 12/21/2010

6,569

25

237

@ Jackie - the exact same thing happened with my grandfather. He was in the hospice and full of morphine so couldn't speak anymore. But he started getting very agitated, so my brother and I went home (leaving only my Nana, mother and her two siblings there). I had barely walked in the door when I got the phone call to say he had gone. They are convinced he was waiting for my brother and I to leave, because as soon as we did, he calmed down and quietly closed his eyes ♥

Jackie - posted on 12/21/2010

1,415

44

72

I'm not totally sure I have any regrets when it come to parenting thus far... but I'm sure I will. I haven't even gotten to the hard part yet...

But I have a shit ton before I was a mom. Don't get me started. I was a hot mess.

Jackie - posted on 12/21/2010

1,415

44

72

"I regret going home the night he died ( I had been sleeping in the hospital for days before hand ) but all I can do is learn to forgive myself of my mistakes or things I could have done differently"

I'm not totally sure of the situation, but it sounds like you were saying that you went home and he died after you left? If that's the case, maybe that's what he was waiting on. He didn't want you to be there.

A similar situation... my Dad's mom had been in the ICU for weeks and my Dad never left her side. He was the one to take care of her for years before this. He called me one night and said "I really just need to go home and get some rest. can you come up here for a while?" So I did. No more than 15 min later, she took her last breath. I think she was waiting for him to leave. He hadn't even made it home yet.

[deleted account]

I don't dwell on shit either, BUT, if I'm doing things a second time around, I might do them differently. That's all, Sharon! ;)

Krista - posted on 12/21/2010

12,562

16

847

I agree with Loureen. Regret doesn't necessarily mean that you are dwelling on the past and letting it keep you back. To me, it just means that while you move forward, you remember those things that you wish you'd done differently, so that you CAN do them differently should a similar opportunity arise. In my case, my regret about not asking for Domperidone will be an impetus for me to ensure that I DO ask for it with my next baby.

Krista - posted on 12/21/2010

4,111

52

265

I just want to point out to Julie that calling someone selfish is in essence, calling them a bad person.

Johnny - posted on 12/21/2010

8,686

26

322

Well said Loureen. Regrets aren't necessarily something we spend time dwelling on or crying over, they can be things we wish we did differently and will hold on to those lessons and make changes if the opportunity presents itself. Personally, I think that a little self-reflection is a very good thing.

I regret not pushing to get out the the hospital sooner after my daughter was born. Luckily, my husband finally did, but I was on the edge of going under sitting in that tiny room with no support being badgered every 5 minutes. Unless there was a real medical reason, I won't stay there a moment longer than necessary again. Even if I have to just get up and walk out the door.

I also regret every time I've yelled at my daughter. It's natural, she'll survive, no doubt. But it doesn't work, it makes us both miserable, and the behavior worse. I don't do it a lot, but every time I lose it, I wish I had taken the time to step back and approach things better.

Sharon - posted on 12/20/2010

11,585

12

1315

I know but sometimes I wonder... how anyone moves forward with their lives when they're so busy considering the past (I was nice and called it 'considering'). I don't sit in the past like that and I don't understand those who do.

I also made BIG mistakes. There were things I didn't take into consideration. I don't regret them. I have a good life, but I'll danged sure pass those lessons on to others I come across facing similar issues.

[deleted account]

Sharon, you know I love ya...but DAYUM girl! LOL I don't necessarily think it's about anyone beating themselves up or being "whiny ass pansies". I don't beat myself up, but there are things I have done since becoming a mom that I do regret. Again, you know I love ya right? (ducks)

Sharon - posted on 12/20/2010

11,585

12

1315

I don't regret jack shit. I'm not some whiny ass pansy bitching about things I have no control over.

You want control over something? Take it.

The past is the past. I can't change it. Once a baby is conceived, it will be what it will be unless I have an abortion or miscarriage.

I don't have any ex baby daddys to stress over because I made the decision to not have children with fuck heads.

My boys are circumcised, the oldest has no issues with it. Neither of them ever had an infection in their circumcisions and piss just fine.

I don't regret my decisions because I made CAREFUL decisions. I thought them through, did my research and then made a choice. I made my choices witht the best of intentions. Why the fuck would I spend the rest of my life beating my self up for bullshit?

Stifler's - posted on 12/20/2010

15,141

154

604

I regret not giving the boob one more try too. I was like NO IT'S TOO EMOTIONALLY DISTRESSING IF HE DOESN'T FEED SUCCESSFULLY!! I regret not listening to my mum.

[deleted account]

My motto in life has always been to "regret nothing". That has changed somewhat since having my son 3 years ago. I wouldn't change anything about the last 3 years, but there are some things that I feel regret about.

I regret having my son circumcised. I've learned a lot in the last three years since he was born and if I ever have another boy I won't be doing it again. Steve is ok with this.

I regret that I didn't try harder to breastfeed. I only managed to last a little shy of 6 weeks before I caved to the pain of bloody, scabby nipples and made my first bottle of formula. I don't regret giving him formula, but that I didn't give the boob one more try.

I regret that I've spanked my son. But I'm also happy to say that he hasn't gotten a spanking from me in probably about two months.

I regret being induced, but not because it made my labor any worse. I had a pill placed on my cervix and my labor was fine....a very natural and almost cleansing experience for me. I just regret that I allowed the doctor to just do it, and didn't ask why (other than that I went 5 days overdue). Next time, if there is a next time, I'll wait for it to happen on its own unless there's a problem or a medical reason to do otherwise.

When I was pregnant and people would ask me what sex I wanted the baby to be, I would give the PC answer and say it didn't matter...that I just wanted healthy. While this is true and I would have loved my child no matter what, I definitely wanted and hoped with all of my heart for a boy. I got my boy. But at that 20 week scan, I admit that if they had said I was having a girl, there would have been some disappointment going on inside me. To this day, the thought of me being a mother to a daughter still scares the hell outta me.

Amie - posted on 12/20/2010

6,596

20

412

Yes Jocelyn, it is out of character. I understand the upset. I am dealing with that as well.

Now back to the topic!

Jocelyn - posted on 12/20/2010

5,165

42

275

But I do kinda feel like a bad ass :P I've never had a post deleted before! This is a milestone!

Jocelyn - posted on 12/20/2010

5,165

42

275

Sorry Amie
Please forgive me?
It's a little out of character for me eh? lol

Amie - posted on 12/20/2010

6,596

20

412

*** MOD warning ***

Ladies, obviously yesterday was not enough for a few of you. One of you has been blocked for 24 hours now. The warning thread was posted for a reason, we meant it. No more shenanigans. Posts have been deleted.

Stay on topic. Flag posts that you are worried about. None of the mods want to see threads deteriorating to the point where we need to put up all these warnings and start deleting as much as we have.

Amie
~DM mod

Sarah - posted on 12/20/2010

1,499

10

41

I have two regrets:

1. Not getting more help with breastfeeding. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but I was too dang stubborn to reach out for help. Trying to get my son to breastfeed caused me so much frustration, anger, and stress that I gave it up after only a few weeks.



2. Quitting my online classes right after my son was born. I didn't have any motivation to finish my schooling & I'm kicking myself for it now. I wasted a lot of time & money because I was too dang lazy to study. Oh well...I'm determined to complete my program now so I guess it's better late than never. :)

Isobel - posted on 12/20/2010

9,849

0

286

as we all witnessed yesterday,debating groups can very quickly turn to chaos. Threads like these, where we all get to know each other and respect each other are the only way to maintain anything close to a civilized atmosphere.

Bonnie - posted on 12/20/2010

4,813

22

262

Jocelyn, we might be able to debate a 'recipe' topic if we try hard enough :-)

Bonnie - posted on 12/20/2010

4,813

22

262

I always wished for a healthy baby without a doubt, more than anything. Am I suppose to feel guilty now that I wished for a girl and still do?

Nikki - posted on 12/20/2010

5,263

41

574

Please Julie, Laura is right, and this thread is not a debate about one's preference of gender, can we just leave it and get back to the original post. It wasn't intended to criticise mother's for their regrets. It was just a light hearted discussion, I was interested to hear how other mother's felt about their parenting choices.

Julie - posted on 12/20/2010

84

6

4

And anything that is posted shall be expected to get a comment. Word to the wise don't post if you don't want to get a comment back good or bad.

Julie - posted on 12/20/2010

84

6

4

lol...you don't have to the fact that I couldn't walk for almost a month pretty much made me regret it enough...but I am so happy your so mature...All I said was my opinion I didn't say that anybody was a BAD person for thinking it...just voiced my opinion

Julie - posted on 12/20/2010

84

6

4

@ Laura My regret would be have an epi...

And no I never wished for either sex all I wanted was a healthy baby.

Stifler's - posted on 12/20/2010

15,141

154

604

I think we all have a preference!! Whether we try to or not. It doesn't mean we love the baby any less at all. But I do feel bad for being disappointed that Logan was a boy at first. I also regret traveling so much with Logan as a baby and going out every day in case I 'let myself go because I had a kid' instead of just relaxing at home in my peejays.

[deleted account]

Julie your missing the point I am making - I know what it is like to be told and believe that you will never have a baby of your own, I know what it feels like to find out you are actually pregnant - how teriffying and exciting and utterly exhilarating that is, yet I still have a desire to have my dream family. I have dreamed of my family since I knew what a family was, I was always going to be a mommy - my dream family consisted of a boy, a girl and whatever came (plus mommy and daddy). Why is it selfish to have a dream family, that is human nature. So yes if my dream family doesn't materialise I will be sad for that lost dream but at the exact same time I will be ecstatic that I have defied the doctors and not only had one child, but have another on the way and I will love and respect my children for who they are, not what I hoped tbhey'd be, gosh that includes things as trivial as having a ginger haired son (which he is not - I was sad about that too just because I always thought he would be).

Are you honestly, saying that you never once dreamed of what your child may be? What you would do with that child if it were the opposite sex instead? Can you honestly say you have never wondered what if your child were the opposite sex?

Nikki - posted on 12/20/2010

5,263

41

574

Anyway moving on back to the original post. I have another regret that I didn't try harder to find a mother's group, I don't know anyone with kids and it would be nice for my daughter to have some interactions.

Julie - posted on 12/20/2010

84

6

4

Exactly for that reason...I don't understand how people can hope for certain sex when they have issues getting pregnant or carrying a child full term, why care about the sex-or even put any emphasis on it-why not just focus on the pregnancy and the health of the child.

Certain things just irritate me since I had my daughter...All I wished for was a healthy baby, I don't see why we as women need to act so selfish about such a wonderful experience-that some people can never fully enjoy.

I've seen a lot of people in my life deal with infertility, miscarriges, or unhealthy babies-I am sure not one of them would take a certain sex over a healthy full term baby.

[deleted account]

There is a difference with your kids finding out you wanted a girl but got boys and telling them you wished they were the opposite sex (I have heard this done, it is heart-breaking). My dad would have prefered to have a boy first then a girl (daft protection reasons) but that doesn't mean he loves me any less.

Also it is not always as easy as having multiple babies, some people are only able to have one sex (issues with carrying the fetus), some people (like me) have fertility issues meaning that we are very grateful to have kids, but it doesn't stop you hoping, others have issues in pregnancy, others can't afford it etc etc. Why is it so wrong to admit that although not unhappy you were disappointed in the sex of your child, why make people feel worse about it than they do already?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms