parental "rights"

Isobel - posted on 12/17/2010 ( 50 moms have responded )

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This issue has come up a lot for me lately. Do we really have the "right" to raise our kids any way we choose?

Can we lop off pieces of them that we don't like? Can we keep them in a bubble and not teach them anything? Can we feed them garbage everyday until they are morbidly obese? Can we force them to go to a particular sport if they hate it and it hurts them? Can we demand that they only eat raw organic vegetables?

I guess my real question is...what are THEIR rights?

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Tara - posted on 12/17/2010

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Look up childrens rights. You will find tons of sites dedicated to making childrens lives better around the world. You will not find anything about sports, organic food, McDonalds, marketing and advertising etc.
Those are choices parents make, sometimes stupid ones, but choices.
Rights are basic for children as they are for adults. There are far more important issues when it comes to children in this world. Child soldiers, sex slavery, child labour and a myriad of other real problems that affect our world as a whole.
I couldn't care less if some stupid mom wants to feed her kids crappy food, or make them play violin when they would rather play baseball, or eat organic food etc... but I do care that there are children in this world who spend their days sewing clothes for Walmart or giving head to tourists in Bangkok. I do care when I hear of kids being forced into a war that started when their grandparents were children.
I do care when little girls are raped as a cure for aids.
Honestly...
Look beyond your backyard, I'm sure a mother in the poorest regions of Thailand feels for your situation when you can't seem to say no to a happy meal, or when you have to drag your 7 year old to soccer practise kicking and screaming. I'm sure she empathizes with you.
We are privileged to be allowed to raise our children our way. We have the rights to make choices about our kids.
More of the worlds population lacks such basic rights.
Priorities.
Do you want to live in a communist regime, where you are TOLD how to raise your children?

Sharon - posted on 12/17/2010

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Some things you have to accept.

How someone raises their kids is a nunya situation.

Unless it is directly and evidently harmful no one can step in.

IF a 10 yr old weighs 400lbs - We can safely assume something is wrong. either medically or in the parenting department.

Children have the basic rights. food, clothing, shelter. They don't even have a right to love. Sucks like hell. But we can't fix every single person on this planet.

Its good enough for me that someone has good intentions, even someone like Julianne. she has good intentions. It may backfire but she isn't setting out to harm her kid. She has the greatest and most altruistic intentions.

we can't outlaw or keep harmful things out of our society. all we can do is educate.

people whinge on and on and on about things mcDs. frankly seeing mummy & daddy getting sloshed every weekend is far more harmful than wanting a cheap ass toy included in a meal.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... one day people will have to apply for a lottery or license to breed.... I'm not sure if that will be a good day or not.

Rosie - posted on 12/17/2010

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someone qualified in children development, and family issues. IDK, lol!
they would teach basics, like infant CPR, what age to start solids, breastfeeding information, what to eat and avoid during pregnancy, what to feed a child at what age, nutritious meal ideas, vaccinations ....general information given out by pediatricians just a bit more in depth.

if they don't agree that kids need healthy food, or CPR then i guess i don't know what to say. if you're talking about issues like spanking, which is debateable, most info out there on spanking shows that spanking as a regular tool of discipline causes aggressive children. it's a fact, it's not biased information. they should give out FACTS and let people make their own parenting decisions from there. some people think that spanking every time their kid does something wrong is ok. it's been proven that that is not ok. someone could change their mind when shown FACTS. someone may think it's ok to give their kid a little honey not knowing it can hurt their baby.

some people don't care, you're right, but other people just don't know, and NEED knowledge. i certainly don't see how it can hurt to help out a few hundred thousand people.

knowledge is completely symptematic. i feel most of the problems in this country stem from lack of knowledge. or lack of resources to get that knowledge. they just go to what they know already and the cycle continues. knowledge is power, and anybody that thinks that its not necessary needs to rethink that, IMO.

Isobel - posted on 12/17/2010

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well...there's good health and then there's fanaticism. I don't think it's "healthy" for anybody to think that food is the enemy or that "the difference between right and wrong" has anything to do with food.

That's all. I think you are totally doing what you believe is best for your child. I just disagree.

Charlie - posted on 12/17/2010

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Children have a right to bodily integrity .

Children have a right to freedom of knowledge .

children have a right to good health .

Children have a right to emotional well being .

My rights end where theirs begin , Children are human too.

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[deleted account]

LOL thats funny.

i gave my daughter the right to be as loud as she wants :D:D I encourage her to make noise, she loves music and any noise is music to her....she rocks out when the washing machine is on :P

Gina - posted on 12/18/2010

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Children have the right to everything that Loureen has said. I know I also what my daughter to feel safe and loved.I gave my daughter the right to remain silent, but unfortunately for me she never uses it !LOL

Nikki - posted on 12/18/2010

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Children don't have the same human rights as adults, it is something that really bother's me. I am referring to physical punishment here, I think it's pretty crazy and unfair that children don't have the same legal rights as adults when it comes to someone physically harming them.


Anyway moving on..

Parents need some autonomy to make decisions in the best interest of their child, not everyone is going to like each other's choices, but as long as the fundamental needs of the child are met and they are not abusing or neglecting the child then it shouldn't matter, it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round *cliché I know*

I love the idea of the financial incentives that Julianne spoke about, it would be great to educate those who don't understand nutrition, child health, positive parenting, but it needs to be a choice, not mandatory.

[deleted account]

Its a center thats named after a little girl who died from emanuel syndrome when she was only 5 years old. The family started the resource center in her memory. Its local, only two exist. Its a great place for education and to socialize children.

Krista - posted on 12/17/2010

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Tah, it's a family resource centre located where Julianne lives. They also have one in the town where I work. They have a lot of great programming and resources for families.

[deleted account]

They are! I love them so much :D Gabby and I took a lot of their classes. We just finished a mommy me and mother goose play group at the library, they have play groups all the time. I can't really get to them because i don't drive. You can borrow toys and educational books from them. They have a give away section too. Baby clothes and kids books.

Krista - posted on 12/17/2010

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Ah, I figured it was probably a Maggie's Place thing. I hear they're pretty awesome.

Krista - posted on 12/17/2010

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Jeez...I took the prenatal class at the hospital, and I didn't get a car seat! Boo!

[deleted account]

I don't think they should be mandatory. Any person who is going to have a child should try to get as much information as possible on raising them that way they can do it to the best of their ability.

[deleted account]

Around here every doctor or nurse you see suggest the prenatal class. They even have intensives for the classes, every time you go, you get a coupon to the grocery store for 10$ plus if you go 90% of the classes you get a free car seat. They supply prenatal vitamins to you as well. Its still a choice to go, but they make it hard to say no when you don't make a lot of money.

Tah - posted on 12/17/2010

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if you are asking me, yes they do exist in my area, they also exist in the area i grew up in philadelphia, through the hospital. they are good classes to be sure, but i don't know that they should be mandatory is my point...i am not sure they have classes on buying healthy on a budget, and even if they do, they don't really know some of the situations that people are in and sometimes it's not that easy to do...

[deleted account]

So no classes on how to raise your child exist in your areas? We have a center that you can go to that helps moms learn about health and nutrition. They have prenatal nutrition classes, baby food making ones, even classes on how to bath and change babies for those with absolutely no experience. Its aimed at young mothers or low income ones, but anyone can go. I took the prenatal nutrition and they had a segment on how to buy healthy food on a budget. They are really informative and are non-bias towards the subjects they teach.

Tah - posted on 12/17/2010

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see kati..that IMO..., that is how things like that are taught..lol..people may not say it out loud, but they tend to lean towards things that they believe, i absolutely believe that knowledge is power, i take classes that have nothing to do with my major sometimes just because i want to know..lol...I went home with reading material on breastfeeding, what ages to give solids etc, but then my pediatricians told me something different then what was in those and i found something different online, so i had to do what was best for my children, and i think thats what we are all trying to do. I know about going to the supermarket that was close and cheap and seeing the vegetables that were bruised and dented and brown etc. so you go get the canned if you get any at all and the food that gives you more for your dollar and your dollar is short. I do think that classes should be offered, maybe even tell the moms while they are in there, hey we hold this class everday on L&D and it has alot of good info, you should really check it out, maybe have an educator come in and offer some info..basic info..infant cpr, info on breast and bottle feeding...pamphlets from birth to age 1 with do's and don't, but i am leaning more towards it being optional is all i'm saying, These are the parents and they should make their choices for their children, no matter what i might think...i'm sure people disagree with me...they can bite me...but thats their right and it's mine to do what i see fit for my children.

Tah - posted on 12/17/2010

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@Jenn..i'm not easily shocked, and i am sure they do have those classes in this area, but i only had one child in this area(military) and by then i had been cpr certified since 19(and every 2 years since), breastfed(because it's what i wanted to do, not because someone in a class wanted me to or wanted to tell me that breast is best), etc. I am not saying a infant CPR class is not a great thing, it is, but i am not sure that these people teaching, be it a degree in social work, development, family support etc. would not teach these classes in a way that would not be biased or make these new parents or old feel judged or inadequate. I am not saying that they would not be a good thing for some people in some ways, i am just not jumping on the wagon of them needing to be mandatory.

Jenn - posted on 12/17/2010

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I agree about the parenting classes. I took some when I was pregnant just because I thought it was a good idea and I don't know that they taught me anything that I didn't already know, but there were some people who I'm sure got something out of it. It's pretty naive to think that everyone should have common sense - clearly so many people do not or we wouldn't have such a problem with obesity or child abuse or any of the other problems facing our children. @Tah - do they not already have parenting classes available where you live that are optional to take? So why not just make those what people would take. They don't teach such extreme things, but they do offer alternative ways to discipline other than spanking - not sure how that's a bad thing. Or to teach people about breast is best - while most of us may know that, lots of people out there truly don't know that! Never be amazed at the stupidity that abounds in our world. Just because something is "common sense" to you, doesn't mean it is to everyone else.

Nikkole - posted on 12/17/2010

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Good point Tah! I think you would need someone who would teach all options and not be one sided!

Tah - posted on 12/17/2010

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my question about these classes that should be mandatory..what would they teach?..who would teach them?...Are they classes that would be taught through course work decided by people who don't have children?, or believe children shouldn't eat meat? or shouldn't get a little swat to the bum? would burn every bottle in sight if they could?...i would question who would get to teach these classes, what happens if the parents don't agree with what is being taught? Already have 3 kids and have a pretty good idea about how to change a pamper etc. I do think that some people are very ill-equipped to have children, but i don't know if making parenting classes mandatory when you don't even care if the knowledge is being used wouldn't be stepping over the line and on parents rights to raise their children how they see fit.

Rosie - posted on 12/17/2010

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it does seem like it should be obvious jessica, but there are many people who don't even have access to vegetables in the united states. you live in the 'hood" or whatever, and are poor you don't have transportation to get you to places that have nutritious foods, so you can only walk to a gas station or something around the corner. plus junk food is cheaper. oprah did a story a little while back that just blew me away about this. i mean we're supposed to be this wonderful powerfful country, but sooooo many people have little access to information or access to the products that can make them have better lives.

[deleted account]

lol, well when MSG is banned because of all the adverse effects, I wont be considered that extreme now will I.

[deleted account]

Loreen said "children have a right to good health"!!!! Apparently that is EXTREME of me to insure...i thought it was her right to have excellent food so she grows up healthy and strong. If its extreme of me to protect my childs rights....so be it.

Jessica - posted on 12/17/2010

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I guess, I just think that in the countries that we live in now, there is no excuse to not have some common sense. In 3rd world countries it is obviously different, but in Canada, the States, UK etc we are exposed to so much on a daily basis that not knowing that feeding your child nothing but mcdonalds is not good should be rather obvious....and I still think that the people who don't want to learn, aren't going to. You make them go to that class and they will just sit there being pissed that they were made to go. The only way I could see it working is if like Kati said (I think it was her) while your pregnant you were to take the course, that way hopefully the fact that the child is still in your body and a huge part of you so to speak would impact the way a person who isn't interested in learning into wanting to care a bit more..not sure if that made sense,but it did in my head, lol.

Nikkole - posted on 12/17/2010

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I think every parent has a right to parent there childrent the way the see fit unless they are abusing the child not like giving them mcdonalds every now and again but stuff like beating them,neglecting them,and over feeding (to the point that the child is obeese) stuff like that! But things like piercings your kids ears or giving them fast food every now and again or circumcision i think is the parents choice do i agree with them all well no but there not my children to worry about!! And as for the parenting classes i agree that all parents should go through them because i was a young mom and i took the advice of my mother and on some things i wish i hadn't and had been more informed on things!!!!

Krista - posted on 12/17/2010

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Not necessarily, Jessica. Yes, there are some people who are ignorant and don't give a shit, but there is always the possibility that SOMETHING might sink in.

And there are also those who are ignorant, but in more of a benign fashion -- they want to do well by their child, and think they know what to do, but truly don't have a clue. Those people could really benefit from some classes.

Jessica - posted on 12/17/2010

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I'm not saying knowledge is bad, I guess it's just sad that people seem to lack common sense in general these days. I just think that people who want to take those parenting courses should most definatly be able to and then the people who don't want to don't have to. Because the person who is ignorant and doesn't give a shit what is being taught in the class is going to have that info go in one ear and out the other. So making it mandatory is pointless.

Isobel - posted on 12/17/2010

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I think they have the right to own their own body. I think they have the right to a decent education free of brainwashing. I think they have the right to be as healthy as possible. I think that they have the right to stop doing something if it makes them fearful for their lives or sanity.

Jackie - posted on 12/17/2010

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"People know that drinking and driving kills and yet they still do it. You teach a parent that certain foods are bad etc or something and then they leave the class and go to McDicks..what was the point?"

Well, then what's the point in teaching anything if there is a possibility that the knowledge will not be used?

Rosie - posted on 12/17/2010

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i would like to see it implemented while pregnant, and you don't get to take the kid home from the hospital until you take the class.
i took a class from the time i was 13 weeks until my child was almost a year old. i also worked fulltime and supported myself with no help from his dickhead dad. it's not impossible. in fact it was fun, lol.

Jessica - posted on 12/17/2010

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I guess maybe if it was something that was implemented in Highschool maybe, but aside from that I don't think making people take the classes in there everyday life would work.

Rosie - posted on 12/17/2010

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mandatory for everyone. some people don't have access to the knowledge that mcdonalds is shit, or how to breastfeed, or that smoking around a child is bad. how is it a bad thing to make sure everyone is educated? they can still CHOOSE what to do afterwards.

Jessica - posted on 12/17/2010

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I totally agree with everything Tara is saying. Many Moms on COM are so worried about alot of mundane shit and make it seem like they would like everything decided for them and a rule for every little thing. I do not do well being dictated to. I am a smart women and I love my daughter more then anything. She is well fed and sometimes get sweets to taste, she is hugged and kissed and loved but will get a smack to bum if the occassion calls for it and most importantly she is a happy, healthy little girl. I'm not willing to give up my parental rights because some people get there panties in a twist about every little thing, like Tara said, there are ALOT of way worse things in our world then a Big Mac and sore bum.



Edited to fix typo and add a question...Krista you said that the classes should be had regardless of if the people use what they are taught...then really, what is the point? People know that drinking and driving kills and yet they still do it. You teach a parent that certain foods are bad etc or something and then they leave the class and go to McDicks..what was the point?

Krista - posted on 12/17/2010

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Tara, why the big stink about the idea of parenting classes being mandatory? Cripes, we have to become licensed in order to drive a CAR, so why is it such an imposition for parenting classes to be mandatory?



I think that a basic parenting class should be implemented into the school system in Grade 9, with a more intensive class becoming mandatory when a pregnancy is confirmed.



It has nothing to do with communism and nothing to do with limiting how many kids you can have. Hell, it's not even saying that you have to follow the stuff you learned in the class. It's just HOPEFULLY alleviating some of the head-smashingly egregious ignorance that we all see out there.

[deleted account]

Why would you need to use me as an example Sharon? Someone like me. As if my views are that much different from other people my age.

[deleted account]

...In my personal opinion, children SHOULD have the right to be happy, healthy, and loved. If at all possible, I will make sure to uphold those rights for my daughter. I won't spoil her, but I will try my damnedest to give her every possible opportunity, every single feasible thing that will give her a full and happy life and shape her into a wonderful young woman.

Is this possible? I have no idea. But I'm gonna try.

Jenn - posted on 12/17/2010

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A parent has a right to raise their kids as they see fit so long as it doesn't infringe on the child's rights.

Tara - posted on 12/17/2010

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mandatory for whom?
Because if someone told me I must take parenting classes, I would cry foul. Why? Because if wanted to take classes, I would. And I don't live in a communist country.
I would liken that to saying I can only have two kids instead of the 6 I have.
What about the people who would teach these classes, would they be exempt? Or people who are pediatricians, nurses, ece workers etc. should they be exempt?
Again it's fine line between government responsibility and parents rights.

Rosie - posted on 12/17/2010

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i believe their rights are to be loved, and not abused. now peoples definitions of abuse is what gets tricky. some people classify spanking as abuse, others don't. some people feel feeding your child mcdonalds every now and then isn't abusive, others feel it's a death sentence.



i think because of these differences, people have the right to do whatever they deem fit for their child. if that means circumcision, spanking, and mdonalds eating. so be it.



they also should have the right to have parents educated as to what is deemed healthy for their child. i feel parenting classes should be mandatory.

Louise - posted on 12/17/2010

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I think every child has the right to be loved cherished and cared for. Simple!

I think that different people have different ways to raise their children and nobody is in the wrong her. I raise my kids differently to my best mate and we agree to disagree. I brought my children up to have their eyes wide open to what the world is really like. There was none of this political correctness going on then. My sons climbed trees played rough sports and did all those things that are frowned on today. They are now adults and are the most rounded young men I know. They grew up knowing about alocohol, drugs, sex and crime and I never shyed away from any topic they wanted to talk about. All these rights for anything that moves gets on my nerves. It is common sence is it not, not to over feed your child or force them to do sports they don't like.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 12/17/2010

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(Human rights are human rights regardless of age)…I think children are entitled to SOME of the same rights as adults and then as they get older the rest of the rights follow

But does he have the right to stay up as late as he wants on a school night….NOT in my house, does he have the right to leave and go where he wants…NOT in my house, does he have the right to eat whatever he wants for dinner…nope not in my house…
But these privileges come with getting older and as he gets older he will be entitled to do these things as I do.

As a parent I will guide my sons MY way, until they are 16,17,18 years of age, then things can start to be the way they want.

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