pat me on the back....i have just spent the weekend th my MIL and stayed nice to her!

Sal - posted on 10/31/2010 ( 33 moms have responded )

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I know there is the very stereotypical bitch MIL senario but is it really that hard to get along with the woman you husband loves?? My MIL has hated me from the moment she knew i was on the scene, told me every reason she could make up why we should not get married and is down right rude to me/us one minute then the next acts as if she is my best friend, my head aches from the moment i know she is visiting , all i have ever done is love her son, and she has never said one nice thing about me, my parenting skills, house keeping, cooking nothing, i even made her a birthday cake yesterday with my girls and she didn't even say thanks to me, how do other people keep thier minds and deal with their MIL, and if there are any MIL out there how do you do it? are you freind or foe with his wife?

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Nikkole - posted on 11/07/2010

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I can deal with my MIL but i hate going to her house! My husband has 4brothers and sisters and she was an only mother since my husband was small so they were very poor at times but My MIL didn't work for a LONG time she didnt want to leave her kids BUT they would go Hungary some nights have NOTHING like no new clothes or shoes no new glasses if they needed them no toys nothing! And she is not a VERY religious person LIKE CRAZY CHURCH LADY lol ! I liked her at first but now i hate being around her because she acts like my husband is the father around her house he has to fix EVERYTHING for her and when my MIL has problems with her youngest daughter she asks my husband to talk to her she dosent :P another reason i strongly dislike her is when i was pregnant with our first son her youngest daughter was pregnant also, I ended up having to have a c section and she was sooooo against it she said i could have pushed him out! But i couldn't his cord was wrapped around his neck! Then she didn't even come to see her grandson till the day we left the hospital and my SIL's friend was prego the same time to and his mother went and stayed with her all 2days WHAT THE CRAP! Then i couldn't breastfeed i had problems i DID try she told me my son was going to be retarded and sickly and he is the smartest kid i know and is never sick! And when my daughter was born she came once! She has seen my daughter MAYBE 3times since she has been born and thats because WE bring her over to her and she lives 7miles away and she has seen my son maybe 10times in almost 3years, she never asks about them nothing! But my husband still helps her all the time! The only reason it makes me mad is one day my son will ask mom why dosent she come see me or dose she love me what do i tell him! OH and My SIL's kid stays with my MIL ALL THE TIME she talks about him NON stop and buys EVERYTHING for him!

Jennifer - posted on 11/03/2010

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You should have a heart to heart talk with her!Tell her how you get heahache when you know she is coming to visit.Ask her why she is such a mean women towards her! I hope she does not talk badly about you to your daughters!!!

Laura - posted on 11/02/2010

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I don't have too much of a problem with my MIL except she sometimes "accidently" calls herself mama instead of Grandma and always tries to one up me (cooking, costumes, birthday presents, etc) and she let's my FIL walk all over her. Now he is controlling, sexist, and thinks he knows everything about everything. According to him we should have waited longer than 2 1/2 years to have our second child and we shouldn't have even had the 3rd. We we found out my 3rd baby is a boy he asked me what I'm going to do with 3 boys. and every time the Older 2 act up he ask how I'm going to handle it when I have 3.

I have tried to kill him with kindness but now that I'm pregnant every time he says something I just can't keep my mouth shut anymore. He calls my MIL stupid, tells her she's fat (she not really), tells her what she does is stupid when it's something that I've seen him do himself. And the thing that gets me is when he tried to disipline my kids right in front of me in my own home.

Sharon - posted on 11/01/2010

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Thanks guys - things will never improve with my inlaws.

I just think cheerful thoughts - like they are all MUCH MUCH older than me. Hubbys' oldest sister is the same age as my mother, so his mother is the age of my grandmothers', sooo, they'll all die before me and for sure I'll be dancing then peeing on their consecrated graves. I might leave a chunkier package on the youngest sister in laws' grave.

Sal - posted on 11/01/2010

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thanks guys, i am trying the nice tack but OMG it nearly kills me.... i spend half the time making excuses for her behaviour as i do honestly think she has mental health issues, but the rest of the time i can't help but think she is just selfish nasty and out to try and break us up, (not that she has a hope as hubby knows her too well) she spent ages this weekend telling me how violent my husband can be???? never seen 1 tiny bit of this ever, and how my girls fight because they are just like her and her sister , so don;t expect it to change because they are well in their 60s and they still fight!!! Sharon, i so hope things improve with your inlaws, your mil is on a par with mine, but at least i don;t have a whole family of them like you seem to, i only have 1 sil and she and her family are ok...glad i don;t live too close but nice enough....

Leah - posted on 11/01/2010

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LMAO Dana you crack me up!! All you girls do! So glad work hasn't blocked this website yet or else don't know what I would do for the 8 hours I'm at work (like actually work? NOOO! :D)
Actually never met my MIL so I like her alot! ;D She lives in a different country and we just havn't scrapped the money together to fly to whole family out there. But I'm pretty mediocre about it, she doesn't send stuff for the kids (birthday cards, presents etc) or anything, which is fine, they aren't very well off. But when we talk on the phone, we get along just fine. My husbands family is weird, not very close knit, they can go months and months without talking. Don't know how they do it, I'd go batty if I didn't talk to my family at least once a week.

A - posted on 11/01/2010

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For the most part we get along. We have some differences. For example, they think its okay to smoke around children. But they have been respectful to not do it while I'm around with my son. If I don't want my son to eat or drink something (like candy or kool aid) I just say so and she respects my decision.

I'm sorry your MIL is such a pain. Just try to keep the peace and be the bigger person and lead by example; treat others as you would want to be treated, even if they dont really deserve it. Easier said than done I know!! :)

[deleted account]

I Kind of like my MIL. Most of the time thought she bugs me. She is nice enough but my oh my she has some issues with babying her youngest Or maybe thats just my issue! lol
My Hubby is the oldest. She has NEVER been here for any of her grandchildrens births or 1st birthdays. She doesn't ring unless she wants something she doesn't even send birthday cards or ring on the kids birthdays. Where as my parents are so involved. I just don't understand how she can be so distant. I love my SIL ( On Hubby's side My brothers wife i HATE not that i like him either) She is the kindest most warm hearted person. They have 3 kids that MIL has been there for But only when my SIL has paid for fuel to get them there. My hubby's Brother ( Again don't like he is a trouble making little shit who needs a good beating!) He has just had a child, he is 18 on the 14th nov, to a 30yr oldish woman. They are useless they have had 3 accidents in which they were ucky to walk away from. They didn't even buy a car seat for their child before they left hospital ( SIL did cause she wanted the baby to be safe) But every week when their government payments come in they head into town so he can score.
This is where my issues are with his mother. She is a Gambler she will claim broke but always have the money to go and have abet on the horses.She has kicked my BIL out numerous times but always gives ina nd lets him move home. BIL stole from us when they were staying here one time and NOTHING has ever been said to him. She looks after and already favours BIL baby. I could go on but i might leave it there.

Rosie - posted on 11/01/2010

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i'm to lazy to capitalize. lol. at least i don't use text speak!!! right?? LMAO!!

no david doesn't see anybody else. i don't know if that's by choice, or if he just hasn't found someone. she's not hot, she's more trashy 80's hot. she looks good for her age, everybody thinks she's younger than she is. i think if she'd get out of the 80's and get some new styles she's be alot better looking.

oh yeah, and by the way i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i ;P

[deleted account]

WOW! Why do the men tolerate it? Is she hot? LMAO! Seriously though, you don't have to get divorced, that's fine but she be taking Rusty to family functions. WEIRD! Is hubby seeing anyone else?

P.S. How come you don't capitalize anything, EVER? I don't mind it on anything else BUT the letter "i" looks horrible all by itself. ACK!

Rosie - posted on 11/01/2010

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oh, and no they don't have an open marriage. they don't want to spend the money to get divorced, but seriously, i know she still has sex with david, it really explains alot....lol!

Rosie - posted on 11/01/2010

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yeah, she lives with her boyfriend. she hasn't lived with her husband (david) for 9 years. well she moved back in twice for like month each time, but always ends up going back to rusty (her boyfriend). funny thing is, she takes david to all family functions. rusty just gets left at home. she's completley fucked in the head when it comes to men.

[deleted account]

Did you say she lives with her boyfriend but she's married also? I'm confused....do they have an open marriage? What's hubby thinkin'?

Rosie - posted on 11/01/2010

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my MIL is not my enemy, nor is she my bestie. she's nice, she has issues with men, and clings to her husband AND boyfriend (yes, BOTH, and she lives with the boyfriend, *sigh*) and can't be on her own. she is immature, uneducated, tries to be whitney's (her daughter) bestie, and babies her, and used to baby my husband until i took over for her, lol!

my problem that bugs me the most, is she just isn't interested in her grandkids. she won't come by to see them, when she does come over she always has a reason (to give us a payment for the car we bought her). my kids get along fine without her, but my parents are so invovled, and it just doesn't make sense to me how disengaged she is from them. and now that whitney's pregnant (at 19 and unmarried, still living at home) she can't be involved enough with her pregnancy. it makes me want to puke.

from what i just wrote it makes it seem like i hate her, i don't. we actually get along. but i feel she needs a major self esteem push, and needs to take more responsibility for her role as a grandmother.

Kimberly - posted on 11/01/2010

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I've known my MIL since I was 16 and she has always treated me like a daughter. She actually had a hand in getting us back together this last time resulting in our marriage.

We ALL (2 SILs, MIL, hubby and myself) had a falling out when I was pregnant- it was an all out nasty war but we all made up as soon as the baby was born and we have never looked back at that one blip. We have a close relationship. She is very supportive of the decisions I make and how I raise my daughter, if anything I sometimes as her for advice- since she had 5 kids of her own. I think they like/need that and want to feel needed.

I hope it gets better for you. Maybe you could ask her to lunch/brunch/dinner alone and tell her how you feel and clear the air. It's worth a shot and you can walk away knowing you made the attempt. Best of luck.

[deleted account]

Here's a giant pat on the back to you for being nice! That's all I've got. I've been married twice and each time I've lucked out in the MIL department. My former MIL was the kindest, sweeetest, most gentle lady ever. My current MIL? We have issues here and there but nothing major. She mostly just disagrees with me about co-sleeping and the fact that I won't cut my son's hair lol Good luck girl! Wish I had more for ya!

Tara - posted on 11/01/2010

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I love my MIL, she's sweet, loves the kids, doesn't visit too often (we only live 30 minutes away) but just often enough, there when we need her no matter what and is an excellent cook. Plus she has never said one word to me that wasn't complimentary or encouraging.
I've had your kind though. I killed her with kindness. No matter what she said or did I was always sweetly nice to her. It drove her nuts and kept me sane.
:)Good Luck
Tara

Sharon - posted on 11/01/2010

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Eh - I know they are the minority - but I pointed it out to show that they are the WORST of everything ever pointed out about catholics. They are soft about their racism because of where they live. But its still there. Like a clogged artery. You can't see it but it makes itself known every once in a while!

[deleted account]

Haha! Why don't they like to admit the Polish portion? My mom is Italian (both her parents were born in Calabria, Italy and were VERY Roman Catholic) and my dad was actually born in Krakow, Poland (Catholic as well) but my family would NEVER discriminate like that. WHAT a shame and disgrace to the Catholics out there.

Haha! I'm a wapol!

Sharon - posted on 11/01/2010

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hahaha they are white. They are so white they glow in the dark. Three of them refuse to tan because only poor people and people without taste do that. Ok, I made that up, I don't think they can tan. I, however, turn a delicious golden brown!! hahahaha...

They are English, Irish with a smidge of polish but getting them to admit the polish portion is like pulling teeth.

[deleted account]

Such a shitty situation and sad story. I'm curious, if you don't mind me asking, you mentioned that his family is Catholic but I'm wondering what nationality they are?

I'm not sure why I'm picturing you in bed, sorry - how inappropriate of me. You're just so "fiesty"....lmao. ♥

Sharon - posted on 11/01/2010

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Oh hubby backs me, 100%. If he didn't I'd have left YEARS ago. When ever one of his siblings pulled some crack, it was all I could do to keep him from beating the shit out of them.

He doesn't speak to any of them either. LOL remember, he didn't like them before we moved back. I also found out, he became a body builder to feel more empowered after the abuse his siblings heaped on him as a kid. He was the baby of the family and his oldest brother was 11 years older than him, his older sister was 10 years older, then other brother 8 years older and another older sister - not sure how much older but they all ganged up on him. From trying to bury him alive to "loosing" him in caves, and the daily beatings.

I am GREAT in bed! lmao - but it was creepy as hell to have my "brother" in law spell it out for a crowd of strangers, as if he had some inside information or based on my race. ew!!!!

[deleted account]

Sharon, that sounds horrible. I have two comments for you...

a) what does your husband say or do about this?

b) I bet you are good in bed! ;)

Sharon - posted on 11/01/2010

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My inlaws are fucking nightmares.

My MIL has mellowed out since discovering my husband is the only child she gave birth to that isn't out to destroy her.

But they are racist pigs. They did NOT like their family including a japanese woman. I totally enjoyed shoving ethnic foods down their throats at every family gathering. My kids were all born blond and blue eyed and there was a lot of muttering about "hope the baby keeps it" etc. I took HUGE delight in pointing out that ALL the babies got my nose, got slanted eyes (not excessive but definitely exotic looking) and a lighter version of my coloring. I also enjoyed mocking the cousins bobble head looks, not in front of the mother, but in front of the grandmother. And not directly either... "does some sort of genetic defect run in the family? that um, narrowed spinal column thing? their heads seem to indicate that. Has it been looked into? I read that its very dangerous." shit like that.

I know it seems vicious - I don't really care. racist crazy catholics are what I married into - UGH. they drove me batty when we first moved near them. Calling me up to ask "does he hit you?" WTF really? its your BROTHER/SON? he's been a competing body builder with a nearly barrel chest and I'm a size 3 (I was back then, lol) if he had hit me, there'd be a hole! I NEVER had a suspicious bruise for them to question that either.

They used to call and ask "is there anything we can do?" Yeah you could bring a gallon of milk by, I have cash here to pay you back. HOURS would go by, nothing. 2 or 3 days later someone would call "sorry I forgot." Fuck you bitch. He has two older brothers. The younger one would tell people at family gatherings "I'll bet she's great in bed." OMG.

When I was pregnant the second time, it was suggested I have an abortion because it wasn't likely that the baby would have the good looks my first child did (blond & blue eyed).

The shit they pulled has been utterly insane. Including sending strange men to my house when they knew I was home alone (we live rurally & remotely), including putting up signs that said we were having a yardsale when we were moving in and had boxes every where. Ever wake up to find people rummaging through your goods on your patio? Including ROBBING us. Because apparently - we didn't deserve the good stuff we had. yeah those are my outlaws. I hate them. I hope they have hideous deaths. I hope their kids have hideous deaths (kids are carbon copies of them)

We don't speak to ANY of them except his mother. She's old, getting senile and all her kids take advantage of her and I gloat about it. Its not my fault or my responsibility that she's a weak minded bitch. And she's going to die way before me.

I USED to try & make nice. I moved down here happy & excited that I would FINALLY get sisters. My husband WARNED ME. That his sister were nasty viperous bitches but I thought that was just brother/sister rivalry. NOPE.

Bonnie - posted on 11/01/2010

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Good for you! For me it was a little difficult at the beginning, especially when her first grandchild came around because she always wanted to be around him and hold him; kind of overbearing. It's gotten better within the past couple of years and she is wonderful. My own mother on the other hand can be worse at times.

Desiree - posted on 11/01/2010

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Good for you!;). I sadly don't have a MIL anymore she passed two months ago. But I do have an annoying, irritating controlling Portuguese mom, who is bent on taking over my home and family. I know she is lonely but really there is only one queen in any hive and THATS ME!

[deleted account]

I love my MIL - she's AMAZING! I'm lucky to have wonderful families in my life. (minus my SIL - she's a cow)

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 10/31/2010

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it was hard in the beginning...My problem was more about Isolation, being judge based off of knowing im Black…more then it was her saying or doing anything to my face (well she could have, but I don’t understand but a few words)

my husband is Korean (South Korean that is) I knew she would rather him be with a Korean women or at least an Asian women. I had a son, and they thought I would be loud; ghetto, eye rolling, Black women…and I surprised them…



He was in true turmoil over it and a long time went by before I was Introduced to his parents….(at his brothers wedding…so I meet majority of his family)

holidays gatherings that I was not invited to, where he would go and stop by, and family gathers that he would have to stop by….I wont speak for all Asians, but I will speak on Koreans…they have a very STRONG sense of Family unity….and so for him to continue to be with me, showed a lot on how much he loved me and my son…(he didn’t see his family much, unless it was necessary)



Now years later she knows I love him and he loves me (she knows its not a infatuation or a fling) because he was willing to be with me against their wishes…and stuck it out instead of giving in to his mother and father…



Now its very good between me and her, not to mention I gave her a beautiful 1st Grandson, that has brought us closer, we go over at least 3-5 times a month if not more (mostly me and baby, and stop by the Restaurant they own)…and she gives me advice, buys me VERY nice gifts…



I don’t take for granted how it is because I remember how it use to be…..



I hope your MIL comes around…its sooooooo not good and very upsetting to have to be in a situation such as that.

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