Paying Grandma

Hope - posted on 11/08/2011 ( 66 moms have responded )

255

17

13

Should grandparents be paid to look after their grandchildren?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

If it is a daycare type of situation where it is happening regularly, absolutely. I'm not saying that it *needs* be a lot, but there should be something, even just to compensate for the increased food expenses that the grandparents will incur while watching the children. These grandparent's are on a fixed income and they already raised and paid for their own children, they shouldn't be asked to share the costs a second time around.

That said, I don't send my son to ANYONE'S house for an overnight visit without money in his pocket. I'm not paying them, but I am making sure that he has his own money to participate in whatever they decide to do, so that he isn't a burden to them. But, my son is twelve, he eats like a horse and unless you plan on taking him to a buffet, he isn't a cheap dinner date. He should at least be prepared to offer to pay for himself, IMO, that's just good manners.

[deleted account]

I feel the same about grandparents watching grandkids as I feel about watching my nephews. If I'm doing it so mom can get a break or go to an appointment/shopping w/out 1,2, or 3 of her kids.... do NOT pay me. If I'm doing it so SHE can make some money.... give me a bit too. ;)



Of course, I also practically have to beg my dad and stepmom to take my girls for the weekend (they dont'/won't take my son overnight yet, but will on the rare day occasion) a few times/year and my stepniece is there almost every weekend... and lived there full time w/ her mom til she was almost 6! I'm not bitter or anything though..... lol



They HAVE watched the kids more in the past 3.5 years since I've been a single mom than they watched my girls in the first 6 years of their lives, but.... it's still only once every couple of months or more. I certainly don't expect them to give up a ton of their time (they both work), but it would be nice if my kids ranked at least CLOSE to equal as my stepniece.



Sorry.. got off on a bit of a tangent there. ;)

Jodi - posted on 11/14/2011

3,562

36

3907

I think something that hasn't been discussed here is the COMMITMENT it takes to provide daycare for the grandchildren. If you (as a grandparent) commit to your children that you will look after your grandchildren while they work for whatever number of days a week, it is exactly that, a commitment on a week to week basis.

My parents are semi retired. They work about 4-5 months a year (doing relief work), and then they travel for about 3 months a year. The rest of the time they are visiting all of us (we are spread all over the country), or at home doing the things they enjoy.

Now, let's say they didn't still work, and we all lived close to them. They still like to travel 3 months of the year.

Don't you think that by having them as my daycarers, they would feel obligated to give up the things they enjoy. And I can tell you now, if I ASKED my parents for help in that respect because we were struggling, they probably would drop everything and tell us they didn't want to travel anymore anyway. But is it the RIGHT thing to ask of them? I don't believe so. They'd just be saying that to make me feel better.

So for that reason, I don't believe grandparents should be taken for granted. It's one thing if they won't accept payment. It's quite another if it is expected for nothing.

Konni - posted on 11/13/2011

65

0

3

"I am a great believer that if your job doesn't pay enough to pay Childcare dont work"

So the alternative is going on Single Parenting Payment and expect the tax payers to foot the bill for your children? If your single and on Parenting Payment, Centrelink pays for majority of your child care fees anyway, plus you get some back every quater. Also you usually keep all your family tax benefit and still receive your wages from work. There is lots of incentives for single mothers to go back to work, including 10c an hour daycare. If you really wanted to work it is worth it. (This is all in Australia BTW)

Cathie - posted on 11/13/2011

37

43

3

depends if it is an alternative to childcare, length of care would have to be considered

66 Comments

View replies by

Proud - posted on 12/28/2011

269

28

4

My mom watches my niece Mon-Thurs 7 a.m.-4 p.m. and Friday 7 a.m.-10 a.m.


My brother and sis in law give her $50 a week

Janice - posted on 12/19/2011

1,890

18

63

No grandparents should not get paid for occasionally watching their grandchildren. My MIL lives upstairs and if she hasn't seen my daughter in 3 days she calls and asks to see her. She also watches my niece 1 day per week for free. When I call and ask my parents to babysit they dont expect to be paid either.



One exception is if you use the grandparent as a full-time nanny. I think if your parent or in-laws are retired or leave their job and then work full-time watching your children then they should be paid something.

Amber - posted on 12/19/2011

39

1

2

grandparents should want to watch their grandchildren without the parents having to pay them!! to have any grandparent ask to be paid to spend time with their grandchild is ridiculous!! if they can't just do it out of the kindness of their hearts then you might as well have someone else do it if you gotta pay someone to watch your kid!!

Angela - posted on 11/15/2011

2,216

33

37

For me if I felt my kids were taking advantage of me.... it would hurt but I would put my foot down. But I think (or like to think my kids are like Jodi) I would have to make sure they knew whole heart I was okay with watching the grand kids and .... I would only do so if I was 100% committed and wanted to do so.
I certainly would never think the "owed" me. I would be very upset if they thought so.
That being said Grandparents do not have an obligation to do child care, but in my family I feel we ALL have an obligation to help each other. So I would be disappoint if any one of my kids or myself just would not help because it was a inconvenience to them.
Those are my principals and values. Because to me at the end of my life I do not want my only accomplishment to be a great career and great travel or time for me... I hope in the end people remember me as a person who loved their family and was their for them.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/14/2011

6,435

12

72

That's what I want to know. It's horrid to say, but my brother was glad when she had to go to the cops and lost her license after implying he should be the one getting arrested for a meth lab.

Stifler's - posted on 11/14/2011

15,141

154

604

*accidentally* you mean. who the fuck changes their kid on a stove!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/14/2011

6,435

12

72

I went to one larger daycare centre and it was crazy expensive. It also ended up being closed because a few 3 year olds got loose.

There was a woman across the street from my parents who ran a home daycare centre. Hers was closed down because she accidentally changed a baby on a hot stove. I thought she was a bitch anyway because when we had a police raid on a meth house (I grew up in a nice suburb BTW! I swear) she told one of the neighbours loud enough for my brother to hear that the police were at the wrong house and pointed to my brother because he and a friend had done a few bugleries when they were 17.

Stifler's - posted on 11/14/2011

15,141

154

604

i've only ever sent Logan to home daycares and friends for the day too.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/14/2011

6,435

12

72

You never claryfied.

I actually had better experiance with in home daycare centres then with large ones. And the 2nd babysitter the girls had was a neighbour of mine.

Sherri - posted on 11/14/2011

9,593

15

391

Well I won't do it for free but I certainly would rather them with me then a stranger for a nominal fee to keep me home.

Stifler's - posted on 11/14/2011

15,141

154

604

I'm not talking about babysitting once in a while. I won't be giving up work to be their free/personal daycare centre while they work I said.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/14/2011

6,435

12

72

Emma, what are you talking about? I'm from the US and live in Canada so I don't understand what you're talking about.

My parents both work full time and they helped watch my daughters and now watch my nephew. My MIL works full time and also watches my girls when we go up there.

Stifler's - posted on 11/14/2011

15,141

154

604

here you stop getting payments at age 7 or something like that so my mum went back to work after my brother who is 13 years younger than me started school.

Sherri - posted on 11/14/2011

9,593

15

391

I most definitely would love to watch my grandkids. Since I will most likely never end up in the workforce again since I have already been out of the work force for 11yrs and with another one on the way I will be out for another 18yrs since my husband and I agree I don't work until they are raised and out of school.

Stifler's - posted on 11/14/2011

15,141

154

604

I won't be looking after my grandchildren. I'll probably still be working when my kids have kids. I gave up my career to raise kids I'm not going to let it go to watch my grandkids while my kids work.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/14/2011

6,435

12

72

When my parents were watching my children we all made sure it didn't interfer with my parents' work schedules (My mom trains from home and travels for her job and my dad works from 5:30am-2:30pm and cuts lawns from late spring to early fall) or if they wanted to go out for something. I was a care aide and worked per-diem at an assisted living facility before I moved so I was able to arrange my work schedule to fit my parents'. I also lived with them so if I needed to get laundry done or a case opened up that I wanted to take I could ask if one off them was able to watch my daughters. They didn't expect payment (except for rent which I did give them since their gas, electric and water bills were higher when I lived with them along with my daughters) they just expected that I'd respect their schedules and the fact that my children are their grandchildren and they want to be able to go out.

I moved across the country from my family and now live 2hrs south of my MIL and her boyfriend (my FIL works swing shifts and lives in what used to be a storage shed, plus he's a chain smoker. He's a great guy and my husband is close with him, but all 3 of us decided he can't watch the girls) So when we decide to go up there or my MIL invites us up we already know what her work schedule is (she's a senior CNA and her boyfriend is retired due to Parkinsons) and she offers to take my older daughter for weekends. She also never expects payment.

Of course these are different situations. Back in New York I had baby sitters for my children while I was at work and my dad would pick them up or my mom would pick them up if my assignments ran over. And they'd watch my girls on weekends if I had to work. I stated before that my daughters' second babysitter (both were in home, but I had to switch when my older daughter turned 5 because she was starting Pre-K) did babysit her granddaughter and a grandson and she was paid. But that's because watching family members took away spots for other children.

If I do end up having grandchildren, I'll help watch them just like my parents and my MIL have helped. But I will expect my children to respect the fact that I have a life too and I won't expect to be paid.

Brittany - posted on 11/14/2011

531

9

14

Persoanlly,

I would love to be able to take care of my future grandchildren to help out my children. I know what it is like. I have ZERO HELP here. My husband and I live so far away from any family. The closest we have is my Daddy and he is 8 hours away.

I would never ask or expect my children to pay me for keeping my grandbabies. I would also expect them not to take advantage and realize that I am retired and I have a life also. Although I am a schedule person I would expect a schedule of the days they needed help so I could plan fun stuff to do with them and plan all of my old woman stuff around that.

Angela - posted on 11/14/2011

2,216

33

37

Jodi you are just a very good daughter and yes some kids do take advantage.... But I have to state as a Mom of a 20 somethings..... I would not care to give up shit for my family...but that is me. Now would my kids be like you... maybe or probably but I would hope they would know I am here for the help... also I like to think if I needed them one day... you know adult day care.... they will be their for me too

Angela - posted on 11/14/2011

2,216

33

37

I will write it from if it were I that was the Grandparent. Technically I could become a Grandparent at this time.

Since I am a SAHM, already looking after my toddler I would not mind watching my grandchildren for free. Also I do not need the money.

If for example I was not well off enough to afford extras like food, diapers etc. I would ask for help with the cost of these supplies and outings etc but not for watching them.

If I gave up work to help than I would not really ask for money because I would not give up work unless I could afford to.

At the moment my MIL will be watching Claire one morning a week. I am not going to pay her but I know she enjoys it and does not expect it.



ETA

If any of my kids became a parent and were having financial issues and even if I was struggling too, I would do all I could together as a family to help each other out. It would not be a money issue as much as what can we do to make it work.

I know how much I love my kids, so I can only imagine how much I will love my grand children. To me family is number one and we as a family pull together to help one another.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/13/2011

6,435

12

72

I just really lucked out with the two long term sitters I had in New York. I only paid 20$ a day or 100$ a week for the first good one I had. The other one was 3.50$ an hour. And that lady would also determine which one cost less for me if I went over the usual 5 hours my children were in her care.

Stifler's - posted on 11/13/2011

15,141

154

604

I don't recall anyone saying that grandparents should babysit free of charge Lorena.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/13/2011

6,435

12

72

LOL Jeannette, my MIL is working so much overtime at work right now because the nursing home she works at is short staffed she has a bit extra. Part of it was for my older daughter's school pictures. Also she always wanted girls but had 3 boys instead I'm suprised she doesn't try to pay my husband and I more often to bring the girls up and leave her with them!



My husband and I live 2hrs south of my MIL and her boyfriend (he's retired because he has Parkinsons) and we have the only grandchildren on his side of the family (I have the only granddaughters on my side, but I'm nearly 3,000 miles from my family) My MIL loves having her grandchildren and has even offered to take the baby. I can't picture her asking for money to watch our girls and I don't think she'd take it either.



My parents watch my nephew once a week for my brother and SIL too and they don't ask for money either. It's just so my brother and his wife can have a break. My mom's parents used to watch my brother and I when my parents were working and they didn't ask for money either. So I don't think it's right to say that all grandparents will ask for money or expect to be paid.

Katherine - posted on 11/13/2011

440

0

33

i feel it depends on the situation. We dont pay our famiy - both grandmas to watch our kids because it happens so rarely and they dont want us to.

Kimberly - posted on 11/13/2011

785

23

317

Sorry it's taken so long to reply back @ Kylie my mil still doesnt want the money so I either leave it in a little dish on the counter or give it to her husband or make my husband give it to her. I sometimes dont even say I've left it, plus I work in a bank and have said if she didnt take it I'd just put it into her account lol!!!! My inlaws are both retired and I dont want them to ever think that babysittin is something they have to do. Yes she watched my daughter when I work so I try not to go to social things that my daughter cant come to or if we do want them to babysit so we go out its after she is already in bed and were staying the night at there place. I will do the same thing for my daughter when she one day has kids. It had brought them way closer to one another as well and I love seeing her be so comfortable spending the day with her grandparents

Jeannette - posted on 11/13/2011

911

3

78

@Meggy, though I am speaking prematurely - I have no grandkids or guarantees - that is what I would do. I would give my kids money so I can spend time with the little ones! I put up with mine for 18 years each, I would relish the chance to spoil their little ones and ship 'em home! ;)

Becky - posted on 11/13/2011

232

23

9

My mom used to pick up my daughter from daycare & watch her until I was done working. The daycare closed at 5:30, my mom finished working at 5:00 and I worked until 9. My parents would feed her dinner, bath her & get her all ready for bed. They never expected a dime and I appreciated it tremendously! My mom would even save me a plate from dinner so I didn't have to bother cooking! Then again my Mom is Super Mom! lol! These were things I never asked of my mother, but things she offered to do for me to help out with the Grand-daughter she adores and help make my life easier because I was on my own raising her.

My cousin's mom, on the other hand, not only demands payment, but is always asking for more. Her parents show up uninvited about dinner time, or simply help themselves to what ever food is there. Her mom has in the past shown up late frequently causing my cousin to be late for work.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/13/2011

6,435

12

72

Lorena, I believe in some cases we have tried to pay our parents or our grandparents to watch our kids and they've refused. Don't make it out to be that we're taking advantage of anyone because we're not.

Now my daughters' babysitter back in New York was paid to watch her granddaughter because she runs an in home daycare centre and having the grandchild there meant that she lost a space for another child. But that's an entirely different story.

My MIL offers to take my older daughter for weekends and doesn't ask for money. She's given my husband and I money to go see a movie when we go up to visit her so she can spend time with her granddaughts.

April - posted on 11/13/2011

3,420

16

263

My son's grandparents (all 4) would never in a million years take money from us. They consider it a privilege to be able to spend time with my son. I don't mind offering but I know it would be a waste of time.

LorenaFritts - posted on 11/13/2011

11

0

0

Most of you are young yet, with little children. Wait until you have them raised and producing children of their own and expect you to raise their kids free of charge!! You will
sing a new song then, for sure!

LorenaFritts - posted on 11/13/2011

11

0

0

Yes, Gramma should surely be paid for baby sitting! These aren't her children. She has been through the motherhood thing, probably several times and this includes all that goes with the raising of children for each one. Her time wasn't her own to enjoy for all those years! Why should she repeat the raising of kids free of charge? I wouldn't do it even with pay and I loved my own dearly and enjoyed everything about it with them.



1

[deleted account]

I found a reply on the same topic form earlier this year. I though I'd copy/paste it:

Listen, every family situation is different. While some grandaparents rejoice in watching their grandchildren at no cost, there are other grandparents that would like to be paid. And there are multiple reasons for their request for payment.

1. Grandparents could be financially strapped

2. Grandparents could feel overwhelmed-face it-6 and 18 months is HARD WORK! She simply wants compensation.

3. Perhaps Grandparents do feel like they are being taken advantage of. IS she housebound with the children all day? Or, take them out that requires 2 car seats and a double stroller?

4. Perhaps Grandma is planning on starting an educational savings account with the daycare money-who knows?

5. Please share with us why you expected free childcare. Was that in the arrangement when you returned to work?

6. Did Grandma have to give up a part of her daily life to accommdate for watching the grandkids?

I'm interested in your reply.

[deleted account]

A grandparent does not equate to free childcare. Every family situation is different financially. Some grandparents are happily retired and can afford to NOT accept payment for the sheer joy of watching their grandchildren. Other grandparetns may still be financially struggling and do need some compensation for childcare. Some grandparents work out a barter/trade system. Whatever works best for each family. I am grateful that my parents have no problem looking after my son & nephews after school. Well-actaully after their after-school daycare program. My dad picks up the boys around 4:30ish and I don't get to their house until closer to 5:30. My parents don't feel that the boys shoul dbe stuck at daycare until 5:30 every day so they do pick them up. I'm grateful for that and I don't pay them, but I do offer lots of other little things.

Jennifer - posted on 11/10/2011

240

8

14

If a grandparent only takes them once in a while, I think they should not be paid to watch the kids. If, however, they are being used as daycare while the parent goes to work, then they should get some pay.

Personally, I wouldn't use my mom as daycare because it takes away some of the joy of being a grandparent. Grandparents are suppose to love them, spoil them and then send them home. They are not suppose to be the main caregivers. They did that already and now they should be enjoying the fun of being a grandparent.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/09/2011

6,435

12

72

My 7 year old wants to be either a doctor or a fashion designer. So if she has children and she wants to pay me to watch them I'll probably take the money because she'll be making more than I ever did :) Of course I'd probably spend it on my grandkids, but I'd take it.

Jeannette - posted on 11/09/2011

911

3

78

My MIL and my mom ended up spending probably most/all of what we paid them on the kids. lol! I feel too that it is a responsibility of the parent to pay for childcare, no matter who they choose.
I felt lucky that my mom and MIL could/would watch the kids because some don't.
If my kids offered me money, I would respond as your mom did Kimberly and just not take it. However, if they snuck it to me somehow, I would take the grandkids out for a treat!

Shara - posted on 11/09/2011

4

10

0

If they r asking to be paid then yes. My mom would be horrified at even the offering. I think u have to know ur parents.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/09/2011

6,435

12

72

My aunt used to pay me when I watched my cousin (10 year difference) on a weekend when his dad was doing weekend training and she had to work. It was pretty nice.

Amanda - posted on 11/09/2011

2,559

3

366

Yes anyone who looks after a child family or not should be paid. They didnt give birth to the child therefore they are a babysitter even if they share DNA. Should the family member be nice and accept below standard pay for it of course.

Stifler's - posted on 11/09/2011

15,141

154

604

My MIL would probably have no issues taking it. 5 weeks later she would be bitching about "after all I've done for you and blah blah you owe me" even if I paid her. Logan is a handful.

Kylie - posted on 11/09/2011

2,391

81

190

Do you put the money in her bank Kimberly? I've handed my mum cash on many occasions and even slipped a envelope in her bag. She just refuses to take it and if i try to be sneaky she puts it back in my bag or leaves it on my dressing table. She's a bugger :p

Kimberly - posted on 11/09/2011

785

23

317

My mother in law watches my daughter while i work two days a week and yes I pay her. She doesn't want the money but the way I look at it, she is saving me money by not having my daughter in childcare and it is two days that she cant do whatever she likes. We provide all the food plus have a car seat that is her's if she needs to go anywhere and have our own port a cot set up at her house so my daughter is used to her own space there. I love that she loves after her and will be close to her grandparents but I do want to pay them even though they dont want us to!!!!! I have no family in the country we live in but I would do the same if it was my mom

Kylie - posted on 11/09/2011

2,391

81

190

My mumma looks after my son for about 26 hours a week and she has cut down on working at her job to do so. She also cleans up, does washing and sometimes cooks us dinner even though i've told her she doesn't have to and i don't expect it. She wont even take fuel money let alone payment for her time. I buy her plants and small gifts often to show my appreciation. Even though I'm basically getting a free nanny, I dont feel guilty about it. She loves looking after my kids and is happy to be semi-retired to be there so i can goto school. I couldn't afford to have her care for my boy if i paid her what shes worth.

Becky - posted on 11/08/2011

2,892

44

93

It looks like everyone mostly agrees! I also feel that if they are watching your child full - or even regular part-time - so you can work, then yes, you should at least offer to pay them a reasonable amount. For date nights, etc, no, I don't think you need to offer to pay. Now, if my parents were really going to go out of their way to watch my kids for the evening - picking them up from the other side of town, or taking them to the zoo or something that would cost them extra money, I would offer to cover those costs. (chances are pretty good they'd refuse) I would find it fairly petty for a grandparent to expect to be paid to spend time with their grandchildren once or twice a month! I imagine I'd quit asking if my parents did that!
My sister runs a dayhome and she sometimes looks after my kids for me for free when I have a doctor's appointment or something. In return, I look after her kids for free or help out with the dayhome for free when she needs it. However, when I am working - which is rare during the day as I usually schedule my appointments for evenings, but happens occassionally - then I will pay her to look after my kids.

Sal - posted on 11/08/2011

1,816

16

34

there was a time when due to the hours i was rostered child care fees and time for travel and the cost of petrol i was worse off working than just straight sole parent payment (in aus) so i did stop....i never got to see my son, he was in care 5 days a week, finacially there just wasn;t enough money coming in to make up the short fall in expences incured by taking the work and i was exhausted on weekends doing house work and washing that i still spent no time with him, it was a shit situation and i felt no stress leaving and going back to being on welfare for my primary income, my parents offered to take him but that was just stupid i can;t see the point in working and having no real benifit....i take my time as a at home mum very very seriously, and i feel that that is where my time is best spent...

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/08/2011

6,435

12

72

"I am a great believer that if your job doesn't pay enough to pay Childcare dont work, it is that simple to me "

Sorry, but it's not that simple to me. I was lucky enough to find 2 in home daycares at two places for relatively affordable rates. But not all moms can be that lucky. I had parents who could help me out when my shifts ran over as well. But we agreed that I couldn't work past 5:30 on Saturday nights because of their help.

[deleted account]

i think it depends. if they are watching the child in place of daycare then yes a small fee is appropriate, but if it's just once in a while for a date or cuz the kid is sick that day then no

Firebird - posted on 11/08/2011

2,660

30

521

"I am a great believer that if your job doesn't pay enough to pay Childcare dont work"

So what am I supposed to do, go back on welfare even though I've spent the last 2 years working to get off of it? Or I guess I could not pay rent, get thrown out into the streets and let my kid starve. =) LOL If I could stay home all day, I'd love to, but it's just not practical since I'm a single mom. I can't afford to pay for childcare, but I offered to anyway knowing that IF my mom accpeted money, it would be an amount that I could afford. Fortunately for me, my parents consider this their quality time with their granddaughter. I only work part time anyway, so at least they aren't stuck with my kid 40 hours a week. =)

Sherri - posted on 11/08/2011

9,593

15

391

If it is once in a blue moon No. If it is everyday and they are actually daycare most definitely YES.

Tracey - posted on 11/08/2011

1,094

2

58

I always offer my mum but she wont take any form of payment, financial, chocolates, flowers, she says she enjoys spending time with the kids, this is irregular babysitting though, might be different if it was full time child care.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms