People who have babies to save relationships!!!

Jodi - posted on 03/10/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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It boggles my mind how some people think that having another child is going to save your relationship! If you have children you know how stressful it can be, so why would you think adding that extra amount of stress onto an already tense situation is going to make it better?!

I know a couple who's relationship was pretty much over since the birth of their last child a year and a half ago. As far as my fiance knew (and were told by both) they were planning on breaking up. Then yesterday, she was all excited when telling us they were going to try and have another baby!!! It just makes me so angry that some people can be so selfish and not think of the children's lives that they are bringing into this world! UGH!

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Sharon - posted on 03/10/2010

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Its not a debate, its a statement....



People who have babies to save a relationship...... are stupid. The birth of a child COULD trap someone into staying with you or in a relationship but geeze doesn't that just suck for everyone.. dumbasses

Lady - posted on 03/10/2010

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I used to think exactly the same thing - that it was stupid and that there was no way a baby could ever save a relationship, that adding that much stress into an already stressful situation would only make things worse then I fell pregnant with my third child and it saved my marriage so I've kind of changed my mind.
I never set out to have her to save anything but it just worked out that way.
With my second child I suffered from PND but it wasn't diagnosed until she was almost 2, by then my husband and I had grown so far apart and resented each other terribly, we lived far away from our families and had no support. After a course of anti deppresants for both of us and some councelling we were both trying but so much had happened that it was a daily struggle. Then when my second child was 4 i found out I was pregnant again about a week after I'd decided I didn't want anymore children, at first I thought it was pretty dissasterous not only were my husband and I not getting on but we were about to make a huge life change to as neither of us were happy - he had quit his job, we had sold the house and were off to America for a two years so he could train to be a pilot.
Anyway to try and get to the point we went to America but only for a few months, the pilot training didn't quite work out we have moved about a lot and been through some really hard times but as a couple we are now so close nothing could ever split us up - going through an other pregnancy and the birth and everything that came after made us stronger it reminded me of how much I loved my husband, how much I need him and how he's my best friend. I don't think if I had gotten pregnant when I did I would be with him now and my life would be terrible. I'm so glad I had her and not just because she's a wonderful child she is also our saviour.

Tah - posted on 03/10/2010

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so she wants to have another baby to keep her man, then when he leaves anyway, she'll be stuck a single parent and the children growing up in a broken home....or they will stay together and be miserable and teach the kids how to have miserable relationships...well give those guys an award.



I have seen many stupid(yeah i said it) people have babies to keep a man, or save a relationship and it is one of the most selfish things I have ever heard of..If i barely want you on a good day, why keep you on around for life....

[deleted account]

I agree with you on this one! But I also have to say there is a HUGE difference between an unplanned oooops pregnancy during marital difficulties versus manipulation to get pregnant for the sole purpose of saving the marriage.

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Krista - posted on 03/11/2010

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I have heard of couples who are having troubles and decide to have a baby because they think it'll "bring them closer", which I think is foolish. A baby is not easy. My husband and I had a rock-solid relationship prior to having our baby. We're still rock-solid, and our baby is really an easy kid, but we do still find ourselves bickering a bit more than we used to, mostly due to sleep deprivation. I can't imagine the strain a baby would put on a relationship that is already crumbling. Plus, I firmly believe that babies do pick up on the tensions running through the household. So if you have a couple that's fighting, the baby picks up on that tension and becomes tense, fussy and needy, putting even MORE strain on the parents -- it's a vicious circle.

Dana - posted on 03/11/2010

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Who's really to say in this situation that it is to save "this mess" though.

Tah - posted on 03/11/2010

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gillians situation is different than saying lets have a baby to save this mess. unexpected is one thing. planning when you are not stable is something else

Jess - posted on 03/11/2010

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When you get pregnant people warn you about morning sickness, stretch marks, sleep deprivation and loosing your mind while being covered in baby spit. They never warn you that a baby will probably be the biggest test to any relationship, they fail to warn you that you can expect to fight a lot, about everything ! Sadly, some people only learn by doing !

Dana - posted on 03/10/2010

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Well I would have thought that it was a bad idea until I read Gillian's story. Who knows really, maybe it will help them too. Maybe they're in a different place than you think or maybe they'll break up.



I hope they work it out because there is already one child in the mix and now there will be two. I don't want any family to fail.

Jodi - posted on 03/10/2010

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Yeah, I didn't think I would get too much debate about this one, I just needed to vent I guess! She isn't even trying to trap him by getting pregnant.. both of them are naiive enough to think that a new baby will fix everything!

Lady - posted on 03/10/2010

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Just to add I still would never recomend to anyone they have a child to save a relationship as I think in a lot of cases it wouldn't help. In my situation the biggest problem had been the depression and even though we had both recovered we were both having trouble letting go of all the bad things that had happened when neither of us were quite ourselves. I think it took something big to remind us of the people we had been. But if there are really fundamental things wrong in your marriage then a baby is not going to be able to fix that.

Lindsay - posted on 03/10/2010

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Not much of a debate here. =) I couldn't agree more. While babies are a joy, they definately add stress and mixing that with an already rough relationship is just going to sink the ship. Or even if they do "stay together", it will only make a more tense situation for everyone involved, especially the children.

Amie - posted on 03/10/2010

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Oh good lord. Sara has it spot on. Raising children is difficult and if you're not on the same page before they get there, heaven help you if you think you will be after the baby arrives. =S

Lisamarie - posted on 03/10/2010

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I thinkl it's a very selfish thing to do, normally, from what I've heard the woman wants to have the baby so her partner/husband won't leave her. My question is, why would you want to be with someone and have a baby with someone who doesn't want to be with you?? Doesn't make sense to me!

Sara - posted on 03/10/2010

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I have to agree with you, a baby is not going to save a sinking relationship. Now that I have a child, i find that idea laughable. My husband and I bicker way more since becoming parents, and I think the stress of a child will show every little crack that exists in a relationship. A healthy one I think ultimately it will strengthen, but a failing one doesn't have a prayer.

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