Personal Attacks

Katherine - posted on 12/02/2010 ( 108 moms have responded )

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Ugh, bleh, gah!!!

I keep getting these flagged posts on personal attacks. Mainly nothing that I see to BE a personal attack. But more of complaining about the other person being mean
What constitutes a personal attack to you? Besides out right calling someone a name.

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[deleted account]

What constitutes a personal attack to me other than direct name-calling: something negative, insulting, demeaning or belittling directed at me, by using my name or quoting or referencing me or one of my posts. Thankfully, I have never felt the need to report/flag anything like this directed at me.

But, I see more and more instances on here where people (usually those who have been around for awhile) have learned to get around the No THUMPS policy and found a loophole to insult, demean or belittle someone without it actually being a direct or personal attack. Using a generalised way of framing an insult but clearly being directed at a certain someone, responding to a previous post or even referring to a previous poster by name and using inflammatory language to indirectly insult them. It doesn't usually bother me unless it derails a thread or gets nasty, I figure that if people are petty and small enough to get their kicks by behaving that way to strangers on an internet forum, then really that is their struggle. I see a lot of implied insults as well, but implied insults or implied slurs on someone's character rely on the individuals interpretation and if you have confidence in your choices, decisions, values etc, and own your emotions and actions and reactions then people can imply all they like and it really shouldn't be a personal concern.

Argh, I don't know if I even made sense. I am really struggling lately to make myself understood in a succinct manner. Maybe time to take another break from COM's and get my mind focussed on less trivial stuff?...

Charlie - posted on 12/02/2010

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when you attack them as a person instead of challenging their opinion .



I think people all too often confuse the two.

April - posted on 12/02/2010

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For me a personal attack wouldn't necessarily have to be directed at me for me to take it personally. If someone said someone else..."what are you..deaf and dumb?" I would be extremely offended. I am actually deaf. while it may just be a saying to someone else, it would be offensive to me. Now this has never happened..i am just speaking hypothetically.

ME - posted on 12/03/2010

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In debate, a personal attack is one leveled at the debater rather than at their argument...This is a logical fallacy whether it is particularly hurtful or not...

[deleted account]

not a personal attack:
parent one: There's nothing wrong with spanking your child as long as your not leaving a bruise! or doing it out of anger.

parent 2: I disagree, I believe spanking is abuse in itself and we do not spank in our household.

parent 1: i disagree. some children need a spanking. words are not enough. I was raised with a spank or two and I turned out pretty good.. but each to there own.

parent 2: well, my opinion stands i dont believe its necessary and there are other ways to train a child.

etc etc....

but this would be a personal attack:

parent one: There's nothing wrong with spanking your child as long as your not leaving a bruise! or doing it out of anger.

parent 2: I disagree, and anyone who spanks there child are abusive idiots who need to get a life.

parent 1: i disagree. some children need a spanking. words are not enough. I was raised with a spank or two and I turned out pretty good.. but each to there own.

parent 2: well while your kid sits in a corner rocking back and forth like a psycho due to physical abuse, mine will be happily growing up normal.


LOL. its not hard to catch onto personal attacks. even ones that are more subtle.
etc etc....

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108 Comments

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Katherine - posted on 12/06/2010

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Yeah I'd kind of like to know who sent those messages.

Dana you crazy.

Dana - posted on 12/06/2010

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I always find it absolutely hilarious when someone attacks me. People take CoM and themselves so damn serious. hehe Though it does make me worry for those in real life around them, they must be miserable people to be around. :|

[deleted account]

Personally, I like it when people personally attack me! Makes me feel all warm 'n fuzzy inside! Erin, you can attack me anyday! ;)

[deleted account]

Bit of both Jodi. But thats it i'm NEVER coming back to COm ever again because no one on here believe that what i have to say goes!

Jodi - posted on 12/05/2010

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You're all fuckin' nuts....

Is that a personal attack on everyone?? Or just a broad generalisation?

Charlie - posted on 12/05/2010

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If you go most recent instead of oldest first you don't get that problem :D

Katherine - posted on 12/05/2010

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I can't get to the next page, so I have to post something like a letter. Then I delete it.





Sorry didn't even think about notifications.

[deleted account]

Katherine, I keep getting emails saying that you're posting to this thread but when I look, you haven't posted anything new. Did you post and then delete?

[deleted account]

Some people have too much time on their hands! To me a personal attack is a comment that is aimed at the person and/ or their parenting (suggesting they are bad parents). But also any comment that is designed to belittle the person, rudeness is not necessarily a personal attack but it does depend on the circumstances of the post.

Sarah I hope no-one here (CoM) ever PM's you saying that, that is a personal attack and as Katherine said make sure you report them if they do!

Dana - posted on 12/05/2010

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Wow Sarah, that's awful on both accounts. And yes, report those messages, no one should have to hear that kind of crap.

Katherine - posted on 12/05/2010

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On a another note, sometimes I think our periods ARE synchronized!

Katherine - posted on 12/05/2010

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Sarah, anytime someone messages you something like that PLEASE bring it to the Admin's attention. Also you can block that person.
I can even take care of something like that.

Bonnie - posted on 12/05/2010

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Oh Sarah that is just awful. People need to think more before they say or do something and most of all, they just need to get a life.

[deleted account]

I've had a few people privately message me and call me a baby murderer and that i should be locked up etc because of a choice i made, i would call this a personal attack. this didn't happen on COM but i had an ex friend call child services on me just because she had a bad day with them trying to get her children back so she thought she'd take it out on me, nothing happened they just laughed at her. i count that as a personal attack too

Petra - posted on 12/04/2010

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Yeah, the "please be nice" posts annoy me... I find with Sharon, she always cuts down of the argument and not the person - its usually generalized ("that" is ridiculous, not "you" are ridiculous) and people do take offense, which (more often than not) results in the other person making a personal attack against her. She has no problem with this and will continue to engage - yay, Sharon! It can be a fine line, but people rarely ask the intent of a comment before they fly off the handle. If everyone kept a cool head, it wouldn't happen too much. If these threads were treated like true debates, it would get really ugly, really quick. We can all hide behind "just IMO" every time, rather than take the stance that our opinion is fact and the other person IS wrong, right off the hop.

Stifler's - posted on 12/04/2010

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I agree, people hate honesty. Even if they have flagged their own post 'I'm looking for honest debate'. Sucks to be them because I'm going to say what I think if I'm asked to be honest. Especially if their post is something stupid like a lot of the posts are "like I'm doing this and that and blah blah I know it's wrong but don't criticise me". What do you want us to say?

[deleted account]

I can be pretty blunt, so a lot of my posts have been revised a few times so that they can't be considered "personal attacks." People get upset about the silliest things, and they don't seem to like honesty. I am unfortunately too honest for my own good and so I can often come off being pushy or bitchy.

But if someone were to target someone else's opinion or way of life and demean it or otherwise be complete assholes about it, I'd say that's attacking. I don't think calling someone out for doing that should be considered a personal attack. I think it should be considered constructive criticism.

Constructive criticism is often taken as a personal attack. Sometimes, when people like me aren't tactful with their constructive criticism, they come off as the bad guys and everyone gets upset. It happens.

April - posted on 12/03/2010

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lol...i love how this thread went from serious to fun! it is so nice when everyone jokes around has fun with each other!

Bonnie - posted on 12/03/2010

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If it did happen that way, I think it would probably come to a point where everyone would avoid everyone and pretty much no one would be on here lol.

Lacye - posted on 12/03/2010

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OMG! don't scare me like that! that would just be way to much and I would avoid some of you like the plague.

Krista - posted on 12/03/2010

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Let's just be thankful that we can't be influenced by each other's pheromones and have our periods all synchronized. Can you IMAGINE what this place would be like if we were all PMSing at the same time?!?!

[deleted account]

Being rude, being mean, these happen all the time not just on DM but all over COM's. While not a personal attack as such it is still a negative behaviour (sometimes hilariously funny but I think it takes a big person to be able to see the humour when it is directed at them, so kudos Christina) and IMO really only reflects on the person engaging in the rudeness/meanness rather than on the person they have directed it at. If rudeness was a reportable offence on here I imagine many of us ladies would have been in trouble by now. Hormones seem to play a huge part in the ebb and flow of debate civility hereabouts, one of the joys of having large groups of women in one (cyber) place I guess.

C. - posted on 12/03/2010

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Now.. I DID think Sharon's post was rude, but I am also on my period.. That day was an emotional one from the start and when I came on here it pissed me off. But she speaks that way to everyone, so I can't really get mad at her. (And yes, it was kind of funny, I guess :P )

Stifler's - posted on 12/03/2010

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Sharon is piss funny and even if she was personally attacking someone it'd probably still make me laugh.

Krista - posted on 12/03/2010

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/picks nose while scratching ass

Lacye has it right. When you start getting into someone's character, or especially when you say that they're a bad parent, then that's beyond the pale. That's not to say that you can't question or debate someone's particular approach or a particular parenting decision that they've made, but you can't make it personal.

eg. Acceptable: "Krista, I really disagree with spanking and think that it can be considered a form of abuse. I think that all that spanking teaches a child is that you can use violence to impose your will on another person."
Unacceptable: "If you spank your kid, Krista, you're abusing him. What are you going to say to your son when he grows up and asks why you abused him when he was a baby?"

Lacye - posted on 12/03/2010

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Krista sweetie, lay off the beans! lol

But as for this post, there have been times when it seemed like the person was attacking another one and when I went back and reread it, she wasn't. But What makes it a personal attack, to me rudeness is borderline. not quite a personal attack but heading there. When you just outright tell a person (or slip it in in a nonagressive way) that is an attack. If you are judging a person on their character or their parenting skills, then you are going too far and you need to step back and cool off for a while.

Tah - posted on 12/03/2010

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@Krista..i happen to take them very personally and you can expect a warning missy...now..fart againt and see what happens..cause i'm telling..

Bonnie - posted on 12/03/2010

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I did.

LOL Just kidding Sharon. You are too funny to come off as being rude!

Dana - posted on 12/03/2010

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I had to go look now, I don't think what Sharon said was rude, it was a rather funny point.

Mary - posted on 12/03/2010

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See, I don't think Sharon's response was a personal attack. I'm not even sure I'd consider it rude. I might say it was a crasser way of getting her point across (and funny as shit, imo).

Perhaps the difference is that Sharon is so well known on her, and she treats everyone exactly the same. If she just reserved her unique responses for certain individuals, than MAYBE you could kind of stretch and call it an attack.

As it stands, I just saw it as a typical, Sharonesque post, and I DID spit out my coffee laughing when I read it. CoM would be rather dull without her.

Morgan - posted on 12/03/2010

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I am having this issue all the time!!!
like right now on "January 2010 babies"
the post is somthing like" my 11 month old gags him self" The ladies tell me I am negitive, why is that that because my opinion was not yours its negitive??
I get those warnings all the time, I think 99% of the time its bull!!!!

Krista - posted on 12/03/2010

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/farts loudly

There. THAT was rude. And it wasn't a personal attack on anybody.

Dana - posted on 12/03/2010

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Yeah, that's just regular debate stuff. If anyone thinks that's rude then they shouldn't go to Political Debating Moms, we allow much ruder things than that!

[deleted account]

Oh, I think it could be considered rude, for sure. There are much more polite ways to say what Sharon said, BUT BUT BUT, hella funny and NOT a personal attack! Just rude!

Krista - posted on 12/03/2010

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@April: See, I don't know if I saw that as particularly rude. She was basically saying that she felt that what Christina was saying was absolutely ludicrous. That's not an attack on Christina's personality or her character, just on what she said.

Tah - posted on 12/03/2010

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i just came off young moms and if i had responded i would have been flagged over and over, so i remembered this thread..and came home..lol...to DM that is....lol....

April - posted on 12/03/2010

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Is being rude to someone a personal attack? In the Virgin thread, Sharon was very rude to Christina. "Your comment made me laugh so hard, I spit out my coffee" --->RUDE!

Caitlin - posted on 12/03/2010

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I go to young moms when I need a good laugh..



I have a thick skin, I don't think i've ever flagged anything, I'm good at shrugging off peoples dissaproval to my opinions. After all, my opinion is the only one that matters in my head...



I'd love someone to change my mind about something, but it has yet to happen.. Guess i'm very firm in my opinions.. or i'm always right.. :p

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