personal choice

Charlie - posted on 12/07/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

11,203

111

409

This is a little vent that is up for debate .

After reading many hot topics on another debate community i just want to say
I am all for debate but CANNOT stand it when parents pull out " its personal choice " on controversial topics when clearly the child has had no say whatsoever .
When you make a decision for someone else it IS NOT their personal choice .
Dont get me wrong i know as parents we make the big decisions to keep our children safe and protected is the main reason in our decisions BUT when it comes to life altering decisions , decisions that humiliate and hurt a child , and decisions that impose beliefs on a child so they know no other way i feel those " personal choices " are completely ignorant of their child's rights as a person , a human being and not as your property to do with as you please .

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Isobel - posted on 12/08/2009

9,849

0

286

OK...I've been thinking about this one for a while...cause it's kinda hard.

I HATE that it is my job to decide what happens to my child's body. I happen to believe (very strongly) that your body is the only thing that is YOURS...from the cradle to the grave. I see us as trustees and protectors of these tiny, defenseless beings and THEIR bodies.

In that respect, I DO vaccinate (though I hate it...again it's not my body to put anything foreign or weird into) because it will, hopefully, keep them safe(r). I don't hit my kids, and I simply can't give anybody permission to cut a piece of their body off for no reason either.

Johnny - posted on 12/07/2009

8,686

26

322

I'm not going to weigh in on the spanking issue or religion. Those issues are clearly very much up for debate and most people will not see eye to eye there.

But the "parental choice" issues that get me really upset are safety related. Particularly related to car seats and the such. It drives me batty when I read that someone feels it was their "parental choice" to turn their baby forward-facing in a car seat at 4 months because their kid has long legs. There is clear scientific researched evidence from all over the world stating how dangerous this is, and people act as if it is somehow an option. Like putting the life of a child in serious danger is simply just another parenting decision. Why would anyone choose to seriously endanger their infant? It is totally beyond my comprehension.

Sorry to vent, but clear cut safety issues should not be flaunted and are not up for debate.

Jodi - posted on 12/07/2009

3,562

36

3907

I'm kind of in the middle on this one. I agree to a point that we need to allow our children choices, and not impose OUR choices on them....BUT, I do believe there are times where what is in the child's best interests is not what the child would choose, and therefore we, as parents, need to make that choice on their behalf. What we, as individual parents, see as in the child's best interests, will vary depending on the child, and also our family circumstances, etc.



Just as an example of what I am getting at - swimming lessons. I have my son in swimming lessons over the summer because I believe that it is in his best interests to be able to swim well, and he is not there yet. Not because I want him to be a champion swimmer, but because I believe it is an important skill for everyone to have. My son doesn't like swimming lessons (I wouldn't go so far as to say hates them) and attends under sufference, but he has been told that he will continue to attend until he can swim to a certain standard, then he can quit.



With regard to the spanking a child, I do believe sometimes it is a choice a child makes (to be spanked, that is). I am not a fan of it myself, and the only time I have ever done it is a smack on the hand when my kids were little and getting into things that had the potential to be dangerous. HOWEVER, I do think I need to acknowledge that those parents who use spanking as a form of punishment, their children are aware of the consequences and choose that consequence (some of them prefer it to a grounding). In a way, removal of privileges is also a form of humiliation and hurt. Don't you think grounding a 13 year old girl from being allowed out with her friends is also humiliating and hurtful to her? She would see it that way even if we don't. So where do you draw the line?



Just some food for thought and debate :)

This conversation has been closed to further comments

15 Comments

View replies by

Charlie - posted on 12/01/2010

11,203

111

409

Leah I kind of made a point a long while before you joined this community that you really are not worth the time of debate , you are illogical and nonsensical , your little comparison of a fetus reliant on it's host until able to function on it's own outside of the womb and a womans right to abort for whatever reason has nothing to do with a free living individuals rights to bodily integrity as it's own being , your like a dog with a bone who drags up a year old post just so you can go round two with the circ debate , move on , grow up ..

Leah - posted on 12/01/2010

323

24

13

So let me know if I'm wrong...weren't you saying abortion is okay? But didn't you just say "I am all for debate but CANNOT stand it when parents pull out " its personal choice " on controversial topics when clearly the child has had no say whatsoever". So it's alright for abortion because it's your own decision,yet your not even thinking about the child,because according to your other posts,a child isn't a person until its born but circumcision is bad???

Um......okay.....

Well for people who have sons,circumcision or not,your child didn't tell you if he wanted to be circumcised or not,yet you made the "personal" decision for him....didn't you?

Louise - posted on 12/09/2009

143

52

8

It's quite sad, but part of life or being a parent, is that when the parents screw up, the children are the first to suffer. This can be applied to any part of parenting, vaccination is a sensitive topic, and that's why it gets more coverage than other issues out there.

Crystal - posted on 12/09/2009

106

35

8

We just had a little 8 year old boy from our childrens play groups pass yesterday from the H1N1 flu strain..He was so innocent and loving and had an extreme faith that his savior was going to help him through this..his mother wanted to vaccinate but was told there wasnt any available to her yet..and by the time it was there he was fighting the flu, pneumonia, staff and strep I believe..not to mention being on dialysis and ventilators. My heart goes out to the family during this time of the year and all year. I can not imagine the pain she and her other children are in. I choose to speak for my children and vaccinate because I love them and want them to be around to make their choices later on. It is the choice I make as a mother with the belief and hope that its the right one for them and results in the hoped outcome..a healthy long life.

Jaime - posted on 12/08/2009

4,427

24

197

Quoting Laura:

OK...I've been thinking about this one for a while...cause it's kinda hard.

I HATE that it is my job to decide what happens to my child's body. I happen to believe (very strongly) that your body is the only thing that is YOURS...from the cradle to the grave. I see us as trustees and protectors of these tiny, defenseless beings and THEIR bodies.

In that respect, I DO vaccinate (though I hate it...again it's not my body to put anything foreign or weird into) because it will, hopefully, keep them safe(r). I don't hit my kids, and I simply can't give anybody permission to cut a piece of their body off for no reason either.



Nicely put Laura...I agree with what you have said.  With regard to vaccinations it is a difficult decision because, as you stated  "your body is the only thing that is yours", but in the interest of protecting a child from diseases that are known to wipe out entire nations of people, it seems like the lesser of two evils. 

Sara - posted on 12/08/2009

9,313

50

586

One issue that parent's depend on the "personal choice" argument that really gets my goat is vaccinations. No offense to anyone here, because I do understand why someone would chose not to vaccinate, but I absolutely do not agree it is a personal choice, because it has an impact not only on you and your family, but your community as well. I just want one person who choses not to vaccinate their child to admit that their decision has far-reaching consequences, which in my experience with this topic, no one has ever done. Not trying to turn this into a vaccination debate either, just wanted to add my two cents to the topic.

Lindsay - posted on 12/07/2009

3,532

26

267

I'll be brief but religion is a tough one for me. I was raised in a fairly strict Catholic environment. Josh was raised with pretty much no religion. When we were first dating, I was "over" (for the lack of a batter term) the whole structured religion thing and he was looking for that structure. It was like we both needed more of a balance. So we baptized our children and tell them the stories about God, Jesus and Mary and attend church on Holidays. They also go with my parents sometimes and Josh's sister and grandmother have taken them to protestant churches. And as they get older, I plan on learning about other religions and involving them in it as well.



On the activities aspect, I get them started and depending on the circumstances they can choose when to continue or end it. Like Jodi, I put my daughter in swim lessons last year and she was less than thrilled about it. She was scared of the water and hated me for it at first but by the time summer came, she was swimming like a little fish and enjoyed the pool all summer. When she turned 3, I signed her up for t-ball. I thought it would be good for her to get in a sport. She had fun but instead of actually playing the game, she spent most of each game turning flips in the outfield or drawing in the dirt. Since Cooper is now 3, I'm going to sign both of them up for soccer in the spring. Like t-ball, we will try it and if they take to it we will continune to play. If not, we won't.



As for discipline methods, we use time-out. The reason for that is that it has been most effective for us and our kids. Does it hurt their feelings or embarrass them when they get sent to time-out? Absolutely. It's not done to put them down but more of that's the only way they are going to learn good behavior verses bad. And to learn about consequenses.

?? - posted on 12/07/2009

4,974

0

172

I think that it can be hard for a parent to disassociate themselves with their beliefs in order to make the decision to allow their child the options they deserve (for lack of a better word). I can understand with religion being unable to... let go... of that personal belief in order to allow the child to explore other religions. When it comes to belief systems - they are essentially ingrained... to disasscoiate yourself from your beliefs would be VERY difficult for someone who truly believes something because it is in the very base of who they are.



That being said I think that it's important for parents to express their own personal choices, opinions and thoughts about life altering decisions and beliefs all while allowing children the opportunity to learn and make up their own minds.



It is one of the biggest issues I have with religion. And I won't go into it but it's something that affects every human being in their own individual way and I think it's very undermining of any 'worshipper' to place their own religion, or lack there of for that matter, upon anyone else, including their child(ren).



As far as the other decisions - being vegetarian, child pageants or modelling or acting, even pushing sports or dance or a musical instrument on a child just because the parent believes that is what the child should do for whatever reason - I think they're all things that the child NEEDS to be heard. They should be the one making the decision to do it, or continue to do it rather.



Signing little Bobby up for soccer and football and hockey and rugby and lacrosse and saxaphone and ballet and dance and woodworking, genergal mechanics and constantly pressing him or telling him that he'll be a failure if he doesn't keep it all up..... all it does is lead to a negative relationship and hard feelings between the child and the parents.



And I think that goes for everything really. There's got to be a limit and there has to be communication. If a child shows interest in 1 thing but not something else, it's our job to support that interest not dismiss it because it's not what WE are interested in.

Charlie - posted on 12/07/2009

11,203

111

409

i just wanted to add Traci , i actually agree with you as you , yourself have stated that if they want to go another direction then its up to them THAT is giving them option and allowing them to make a personal decision some children dont get that option they are told what to believe and any other way will condemn them to hell or its counterpart .

Its about choice and allowing a child to have choices in life .

Charlie - posted on 12/07/2009

11,203

111

409

I dont believe in imposing religion on children to clarify i think children should have the opportunity to explore all religions IF that is what interests them .
There is nothing wrong with taking a child to church as long as they know there are options .
BUT this is not a religious debate .

And i was referring to hitting children although i dont want this to become a spanking thread more this was more about debate on the use of personal choice when it clearly is not .

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms