Please Don't Breed

Ez - posted on 02/26/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )




So I have stumbled across an interesting blog called Woman, Uncesored, and found this entry where the blogger is ranting about running into an old friend:


'Her wedding is coming up in about 3 months, and she whispered to me that she's off her birth control right now. Super, just what I feared. When I saw her a few months ago, she rambled on about how she was going to be working full-time as well as doing full-time college for the next couple of years. Then she went on about how she had finally made her boyfriend buy her a ring so they could hurry up and have a baby. Yes, she seriously said she "made" him do it.

Then she babbled on in great detail about how her schedule was going to be. I noticed that she'd be lucky to see her hypothetical kid for even one waking hour a day. Some days, it didn't seem she'd get to see it AT ALL. I was trying not to vomit, and asked her how she planned on being a mom in all of this. She just shrugged and said her mom was more than willing to do as much as she needed her to. I know her mom, she WILL indeed gladly raise that kid while my friend gets to trot around with the title of "mom".

I asked her why she doesn't just wait until she's at least done with school to have a baby. "Because I've been waiting sooo long and I just want one so bad!" She's a whopping 24 years old. Hardly in danger of being "too old" to have a kid. That ticking she hears is not her biological clock, it's the time-bomb she set off inside my head!

This chick pisses me off. She has the chance to wait until she's done with school in a couple of years before she has a baby. She doesn't HAVE to try and juggle family, work, and school. She could at least get school out of the way so she's got at least SOME time to be a mom. But nooooo... it sounds perfectly awesome to her to pop out a kid that she supposedly wants "sooo bad", just to dump it on grandma all day, 7 days a week. What the hell is the point?! She's going to CHOOSE to miss that much of her child's life? There are so many people that would love to have more time with their kids, and can't. This girl has the chance to get done with school first. Hell, she doesn't even have to work full-time either. Her fiance makes plenty of money. But she's just gotta do it all at once, and who is going to suffer for it? The child of course.

Get a puppy! No... leaving a puppy that much would be cruel. Get a PLANT!!! People that have ZERO time for children should not INTENTIONALLY breed. It's fucking selfish and stupid. Children are not status symbols or accessories. Grrrr. You don't all have to be stay-at-home moms, but for fuck's sake, at least pencil your offspring in for more time than you're penciling a babysitter in for. If you're paying someone else to spend more time with your child with your kid than you do, and you are NOT absoultey forced to do so by some serious circumstances, there's something very wrong with your priorities and you should have kept your damn pants zipped.'

So what do you all think? Is the 'friend' being irresponsible? Clueless? Immature? Or is she simply trying to 'have it all'?

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[deleted account]

Much as I love my grandchildren, I'm glad my daughter didn't assume I was going to bring them up! Sounds like her mum is a bit less selfish than me!

Did the bloke have much say in all this?

[deleted account]

Remember Sharon, we're only given one side of this story; we just have to take what this blogger posted at face value......we can't speak directly to the ' friend ' so who knows if we can even believe what the blogger is saying about this other person.......some people like to ' embellish the true when telling stories to make it sound more affective!?!

Sharon - posted on 03/05/2010




I think after the baby is born things will change.

What bothers me is the "made him buy me a ring" "hurry up and have a baby". ummmm..... yeah about that? Wait till the "hubby" figures out how this is supposed to play out but doesn't.

[deleted account]

I think she's clueless. She doesn't realize how much responsibility and care a child requires or she wouldn't be so flippant about it. I have a similar friend. She got married one year into college (her husband also only one year in) and had a baby one year later. I remember talking to her about it and she said they had scholarships and her parents were helping. I just have a hard time with someone getting married and choosing to have a child when they can't afford to do so on their own. Her parents even bought them a house! (Which they now own. After her husband got a job they bought it from her parents.) They now have three kids, both managed to graduate and her husband has a great job. But they have loads of debt. Not a terrible situation, the kids are loved and well cared for. I just don't find it responsible to knowingly bring children into the world if you can't stand on your own two feet or you have to heavily rely on someone else to make things work. That being said, I absolutely adore my friend's children and my daughter loves them too. And I'm glad they got married because I met my husband at their wedding. =)

[deleted account]

I just want to say that I think she's nuts BUT.....and that's a big BUT, I used to be the same way! Until ur actually in the situation, holding a child in ur arms you can't possibly begin to grasp or understand what bein a mum is all about! I know first hand......LOL! sometimes I'm ashamed to admit it but I'm here to say that priorities do change ( without much resistance! ).........I was hoping for it all too! I realized very quickly once I had my daughter that we needed a plan B.! The only difference between me and the ' friend ' in the blog is I didn't choose to get pregnant.....shit happened and I thank god every day cuz life with my daughter is WONDERFUL! I went from wanting it all ( and thinkin I could have it! ) to bein a stay at home mum and LOVING it!

I don't know these women so it's hard to judge the situation but I'm here to say it's VERY possible her priorities will change and either way, once she has her child SHE'LL have to figure it out!

Lisamarie - posted on 03/05/2010




I agree with Kati, working mums are different from career mums that work all hours God sends. But I don't know how this friend is planning on scheduling her day, I think it is a shame when parents have to schedule in time for their children. If you work, fair enough, but I think most parents are available, at least by phone, 24 hours a day for their children and with a schedule like hers I don't think that is going to be possible. :)

Jodi - posted on 03/03/2010




To be honest, I think the friend doesn't have a CLUE what it is going to take to be a mother. We will all agree that when we had a child we THOUGHT we knew what we were in for, but you never really quite understand until you actually have a baby. So I just think she is being incredibly naive.

Having said that, I managed to work full-time, and finish my degree part-time as a single mother after I split from my ex. I did my degree by correspondence online (classes were often in the evenings online), and most of my Uni commitments, and studying, took place after my son was already in bed asleep, so it barely affected him at all. So it CAN be done without negatively affecting a child, but I do think expecting full-time school as well as a full time job, in addition to being an attentive mum is a bit of a stretch :)

[deleted account]

We are all moms here, it is real easy to say that we wouldn't put work over children...of course that is if you are not the only one supporting your family and you won't be losing the roof over your head for not...I think it is safe to assume that she would change her plan if she ever had a kid. Maybe not, and that would kinda suck...but who knows? I wouldn't work myself up over it until she had the baby...and hey then she might not even want to do any of it because she could never see letting anyone else take care of her baby? Who knows???

Rosie - posted on 02/26/2010




a little of both sides for me. we don't have the other side of the story. is her husband going to stay home, or work a job that isn't taking up all of his time? one the other hand i don't get (i;m not saying it's completely wrong) some mothers out there that are not there for their kids. working moms, i understand, but moms that have their careers so high up on a pedestal that they have absolutely no time to see their children or go to their functions, or even kiss them goodnight, i have some of an issue with that. why on earth would you have children if you weren't going to be there for them? money is great, but it's not everything. we went through this with my husband a few years back, he got asked to accept a promotion at his job. if he accepted he would work way more hours and never be able to see the boys. he felt like he needed to take it since it was more money, but i convinced him that we needed him more at home.
this lady could compromise, and go to college and work part time, or only go to college since it stated that her fiance makes plenty of money. overall i do find it sad, that she would choose a career over her children.

Lindsay - posted on 02/26/2010




I honestly think it's really hard to determine the situation based on such a one-sided argument. Of course, going off of this, the "friend" does sound like she's trying to have it all and not being totally responsible in the situation. But I also think that just because the "friend" has all of this going on right now, doesn't necessarily mean that she will continue with it all if/when she finally has a child. I would guess that the majority of people's lives aren't exactly child friendly until they become pregnant/have a child and modify thier life accordingly.

Sara - posted on 02/26/2010




It really upsets me when people view having children like this woman obviously does. She's clueless and immature. Oh, and sounds like her marriage will be just peachy.

Sarah - posted on 02/26/2010




I think the friend is a bit delusional.

It could well turn out like the blogger suggests. On the other hand, the friend could have the baby and realise that can't "have it all" fall madly in love with her child, and adjust her lifestyle accordingly. She could quit work if her fiance earns enough, and do evening classes for school or whatever.

I think if the friend does have the baby, her priorities may change.

Though i can understand the concerns of the blogger. :)

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