Please help

Nikkole - posted on 11/03/2011 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I have a question... Does anyone know anything about grandparents rights? I told my mom we were planning on moving out in the next year or sooner and she told me she would go to court and fill to have my kids half the time because she helped raise them and im taking them from there home (she works at the jail and is friends with some of the lawyers) and this made me really upset :( i would never keep them from her but she's mad because i won't let her have them everyday. And I just can't believe she is even saying this to me or thinking about doing it!

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Kellie - posted on 11/04/2011

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Sounds like a Control move to me plain and simple. If you do X she's going to do Y. If you DON'T do X, well then everything will be dandy and she won't do Y.

I loathe control freaks.

Don't play her game. Don't let her see that shes gotten to you. Go and live your life with your family.

[deleted account]

She doesn't have a foot to stand on.Just because she allowed you to stay at her home does not give her the right to demand half visitation.Unless you were/are an unfit mom etc she has no right here.

Carolee - posted on 11/04/2011

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I lived with my mother when I had my son, and moved out just before he turned 2. She never threatened to try to get custody of him, but we did come up with an agreement that she takes him every weekend. I always have the option of saying "not this weekend", and so does she... although she usually takes him. My daughter and I usually meet up with them on Saturdays to do something, too. (She doesn't take my daughter all weekend because my daughter's not old enough to spend the night away.) Maybe try to see if your mother would agree to an arrangement like this that fits into everyone's schedule? I don't know how far you're planning on moving, but if it's not too far, it may be an option. She's just feeling really hurt that you're leaving.

Jodi - posted on 11/03/2011

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In Australia, grandparents have rights, but not like this. As Erin said, it is for visitation. That doesn't sound like what your mother is threatening. Unless she can prove you are unfit as a parent to your children, she is unlikely to get that level of visitation, even if grandparents do have legal rights where you live.

It sounds like you only just told your mum this fairly recently, so obviously I can understand her being upset, but to do something like this is just nasty.

I think perhaps you need to let things calm down a little, and put some space in the situation, then, if your mum is still convinced she is going to go to court, perhaps suggest mediation to her so that you can discuss an arrangement that works for both of you. As you said, you don't want to keep the kids from her, but at the same time, it simply isn't practical for her to have the kids every day. Perhaps you would feel comfortable with an alternative arrangement that she could live with to. You may not be obligated to give this to her, but I am just making suggestions on how you might be able to resolve this without it getting nastier than it already is (I know I'd be upset and pretty angry if my mother pulled this shit on me).

Ez - posted on 11/03/2011

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It depends on where you live. I have heard of places that allow grandparents to file for visitation. But it certainly wouldn't be half the time! More likely one weekend a month or something.

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Stifler's - posted on 11/20/2011

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i find it strange that she is against you standing on your own 2 feet and having your own place. it's not like you're refusing to let her see the kids. It's very doubtful that she's going to get what she wants.

Brittany - posted on 11/20/2011

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She can take you to court for visitation but, I would call a lawyer and ask for some advice. Also use Google to look up rights in your state.

Christy - posted on 11/20/2011

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She is full 0of crap and don't let where she works scare you. I can't believe she would even tell you any of this. Very upsetting. Move where you need to and be done with her, at least on the "everyday" basis!

Karla - posted on 11/11/2011

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It does depend on where you live. Here's a break-down of US State's Laws.
http://family.findlaw.com/child-custody/...

If you live near a University with a Law Degree program, they may be able to offer free advice. Also, you can call the district attorney's office, or even your State Representative to learn more about the laws where you live.

A heart to heart with your mother is in order... It may help to remind her that she was once a young mother who raised you and did a good job so that now you may go out and raise your family. Perhaps you can reassure her that you want her to be a part of your children's lives, but that you believe a legal battle would get in the way of that goal.

Good luck.

Tara - posted on 11/11/2011

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Nope I would say unless you are an abusive parent and she has filed a complaint against you in the past, she has no rights at all in this case.
She is a grandparent and grandparents often help to raise their grandchildren, whether by having them live in the home with their parents or by watching them while parents work or by providing comfort and support to them when they see them. None of these methods of help mean that those grandparents have any legal rights to the kids at all.
I would say to talk to a Lawyers if you can, just so you feel better and can tell your mom "sorry but no, I have talked to a lawyer and there's nothing you can do".
Sorry you have to go through this shit with your very own mother!!

Amanda - posted on 11/11/2011

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I agree with Marina call a lawyer today and get a free consultation. Not many places actually have true grandparents rights, unless theres a divorce, and one grandparent is being denyed access.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/11/2011

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You CAN work out a schedule of visitation with her. But Don't be intimidated by her friends or that she works in a jail. You can speak to a lawyer yourself, get a free consultation, and let her know EXACTLY what you find out. How rude of her. Ask her how SHE would feel if her mother had done that with HER kids.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/11/2011

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Oh my. This would make me move out SOONER! Get the hell out of there as fast as you can. No, unless you are neglecting, abusing your child, or live a risky lifestyle, she has no parental rights to YOUR children. That is awfully mean and spiteful of her.

BestMomma - posted on 11/07/2011

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I am in the middle of a grandparent visitation suit. We go to trial in two months after a year of this and about 10000.00 in legal expenses for it. I think is it just cruel that any grandparent would do something like this to a young family IF they are not denied access (assuming they are fit grandparents) and you are a fit parent. That is my case, I am a fit parent and they are fit grandparents...they just want a court ordered schedule. All i have ever asked is they request dates and I would let them know which ones would work for us. If we lose, my daughter misses out on so many things, church, ski lessons and so much more - who is really losing and who is really gaining by this? I think if grandparents what to be more involved - than coach soccer! Do things like that!!! Don't hurt your grandchildren by creating anomosity and putting your grandchilds family into debt! I wish you luck - I hope you dont have to go through this. Whatever you do, never agree to an actual schedule outside of a court room - if you do and she later does bring you to court because you changed your mind - it will be harder to fight.

Nikkole - posted on 11/04/2011

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Thanks ladies she's known we we have been planing on moving out for a while she just don't like change and if things don't go her way she gets mad about things. We are defiantly not unfit parents she is just being ridiculous. I told her she could have the every/every other weekend and she still doesn't like that. She thinks because she's friends with some lawyers she has an advantage, but i don't think she can do much. I just can't believe she even brought this up it just made me feel horrible :(

[deleted account]

I'm not lawyer but she would have to show cause that you were not a fit parent. Would she have anything to base this on? I don't know you so I don't know the answer to that. If you're demonstrably a good parent, I can't see her having much success.

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