please help

Mehak - posted on 01/03/2016 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hi. I just want to share my feelings and hoping to get a positive response. I have been married for almost 3 years. The problem is my husband treats me like crap. He is nice but sometimes he makes me feel like i am a nobody. Little arguments are enough to make him say that it's over. I got married very early i am now 21 and i am continuing my education. He tells me that i am nothing and i don't even have a degree. He doesn't want me to be a sit home mother and wants me to work then only he will have children with me. I am alone. Even his family doesn't support us. They are rich and have only him as a son yet they don't want to help. They tell us to move back with them but he doesn't wants to and always creates chaos by telling them that i am the one who doesn't wants to live with his parents and sisters. This is the second time he left me with his family and went back. I am heartbroken. His family doesn't want us to leave each other because they think that he will get spoiled (which he already is) if he lives alone but he doesn't want to try to works things out. It feels like i am the only one trying. I took admission in university and i am going to finish nursing. I don't know what he wants. I am so tired of trying but there is nothing else i can do. Moving back with his family is not an option because he doesn't have a job there and i am also studying. He also says that i married him because of greencard which is false. I married him because he was caring. He didn't have a job when we got married and was a substitute teacher but i still liked him for the person he was, he was nothing. His family was also against him because he wasn't able to finish law school but i supported him, they also didn't wanted us to stay and told us to leave as soon as possible. Now he is a teacher in vegas and yet he is not happy, he is 27 and he still hasn't figured out what he wants to do in life. He has moods and i am a burden on him. I try to work when i am off from school. He says now that we don't belong together, and that we are two different people and our families are different. Before he used to say that we were so much alike... when he didnt have a job he said before marriage that i am precious and if he had million dollars he would give them just to be with me. Now he is the same guy who broke his vows and says it's over. I don't want to leave him he is my first love but i don't want to be depressed all my life. Please help i tried talking to him but he doesn't listen or even try slightest to be understanding. Update: i tried asking him to go to counseling he refused to and said i cannot stay with him. I am now living with my in laws for more than a week. I have my associates and if he kicks me out i don't know what to do. I live in vegas and i dont want to return to my country. He tells me to go back because that's where i belong but i don't want to. He doesn't want me to stay at some friends house. Please help i am hard broken and miserable. Where should i go now? My in laws will drop me back on wednesday and if he kicks me out i will have to grab my passport and leave.

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Raye - posted on 01/06/2016

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I will say that you deserve better than your husband. He should be encouraging you, not trying to control you. So not good. But if he decided it's over, then that may be a blessing in disguise. You can't stay in such an unhappy marriage. Can you talk to immigration and explain your situation?

While the presumption is that a divorcee who does not have permanent resident status will be deported, there are exceptions to that general rule. In order to remain in the United States, the divorcee, usually with the help of an immigration attorney, needs to prove one of the following:
* That the marriage was entered into in good faith and that the marriage was terminated due to no fault of the immigrant.
* That the immigrant would face extreme hardship if deported; or
* That the immigrant was battered or treated with extreme cruelty by the spouse who was the U.S. citizen.

Generally, an immigrant who divorces a United States citizen after 2 or more years of marriage is less likely to face deportation if the immigrant has already obtained permanent resident status. Have you filed for permanent residency? If you can hold off finalizing the divorce until after your 3 year anniversary, that may be more helpful, but may not be a guarantee if you haven't continued the process for citizenship. And you should still find a better place to stay until it's worked out.

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