Please, if you're bringing judgement with you, don't bother

[deleted account] ( 44 moms have responded )

Ok, I smoke. So does my husband. It's a horrible habit and we have both been making strides to stop. WE KNOW what a lot of people are about to say right now about anything and everything about stopping. What I'm about to say is disturbing. And I am honestly looking for people who have been through something similar. So again, if you're gonna judge me or condemn me for smoking, don't bother posting ok? Please and thank you.

My husband and I are both trying to stop smoking. We both agreed that A) we would never use the term "quit smoking". B) We want our son to not remember us as smokers.

We have both been using the patch, along with several other more natural techniques, in order to stop, or at least curb our habit(s).

We are the kind of couple who can split a pack a day and make it last. Actually, a half pack, split with my husband, lasts me for 2 days. We only smoke outside. Always have, even before our son was born. He's 3 weeks away from being 3 years old now. Every day, when he's outside playing, my husband and I smoke, while our son is off in another area. We never smoke directly around him and I want to make that point clear. It's not like the entire time we're outside, we're smoking either. We play, run, roll around in the grass with him. Every day.

But today something happened. Something that broke my heart. He was off playing, riding his tricycle. I was on the phone with my 80 year old aunt, smoking while I listened about doctor's appointments and how my uncle can't drive anymore. And somewhere along the way, I looked over and saw my son take an old cigarette butt out of the can, put it to his mouth, and pretend to smoke. Never in my life have I put a cigarette out so fast. Never in my life have I felt like such a horrible person. Never in my life have I ever wanted to sink further into the earth. Oh my freakin' sweet dirty water...what just happened?

Never before has it been clearer to me, how my habits and my actions are going to affect my son. I mean, I'm a reasonably intelligent woman, had my son when I was over 35, thought that because of all my knowledge I would be able to handle anything. Anything but what I saw today. The picture in my brain, my son with a cigarette butt dangling from his sweet little lips....will be forever etched on my heart.

I need to stop smoking. I've tried many times. I can't take Chantix for medical reasons. I also get no results with Wellebutrin. The patch is the only thing that seems to help, but even that doesn't overcome the need when I'm at the 2 week point.

How did you stop smoking? Did you smoke around your kids? Do you feel as bad as I do? Do your kids remember you smoking? What gave you success to stop? What was your motivation? This is what I want to hear from you all.

Please, again, no bickering, no judging, just honest, open answers.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lyndsay - posted on 10/02/2010

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I smoked during my pregnancy and up until my son was 18 months old. I didn't smoke around him, but the smoke was clinging to me and making him sick. After months and months of bronchitis and sinus infections, it finally dawned on me that my child was allergic to the cigarette smoke clinging to me and so I just quit. I woke up one morning and decided I wasn't going to have a cigarette, and I didn't. It's been about a year and a half now and I have only smoked a couple of cigarettes on one or two occasions while out drinking with friends. I feel MUCH better and my son is never sick anymore.

Tracey - posted on 10/03/2010

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When my dad gave up smoking he saved all the money he would have spent on cigarettes and after a time he had saved enough to buy a new car, every time he drove it he remembered why he didn't smoke.
Why don't you save all the money from not smoking and take your son to a theme park.

[deleted account]

Don't feel bad.Smoking is an addiction and for many it takes time to stop.My partner smokes.My daughter was the same as your son.It broke our heart and her dad more so to catch her pretending to smoke.Actions speak louder than words had a meaning for sure as soon as i saw her.

My partner spoke to her and told her daddy wishes he never smoked, its not a nice thing and daddy needs to stop but its very hard.Next time we caught her she was putting his cigarettes through the letter box which was good and said no daddy there not nice.That was worse to hear it hurt her dad..

You both are good parents but have an addiction to cigarettes.You both know its not something you want to continue doing and thats the first step.I hope my partner takes a step to stop..even though he was heartbroken he still continues to smoke& that breaks my heart...I dont have an addiction so i dont know how he feels.All i can do is support him and do my best to help him stop when he is ready.He doesnt smoke around them.I wish you both all the best.Doing something is better than not and your son will be proud of that:-)

Jodi - posted on 10/02/2010

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I smoked for nearly 13 years before I stopped. I refused to start TTC until I had quit successfully for one main reason besides the obvious health risks during pregnancy. I knew, that if I didn't quit BEFORE I had a baby, I personally, would find excuse after excuse not to after the baby was born. I just knew that about myself, that if I didn't quit before, it wouldnt' happen! That was my driving force. I'm allergic to any and all adhesives, so the patch was out, the stupid puffer, fake inhaler things were a waste for me and I too could not use the prescription medications, so I know how you feel! I had a ton of support from my husband, I replaced cigarretes with gum and dum-dums as best I could and I went cold turkey. I think the thing that helped me the most was my reason behind wanting to quit that really kept gave me the will power to stop. I did not want to endanger the health of any baby growing inside of me and I REALLY wanted kids. I posted sticky-notes all over where I usually smoked, on the steering wheel of my car, on our end table where my ashtray used to sit, on the patio furniture, anywhere I usually smoked and would get a craving would be a note encouraging me to not smoke. Hubby helped out and would make new ones every so often. I failed many times and it took about a year to finally quit completely...that was 3 years ago and I'm still smoke free.
I know the struggle and it sucks in a big way! BUT, you can do, if I were you, every time you go to lite one up, picture your son with not just a butt in his mouth, but a lit one...maybe just that mental image will help you put down each cigarrete in the future. It's hard...but you can do it!

Katherine - posted on 10/02/2010

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Any kind of lifestyle change is very hard to do. When I quit drinking it felt like I had lost my best friend. I did it though, but I still had my cigarrettes. I think when you've previousy been addicted to something and you have that ONE thing left, it's next to impossible to let go. That means you don't have anything anymore(at least this is how I feel). My daughters have seen me smoke. My 5yo asks me to stop. My 18mo has picked up butts. I feel guilty all of the time. I just can't quit!!!

It's not a lack of can't, it's a lack of want. What will I do with a smoke free life? How will that change me? What WILL I DO WITHOUT MY CIGARETTES???? I think it's scary for some people especially if you've been doing it for a long time.

I too have tried everything. But it all depends on ME. No amount of anything is going to help unless I make the effort and I'm good and ready to say goodbye and change my LIFE........AGAIN.

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Rebecca - posted on 10/05/2010

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I quit a couple weeks after I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Even before I was pregnant, I had a hard time quitting, but my motivation was the baby. I quit cold turkey while pregnant, which wasn't too easy at the time, but now it's been almost one year since I quit.

The prices of cigarettes keeps me from starting up again. I always think of it as "That's another pack of diapers" or "That can go towards gas to get my daughter to doctor's appointments", etc.

I commend you for wanting to quit! I know a lot of moms here that have taken numerous cigarette butts out of their baby's mouth, their toddlers walking around in high heels with an unlit cigarette in their hand, etc, and not do anything about it.

You should continue with the patch if that's what works best. Try to take that 2 weeks in stride and find something to occupy your time and your motions and habit with something else, such as chewing on straws, sunflower seeds, gum, etc.

Good luck, Joy! I know you'll do great :)

September - posted on 10/04/2010

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I'm sorry you're having such a hard time quitting. I was a smoker for 15 years prior to quitting. I quit about a month before getting pregnant with our 2 year old son. I felt very strongly about having a smoke free pregnancy and also being a smoke free parent. I quit cold turkey and was very surprised I was able to let the habit go so easily. Like I said I felt strongly about being smoke free not only for my health but also to be able to set a good example of your son. I think that being strong willed works for some but not for others and that's ok, you just find to find what works for you. Maybe every time you have a craving picture your son with that cigarette in his mouth...maybe that will give you the incentive you need. Best wishes and good luck Joy! You can do it!!! :)

Jodi - posted on 10/03/2010

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You know what used to really upset me? Those smoking ads on TV where they show people dying of smoking related diseases, or peoples lungs or brains, the real horror shots. When my kids saw those ads, they used to look at those and ask if that's what might happen to us. THAT freaked me out. The horror they must have felt. I thought it was really wrong of them to put those ads on during children's viewing times, ans I still do think it is wrong, but I tell you, it made us quit because our kids associated those images with our smoking.

Nikki - posted on 10/03/2010

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I wish I could help you stop, both my husband and I are exactly like you, our son is only 16 months and he has yet to pick up one, but I know it would break my heart. We both share a pack a day, we smoke outside and far away from our son, nor do we allow anyone else to smoke near him, so our habits are identical. We have said for so long we want to stop, when he sees a pack he points at it and says momma or dada and that kills me that he associates it with us. I dont ever want him to smoke or be able to understand how bad it is and be old enough to ask us to stop and we havent. We know we have to soon, but we both need to be on board there is no way one of us will be able to quit w/out the others support. I have heard of this book Im not sure the name or the author I will figure it out and post it here for you....... but everyone I know who has read this book and quit successfully and Im talking full fledged smokers. It basically just changes the way you think about things and its not just smoking, its your outlook on life. I figure why not try reading it, but I know I need to be fully ready to do so also, we have decided when we do we will put all the money we save from not smoking into a fund to add to our sons education, that to me is a big enough incentive to make me strong enough to stay a quitter. I wish you the best of luck and support. Ill find out the book and if you figure out another way please let me know. Take care

[deleted account]

I started to give up smoking when I first found out I was pregnant. Within two weeks, I was off entirely. I didn't use any drugs, or aids. I slowly weaned myself off. Smoking less and less each day until I was down to none. My daughter has been my motivation. I haven't touched a cigarette since then..

I want to wish you luck! The time is now, YOU CAN DO IT!

Rosie - posted on 10/03/2010

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the first time i quit was on my sons 4th birthday! it is a very good time to stop joy! you just look back at the day you stopped and you are automatically reminded of WHY you quit! good luck! i wish i could get my hubby to do this as well. he just can't ever get into the mental state of mind he needs to be in to do this.

[deleted account]

Thanks girls, for all the encouragement and support. My husband and I sat down this morning over breakfast and decided that our quit date will be the day after our son's 3rd birthday. So October 18th is day one for us both...again lol I thought about doing it ON his birthday but I know that's going to be a slightly stressful day with a bunch of kids in and out all day, as well as dealing with Steve's divorced parents (and step parents) who can't be in the same room long...long story. Either way, the day of his birthday....probably not the best day for me to go into bitchy mode lol Anyhow, thanks again for all the kind words and I'll let you know how it goes :)

[deleted account]

When I quit smoking, nearly 5 yrs ago, I was pregnant with my oldest...that is what motivated me to quit. But we all know that being pregnant alone doesn't necessarily do it! What helped me to quit and not pick it up again was a variety of things... First off I talked myself into it. I mentally prepared myself with EVERY cigarette I smoked I would talk the biggest line of shit! I bad mouthed cigarettes, reminded myself how disgusting they are and how they make me stink and I feel like crap..how they make me crabby...how my neighbor's 3 yr old when asked to bring her mommy's cigarettes put in into her mouth and pretended to light it! I didn't want my son to do this either! (but to my dismay he has! My husband never quit :( ). The other thing that REALLY got me was when a coworker told me that the placenta of her cousin who smoked was black! I couldn't imagine THAT filtering my child's nutrition!!! YUCK! So I filled my head with these messages and images so much so that I hated myself and EVERY time I would smoke! It got to be disgusting instead of relieving... So then I quit. I bought a TON of Lifesaver mints and sucked on those NON STOP! My friend suggests suckers 'cuz the hand mouth thing. I gave up doing the same job I had been doing for 4 yrs prior, going out on smoke breaks with my boss because he INSISTED I take a break as I wouldn't otherwise...but I just took a glass of water and sucked through my straw almost the whole time we were out there...it was considerably easier seeing him smoke then my husband! Of course that just pissed me off because he was supposed to quit too... :( STILL a bone of contention w/me! I say that my utter stubborness is what got me through this! Who the hell am I, ERIN!, who is going to let some stupid cancer causing stick to relgate ME! to a sniveling whiney bitch because I can't have one? HA! I'll show you, stupid cigarettes! AND DID!!! It still takes effort at times...I work in a discount tobacco store and am around it ALL the time! I consciously CHOOSE to not smoke EVERY day! Good luck!!!

Serena - posted on 10/03/2010

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First of all you are not a horrible person in the least. Every child at some points imitates smoking, I know when I was young we had those bubble gum cigarettes which they finally realized influenced kids to start smoking.
I was able to quit because my then boyfriend, now husband refused to kiss me if I smoked. Which at first was fine because I would just not smoke when I would see him then as things progressed I had to give it up because we ended up moving in together. It was motivation enough for me and then a month later ended up pregnant so it made quitting for my son even easier.
My mom on the other hand has smoked as long as I can remember but she said what has helped her cut down was changing her habits. She started smoking only outside which made it hard for her when she visited me (she lives in Hawaii) in Califormia during the winter. And other simple changes like her morning routine of coffee and a cigarette was eliminated.
I do wish you all the luck though I know it can be hard.

Stifler's - posted on 10/03/2010

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Lots of parents smoke even around their kids, so I wouldn't feel too bad about the monkey see monkey do. Little kids also play show you mine if you show me yours behind their parents backs! When I was a little kid my parents didn't even smoke and we still knew what smoking was an imitated it with rolled up paper and grass. I don't smoke or anything but I know a few people trying to quit and it's really hellish for them as they've been addicted so long so good luck with it all and don't give up :)

[deleted account]

I don;t smoke, never have. My parents didn't smoke but even I did a similar thing - the whole pretend a candy stick is a cigarette. I honestly think that whether you's smoked or not it's inevitable that he'd still have done it with so many other people smoking. But perhaps reiterate to him not to pick things out of a bin, and never to pick a cigarette up, as for using other things children grow out of it.

Francine - posted on 10/02/2010

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It wasn't easy the first time around for me, But it took the disturbing words from my more understanding daughter from watching commercials that says all the bad things about smoking. She simply out of no where flat out said, "MOM I WISH YOU WOULD STOP SMOKING, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO SEE ME GRADUATE AND LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO SEE ME HAVE CHILDREN." That sunk my heart. I grew up with a smoker in the house, picked up the habit since high school, but then at that moment. Had all intentions, desire and commitment to stop smoking. I did very successfully gradually quit to nothing. Reducing your cigarettes does help. Little baby steps at a time, but I feel that the desire within yourself for good reasons, try writing them down at least 10 with your husband and post it up to see the positive results of quitting such as saving money, not smelling icky, your sons health etc..I wish the best for you. The second time around is simply that when I am really seriously having turmoil and hard weeks. I do buy a pack smoke whatever to relax and well the rest is thrown away, that happens maybe 2-3 times a year, sometimes none. Other than that, there is no automatic habit or desire to keep doing it. My husband did quite a long time at one point in life, but now he smokes again, we are all supporting in his hardship to quite, it isn't as easy as some say, just quit. and definitely your right, judgment, and harsh words do not help. I know you can do it. Put your heart into it. Best wishes for you and your family.

[deleted account]

I did exactly the same thing when I was a toddler and thats why my mom quit. I don't think anyone should judge people who smoke in a responsible way. I don't think any smoking parent actually wants their kid to be a smoker when they grow up. It's good if people can lead by example and quit, but it's easier said than done for some.

My husband hates the fact that he smokes, but the patches worked for him when he last quit. The only reason he has started smoking again is becuase he became over confident and didn't think he needed to continue with the patches. At the very least you have to follow the reccomended course with the patches even if you feel like you don't need them anymore. I would even go as far as to continue using the lowest dose patches after your done with the course if it's safe to do so.

April - posted on 10/02/2010

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i don't smoke and never have, but my dad smoked for years. He started when he was 13 and smoked for about 18 years until my sister was born. my sister had very bad allergic reactions to cigarette smoke. he didn't have to be smoking for it to bother her. if it was in his clothes, she would get sick. so, he quit for her. she's 27 years old now and he's still smoke free!! he still gets cravings, but he says he just thinks of something else or does something with his hands to keep them occupied. he says you'll always have cravings, but it gets easier. Good luck!!!!

[deleted account]

Just wanted to say Happy 16th Birthday....QUITE the accomplishment. I have no doubt you'll beat this too! I think the other ladies have given a long list of things to try so I'm not going to be any help. I've quit and restarted again several times......one time after having been smoke free for 5 plus years I lit up again and then I quit again when I was pregnant with Roxanne and unfortunately JUST recently started having a drag her and there, which has turned into a smoke here and there. Don't want it to become a pack here and there so it's time for me to nip it in the bud.

I wish you the best of luck!

The only thing I can suggest for your immediate situation is to NEVER smoke when your son is anywhere around. Possibly save it for the times when he's napping or absolutely not within eyesight.

Johnny - posted on 10/02/2010

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Joy, I don't have any good quitting advice. I had no problems quitting, but then I was a very occasional social smoker. I was very lucky that somehow, the nicotine just doesn't do it for me. Now if you asked me to drop the caffeine, I'd probably just start bawling and curl up on the floor. None of my friends who smoke have ever been successful at quitting. But then, they've never had kids, so I don't think they've had that really great reason yet. I just wanted to wish you good luck! I don't know you that well, but from reading your posts, I've got strong faith that you'll succeed.

Dana - posted on 10/02/2010

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Joy, I just read your post talking about the "test" you had to see if hypnosis would work for you. I think that's a crock of bullshit from them. I never had any such test, I've actually never heard of anyone doing that either. I'll also tell you, you can think the whole time. You WANT to think the whole time. It's a joint effort being hypnotized. The whole time I was doing it and he was talking to me about going down a hallway and opening the door, I kept thinking, "I can't see the door, this is not going to work for me!!" He then kept talking about how you choose to smoke, you can choose to quit and I remember thinking, "Fuck yeah, I did and fuck yeah, I can!"

So I don't buy them telling you that your brain is too active. Maybe they saw that you weren't truly prepared or they knew they sucked at hypnosis, who knows but, I don't think you should write the idea off.





Oh, I agree with others, keep your hands busy! I did crochet. If you don't do anything like that then find something similar or do puzzles, crosswords,sudoku.... Find something to keep your hands busy and your mind busy. Oh, and for some reason, I drank tons of cranberry/strawberry juice, I swear it helped me in some manner. It was fresh, healthy and good. I think it reaffirmed that I was trying to become healthier while cleaning out toxins. Who knows. lol

Dana - posted on 10/02/2010

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Joy, you know me, I'm a HUGE supporter of doing it by hypnosis. I walked in smoking over a pack a day, two if I was going to see my husband play, and I walked out never picking up a cigarette again or really wanting to.



If you're thinking, "Oh well, Dana probably didn't smoke that long, she probably wasn't addicted as bad as I am....etc." you'd be wrong. I wouldn't be offended by you thinking that because prior to quitting I thought that about everyone too. I smoked for 15 yrs and I was never even close to successful in quitting. I'd say I was going to quit and make it...maybe two hours.

Doing the hypnosis was the best thing I've EVER done. It was easy, within one hour I was a heavy smoker and then I just wasn't. Plain and simple.



When you do it, you just HAVE to keep yourself busy. If you think of a smoke, change your train of thought, immediately. You can do it, everyone can do it, they just don't know it yet. And I'm telling you, you will feel so much better! I slept better, sex was better (since smoking effects circulation which in turn slows blood flow to the genital area), food was better, my MOOD was better. I didn't smell like smoke, my clothes didn't smell like smoke, I wasn't burning any holes into anything.



I'm telling you, it's a whole new world and it's an AWESOME one.

C. - posted on 10/02/2010

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First, Joy.. I think you came to the right place. Most of the regulars in this community either HAVE smoked or still DO smoke, so I don't think much judgment is going to go on.

I started back up again recently, so I can't help you with the quitting for good part.. BUT, I just wanted to say good luck!!!!

La - posted on 10/02/2010

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I stopped when I got pregnant with my first child and never picked up again after that. The nausea from pregnancy made the thought of smoking sound very unappealing. My fiance on the other hand tried to quit at the same time I did and it took him until my second pregnancy a year later to succeed. He just went cold turkey. He chewed a lot of gum for the first month. Basically he tried to avoid the situations that would make him want to smoke such as drinking beer, getting tattooed, hanging out with other friends who smoked, etc. Good luck to you!

Rosie - posted on 10/02/2010

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i've mentioned wellbutrin to you before, but you say it doesn't affect so the only other option i have heard that works FABULOUS is being hypnotised. sounds stupid, but 2 people i know who were skeptical as hell say it really worked for them. it's not much more than the patch costwise. i don't think it would hurt. :)

the e-cigarettes are nice, although i don't really think it addresses the habit itself, instead of the addiction. habit is what really, really gets me. this is my 3rd time quitting. each time i have quit i've quit for over a year, and started back up because i was in a bar drinking. i know my trigger now, and i refuse to lie to myself and say that oohh, i can only do it when drinking or out. not at home, cause it just doesn't work that way for me.

i also heard of taking old cigarette butts and putting them in a little babyfood jar with some beer and letting it mingle for a while. as a smoker you KNOW how nasty that smell is. everytime you get the urge for a cigarette, open the jar and take a nice whiff. then go clean, or do a project, or crochet something. something to keep your mind and hands busy.

good luck joy!!!! i know you can do it!! :)

Krista - posted on 10/02/2010

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Honestly, it takes that mental "click" -- that moment of clarity when you hear your inner voice saying, "I'm not doing this anymore."

And I think you just had yours.

I stopped because I saw my then-boyfriend's (now-husband's) grandmother dying of lung cancer. She was in the hospital, it was her dying hours, and she was suffering horribly. And I could see her husband and daughters suffering alongside her from having to see it.

And I looked at Keith, and that inner voice said, "I'm not doing that to him. "

I went out and bought the patch the next day. It worked well for me -- maybe it'll work better for you, now that you've got more incentive. You can also combine it with the inhaler or the gum as well. I think I've only had about 4 cigarettes since then, and this was 7 years ago. I know I could fall easily back into the habit, though, but just knowing how incredibly disappointed my husband would be in me is enough to keep me on path.

Don't beat yourself up, sweetie. But use that picture in your heart as your incentive. Use it to make you angry. Use it to make you determined. You are a strong person, and I know that you can beat this addiction, kick its ass, slap it around for awhile, and make it beg for its momma.

And any time you're tempted, you get your butt on here and yell for help, and we'll all talk you down, okay kiddo?

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

Petra - posted on 10/02/2010

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Well it sounds like you are in a good place to try quitting - I've quit three times myself and the only common theme each time was that I really, really wanted to. You have to be ready and have the mindset that you NEED to quit. The other thing that helped me when I went cold turkey after finding out I was pregnant was chanting my little mantra - its not going to kill me, I'm not going to die. It totally feels like it during those moments where you're pacing and trying to find something to do so that you don't cruise down to the store and buy some cigs - but if you can reason your way through the craving, you can do it. It sounds funny to me now, I had to literally coach myself that not giving in wasn't going to kill me... but that's the nature of addiction.



Speaking as someone familiar with AA (my father is an alcoholic), you can try to view your current addiction in terms of your past narcotic addiction. I know that a lot of AA members smoke - it is the more harmless vice when it comes to alcohol and drugs - but it is just a vice. Try every little thing they have out there to aid you in this - don't feel any shame in it either. If you can hold onto that mental image of your child and torment yourself with it every time you want to light up, that might just be all it takes, too.



It is doable, good luck! Keep us posted and ask for help anytime you need it, girl :-)

Sara - posted on 10/02/2010

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Well, I quit smoking with Wellbutrin, so that's really no help. I will say that you have to be mentally ready to quit, that's the most important thing. You sound like you're there already. You need to continue with the patch program if that's the method you want to try. But, you also need to do something to help you break the habits of the cigarettes. I found I needed to do something with my hands, so I tried knitting. It worked too. Honestly, the mental game is the hardest to break with those damn things. The physical stuff you can work through for a few days, but the habit is the worst part. Just remember, it can be done. I quit smoking, and my husband did as well and he was ADDICTED, smoked almost 2 packs a day. He hasn't had a cigarette in almost 2 years, I haven't had one in over 4. I know people that have quit using acupuncture, but I'm unsure as to the cost of that.



Good luck. Let me know if I can help or offer support in any way!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/02/2010

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Look into Aricular Therapy. It works. It is pressure poiints in the ear that target addiction. Usually one session will do it, but sometimes it takes more. You should walk out not needing or wanting a cigarette. Much more affective than the patch. You have to go in wanting to quit...needing to quit.

Ez - posted on 10/02/2010

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Have you looked into acupuncture? One of the doctors I work for is also a licenced and practising acupuncturist (he's Chinese) and he has a lot of success with people trying to quit. That is going to be my first port of call when I eventually decide to quit again (I quit while pregnant then started again when Milla was 6 months old).

Jocelyn - posted on 10/02/2010

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I am an on-again-off-again smoker (currently on...for shame I know lol). I am like you Joy; I never smoke in the house or the car. If I'm smoking outside with the kids then I always stand down wind. I'll smoke maybe a pack every 3 days. For me it is the physical habit of smoking that I love and crave. I can go a day without a smoke if I am busy and having fun. But as soon as I get bored, I smoke. There is an electronic cigarette out there that I am thinking of trying; then I get to perform the physical habit of smoking, without all the toxic shit.
We're very alike Joy; next month will be my 5 year birthday from quitting cocaine ^_^ Which was much easier to quit than smoking...well easier to STAY quit. Withdrawal was a bitch :P

Julie - posted on 10/01/2010

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How heartbreaking. I never smoked but have several in my family and I know how difficult it is.

I also read somewhere that the average NONsmoker was sucessful on their NINTH try ON AVERAGE!

I have also read joining a group helps b/c you are all going through similar things and those who do are more sucessful.

Good for you and your husband for trying. again. and again. and again as many times as need be. You can do it!

Good luck and I hope other parents are inspired (or maybe a little scared) into quitting, too!

Tanya - posted on 10/01/2010

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I used blow pops. It really helped because it gave me something to do with my hands. Then I could chew the gum!

ANother thing I would do is brush my teeth right after I ate. I did make me want to keep that nice minty mouth instead of smoke.

I have smoked in front of my son. Only a 2 times, but he is only 8 months. He wasn't near me but I know he could see me. I do feel awful about it.

in all honesty I just broke down and had my first cig last weekend after over a year. I have been fighting the urge to go buy a pack.

Thanks for posting b/c it really has reminded me why I quit.

Nikki - posted on 10/01/2010

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Aww your not a horrible person ♥ don't be too hard on yourself. Good on you that you have decided to quit. I could recommend you change your routines, do something different when you normally smoke. I have had friends that have had great success with the nicotine inhaler. I think for a lot of smokers the hardest part is that it's a habit, the craving will go after a couple of weeks, but the habit won't. I had another friend who would hold a small pencil between her fingers to keep her from fidgeting and wanting to smoke. Whatever way you decide to go with it, good luck, I hope it goes well for you xx

Jodi - posted on 10/01/2010

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Ow wow Joy, I know exactly how you feel. This is EXACTLY what prompted my husband and I to give up because Taylah did something very similar and it freaked us out. It is heartbreaking because you suddenly see how your smoking is affecting the kids.

We used the Champix, because we tried everything else and it just had never worked for us. I had even tried hypnosis, but they couldn't get me to go under :) I guess I'm just one of those people who doesn't. But I have heard hypnosis works for a lot of people, so there is no harm in giving it a go.

I also have a book by Allen Carr that helped....I can't recall the exact name of it.

[deleted account]

I actually did look at hypnosis once, about 5 years ago, before my son was even a twinkle in my eye. I went to an office and took a test and based on their examination I was determined to be "highly unlikely" as a candidate for hypnosis. They basically told me that my brain is working, even when I'm not trying to think. I thought "Duhhhh aren't MOST people's brains doing that?" Dreams, daydreams, etc. Nope. They said I'm no candidate. I don't know much about hypnosis but I really think that I'm actually one of the more succeptable types. Put a fireplace in front of me and watch me zone out instantly. Play with my hair for longer than half a second and.....OMG my hair is my cryptonite.

Counseling? Bah. I've had more than my share of conseling in my lifetime. I really and honestly don't think I need to pay someone to tell me what I already know. I smoke because my mother smoked. I smoke because back when I was a kid it wasn't a crime to smoke around kids and so I was raised that way. I already know for a fact that if I hadn't been raised in a smoking environment, I probably woldn't have smoked.



Substance abuse also came to play for awhile in my life. I've stopped doing other bad habits. Crack. In my late teens / early 20's I was addicted to crack cocaine. I was 5' 9" tall and weighed at my lowest, 99 pounds. When I stopped THAT habit? I simply walked away. I moved. Literally several states away. When AA talks about changing People Places and Things. I did all of it and was successrul. In fact, this month marks my 16 year mark for stopping cocaine. Yay me!



But with smoking, I can't do the things that have been successful in my life before. I have a child. I can't just pack my shit and hop a Greyhound and leave my life.



I think for me it has to come down to my willpower meeting straight on with my habit and my personality. Like a boxing match, my habit won't go down without a fight. But when it does.......WHEN it does, I'll be standing right there, my son's hand in mine, planting flowers in my honor. Dig?



Edited to add: Crack was a breeze. Compared to stopping smoking, crack was a walk in the park.

Joanna - posted on 10/01/2010

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I have a friend who did hypnosis and didn't touch a cigarette afterward.

Maybe just find a way to picture your son smoking each time you yourself want to smoke. Perhaps that mental image will be all you need to not smoke.

A few things that helped me quit were keeping my cigarettes in the most out of way spot I could (in a locked box in my car). If I wanted a cigarette, it was either walk down 2 flights of staris out to my car and unlock the box, or just find something else to keep me occupied. I also found a hobby that kept my hands busy - scrapbooking worked the first time I quit (I quit for over a year but started again after having bad PPD with my daughter), and the second time I quit with this pregnancy I took up sewing. I also chewed a LOT of straws.

I smoked from the time my daughter was about 3 months old until she was a little over 2. She saw me smoke through windows (I smoked on the patio when my husband was inside with her), and if she'd see a cigarette butt on the ground she'd say "mommy's ucky smoke." And now if she sees a smoke on the ground, she just says "ucky", no more mention of me. She may always have a mental image of it, but I think now that she's 3 it's been pushed away, or maybe she won't remember me as a smoker.

Good luck, and just do your best for your son, whether or not you quit smoking. You can see the harm it's doing and are trying to fix it, and I give you all the props in the world for wanting to do the best for him.

Sharon - posted on 10/01/2010

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Extreme situations call for extreme measures.

What about hypnosis treatment? I've known one person who had to try it. She'd been a heavy chain smoker for over 40 years and could not do it on her own. She tried hypnosis and it worked. She quit 100%.

What about counseling?

Kate CP - posted on 10/01/2010

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My daughter will pretend to smoke straws and pretzels after spending some time with my mother or MIL who both smoke. It IS heartbreaking to watch and it makes me angry...but I digress. I used to smoke. I quit when I got engaged because I never wanted pictures of me fat and smoking on my wedding day (instead I have a picture of me skinny and having an asthma attack :P ). What helped me was Wellbutrin but also to take frequent showers and drink lots of water. That helps flush the toxins and nicotine out of your system and the showers rinse it from your skin and keep you from getting the crawlies. Walking also helped (or another form of working out) and also just keeping my mind on the prize: smoke free on my wedding day. I admit that I still have relapses during times of stress (when my MIL was in the hospital for a brain injury, when my house was being renovated for foundation work, etc etc) but I know in the back of my mind that it's just a mile stone, a bump in the road, and I'll get over it. And I always do. Its a lifestyle change which means that you'll "relapse" a few times but don't beat yourself up over it. Shit happens and it's just another step in the right direction. :)

Morgan - posted on 10/01/2010

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do you have the Nicorate Inhaler where you live?
They are really great. I never smoked after my daughter, I quit because my husband and I agreed I needed to be smoke free a whole year before we even started trying, I wanted a family and that was enough motivation for me :)
dont beat your self up about it, at least you can look at that and know its time to change, I know people who would have laughed and grabbed a camera.
Good for you for even trying and good luck

[deleted account]

I'm sorry I can't give you the answer you are looking for since I've never been a smoker, but I wanted to wish you TONS of luck!! I also wanted to say that while you may remember that image of your son forever.... if you are successful at quitting... he won't remember it. :)

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