!!!PORN!!

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 07/23/2010 ( 50 moms have responded )

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Men who look at Porn!

I choose men as the center of this topic because they do tend to look at it more then women do.

Many of us are wives, and Girlfriends or have been.

How do you feel about men looking at porn while they have a spouse, or partner. Im talking about they go online and have movies as well. Would you be jealous, or do you feel that it is wrong that they would look at such things (other then you) or maybe you enjoy it with him as well.

PRO-PORN or HELL NO FOR PORN

(My opinion) I can understand that some women can get very jealous of there husbands looking at women who (according to society are perfect, and beautiful) Some men can simply enjoy porn and it doesn’t become a problem, others become addicted and it becomes a problem in their everyday life and/or relationship. I don’t think it’s wrong as long as it doesn’t become a problem………..

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sharon - posted on 07/26/2010

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I already gave my opinion on porn - but I wanted to mention that your screaming in headlines is fucking annoying.

IF screaming has become appropriate my new signature will be to start every post with

!@!@!@!@! MOTHER FUCKER !@!@!@!@! I'm just saying. Its your signature but can't you just save that screaming shit for your family?

Tara - posted on 07/25/2010

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@Michelle, and anyone else who might feel the same way as her.
"I suppose i feel that i will never be able to compete as in look like the women in these movies ect and i don't want my husband to feel he's missing out on something. It really does make me feel insecure"

Two things to remember here.

1. Your husband (unless he is one very attractive, wealthy and single man) can not now nor will ever be able to "get" or "bag" one of those girls in porn, hollywood, magazine covers etc.
2. He is YOUR husband for a reason, he loves you. And he married you or is with you because of who you are, and wouldn't trade your personality, love and affection for any "starlet" or "harlot". It's all a very simple process for them. Arousal is different in many ways for us. They can get a hard on from looking at a set of nice tits, we need a little more mental or emotional stimulus. It's their brain and how it's wired.
Don't be insecure. They love YOU, porn is just for fun for most men, no big deal at all. And for the record, they truly don't get it when women say porn makes them feel insecure. Really they don't. Mostly because it doesn't make sense to them because of my #1. And they know it.
:)Tara
relax, put on some porn that suits your tastes and see what happens.
oh and btw, there is porn out there for EVERY taste and style,

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 07/24/2010

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@Marina
Fist I would like to sincerely apologize to you, for feeling as if im shouting at you with my Headlining posts. The reason why I post my headlines with !!!!!!!!!! is because that is kinda like my signature mark.
I for one, don’t always look at peoples names and faces, I first look at what they have as there headline….im sure other people do it as well. So if I continue to do it this way…off top, just simply seeing my headline, they will know its more then likely !!ME!!!
Secondly I am part of a site dedicated to debating EVERYTHING one might have on their mind. So some of our hot topics I bring over here…and why not…is this group not for that
In the heading Description this is what it says: a place for mum's to debate issues, from mothering issues to current affairs......just keep it polite people!! :)

It’s your opinion that my “controversial” post are not “Warranted”
But to me the post that I posted are issues in someone’s life, good or bad, and if not im sure they have an opinion on the matter.
Debating and/or bringing up certain topics will indeed ruffle someone’s feathers…like your own…but hey that will happen…*shrug*
Last, but not least…if you can’t stand me posting issues that are not “Warranted” don’t click on it….

Oh, and you can post your own.

Jackie - posted on 07/28/2010

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OK so it seems she took the citisism pretty well and I think she got the point. Can we stop beating a dead dog here?

As for the OP, I don't have a problem with it in my current relationship. He watches it with out me and I'm ok with it. But different relationships can bring out different aspects of everything. I think it all depends on the inner workings of the relationship whether it poses a problem or not.

For instance, if you are in a relationship with a person that makes you feel insecure about yourself, chances are, porn could cause a problem. But if you feel secure in your relationship then watching a lil porn shouldn't be a problem.

Jenny - posted on 07/26/2010

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I enjoy porn with or without my partner. I do understand many women view it as cheating but I think that's more of a self esteem issue which you can not expect your partner to cure for you. If it's an addiction that's another story but recreational porn or masturbation is no problem at all.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

50 Comments

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Stifler's - posted on 08/01/2010

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I think some people don't realise that all caps means they are screaming.

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 07/28/2010

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I got that the first time.....and I just wanted to pull you in on MY topics.... :-)

Sharon - posted on 07/28/2010

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its the ALL CAPS and the !!! ___________ !!!!!! that are irritating.

Most of the women here - most - not ALL - are thoughtful and thorough and scan all the subjects looking for interesting topics. Your topics have been good and therefore commented on, NOT because you're screaming at us.

We are not the degenerate brain dead fatheads you're used to dealing with on other forums (no names mentioned).

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 07/27/2010

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Hahahahahahah yall are funny!!!…………but sure I can calm it down…how bout !! instead of !!! or maybe just one ! ;p

@Sharon if that is what you would want your new signature to be….why not put it???? Unless it’s attacking someone that is……………

Charlie - posted on 07/26/2010

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yeah i like your threads but i dont appreciate the yelling in caps and overuse of exclamations , a little internet etiquette is all that is needed .

Isobel - posted on 07/26/2010

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I agree...the !!!!! ALL CAPS AND !!!!! is making me a little crazy too...could we let that go?

Isobel - posted on 07/26/2010

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For those who believe that Porn is harmful and derogatory to women in general...It is one of only two industries in the world where women consistently earn more than men...just sayin ;)

Jenny - posted on 07/26/2010

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I'm pretty sure you'll have no objection that child porn is wrong. That is a whole world of fucked up and not even in the same ballpark as consensual adult porn.

[deleted account]

I have no worries with porn.
What I do object to is child porn. I assume the women who are in porn movies etc are there because they have chosen to be. Not so with children. And I think there is something sick about men who get their jollies looking at kids.

Stifler's - posted on 07/26/2010

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Ooh Amie that sounds like a good idea (the boudoir photos!). I don't have a problem with porn at all. I watch it more than him to tell the truth and it's probably caused problems from my side because I wish he lasted as long as those guys.

Amie - posted on 07/26/2010

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I have no issue with porn. My husband has a bunch of magazines in his bedside table. We have movies somewhere too. I've even had boudoir photos done for him and gave them to him as his wedding gift.

It's never bothered me, it's never affected our sex life in the least. Though I have no problem talking to him about anything, our sex life included in that. It's a quick substitute for when I'm unavailable (or he is lol).

I don't think I've ever been with anyone who hasn't watched porn honestly. It's just honestly never bothered me. The only time I had an issue with the sex life with an ex was my oldest twos father, he was a real cheater though. He didn't watch porn that often, he preferred to go find real women to mess around with. /:) That's a whole other can of worms though and has nothing to do with porn.

Krista - posted on 07/26/2010

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I think the only way that porn would make me feel insecure would be if there was a recurrent theme to it. For example, if my husband had a thing for Asian porn and was constantly watching that and neglecting me (or worse, always asking me to wear a black wig...), then yes, I might wonder if he is satisfied with his decidedly non-Asian wife.

But other than that, I really don't think that men lust after the women in the movies. Heck, if you asked half of them what these women look like above the neck, they probably wouldn't be able to tell you.

Jenny - posted on 07/26/2010

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Why exactly does it bother you? Why does it make you uncomfortable? Low-esteem is the definition for being insecure. Outside sources are not blame for how one reacts to them, the reaction comes from within.


Main Entry: in·se·cure
Pronunciation: \ˌin-si-ˈkyu̇r\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Medieval Latin insecurus, from Latin in- + securus secure
Date: 1649
1 : not confident or sure : uncertain
2 : not adequately guarded or sustained : unsafe
3 : not firmly fastened or fixed : shaky
4 a : not highly stable or well-adjusted b : deficient in assurance : beset by fear and anxiety

Shelley - posted on 07/26/2010

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Jenny,
I think you can feel uncomfortable and insecure in a particular situation without having a self esteem issue. Not everyone would think that using visual stimulation of another woman in order to masterbate is cheating but for me in my relationship i think that it is. Thats not a self esteem issue its just an oppinion.

Danielle - posted on 07/26/2010

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No issues here...as long as I'm getting laid he can watch it whenever he wants,

Jane - posted on 07/26/2010

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I'm not sure PRO-PORN is my feeling but as long as it doesn't become a problem, I don't see it as an issue. I have been known, with my husband, on many ocassions through our relationship (14 years now), for the fun of it, to watch porn to spice up our sex life. We are very opened with eachother with regards to sex and have, quite frankly, an amazing sex life...we are VERY compatable in that respect and porn can be a fun thing.

If a man chooses porn over his woman, that's when it's a huge problem but in normal amounts, it's fine and dandy.

Lucy - posted on 07/26/2010

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I have no objection to porn in regards to relationships, jealousy etc, I think a solid relationship should be able to withstand it and benefit from it as long as it isn't a secret thing that separates the couple. We are all sexual beings, and all our tastes are different, so, hey, whatever floats your boat.

However, I do have objections with regards to the porn industry, and the way it operates virtually unchecked in many countries. Like a lot of our luxury products, when we click a link or by a porn DVD we generally have no idea where it comes from. How old are the participants? Were they coerced? Were they properly paid? What other projects are you supporting through your financial support (A lot of porn, especially on the internet, is thoroughly intertwined with organised crime)? There are areas in Russia and Eastern Europe (and probably plenty of other places) where porn and prostitution go hand in hand, and women who try to escape poverty this way find themselves in a vicious cycle of abuse. I am not okay with the possibility that my hard earned money, or my whim as I browse the internet, could support something I find abhorrent.

Having said that, there are emerging porn production companies in the UK, US and Canada, among others, which pride themselves on good pay and conditions and are run primarily by women. there are also conventions for "home made" porn enthusiasts, which I think is a really great idea.

So my view on it is, porn is okay by me, but source your porn ethically!

Jessica - posted on 07/25/2010

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Hmm... friends and I used to watch porn in college for entertainment- its plain FUNNY! Haven't seen a wide variety but I always wondered how people even got off from it, just because its so goofy! I'm neither for nor against it, honestly.

September - posted on 07/25/2010

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I enjoy porn and so does my husband. We are secure enough with ourselves and our relationship that there is no reason for us not to enjoy a good porn from time to time. It's not something that we indulge in all the time but we have and I'm sure we will again. I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. I've been with my husband for 15 years and our sex life continues to be amazing! I love to explore new things sexually with my husband..I think it's honestly what keeps the flame going! Who wants the same ol same ol all the time? Not me and not my husband. We keep each other happy and really that's all that matters!

Jacquie - posted on 07/25/2010

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I encourage my boyfriend to use porn when he needs to. As long as it doesn't take over my role in our relationship whats the big deal? I can't have sex because of things having to do with the pregnancy and I understand how hard that is so I encourage him to use porn when needed and what he does with his own time is not really my business as long as it's not something that he would be ashamed to tell me about or have to lie about later.

[deleted account]

Tara, on your #2 point.... my ex may have looked at porn earlier in our marriage, but he didn't bring it IN to our marriage until he already hated me and was planning on leaving me.... he just didn't tell ME that for a couple of more months..

Rosie - posted on 07/25/2010

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i'd also like to add to that tara, lol! there were some on here that said theyh don't mind it when they are looking at it with their husband, but don't like it when their husband does it without them. i'm not trying to tell anybody how to feel, that's not my intention, just to bring a new perspective on this subject. ;) for ME, when i look at porn, i'm not looking at it thinking about the actor or actresses in the film and wishing they were doing sexual things to me. it's not like i fantasise about them touching me. i think about my husband doing those things to me, or if i'm by myself sometimes i think about the act itself, no other person involved at all, happening to me. there is no third party involved when i look at it, so why would i think there is when my husband looks at it? :)

Tara - posted on 07/25/2010

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Pro-Porn here.
We both love our sex life, we both have great orgasms, we both enjoy "spicing" things up. And we both like porn, alone and together.
My hubby has a very high sex drive, so do I when I'm not nursing a baby (damn hormones!). So if he wants to watch porn, masturbate and get off while I'm asleep that's absolutely fine with me!!! Glad he doesn't feel neglected and can find ways to entertain himself when I'm not willing or unavailable.
And sometimes I like porn just cause it's something different. Even though we have a great sex life, we also like our personal sex life. Meaning we like to have our own private time to please ourselves!
It keeps things fresh and fun and open in our relationship.
:)Tara
I do think some men and some women use porn as a way to find something they don't have in their relationship. But I also think way too many women are insecure about their husbands watching porn. It's not like the guy actually wants to have sex with the porn star, they just like watching!!

[deleted account]

Michelle - there is a whole world of porn with pretty much any type of porn you can think of - it is not all abusive and degrogatory far from it actually.

Aura - The way I look at it is porn is a fantasy and my hubby/ I do not wish that we were really having sex with the people in them (it would horrify me if I had to have sex with a porn star - their penises are far too big) and neither of us compare the other to porn stars we love each other with all our faults. Porn just adds to our sex life occasionally. We have no marriage issues just a slightly adventurous sex life which adds to our marriage. As the others have said it is about balance we make love without using porn far more than we do using it. :-)

Shelley - posted on 07/25/2010

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i don't like porn maybe its just the few bits and pieces i've seen but i find it gross and from what i've seen abusive and derogatory towards women.
Is there something i'm missing or is it all pretty much the same?
I suppose i feel that i will never be able to compete as in look like the women in these movies ect and i don't want my husband to feel he's missing out on something. It really does make me feel insecure

Meghan - posted on 07/24/2010

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um I am going to read too much into this cause that's how I roll!
I think it depends on the relationship and people involved. I normally wouldn't care. Do what you do. But my ex dated and made a big deal about strippers and porn stars (yes, red flag, red flag) so for US (me) it was a huge insercurity...and really I thnk that it will carry on into my future relationships-whenever the hell that happens!

[deleted account]

My beliefs..... Porn brings a 'third party' into the relationship and has no appropriate place in a marriage.

ME - posted on 07/24/2010

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I don't mind porn, but only if he watches it with me...it makes me feel like he's avoiding me, and using attractions to other women to get off if he watches without me...this hurts my feelings more than anything else he could possibly do to me, and he continues to do it...

[deleted account]

Well, this is going to be out of the recurrent feeling of the post, but I hate porn. I feel it is an unnecessary product of the need for sex to be about lust and not love. A man, or woman, in a relationship should not feel the need to look at porn in order to have sex with their spouse. If you need porn to get turned on, maybe you should be taking a second look at your marriage.



Having said that, I know that some people are okay with it or enjoy it to "enhance" their sexual experience. I'm not one of them, but it's okay for you, I don't care. Thankfully, this is a topic that my husband and I agree on.



Edited to add: I don't mean any disrespect if you are one of the people that use it to get turned on. It was just my feelings on the matter and I usually only apply that to my own relationship. I don't judge!

Rosie - posted on 07/24/2010

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so marina are you going to actually contribute to the conversation, or just complain over nothing?.....

as to the topic, I LOVE PORN!!! lol! i love watching porn with or without my husband. couldn't care less. it would only be a problem if one of us were to let it interfere with things, and since it doesn't, i'll be watching my porn for many more years! :)

Johnny - posted on 07/24/2010

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Ditto to what Laura said. I've got no problems with my husband looking at porn. He doesn't do it all that often, and usually it's just when I'm busy and he eventually shows up begging for it at some point. So it actually is probably good for our sex life. I did have an ex who sat at home on his days off watching porn, smoking, and eating McDonalds. Ugh!

Isobel - posted on 07/24/2010

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I have no issues with porn...except when it becomes a problem (and it CAN become a problem) my ex did nothing but smoke pot and watch porn...it was kinda gross actually.

Joanna - posted on 07/24/2010

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I wish my husband would look at more porn and leave me alone sometimes, lol. I personally love porn and know he looks at it sometimes, but I look at it way more, just out of interest if anything. I don't compare myself to any of them, and doubt my husband ever has either. It's just a fantasy.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/24/2010

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3 just yesterday. I came to this forum for real life debates...not people yelling a word for attention, and to see how many feathers they ruffle.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/24/2010

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It seems to me that you simply want to debate everthing possible. You shout out a word to make a ripple. I don't feel like you are putting actual thought or feeling into your reasoning. I don't understand why you are doing this. It seems like everyday I am seeing a new controversial post from you that is not warranted...

Krista - posted on 07/24/2010

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I have no issues with it, as long as it doesn't detract from our own sex life together. Heck, there have been times when I've used it, just as a "quick-fix" way to relieve tension or stress. (I also used it a lot at the end of my pregnancy when I was trying to naturally induce labour -- I'd read that the uterine contractions could trigger labour. It didn't work, but I at least had fun trying!)

Charlie - posted on 07/24/2010

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Pro porn , i have no issues and in fact indulge in watching porn myself .

It's fantasy and a simple visual aid , mostly its hilarious and we enjoy it together , i dont think any one comfortable in their relationship or their own skin should have an issue with porn , its a bit of fun unless it becomes an addiction for those easily addicted to the sort but for those who watch it without a need for it its entertainment .

[deleted account]

Pro-porn. I have no issues with porn or my hubby looking at porn because I know he finds me attractive and sexy. We enjoy occasionally watching it together to add some spice to our sex life and give it a new dimension. I do not care if my hubby watches porn on his own (couldn't tell you if he does because it makes no difference to our relationship). I think that the women who have issues with porn are generally women with self esteem and self worth issues.

[deleted account]

Pro-porn here. Or maybe ambivalent is a more accurate term regarding my partner looking at porn. I enjoy watching porn with him. I couldn't care less if/when he watches it by himself. I know it isn't an issue in our relationship so I don't have a problem with it. I know that porn, masturbation etc are often more than just sexual acts, sometimes they provide release, stress relief, sometimes it is a distraction, a curiosity etc etc. I don't get jealous or insecure about it. Hell, sometimes I like to masturbate too. I like my privacy. I don't always want my partner to be part of it. I afford my partner the same right and respect to his body as I ask for my own. If that means he looks at porn, so be it. At least I know he has good taste (because he comes back to me, ha ha) and we have a great sex life. If porn started to impact on our relationship or our sex life, I might have a different opinion.

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