Pornography

[deleted account] ( 36 moms have responded )

I have discussed this with my husband and my mother on a few occasions, and have encountered this topic many times with friends whose boyfriends or husbands have viewed pornography in some degree. I have also seen this topic be brought up in other threads, but I don't think the thread was specifically about pornography. I often find I am alone in my opinion on it, and I would like to see how others would answer the following question.

In your own, honest, justifiable opinion, while keeping in mind that men and women's brains process information differently...

Is there any difference between a man looking at pictures of naked or scantily clad women in a magazine, and a woman reading through a graphic sex scene from a romance novel?

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JuLeah - posted on 10/25/2010

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Yes and no. When reading, and yes most women are more verbal, we are reading a story that came out of the authors head.
When watching porn, we maybe looking at 15 year olds in heavy makeup. We maybe watching girls who were not given a choice.
So, know your source. But adults who opt to act in porn and are there of their own free will ..... I don't have an issue with that.
In fact, I think, if porn were geared towards women, we might like it too. But, it is writen by and for men, so doesn't do much for me.
I am a lesbian, so one might think I'd like what a man likes, but shaved, made up, implanted, inhanced, stupid sounding, weak acting females don't turn me on. In fact, hummm, this might be another topic, but I have always wondered why men are not attracted to women. They (NOT ALL) seem to be attracted to weak, decortative, high healed, soft, perfumed, implanted, slower, not as smart ..... but not women. Women are powerful, strong, bright, fast, able ..... and we tend to frighten the guys. My sister says real men are not afraid of women :) so she refers to the fellow that are as 'guys'

Lucy - posted on 10/25/2010

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Morally, emotionally, psychologically, no difference at all in my book.

The difference for me comes with the exploitative nature of the porn industry. Sure, plenty of porn involves willing adults who have chosen to do it, for what ever reason. But because of the largely unregulated nature of the porn industry, particularly on the internet, you can never be sure of the ethical origins of what you are watching. It's much harder to exploit a fictional character in a book!

So, if my bloke were to watch porn it wouldn't be our relationship I would be worried about, but the potential exploitation of those IN the porn. If it's, say, home made by enthusiastic amateurs or made by one of the ethical, female run porn production companies that are appearing these days, so you can be confident about where it's come from, I have no problem with it. But that's how I feel about most consumer commodities. I hate that people don't think or care about who may have suffered to provide their luxuries, whether that be porn, designer clothing, cosmetics or what ever.

[deleted account]

I figured, since I posted this topic, I ought to put my two cents in eventually. I'm glad to find I'm not entirely alone, though.

On the OP: No, I see no difference. One may be actual people but they are actors who choose to be filmed showing off their bods or getting it on with other people. The other may be an imaginary scene but it's based off something that has happened to the writer or happens every day in real life. So essentially, I don't think I can say one is definitely without question REAL while the other is definitely without question FAKE. Making a statement like "one is real and one isn't" and leaving it at that is invalid and seems like a cop-out when I asked for a justifiable opinion, meaning justify it.

My opinion on others' responses: I think we went from naughty pictures in Sports Illustrated to all-out sex on camera. Wasn't exactly the point, but regardless...

Looking at porn is not cheating. The women who think so are probably jealous and insecure when they shouldn't be. If your man looks at or watches porn but still has sex with you, what are you complaining about? People can like more than one body type, just like they can like more than one color of the rainbow or flavor of ice cream. Now, if it affects his ability or want to perform in the bedroom with you, I might get worried.

The men and women in the porn industry choose to be in it. They are actors. They get paid. If they didn't want to do it they wouldn't be in it. As for teenagers in home videos, they probably chose to do it too unless they were filmed unknowingly. But they still performed the act, and unless they were raped it's still their choice. If they were raped, then it's a crime and there's evidence and the rapist can go to jail. If my daughter grows up and makes some ameature porn in her teens, I will be very disappointed in her. But if she decides to do that after she's moved out and is 18 or older, that's her decision. As for people being forced into it, I'm sure they know where the police department is and they can go there or somewhere similar for help.

My daughter is going to have sex someday and I'm not going to be able to stop it if I tried, and it would be hypocritical of me to even try. If she wants to film it, she better be eighteen or over. If she gets forced into it or into filming it and tells me or daddy about it, the kid who does it better hide his ass cuz I'll f*cking skin it and hand it back to him.

There was something else I wanted to comment on but I'm running on very little sleep and a lot of back pain so I think I'll leave it at that. I may come back to it later, but probably not.

Charlie - posted on 10/28/2010

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Well obviously we wouldnt watch porn with our own children in it ,of course it would make you sick 0_o

Everyone in the world is someones relative , i have no problem watching Jenna Jamison do her thing , i know she enjoys it , she has built a blue chip fourtune 500 empire out of it so no i dont feel sorry for her or the likes of Ron Jeremy or Jesse Jane , they chose this profession and from their own mouths ( biographies , interveiws ) enjoy their work .

What is it to anyone else whether they do it for money or not , i bet most people work in jobs they hate because of money .

You know i highly doubt my boys will become porn stars .so i really dont think its an issue for me to worry about my kids .

Jenn - posted on 10/25/2010

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One is real and one isn't. Now that I've answered your question, I would like to say that I have no real problem with looking at porn, as long as it doesn't become an obsession.

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Kimberly - posted on 10/29/2010

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I can't even watch the cheesy plots. They are too dorky. If i'm watching porn it's not going to be to make me laugh. GET TO GETTIN IT!

Serena - posted on 10/28/2010

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With three kids to take care of all day, I don't have time for a book to get me in the mood. Porn gets straight to the point or so in the first 5 minutes minus the cheesy plot that can make for a good laugh or two.

Jenni - posted on 10/28/2010

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Karen, we're not talking about kiddie porn are we????
I hate to burst your bubble but when your kids are adults they WILL be getting someone off.
Angel brings up an interesting point about couples making videos. I'm curious to know how many of us have taped ourselves whether it be with our partner or solo. I imagine a lot of couples have experimented with the camera. So... I guess all of us who have are pornstars in our own right. ;)
I'm also pretty sure if you're a good-looking chickie men get off secretly to you all the time. Whether you want them to or not!
Anyways... I was an adult entertainer in one chapter of my life. So i'd probably have some pretty good tips for my son or daughter if they decided to get into the Bizz. ;)

Angel - posted on 10/28/2010

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Well put Loureen.

I used to be an exoctic dancer and a few of my friends did porn movies on the side. They said they loved having sex, so why not get paid for something they loved doing. I think there would still be porn movies if no one got paid. How many couples have made their own porn? None of them get paid for it. Everyone gets off on someone, whether they make movies or not, how else are people born? I don't know anybody that just has sex for the purpose of procreation. People have sex to get off and when my son grows up someone will be getting off on him/with him. If my son were to be a porn star I would say "right on, go for it, but let me know what they are called so I don't watch them". LOL

[deleted account]

If my son grows up and decides he wants to be a porn star I'm not going to stop him, so bloody what. As long as he is safe and happy then WHY should it concern me?

Karen - posted on 10/28/2010

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Sorry i have very strong opinions against pornography, for two reasons,,, Firstly,,,,,I dont agree with any kind, i always say to people who watch these movies,,,,,, How would you feel if that was your child and people were getting of on them, it makes me feel sick. Everyone of these people are somones relative. some people choose this life style,some people dont have a say. As a parent of a son and daughter, i would feel physically sick if anyone got of on my children........
I think there is a big difference in pictures and stories,pictures for theabove reason, and stories is all in the imagination, which hurts no one, personally i have never read a book explaining graphic scenes and nor have i seen a porn film, neither would interest me, i think the only reason people do these films is the money !!!!!,,, if the money wasnt there, would there be many porn films,,, i doubt it,,,,,, Easy money.
i apologise i just have such strong opinions against porn.

Rebecca - posted on 10/27/2010

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They're the same in my opinion.

My boyfriend and I watch porn together, so I obviously have no problem with it... I'm PRETTY sure our daughter was made on one of those porn-filled evenings. lol.

Jenni - posted on 10/26/2010

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Ya i've never read a romance novel.... ever. When I think of the term "romance novel" I think of Fabio getting smoked in the face with a goose.
I watch porn, my husband watches porn. Sometimes together sometimes by ourselves. He works 12 hours a day and I'm home alone a lot at night. When he's on nights he's awake all night on his days off and I'm asleep b/c i have to wake up early. So we're not always at each others disposal when we get that urge.
I actually think i watch more than him. I think he gets a little jealous... not of the porn but that he can't be with me at that time. ;)

Rosie - posted on 10/26/2010

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porn is my friend lately. i am very visual as well, and women happen to be my biggest visual stimulant, sooooo since i don't have a woman, porn is GREAT!! (imagine that in the tony the tiger voice)

[deleted account]

Big difference in my mind. The women in the magazines are real. The people in books...well we have to use our imaginations to "see" them. I guess though, to compare the principal of the two, it would all depend on how steamy the book is. I have a book that I read from time to time that isn't graphic at all but it still gives me a little tingle here and there. I've read passages from some books though that were so....descriptive and raunchy that I could feel myself turning 15 shades of red. At least with the novels, there's a story line and a plot. The magazines are just pure nudity for the sake of nudity.

C. - posted on 10/26/2010

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Ok.. Now that I re-read the OP AFTER I had some sleep..

No, I don't believe there is a difference at all. Looking at it and thinking about it is all the same to me. You're still imagining it somehow, whether you have help with visuals or have to create the whole scene in your head.

Angel - posted on 10/26/2010

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I think there is no difference between the two. I prefer to watch porn than to read it. There are some women that are just as visually stimulated as men are, myself included. I watch it with or with out my honey. I don't get the whole watching porn is cheating thing. My honey said his ex would say that masterbating was cheating too. LMAO!!!! How do you cheat on someone with yourself LOL hahahah too funny!

C. - posted on 10/26/2010

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To me, it's the same as cheating. I might elaborate later.. Too tired to go into detail.

[deleted account]

There is no difference IMO, yes porn is actually a picture of a person but implicit sex scenes in books do far more for me than porn does, whereas the opposite can be said of my hubby - he needs to see it.

Porn in any form (legal porn) should not be a problem in a healthy relationship as long as it is not impeding that relationship.

Oh and as for men being attracted to slutty looking girls, my hubby has always said there are girls that you fantasize over and shag and there are girls who you marry and take home to mom, although that is not to say that men don't fantasize over the latter just in a diferent way.

Louise - posted on 10/26/2010

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I think men and women are very different and they are stimulated by things diffferently. A womans mind is stronger than a mans and a woman reading a sexual scene in a book would visualise it differently to a man and would probably be more stimulating to a woman. A picture of a woman with her chest out does not stimulate a woman at all. A picture of a fit bloke with his kit off we would say hes nice but nothing more. Men on the other hand are stimulated by pictures and videos. I think men get more out of porn. I don't have a problem with it personally as it is not real and can do no harm. The only time I would not like it is if it was disrupting a normal healthy sex life. If your bloke was jerking off over pictures and ignoring you then this is not healthy and needs discussing. Luckily my fella is not into porn and my adult sons do not have it in the house either or do they mention it. I may feel differently if they did.

Kimberly - posted on 10/25/2010

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The differences ultimately achieve the same result. I have no problem with porn as long as it isn't an addiction or replacing all intimacy between the couple.

Sal - posted on 10/25/2010

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as long as it is legal what ever rocks your boat, no difference i think between a sexy book and a movie, both are designed to get the same result, i was reading some threads on another page also where porn was mentioned as a BIG problem in a marriage, i understand the women to a point where it was a prob for her and her husband wouldn't or couldn't stop...that i was ok with she was really looking for help, but the reaction of some of the people was a little strange some who said that watching porn equated to cheating......and more who said that their husbands never....i mean never looked at it, is it just me or is that a little far fetched? It really makes me think about the saying he who yells the loudest has the most to hide.....here in australia recently one of our state pollies who for many many years has been the strictest moral campaigner was found to have thousands and thousands of down loads on his parlimentry computer, but he is against almost anything remotly sexual on tv.....

Guilia - posted on 10/25/2010

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I think at times we all look at it..there isn't anything wrong with it as long as they aren't doing anything illegal. Which I think looking at something else is, and I am sure you know what i am talking about..ahem, child pornography..but if a man or woman is looking at regular pornography but not obsessively, then there shouldn't be a problem. May they want to try something new? Or just curious? Magazines and novels are different but hey it does get people excited regardless..

Charlie - posted on 10/25/2010

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One is real one isnt .



Having said that i like porn we watch it very occasionally , not that often but its there and i dont mind , i will watch with or without him .



"but I have always wondered why men are not attracted to women. They (NOT ALL) seem to be attracted to weak, decortative, high healed, soft, perfumed, implanted, slower, not as smart ..... but not women. Women are powerful, strong, bright, fast, able ...."



I think thats a minority though .....well in my area it is , i have a lot of guy friends and to be honest they say those girls are good to look at and thats it some of them date these girls but it never becomes serious they have all but a few settled in with the "powerful, strong, bright, fast, able " women .



Different thread but yes i think men want to date girls and marry women :)

[deleted account]

Nope. I don't think either are ok. Not to say I've never read a sex scene before in my life, but I'm not going to try and justify it.

Jenn - posted on 10/25/2010

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Not all men are attracted to those kinds of women or else the rest of us would be single ;)

Dana - posted on 10/25/2010

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Yes, there is a difference between a book and an actual porn since one is real and one isn't. That being said, I don't have anything against any of it. We don't watch it, we've just never needed or wanted to.

Bonnie - posted on 10/25/2010

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I think there is a difference in the sense that when a woman reads a romance novel, she knows there will likely be sex scenes in it, but you have to use your imagination. When men watch porn, they know exactly what to expect the entire time and it will graphic.

Rosie - posted on 10/25/2010

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i really don't think there is a difference. sure one is an actual person, but that actual person is an actor. she's just pretending. if you find a porno you like, she-he can be pretending exactly like you like, and you get to actually see it. in a book, you get to envision whatever the hell you like. it's all good to me either way;P
i don't get the big deal about porn, unless of course it becomes an obsession. it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Sharon - posted on 10/25/2010

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Porn schmorn. I don't care. If I'm tired, sick whatever and can't/wont' have sex with him, let him have sex with himself while looking at some woman on tv.

99% of the time my hubby is who I want to have sex with. But once in a while, I see some other stud in my head. Once in a GREAT while I'll remember some other time in bed with a man that wasn't my hubby and I remember it as GOOD. I get turned on. Am I cheating on him?

[deleted account]

I think there's a huge difference between reading something and looking at something. But at the same time people can be satisfied sexual in both of those ways - it depends on the person. I don't have this problem as neither myself or my husband are remotely interested in porn. I used it before I met him, he hadn't. My view is that personally I get enough sexual needs from him and vice versa. I'd rather get on with the sex than watch other people have sex...it's just something I don't see an attraction with lol! People use it for different reasons though and that's their business. Each to their own, unless it's becoming an addiction and the relationship is suffering as a result =]

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