Problem that isnt really mine but am so mad about it i need advice

Kandace - posted on 08/09/2013 ( 15 moms have responded )

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A problem that has happened recently to a person very close to me has struck a nerve and im having a hard time keeping quiet about it. Here is a lay out of what is going on. Both wife and husband were in the air force and decided to have a child as that being said the wife stayed home and furthered her career in school while watching over the baby, the husband worked and went on deployments and training trips. just recently the wife took a trip to see her family obviously with the baby while the husband went on a training trip I think it was around 2 weeks. He got back on a planned date but she wanted to stay with her family one week more. now its been a month or longer and the wife has not returned home and the husband has yet to see his child. Taking a few steps back, as a mother I would think you would be their awaiting the man who is supporting you ad trusting you not to full around. but back to what I was saying the husband felt the same way I felt and it started an argument so she refused to come home and its been over a month. not to mention they have a one yr old that hasn't seen her dad!! his birthday is coming up and the only way he gets to see his child is if he travels to her ..... am I the only one who thinks this women is being absolutely selfish ????

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/12/2013

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Kandace, you are getting one side of the story. Your male relative may be feeding you sunshine and rainbows while he beats the shit out of her. You don't know.

All you can do is offer support. And encourage him to do something to fix the situation.

But, again, you only get the one side. Have you even bothered to contact the other party for their side? Probably not, because you are so full of "righteous indignation" for your relative that you aren't thinking straight.

But remember, there are TWO sides to this, and you really have no business in either of them. Like Little miss said, you can be supportive, you can offer a shoulder, but it is not yours to judge anyone's actions at this point. One thing you can do is pray for them to find a solution.

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Kandace - posted on 08/12/2013

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I have contacted the other side not on the phone like I have my brother. I thought this was a place for advice "little miss" but after I commented nicely about my situation you decided to blow up so its not the thread im pissed at its you. temper has definitely got the best of you. Ya there is two sides of the story I tried not to put to much info of them out there because it is their business and I will leave it at that. I for one know he doesn't beat her and that is the only thing I would agree with staying away. This is something different I will believe what I believe no more need for anyone elses advice thanks.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/12/2013

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It may not be the advice you wanted, which is quite clear, but you cannot dictate how people answer questions on here. You don't want any more responses? Close the thread.

It is her prerogative to go back home so she doesn't have to be alone for long stretches at a time. I am glad she is able to do that.

This husband needs to man up and go see his wife and kid. Otherwise he has no reason to complain if he is not making an effort. Stop polluting his mind with your own judgements, and let him be the husband and dad he chooses to be. :)

Kandace - posted on 08/12/2013

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Ya I did say he has been gone for a month when he leaves so does she she goes back to her family so she is not alone but for her to keep his child from him is not human but I don't think I need any more advice thank you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/12/2013

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No thanks, I don't want your prayers. For you to be so giving with your prayers, but to be judging this women so harshly.....rather ironic. And she was NOT previously living with her family. You told us that it has been about a month. Maybe she is tired of being alone. Regardless of your brother or whoever this is, serving his country, being a sahm is hard enough. Then never seeing your husband, well it takes a toll. So maybe open up your heart and prayers AND mind to what she is possibly going through, instead of judging her vehemently. You have no idea how her husband treats her, just what you are being told. A marriage happens behind closed doors, so don't assume you know how life is lived there.

Kandace - posted on 08/12/2013

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And I'm sorry he's serving this country so maybe you should rethink your logic

Kandace - posted on 08/12/2013

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Wow I feel bad for your children learning from a mom like you ill pray for you and you children !!!!!

Kandace - posted on 08/12/2013

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Wow ok you have no idea who I am or what I do. I'm a stay at home mom who homeschools so please if you have nothing nice to say don't bother saying anything at all. Not to mention this women lives with her family so I highly doubt it's as hard as you may think it is.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/12/2013

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Ok, first off being a stay at home mom is HARD ASS WORK! So do NOT down play that ONE FREAKING BIT!! You know what else is hard as hell??? Being a sahm with a husband that is never there. Seriously, you need to try to see this from both sides instead of judging so freely.

Kandace - posted on 08/12/2013

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He's in active duty she doesn't have anything just taking care of her child that's what makes me mad he shouldn't have to risk his job but I guess if he's the only one that wants it to be fixed then I agree with you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/12/2013

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Stay out of it, and encourage him to go see his kid. You can certainly be his shoulder to cry on, but he needs to go deal with his family, not you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/12/2013

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I am sure there is more to this story than you even know. He should go and see his child. Discuss his marriage with his wife, and figure out what they want to do as a couple.

Kandace - posted on 08/10/2013

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the wife is also where she grew up so all the people shes ever crushed on is there and people she has gone to highschool live there also just found out her parents that she lives with right now is divorced but live in the same house with their others ... the whole thing is throwing me off and its killing the husband who I am related to which in turns hurts me not to mention the baby what could this be doing to her.

Chet - posted on 08/10/2013

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I suspect there is more to this story. Maybe the mom is being selfish, maybe she's avoiding her husband and problems in her relationship, maybe something is going on in her family that she doesn't want to talk about, it's hard to say. Things don't add up though.

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