psych appointment advice

Ella - posted on 07/28/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I lost my post so this is the second time Im writing but I had my first psychologist appointment the other day I thought they were meant to be more friendly as Ive seena phychiatrist before and he was really nice and someone told me this appintment would be more about introductions but he didnt do that and he is more professional (maybe thats normal?) and he asked me straight out as soon as I got in why I was there and he wanted to know what mys ex life is like with my husband I told him we dont have sex not in the past 3 months and when he found out I was sexually abused he wanted to know if there was intercourse and then what other things happened that I didnt tell the police and I dont see the relevance to if there was sex involved why does it matter? I think its hard to talk about things from my past and I dont know why it has to be brought up into that much details should I go to another session or find someone new Im paying good money for this and want it to work

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Carolee - posted on 07/29/2011

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Find another one. If you're not comfortable with the person, don't share information and find yet another one until you find one that fits you.

As far as the sexual abuse... I have been abused in almost every way, so I understand. It DOES have (and always has had) a negative effect on more than just my sex life. It needs to be talked about and worked through, but it has to be done with someone you TRUST. You cannot trust (especially after abuse) just anybody, and never right away.

This psychologist might be a good fit for somebody else, but definately not for you. If you doubt them, find another.

Krista - posted on 07/29/2011

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Yeah, it sounds like this psychologist just isn't a good fit for you. That aspect of your life SHOULD be explored (it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that your past abuse might be a contributing factor to your existing situation), but it seems like this guy came barreling out of the gates a little too quickly -- a good therapist should work on building trust with you before delving into something so personal.

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Ella - posted on 07/31/2011

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thanks the refferal slipped my mind I will ring some places tomorrow and get the costs and everything then work on getting another referall or a copy

Stifler's - posted on 07/31/2011

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Be honest and tell them how you feel and tell them everything on your mind. It's confidential, they aren't going to discuss it with anyone else. Ask for a copy of your referral and ring the other people on the list if you don't like this one.

Valerie - posted on 07/29/2011

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it is normal for them to ask you why you are there and depending on how this appointment was set up and what was brought up at that time, the rest may be normal too...if you find it too invasive let him know...the details matter sometimes...try to trust and work with this person if you want help..

Tara - posted on 07/29/2011

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You need to find someone who you feel comfortable with and you may end up feeling that way with this person, but it might take time. You may also feel more comfortable with a woman if you were sexually abused by a man who was any kind of authority figure in your life such as a parent, step parent, teacher etc.
I went through 3 psychiatrists before I found one I like and felt comfortable talking to, and we didn't get into any details about my childhood sexual abuse until I had been seeing him for about 2 months every week. He waited for me to be ready. And even then, what I told him was only what I was ready to tell him, he never pressed for more details.
Sounds like the one you saw isn't right for you, he seems to lean toward a more "gestalt" style of therapy. Which is quite forceful and aggressive, not necessarily what a sexual abuse victim needs.
Good Luck.

Gina - posted on 07/29/2011

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You have to find someone you feel comfortable with and it doesn't sound like this doctor. It's really hard to talk about abuse so you need someone you feel you can open up to,someone who will put you at ease first before getting into the deep things.
It took me a few times to find someone I can open up to,I wasn't ready to be pushed to talk and yeah it took time but I was lucky my psychologist was very patient.
Maybe like Jane said you'll be better off with a psychologist, unless you need a psychiatrist for medication.
Good luck Ella.

Aleks - posted on 07/29/2011

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What ever Krista E has said. She is spot on. I would have said the same thing but she has beaten me to it :-)

Carolee - posted on 07/29/2011

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Whoever gave you the original referal should be able to give you more until you find a good fit.

Ella - posted on 07/29/2011

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thanks I'll make some calls to the other numbers I have but then I need another refferal right?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/29/2011

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Yeah, I gotta agree with Jane. It sounds like this psychologist might not be the right fit with you. I have heard that you so go on an "interview" session with a few to find out which one you feel the most comfortable with, because you tend to talk about A LOT of personal things that you would not want to share with someone you don't feel safe with.

About your sex abuse, I am sorry you suffered from that, but the reality is, it may be effecting your sex life, or different areas in your life. Talking about it with a professional may help. What the hell do I know though, I have never been abused, but I do know talking about your problems can help. I truly wish you the best of luck in finding the right match.

Jane - posted on 07/29/2011

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Just because you have an appointment with a psychiatrist doesn't mean he is the right one for you. It sounds as if you need a different psychiatrist. You might also consider a psychologist instead. They are usually better at being "talking doctors" than psychiatrists are. The main advantage of a psychiatrist is simply that they have an MD and so can prescribe medication directly. A psychologist can recommend that you ask your psychiatrist for specific medications but cannot prescribe them.

As to whether your sex life, past and present, is relevant, that depends on why you are going to see the psychiatrist. Yes, it can be very hard to talk about your past, but sometimes you need to so you can forgive yourself or the person who hurt you, or so you can figure out why you do what you do so you can change. However, if this doctor doesn't feel right to you, he isn't the one you should be going to.

Bear in mind that psychiatrists are people just like you, except some of them are crazier than their patients. We had one like that - she threatened us with CPS if we didn't follow her recommendations to the letter, she broke confidentiality by sharing information about other patients with us, she had a screaming fight with her lover in the lobby of the local psych hospital and lost her privileges there, and she abandoned her practice, leaving a prescription pad with her secretary and vanishing, so she lost her medical license.

OTOH, the psychiatrist we have now is mostly just for prescription medications, while the real talking is done with our psychologist.

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