puberty, masturbation and kids

Tara - posted on 10/13/2011 ( 73 moms have responded )

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When talking to your kids about puberty do you/would you/will you discuss masturbation with them? Boys and Girls?
In what context?
How much detail will you be comfortable giving?
Will it be a different sort of talk for your girls than for your boys?

Personally,
I talk to all my kids about masturbation before they hit puberty, as in "It's ok to touch yourself in your private places, but it's something you do in a private place".
When they are older and hit puberty the talk is more personal. It takes on a different level of self awareness and self appreciation especially for girls.
Often boys are told or are expected to masturbate as part of being a boy... built in toys and all..
But girls are not usually thought of as sexual beings that way. They are often thought of as "waiting" for sexuality to happen to them, from some external influence.
I want my girls to know that self pleasuring is not only okay, but can be a rewarding way to deal with the longings of puberty and early relationships. It's much safer and allows a girl to discover things about her own body that she likes etc.

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Merry - posted on 10/13/2011

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I think ideally sex should wait for marriage and honestly idk how anyone could wait that long without masterbation without serious mental damage like my friend disgusted by her own body. So if the choice is masterbation or sex, I'll encourage masterbation :):)

Merry - posted on 10/13/2011

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I was raised that masterbation was a sin and it was assumed that only boys were tempted to sin.
So not only did I believe I was a sin but I also believed I was the only girl in the world who did this.
So while I stll don't exactly know where I stand religiously on it I know I want to avoid anything to repeat my experience.
I have a friend who is 25, never dated, and has never master aged. She was raised like me.
I want to avoid that!
So I think we will just say that's for private places so go to your room. I will let our kids privacy and I think I'll say it's fine. But I do think boys or girls getting aroused by looking at naked people is wrong.
Idk I have some time to figure it out but I know it's going to be an important conclusion.

Lacye - posted on 10/13/2011

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I'm with Erin. My daughter is only 2 and a half and way far away from "the talk". However, if my husband has anything to do with it, my daughter will become a nun. Doubt that but I will figure out when the time is right what to say.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/13/2011

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Hmm...LOL Erin, maybe not the best choice of words at the end there "until she is satisfied" ;)

Ez - posted on 10/13/2011

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My daughter is only 2.5yo, and this hasn't been an issue for us yet. When it is, I will start with a simple 'that is something you do in private in your room' and go from there. I believe kids let us know how much information they are ready for. So I will keep answering her questions (in an age-appropriate manner) until she is satisfied.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/13/2011

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I am all for talking to my kids about life, sex, puberty and especially masturbation. I think it is really a healthy outlet for pent up teen age hormones (really any age...but damn I remember those teenage raging hormones). My son is only 5, and really has never played with his penis. My daughter is 18 months, and probably has done more self exploration than he has. No biggy either way. They are both happy, and healthy children. I want them to have a healthy outlook on the human body. No one ever took the time to talk to me, and as uncomfortable as it would have been, I wish someone did.

[deleted account]

The exact wording that come sout of my mouth now in regard to my almost 5yr old and 3yr old is "go to your room and do that" When they get older I will explain more. My 5yr old knows what's appropriate and what's not.

April - posted on 10/13/2011

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My son is only 2 and usually doesn't tend to touch his penis. He never really got into that for whatever reason. Right now, nothing has been discussed because the opportunity hasn't come yet. If I brought it up now, it would be sort of random and irrelevant.



I am not afraid to give details. When the situation arises, I'll be ready. I will decide then how much information is appropriate. I'll go with my gut. I don't want to leave it ENTIRELY up to him to ask me questions because he may be too embarrassed.



My gut will tell me if he has questions or wants to know more information. Knowledge is power. Giving knowledge to our children empowers them. When they feel empowered, they're also comfortable and more willing to approach their parents with private issues.



*I am okay with my son masturbating at any age. He'll have privacy to do so in his room. When the time is right, he'll know that. If I ever have a daughter, I will allow her the same respect. With a girl, there probably won't be a clear opportunity to discuss this. I will probably just bring it up myself once she is of school age. *



Just a side note: I wish my parents had talked to me about masturbation. They never did. I started at a very young age (about 5). I always did it in secret and was VERY ashamed. It's very confusing to a child when something that feels so good is actually "bad". I wouldn't want my son OR daughter to go through that!

Stifler's - posted on 10/13/2011

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I think masturbation is essential to enjoying your sex life. How will you know what to tell your partner to do if you never discover it for yourself. Kids need to know it's ok and that they are normal for doing this but yes in a private place.

Iridescent - posted on 10/13/2011

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I have 2 boys that are old enough to have already had some of the discussion. Our oldest was taught from the age of 3 on that if he's going to play with his penis, he needs to go into his room because it's private. It wasn't for adult masturbation behavior, more curiosity. I didn't want to shame him though and figured he's better off learning that some things can be done, just need to be done away from the main part of the house. Our second son didn't have the same discussion, because it wasn't something he was interested in at that age. Our third son did and we still redirect him in the same way.

Now our oldest is hitting puberty and dealing with sudden erections. It's a bit embarrassing for him (and for us), but he's fine. We've explained to him what sex is, but obviously not how to do it. Same for condoms, and that he should always use one if he has sex, even if the girl says he doesn't need to. We told him we'd purchase some for him when appropriate, he just needs to ask. We've also asked him to let us know when he starts growing hair in new areas, as that means it's time for a bit more awareness. He laughs, but he knows we're not going to make fun of him and he can trust us. That's all I expect. Now this past week we found out he's going to need to wash his own bedding, and a bit more frequently. No big deal.

For our girls, my husband would like to lock them up and keep them asexual until they're 30. We realize that isn't going to happen, but as we see needs arise, we'll discuss them with them. Right now they know very little - simply what body parts there are and who is a boy and who is a girl. That's fine. As they get older, I'll need to discuss menstruation with them, and what that means. And when we discuss sexual activity, I'll need to schedule a genetics appointment with one of our girls and we'll have to let her know that it's not safe for her to have children in a typical manner, but she can have kids. One step at a time.

Minnie - posted on 10/13/2011

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I'm trying to figure out how to go about this myself, as I was always taught that my body was dirty growing up and even during the first few years of marriage. I soooo don't want my daughters to view their bodies like I do my own.

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