Public displays of emotion.

Tara - posted on 01/19/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

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Have you ever been present when a couple or parent and child/teen etc. who you do not know are having a very heated exchange complete with language and screaming and tears etc.?



So this is what happened.



I was at the library and as I was leaving I heard two people yelling at each other in the lobby, I kept walking and they kept getting louder. They leave through the doors at the same time as I do. It's a woman about 40 with a kid about 12! She grabs his sleeve and then starts yelling "How could you be so dumb?" He yells "Let go of me you fat bitch". Now we're in the community center lobby, not yet outside and there are other people around. She leans in close to him and whispers in his ear, he starts crying saying "no no I didn't mean to." Then she says "MOVE" and they leave.

Everyone there stood still for a minute and then resumed their activities. I was shocked as I believe that issues with extreme emotions attached whether they are positive or negative should be private. Just as I wouldn't want long lost lovers making out and telling everyone how much they missed each other I wouldn't want the above either.



edited to change anger to emotion and there to their, cause that's how I roll...

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Charlie - posted on 01/19/2011

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I don't see anything wrong with people showing extreme happiness or any other positive emotion , I feel it is good to share positive energy .

Negative energy however should be kept to a minimum and in a contained area for only those is concerns IMO.

Charlie - posted on 01/19/2011

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I think there is a huge difference between bad news bringing sadness and a huge fight between two people though .

Sadness you can understand is hard to contain even I literally fell on my knees wailing in the street when my sister told me dad had past away , there was no stopping or containing that but when two people start bitching at each other , verbally abusing each other , physically fighting each other that is just not on .

Isobel - posted on 01/21/2011

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I haven't read all the responses but, you know what? I feel honoured when I happen to witness the moment of profound meaning of a stranger. Whether it is positive or negative...it's witnessing something special.



I remember once, I got stuck on a subway for half an hour listening to one teenage girl tell her best friend about her very first sexual experience...I got to hear it in detail that only a teenager can give to her best friend ( o.O )



I hated it at first...but then it kinda brought me back to being a teenager myself, and the mystical conversations you can have with your best friend. It also reminded me that we are all human...we all really deal with the same stuff, just at different moments.



I think that public displays of emotion are good for us...they remind us that we are all a part of the human race.

Joanna - posted on 01/19/2011

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I hate that she called her child dumb, and also hate that he called her a fat bitch. Otherwise,emotions are fine. It's the language and anger that bothers me, but that shouldn't be used anywhere, public or private.

Jodi - posted on 01/19/2011

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I dont' blame the kid for calling her a "fat bitch", she did after all basically call him dumb. Kids learn what they are taught after all.

That being said, I hate PDA's and I hate public "scenes" like that and definately feel that it should have been tamed until they got to the car at a minimum, but really, the name calling and insults should never have happened to begin with, in public or private.

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Jodi - posted on 01/21/2011

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Ah, yes, he was quite good at pulling that crap in public....then there was the time he threw billiard balls around in my parent's house, straight at the glass windows...I've probably got a million of them.



Oh well, apparently he is getting married again, I just heard from my son. Good luck to them. I hope he has learned how NOT to treat a wife, or she will go the same way I did.

[deleted account]

I agree with loreen :
I don't see anything wrong with people showing extreme happiness or any other positive emotion , I feel it is good to share positive energy .

Negative energy however should be kept to a minimum and in a contained area for only those is concerns IMO.

Bonnie - posted on 01/20/2011

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Happy scenes are good IMO, bad scenes, no so much. Not that it is anyones business, but when it gets heated like that, it leaves you wondering what the heck happened. Then she whispered something into his ear which made him be afraid. It makes the whole thing even worse IMO.

Melissa - posted on 01/20/2011

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so sorry Jodi :( sounds like you have had it rough. I would break if that happened to me

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2011

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"ifyou can talk to your child/ have them talk to you like that in public how do you treat each other in private"

I agree with this sentiment, totally. And some things are absolutely inappropriate, regardless of whether it is in private or public.

[deleted account]

I agree with Loureen, positive PDA's are lovely to see and make me happier, negative ones make me sadder. I think that if you can negative PDA's like arguments should be kept private, I know it's not always possible, but if it's not possible to keep it private keep it quiet and contained. I like some of the other ladies also worried, ifyou can talk to your child/ have them talk to you like that in public how do you treat each other in private, where is the respect?

Stifler's - posted on 01/20/2011

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I think disciplining kids should be done in private. Same with fights with your partner, or family drama. Not for the library and not even for Facebook. I don't really care if people are dry humping or making out. Whatever. But I feel for those that are humiliated in public by their parents saying mean stuff or their partner which really doesn't need to be said at all.

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2011

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Oh, yeah, I've been on one end of that shit. It was humiliating, and I have never forgotten it.

My ex (yep, this is the type of behaviour that gave him that status) and I were shopping in a large shopping centre one day, and I had a list of things I needed to get (my son was a baby at the time), and my ex wanted to leave. I told him we couldn't because there were still some things I had on my list that we needed. Anyway, right in the middle of the main area of the shopping centre near the food court, he started yelling and screaming at me, calling me everything from a cunt to a fucking whore. I just stood there in shock. I honestly couldn't move. As I said, my son was a baby at the time. EVERYONE was looking at us, and I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Not one person intervened. Anyway, once he finished his tirade, he walked away.

Big mistake. I had the car keys :) I just left and drove home. I was so much in shock I didn't know how to react. He arrived home about 3 hours later (he walked) much calmer. But I never really forgave him for it. We were divorced 2 years later (yes it took me THAT long to get up the guts).

Anyway, It absolutely is shocking, and believe me, if something like that can happen in public, just visualise what goes on in private. It is pretty screwed up.

[deleted account]

JuLeah, Nothing wrong with speaking up but keep in mind that that child still has to go home and deal with the same thing over and over again. They may feel happy at that time that someone cared enough to step in but then they may come to resent it because it's not there later on.
I have been there and it was worse when people said something then when they looked the other way.

Meghan - posted on 01/19/2011

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My big issue with that scenario is if someone talks to their kid like that in public, how are they talking to them in private?

JuLeah - posted on 01/19/2011

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I might have intervened. I had a similar situation year back while waiting for a movie. This mother was talking with such hate to her kids, ohh and once in a back I watched a mother hit her kid over the head with her purse.
Both time I spoke up - can't say if it did any real good, except that I have been the kid in that situation not understanding why no one cared (well my father was frighteneing, but still) At the very least, I showed the kid that I had seen, I cared, it was noticed and someone felt it to be wrong.
Who knows, I might have made things worse. Maybe walking away is best/safer for the kid.

Nikkole - posted on 01/19/2011

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WOW i would have been embarrassed for the both of them thats horrible i would NEVER talk to my kids like that! I dont care about SOME PDA but there is a line you shouldn't cross like i was at the mall once and this 16yr old girl and her boyfriend i guess were pretty much making out and dry humping each other and there were tons of people and kids around highly inappropriate! Now i find it a bit amusing in the last 2 weeks that ive been to walmart ive seen 2 fights over some girl sleeping with some other girls man now that kinda stuff is like a free Maury show LMAO but i had to stop one because the chick almost hit me and i had my son!

Nicole - posted on 01/19/2011

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I went through a breakup at the same time as two other friends went through breakups. My way of dealing with it was the same as my best friend, I cried behind closed doors, then went out and distracted myself.

Our other friend cried everywhere she went. When she came out to the club with us she cried the entire time, and we joked about leaving her behind (not when she was within ear shot)

As far as arguing in public, I think it's wrong but I have been there. I was in a really toxic marriage and we would end up in loud arguments in the middle of the street. It is a relationship we are both glad to be out of.

Melissa - posted on 01/19/2011

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Im kinda with Loureen keep it to a minimum. I try my best to keep things tame while around others or out but yep if my child if called me that I dont care who was around it'd belt her to high heavens but Id like to think she would never do that. Id like to think we'd raise a betterr child then that. But then again she did call her kid dumb. They really are both in the wrong. you show me a bad kid Ill generally show you a bad parent. I do my best to not cause any commotion in public. But I do have a 2 year old and ype they will throw tantrams sometimes although mines pretty good. When we walked past a few weeks back I heard some lady say theres one little girl who wants her christmas presents early. Actually she wasnt even throwing a tanty about that but I think people understand but when they are fully going off people really dont need to hear it. If she is causes a scene yep Ill smack her right there.

Mrs. - posted on 01/19/2011

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I don't really have a problem with PDAs either. If it gets crazy, it just makes me laugh. For some reason, when I lived in Vancouver, I used to see people actually having sex at night in public places. Not all of them could have been working girls...at least I think.

Amber - posted on 01/19/2011

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yeah, true, i would never call my kid anything to provoke a rebuke, so i guess you're right. she deserved it. she probably is a fat bitch if she calls her kid dumb. take it outside, hickville :P

Charlie - posted on 01/19/2011

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LOL Ive " made out " in the library ok maybe more but it was a super boring section no one was there hehe .

Amber - posted on 01/19/2011

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DUDE if my kid EVER used that language, in public or in the privacy of my home, i would actually make him eat some Dove. seriously. my child has much more respect than that. good god.

Tara - posted on 01/19/2011

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I have no problems with joy, elation and happiness.

I meant if a couple started groping each other, and making out in the library, complete with neck kissing and thigh rubbing, I would have an issue too.

I have also been blindsided by bad news and cried in public but this seemed more like he had been caught smoking behind the community center. Or maybe he just found out she WAS an alien...lol@ Laura.



edited to fix a typo cause I think I have ocd..

Mrs. - posted on 01/19/2011

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You can't always choose where you get awful news or a problem that is major pops up. You really have NO idea what might be happening with those two. One of them might have gotten a phone call while in public that someone died and they were reacting in the moment. Maybe they just found out they have to move because the mom got fired. Maybe the kid has AIDS, maybe the mom is an alien-you just don't know.

Personally, I've had a lot of bad news or horrible interactions with people in public and if I can take it private-I will. However, if that is not an option or if I just don't have the strength to move out of the public's gaze in order to cry or scream-I don't give a flying fuck. But that's just me. So, that's why I try not to judge others when I see shit like this. Because, you just never know, the reaction you're seeing might be mild compared to what you would have done in that person's place.

Krista - posted on 01/19/2011

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I pretty much agree with Loureen. Happy scenes? Love? Elation? Joy? Bring it on -- it's all good. But ugly scenes and fights and other nastiness? It just makes me want to crawl into a hole somewhere and hide. I don't know what to do or where to look. It's awful.

Lacye - posted on 01/19/2011

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Something like that does need to be done in private and after the parent has cooled off for a little bit. There is no reason to yell and act like a jackass in public. However, if my daughter ever calls me a "fat bitch", she will be taken to the car or the bathroom and get popped on the butt by this fat bitch. Not out in public, but somewhere private. I'm a bitch but I'm not going to embarrass my child like that.

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