question for spankers

Rosie - posted on 07/23/2011 ( 149 moms have responded )

8,657

30

321

yes, i'm going there again, lol. i've seen this mentioned over and over again in debates about spanking. a pro-spanker will say they will gladly spank their child anywhere, or whenever they feel necessary, but then go on to say "but i havn't spanked him in a while, or it's only used as a last resort."
to ME that signals that the person KNOWS what they're doing is wrong, since they only want to be seen as someone who does it only occasionally. they act like it's horrible to do more than occasionally. if you are so sure spanking is the right thing to do why not claim you do it when you want to? why justify it by stating you do it less than whatever imaginary number of times is acceptable? why is there a line as to how much spanking is acceptable and what is too much?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tah - posted on 07/23/2011

7,412

22

400

When I said I haven't done it in awhile in another community.it's because I haven't...I have not needed to. If I did it yesterday, I'd say I spanked my kid yesterday and couldn't care less how anyone sees me. Two of my children are older14 and 9..so I haven't had to spank them. I found something that's working for my 4 year old but if I need to pop his butt I will do it...and wont care how I'm seen because he's my child. The only acceptable number is what's acceptable to me, I'm not a people pleaser so I dont care who is counting the amount of times i spank. I dont have to justify or explain and i only put it there because i felt like it, not to look good to anyone, trust me..last thing on my mind. Every little infraction doesn't call for a spanking that's why I haven't done it in awhile..I hope that answers your question Dyan.

Sherri - posted on 07/23/2011

9,593

15

391

It amazes me because someone else chooses not to spank that everyone that does is teaching by fear, they are going to scarred, rebel or whatever foolery they can think of. If done correctly it is no different than any other discipline method.

Angelique - posted on 07/23/2011

59

77

3

I always have to laugh because spanking was never an issue 30-40-50 years ago. I do spank my children. I also use time outs, I count to 3, I remove them from the situation, send them to their rooms, etc. I try very hard to make the punishment fit the crime. However, there's absolutely nothing wrong with a spanking, especially when used correctly. I think ANY discipline method can be overused or abused, it's not just spankings that fall in that category. I have to say I strongly disagree with the idea that spanking teaches fear or causes a child to rebel. We are seeing more cases of children acting out and rebelling now that spanking has become a topic of debate. I see so many out of control children because parents are afraid to discipline at all out of fear of causing them to hate the person delivering the consequence. But unfortunately consequences are a normal and necessary part of life. If my child has been told 2 times to not run into the street and they decide to do it again they will get a spanking. It's as simple as that - a spanking is far less painful than getting hit by a car. Personally I don't care how you discipline, and I definitely won't call you a child abuser if I don't agree with your method :)

Mrs. - posted on 07/23/2011

1,767

6

30

Oh, I do it because I'm a monster and only some random lady on the internet can know the true meaning behind it...just by reading between the lines of what I am actually saying and putting her own meaning behind them.

I haven't had to spank my kid yet...by the way..but if I feel I need to, I will. No qualifier there...cause you know anyone who does it - has to be a monster.

Please feel free to assign meaning to my statements that aren't there.

Or you could just accept that different people choose different tools than are used in your household and they might just love and care for their children no less than you do. That there are indeed different strokes for different folks.

Tara - posted on 07/24/2011

2,567

14

114

These are the questions and answers that run through my mind each time a spanking debate is here.

In society are the following things acceptable?

Hitting an adult? No.

Hitting your spouse? No.

Hitting your dog? No.

Hitting your cat? No.

Hitting the mentally challenged? No.

Hitting the physically disabled? No.

Hitting your co-workers? No.

Hitting the elderly? No.

Hitting children? Yes.

Why do we accept hitting our most innocent and vulnerable citizens yet hitting ANYONE else or our pets is looked down upon and in almost all cases is illegal. (there are still places with little animal cruelty laws, but the rest apply 100%).

There is no need to spank children, just as there is no need to hit a 20 year old who has the mental capabilities of a toddler. There is no difference except size, so what makes it okay to hit the smaller person but not the bigger one?

It will never make any sense to me.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

149 Comments

View replies by

Mrs. - posted on 07/24/2011

1,767

6

30

Wow, not a hint of condescension or mockery there...



I'm confused, I thought speaking like that just made people feel better about themselves and weakened the debate?

Oh, well....(smiley face)



Anyway, if anything this discussion proves, I suppose is that different people deal with anger and frustration in different ways. Some people are quite able to deal with stress and not lash out physically in anger. Some are not. Some people can spank and not get all hot/bothered about it...the physical part is has nothing to do with lashing out, it's just another tool.



Who am I to say that you are not cool headed enough to responsibly spank your kid?



Different techniques for different temperments.

Angelique - posted on 07/24/2011

59

77

3

Marina, you need to grow up and act like an adult. How sad that you feel the need to curse...is that out of frustration or lack of better words? Dropping the f bomb is quite lovely but completely unnecessary.

As for who I was responding to obviously you knew it was you as I replied to your post. Please try to keep up or a least not ask stupid questions.

I didnt say I was on the debate team. lol If I had been I probably wouldn't stoop to respond to your obvious lack of maturity :)

As for keeping up - I've done so nicely. I was referring to your saying my statement that Julianne is spreading misinformation about spankers promoting was wrong. That she is not spreading misinformation because spanking is violent.

My contention has been that spanking is not violent and tha I don't agree with it. Youve brought in definitions to say I'm wrong, told me that intent doesn't matter and I'm wrong there.

What exactly is your stance if not to say everything the people on this board who support spanking as a discipline method are wrong.

And you should really calm down...it's just a message board.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/24/2011

21,273

9

3058

I am curious for all the spankers, if your child hits you or bites you, do you hit them to show them it is wrong? Kind of an eye for an eye?

The reason I ask this is because how are they to learn hitting is wrong if you hit them?

Charlie - posted on 07/24/2011

11,203

111

409

" Our jobs as parents is to guide and train our children so when they DO hurt they can deal with it. Our job as parents is to let our children hurt so they can learn while they are still young so that they don't hurt much more in the future. Parents are here to guide and teach, not to keep kids from every bump, bruise, scrape and pain."

I couldnt agree more ....except that it can all be done without spanking .

As for the running out in front of a car , why not use logical consequences when natural consequences are far too dangerous ?

[deleted account]

People who spank USUALLY do so because of their own lack of self control. It IS promoting violence because hitting is A VIOLENT ACT. It teaches a child that its ok to be violent IF IT CAN BE JUSTIFIED. All parents who spank are physically abusing their children, even though they have the best intentions. It still a form of abuse. Discipline doesnt mean to punish....it means to teach and we can teach without violence..

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/24/2011

21,273

9

3058

Oh yeah, another thing...still catching up through the threads, what specifically do you think I am disagreeing with you?!? I think you got yourself so caught up in the debate in your own head, you lost track of why I addressed you....and look back. I directly addressed YOU. Maybe re read through the posts and see what I am actually talking about.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/24/2011

21,273

9

3058

Oh, and I was saying "chasing your tail" because you were literally running your argument in circles, contradicting yourself, jumping to another subject without answering anyone elses statements.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/24/2011

21,273

9

3058

Angelique..."You are a frustrating sort to debate with because you think you are so right that you can point out to the person you are debating that they are wrong and accuse them of chasing their tail? lol Because you don't agree with my opinion you keep telling me I'm wrong. Even funnier. It's your OPINION that I'm wrong. I'm not contradicting myself. I'm pointing out simple facts. Hurt does NOT equal harm. A cavity being filled CAN hurt. Does it HARM me? No. Your logic is flawed in your accusations because you come from a different place than I do. However, if you truly wanted to debate you would debate the subject not the person. It gets tiring when people throw red herrings out left and right because they factually can't back up their claim that a spanking to the butt is violent and the person spanking is promoting violence. That is an opinion - simple and to the point. These are ALL opinions. Which is what I pointed out in Julianne's post. Now, if you have something of interest or new to point out, we can discuss that. But until you quit harping on how you THINK I'm contradicting myself or you THINK I'm chasing my tail because you THINK I'm wrong then I probably don't have a lot left to say to you :) "



Who the fuck are you addressing here? Yeah, I am totally the one that said you are chasing your tail. I read somewhere that you are a "master-debater" ;) of sorts simply because you were on the debate team...what in high school? Well, then you need to keep straight who says what...cause I am not the one who said the rest of that. If you are addressing someone, you can use their name to help clarify. You are not so much a debater as you are "I am right you are wrong and I am gonna fight for no reason". Seriously, people can have a difference of opinion without one side HAVING to be wrong. Apparently you do not understand that.



Edited to add~ you have contradicted yourself continuously. You don't see it that way, but you have. Not just my opinion, but fact.

Jennifer - posted on 07/24/2011

240

8

14

Dyan- just an FYI.... our jobs as parents is NOT to protect our kids from hurt. Our jobs as parents is to guide and train our children so when they DO hurt they can deal with it. Our job as parents is to let our children hurt so they can learn while they are still young so that they don't hurt much more in the future. Parents are here to guide and teach, not to keep kids from every bump, bruise, scrape and pain. Children that are that sheltered do not learn to exist in the real world and it makes it harder for them as adults.

Jennifer - posted on 07/24/2011

240

8

14

The line is not about how much spanking is needed but WHEN spanking is needed. It's the same with training a dog. If you spank them when they pee on the carpet they don't' learn from it... however, if they try to bite you and you spank them at that time.... that's just the leader of the pack defending their domain. The dog "gets it" and learns not to challenge the authority of the leader.

When a Child is willfully disobedient (not when they forgot to do something or whatever but willfully disobedient), they are challenging the pecking order. They need to know that that is not acceptable and they will be spanked for that type of behavior. I believe that the punishment should fit the crime. Most times it does not require spanking but once in a while, it DOES! If my child runs into the road and I yell stop and they willfully continue in the direction they are going, I think a spanking is in order. It is better that I spank them at that time so that next time they are not as likely to do the same behavior and wind up hit by a car.

I am a big fan of using natural consequences as a means to discipline my child but I am not willing to let a car hit my child just so they can learn not to run into the street. In that case, the natural consequences are too severe so a spanking is needed.

There is no magic number of times a spanking is acceptable. It's all about the circumstances around the punishment. All punishments should be given in relation to the infraction of the rules. My child, if she misses the bus because she is messing around, must walk to school (with me driving 2 mph with my hazards on to be sure she is safe) . It's a natural consequence that if you mess around and miss your ride, you have to either pay a cab (if you have the money) or you have to walk. Now, if I make her walk to school because she didn't do the dishes or ran out in the road, it wouldn't make the same impact. The punishment should be in relation to the infraction and that is why spanking should be limited. In Certain situations, spanking isn't an appropriate punishment and it won't be effective if you use it all the time.

[deleted account]

Ditto Mary. When my son wants another candy and I tell him no.... I hate that it makes him upset and that he may throw a fit over it, but I do it for his own good... NOT because I enjoy it and.... I don't feel bad about refusing him the candy because it's wrong, but because I don't like it when my son is upset. Unfortunately.... being upset sometimes is part of life.

Now.... don't anyone say I said you have to spank for a child's own good. I know that you don't HAVE to spank. I also know (at least for me and many other families) it isn't wrong to do so at times.

Sherri - posted on 07/24/2011

9,593

15

391

If done correctly a spanking is most definitely discipline. You do not spank without first warning before it is going to happen and second explaining why they were spanked afterwards. It most certainly is discipline.

Mary - posted on 07/24/2011

3,348

31

123

Dyan, I understand what you're asking, but honestly, I don't "like" any form of disciplining my child. I don't enjoy the tears or temper tantrums when I tell her "No" to whatever potentially harmful activity she is pursuing, and I sure as hell didn't enjoy carrying her across the street with the boys on a leash when she refused to hold my hand. I did it because I had to to. I am assuming that a "responsible" spanker like I believe Lacye to be feels the same way.

Discipline isn't fun, no matter what measures you personally employ. I hate making Molly mad, and seeing her cry, but I also know that I cannot let her run amok, so I use what I find to be the most effective means of encouraging safe, responsible, and "appropriate" behavior. For me, that does not include spanking, but for others, it may.

Lacye - posted on 07/24/2011

2,011

31

164

I don't spank my child to hurt her. I pop her on her butt, not hard but it makes a loud noise and that is what I'm looking for. As for why I do it even though I don't like it, I do it as a last resort. As I have said before, I try other ways before I spank. It's not an excuse like some people think. It's a fact. There are times when the other ways work and then there are times when they don't.

Rosie - posted on 07/24/2011

8,657

30

321

i guess i don't understand why you use something you don't like. there's a reason you don't like it. you don't like physically hurting your child. at least thats how i felt after i did it.

Lacye - posted on 07/24/2011

2,011

31

164

Nobody ever said it was a magical cure for disobedience. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. In some cases other forms work better than spanking. So why not use the other forms first to see what works better? I don't have to use spanking all the time. Mostly because my daughter knows that if she doesn't stop she will get the spanking. Just because a person spanks doesn't mean that they like to. They do it because it does help in some situations.

Rosie - posted on 07/24/2011

8,657

30

321

if it stops the undesired behavior wouldn't one think that you would want to use it everytime? since it's such this magical cure for disobedience?

Lacye - posted on 07/24/2011

2,011

31

164

Dyan, why should spanking be the only form of discipline that we pro spankers use? A lot of people who spank do use other forms of discipline as well as the spanking. If one doesn't work, the other will. That is kinda like me asking a person who doesn't spank why they don't only use time outs or other forms of non spanking discipline. Sometimes it will work, sometimes it won't. It all depends on the child and what the child is in trouble for.

To be honest, I had to spank my child earlier because I had tried time outs and redirection but it didn't work. So yes, I spanked my child. My daughter knows she was being bad. She knew what she was doing was wrong. So why should I not use something that works versus something that doesn't.

Angelique - posted on 07/24/2011

59

77

3

I do apologize...after reading posts full of judgment they all run together. And since I don't really know anyone here it's hard to keep up with all the different names and postings. Youre right - you have actually been very even keeled across the board. Sorry for that!

Amie - posted on 07/24/2011

6,596

20

412

*** Mod Alert****

No flaming each other ladies. We can debate like adults.

Amie
~DM mod

[deleted account]

Spanking is NOT discipline.....spanking is PUNISHMENT. Semantics? Maybe -- but there's a difference and spanking cannot be mistaken for discipline.

Mary - posted on 07/24/2011

3,348

31

123

Angelique, are you simply trying to "fight" with me? I'm really at a bit of a loss here. I've re-read my posts, and I honestly can't see where I have been judgmental, nor did I ever claim to be perfect. I've described what I utilize in my own home. I've explained why I chose not to spank. I answered a question which you asked about teaching a child to not run out in the street.



No where, in any of my posts, did I pass judgement on you. Quite frankly, I went out of my way to not be condescending or judgmental. I am left with the conclusion that you are simply looking for ways to either disagree or criticize me. I guess, if it keeps you entertained, have at it....

Rosie - posted on 07/24/2011

8,657

30

321

i dont' know if i'd go so far as to say that someone is a worse parent or not, and i don't believe anyone here HAS said that. there are simply other ways to discipline that don't involve hurting my child-you know the one i'm supposed to protect from hurt. it's a complete oxymoron to me to hit my child to teach them how to behave.

as for the impact on me when other people spank their children. spanking makes children more aggressive and violent. that is not my opinion, that is fact. will it happen every time? no, but it happens more often with children who are spanked. so more of that population is going to be aggressive-maybe towards me, or my children. it does affect me, it affects society.
http://www.healthychildren.org/English/n...

as for a pediatrician simply covering their ass as to why they don't recommend spanking. tha'ts bull, lol. they don't recommend it because it shows a child losing control is the way to handle a problem. and because multiple studies have shown it causes children to become more aggressive. http://www.healthychildren.org/English/f...

Angelique - posted on 07/24/2011

59

77

3

Being condescending does not actually further your argument or point. It simply makes you feel better about yourself in the sense that you just might be smEter thN everyone else and you want them to see it.

It doesn't generally work for those having to read or hear it. I took a debate class in college and staying on topic or successfully picking apart the other persons stance was always your best bet for a win. Poeple tend to lose interest in the negativity. But if you feel like you are able to get your point across in a better way by being condescending then by means full steam ahead! Lol

[deleted account]

IMO, a non-spanking parent is no better or worse than a spanking parent. Just have different philosophies in child-rearing. I swat on the butt when warranted. You (in general) do not. So does that make you (again, in general) a better parent? NOPE. it does not. It just means you have a different method in dealing with an issue. Try accepting the fact that parents all over the world do things in a different manner than your own. Like I said in a much earlier post, I could care less whether you spank or not spank, as it has zero impact on me and my family. But I won't sit back and be told I'm a crappy, horrible parent because I chose to use a method that you (you, in general) don't agree with. You don't spank? Congrats....you found a method that works for your family.

Angelique - posted on 07/24/2011

59

77

3

I have a few good friends who are pediatrictions. All spank on occasion. None can recommend it as A method of discipline because of the fact that a parent who spanks could go overboard. They can't reccomenx anything that could come back to bite them in the rear - it's for their protection. They will be the first to admit to me that spanking cAn be used effectively.

Angelique - posted on 07/24/2011

59

77

3

@Mary - I would never spank a child who was physically abused either. I also wouldn be a screamer with a child who was psychologically abused. I wouldn't put a child in time out in their room who was locked in their room for long periods of time with no food/water.

Do you get where I'm going with this? It boils down to using what would work for your child.

I spank when I feel it is necessary, not all the time. You yell when you feel it's necessary, not all the time. Both have the shock value intended. Both can be abusive if used incorrectly. Neither are affective unless a discussion is brought alongside.

Here's my thought on your stance in this debate. I know you said you don't think hitting is evil or the worst thong that can be done. But it's interesting to see you on the side of a debate where you yourself use a parenting method that could be picked apart or construed as "violent." Its an observation, really.

You are judgmental yet not perfect. What a concept!

Mrs. - posted on 07/24/2011

1,767

6

30

You know, I read that thing over and over...I don't see anywhere that condescending attitude have no place in a debate.

I don't think I'm being condescending...but if I were, I believe lots of politicians and lawyers often use condescension very skillfully in debates.

For instance:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senator,_you're_no_Jack_Kennedy

That might be seen as both mocking and condescending. Effective, too.

Here's a quote I found interesting in that link though:

"Finding, and using a weakness in one's argument is a key debate tactic - that usually makes the less experienced debater's heads explode , if you do not know the difference for the love of green apples ( thanks Krista ) LEARN . "

I'd love to stay on topic.

Rosie - posted on 07/24/2011

8,657

30

321

no world health organization, or child rearing organization of any sort recommends it. in fact they recommend against it. there simply is no reason to spank, there are other ways to discipline that do not involve hitting your child.

Mrs. - posted on 07/24/2011

1,767

6

30

That quote is some bloggers opinion of the study that the doc published....tee hee, reading comprehension.

"According to Calvin College psychology professor Dr. Marjorie Gunnoe, spanking children under the age of 6 can make them happier and more successful later in life. "

and then your quote with the bit before not included (I wonder why?)...

" says DOUG PAYTON in BLOGGER News. But if you ask me, it's not the "actual spanking" that helps children grow up successful. It's "the willingness on the part of parents to set limits on children not ready for complete freedom."

Notice "Doug Payton" is not the same person as "Dr. Marjorie Gunnoe". But if we are now including blogger's opinions in articles over the actual studies the article is about...why I will include some bloggers opinions on the matter too!

Enjoy:

http://neverlands.wordpress.com/2009/02/...

Mary - posted on 07/24/2011

3,348

31

123

Julianne, my response was directed an Angelique. I know who you are ;-)

Oh - and an afterthought about comparing raising kids to training dogs. Both of my dogs are rescues, and one of them was abused in his past. I never, ever hit or spank them either. This is something that you simply cannot do to an animal who has been abused. Rehabbing an abused dog did have an impact on my decision to not spank; it concretely demonstrated that it is clearly possible to effectively teach/train another being without the use of physical force. My dogs are both extremely well-behaved, and I have never raised a hand to either of them. It therefore would have seemed a bit ridiculous if I was willing to hit my child, but not my dogs!

Rosie - posted on 07/24/2011

8,657

30

321

julianne she was talking to angelique i believe about being new not you .:)

Rosie - posted on 07/24/2011

8,657

30

321

saying that someones child is incapable of learning about the cars and crossing the street at that age is true. however it also goes the same for ANYBODY'S child. spanking the child WILL NOT STOP THEM, nothing will. like you said they are incapable of actually learning and reasoning the reasons why at that age.
however what mary has done she's done VERY successfully WITHOUT hitting her child. once again, why hit when it can be done without?

[deleted account]

@mary, I'm not really that new, ive been part of this community since last year. i was inactive for 2ish months.

[deleted account]

it's not the "actual spanking" that helps children grow up successful. It's "the willingness on the part of parents to set limits on children not ready for complete freedom.


copied FROM YOUR ARTICLE.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO SPANK TO SET LIMITS.

Mary - posted on 07/24/2011

3,348

31

123

Sorry, I forgot you were relatively new here, and not aware of my dog-walking obsession. My dogs are clueless about cars, but they are trained to stop, and sit, at every intersection. This behavior is as ingrained in them as licking their butts. And yes, I have found that raising and teaching a toddler is actually very similar to training my dogs.

My toddler and I walk them a few miles everyday (she's in an ergo) and then again in the evening. The after-dinner walk is shorter, and she walks independently. What this means is that there are numerous times, on a daily basis, where this "lesson" is reinforced. I have found that repetition, as tiresome as it may be, is very effective. A toddler may not have the comprehension to understand why running into the street is "bad", but she does have the capacity to remember the routine and ritual that we engage when near a street or parking lot.

As I said, she is not perfect; no child is. There is a consequence if she does not stop and hold my hand. I first remind her of the rules, and if she is in a mood, and refuses, I pick her up and carry her. It does not involve causing her pain, but it sure as hell pisses her off.I have enforced this enough that by now, I merely need to say "You have a choice, you can hold my hand, or I will carry you". It is a HUGE pain in the ass for me, particularly if I have my (big) dogs on a leash, but really, no one ever claimed that parenting was easy.

Mrs. - posted on 07/24/2011

1,767

6

30

Oooh, is it time to swap surveys and call each other ridiculous?

Oh, oh, I'm in.

Okay, here's one that says spanking makes kids more successful later in life:

http://theweek.com/article/index/104745/...

Course, it doesn't advocate beating...and since it really is the same thing if you are a ridiculous spanking monster mom, I for one am disappointed (frowny face).

Angelique - posted on 07/24/2011

59

77

3

"Which is why, she now tells me (or anyone around us) that this is what we must do every freaking time we come to street. Is she perfect? Of course not, which is why, despite how annoying it is, I still continue to repeat this. As for the "consequence"...it is me carrying her, which, to my little Miss Independent, is akin to torture." Mary

My point was simply that a child will run into the street if they are distracted enough to do so. Teaching our children the rules is extremely important and you've done your job. Enforcing them is exactly what you are required to do now. However, those of us who feel like spanking works use it. I don't see the need to keep repeating something over and over again or have to raise my voice as a reminder. My older two understood that taking off would have a painful consequence and didn't do it, even when I turned my back. However, I always had to remind them before we even go out of the car what the rule was. In my opinion, having the memory of the spanking kept them from going anywhere ever. It may not have been the sole reason but it worked for us.

I'm not following you with the dog argument. Are you comparing your child to a dog? Your dog will never understand what it means to get hit by a car...your child will. Dogs are a creature of habit but they will never look both ways before crossing. lol

Mary - posted on 07/24/2011

3,348

31

123

Angelique, I think you completely misunderstood both of my posts; In the first, I clearly stated that I did not find spanking to be the ultimate evil. As well, I also said that I'm not a big yeller. In extreme, and rather rare situations, I raise my voice. As previously noted, this is such an infrequent occurrence, that my entire household (child, dogs, and husband) are brought to a complete standstill, since this is very out of character for me.

To be clear - I do not advocate either constant yelling or spanking, nor do I uniformly condemn the infrequent use of either.

As for the girl and street crossings...no, she most likely does not comprehend the danger or pain that could occur from being hit by a car. Neither do my dogs. However, both my toddler and my dogs are creatures of habit. I have told, and continue to tell her, that she must stop, look, and hold hands. Which is why, she now tells me (or anyone around us) that this is what we must do every freaking time we come to street. Is she perfect? Of course not, which is why, despite how annoying it is, I still continue to repeat this. As for the "consequence"...it is me carrying her, which, to my little Miss Independent, is akin to torture.

Angelique - posted on 07/24/2011

59

77

3

"when given the option of harming my child or not harming my child and getting the desired outcome both times why on earth would i choose to harm my child??"Dyan

I think this is the point. Not all parents spank each one of their children - one may respond to a spanking, one it may not even phase. My 6 year old has been spanked a handful of times because she simply didn't do the things that warrented a spanking very often. My oldest didn't get a spanking until he was 2 1/2 and our youngest doesn't respond to them AT ALL. It never stopped him from taking off into the street twice. So I don't spank him - all I have to do is count to 1. He immediately stops and thinks about his choice to continue or stop all together. You do what you know works for YOUR child. That's why I spanked two and why I don't spank the third anymore. But it has nothing to do with thinking he's being harmed - it simply doesn't matter to him. He's more of a thinker and when given a choice will make the right one. My oldest is stubborn and would still make the wrong choice. My middle is more of a pleaser and if she knew it upset me she would stop unless she was in a stubborn mode. They are all different and cant be lumped into a one size fits all catagory of discipline.

[deleted account]

I've never understood how hitting a child that runs in traffic is solving anything. My reaction to a child running in traffic would be to get the child out of harms way. Hit? Why? Gah!

Moving on....

Rosie - posted on 07/24/2011

8,657

30

321

mary, you are the ONLY person who has stated it in a way i can somewhat understand. thank you!!!



now, Feen is the one who has made this issue be something more than simple discipline to me. i could rationalize all i wanted about why i spanked my children and for what offenses, but in all honesty why on earth do i have the right to HIT my children to get them to do what i want, when there are other options out there? what happens if spanking doesn't stop the undesired behavior? what do you do next?

Angelique - posted on 07/24/2011

59

77

3

"I *think* what Angelique was saying, Mary, is that she equates yelling to spanking. One is no better than the other.

I have to agree to a certain extent. They are both negative, and don't do anything to teach the child, but hitting a child is much worse, in my opinion." Chatty

Exactly. However, I don't agree that one is worse and I do believe spanking teaches an immediate lesson that yelling does not. I've never said that spanking teaches life long lessons but that's where the discussion comes into play, like with any discipline method.

[deleted account]

I *think* what Angelique was saying, Mary, is that she equates yelling to spanking. One is no better than the other.

I have to agree to a certain extent. They are both negative, and don't do anything to teach the child, but hitting a child is much worse, in my opinion.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms