Question, not really a debate

Nikki - posted on 09/19/2010 ( 49 moms have responded )

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Are you a stay at home mum, or a working mum?
Which do you think is harder?
If your a working mum, what age did you put your child into care?
What is your decision behind being a stay at home mum or a working mum?

I always said I would be a stay at home mum, I wouldn't go back to work, but a job has come up which would make our goal of owning our own home become a reality sooner, so I am very torn. I honestly don't know if I would cope with all the housework, getting up in the middle of the night and going to work each day. How do you working mums do it? Plus I already feel guilty about putting my daughter into care and she hasn't even started, what if I miss her walking, what if they don't like her, what if it causes problems with attachment (she is 10 months) I don't know what to do! Would love to hear some other mums experiences, thanks! :)

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[deleted account]

What I'm going to say is not true for everybody. You just have to do some soul searching and know yourself and your family to make the best decision.

For me, I'm a better mom, because I don't work. Yes, life would be easier with an extra paycheck. It would be easier financially but not for my mental health. I know that if I put too much on my plate, I would take my stress out on my family. I don't want to do that. I am the ONLY person that can be my kids' mom and my husband's wife, so I want to do it right.

It does take sacrifice to live on one paycheck. I cut coupons, shop sales, make most food and cleaning products from scratch, wear clothes bought second hand, have no cable (just basic local channels), rarely eat out, and live on an overall strict budget. I would rather spend time making what we do have work for us, than trying to work for more.

I do have to say though, we've been blessed. Our vehicles are paid for. We own (or pay a mortgage really) our own home. But our cars and home are nothing fancy. The house is small and needs some updates (the kitchen appliances are original to the house, 1959 Baby!). But it is a home we can afford on our one income.

Nikki, you are young. You have plenty of time to own a home. If you really don't WANT to put your daughter in daycare, don't. If working is what you WANT to do, do it! You just have to know yourself and what decision will make you a BETTER MOM.

Krista - posted on 09/19/2010

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I work outside the home (I don't say "working mom", because really, ALL moms work, don't they?)



My decision was based upon two things. Primarily, it was due to finances. My husband and I together do well enough to get by, plus a few little treats now and again. But there is just no way that we would be able to pay our bills off of just his income. I could probably stay home if we sold our home and moved into a one-bedroom apartment, ate ramen noodles and sold our car, but we'd be utterly miserable. Secondly, I really just don't think I'm cut out to be a stay at home mom. I love my son. But I love my husband too, and the idea of staying home all alone with him every day, day in day out, is enough to make me want to chew my leg off. I just can't do it -- I almost went shack-wacky while on mat leave. I really like and enjoy what I do, and have worked really frigging hard to get to where I am. I take pride in being a mother, but I'm also proud when I do well at my job.



I put Sam into daycare at 8 months, solely because a new job opportunity came up at that time. So I took the new job instead of going back to my old job.



As far as housework, it's not bad. My husband and I do an hour or so of housework after Sam's in bed, so that keeps us mostly on top of the housework. Then on Saturday or Sunday, we can do some bigger housework jobs while he naps. I still manage to have plenty of free time, as is evidenced by my rather frequent presence here.



I don't have to get up in the middle of the night often -- for the most part, he sleeps through. Sure, there are some nights that are rough, like when he's teething. But...you just push on through it, really. And you hope that the next night will be better. And on weekends, you and your husband take turns sleeping in, which helps you feel a lot more human again.



As far as attachment goes, I really wouldn't worry about it. At 10 months, they know who mommy is. My little guy is super-attached to me. The odds are still good that you'll see those "firsts" (or that your sitter will be savvy enough to keep her mouth shut if a "first" happens in her presence instead of yours).



If worst comes to worst, Nikki, you can always give it a try. And if it's not working for you, you can quit and you're no worse off than you are now. Only you know what is best for you and for your family. What works for me might be awful for you. Or, it might be just the right thing. You'll only know through trial and error, really.

Tah - posted on 09/20/2010

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i think that being a working mom is harder, because you do both. I go to work, i go to school, but i still cook, clean, do laundry, take the children to appts., do the shopping, take them to activities, go to band shows and karate practice and ceremonies, make sure the bills are paid by keeping track of what needs to be paid when, kiss boo boos..run through the house screaming you can't catch me, you can't get me, no thats my cup..no it's mine, my name is rylan dula..no my name is rylan dula....bake cookies with the kids, let them choose and help with dinner and it's exhausting....

here's the thing..there are so many more sides to me than just being a mom and wife, i love my husband and children beyind compare but i think that me having work outside the house keeps me sane..i have said it before, if i didn't have some adult interaction during the day and if couldn't go and help people at work i would go jump off the curb.....it helps that i love my job, it helps that it allows me to put my children in activites so that they are well rounded, it helps that we don't have watch my husband work more than one job like he was doing when i met so that his then girlfriend could stay at home because he missed so much with that baby. My youngest went to a in home daycare provider at 6 months, i loved her he loved her and i missed nothing, there was no doubt who mommy was, no anxiety and now he is in the CDC and he loves going to school but when we walk through the door to pick him up, there is no doubt who he loves. It has taught him socialization, how to share, and independence and It works for us..

Isobel - posted on 09/20/2010

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I've done both...and I honestly believe that being a SAHM was far more difficult.

as for cleaning...the house stays mostly clean when nobody's home all day :D

as for staying up all night, then having to go to work...I didn't find that it happened ALL that often, but when it did, it was often a relief to go to work, where I only had to take care of me.

I found that I enjoyed my time with my children more because I appreciated it.

Good luck with the job if you decide to do it...no matter what you'll find out what works best for you and your family :)

[deleted account]

I think they are both difficult in there own ways. When I had a full time job I still did most of the cooking and cleaning, so I was physically exhausted, but I was more relaxed as a mom. Staying home is very mentally and emotionally exhausting I think. I love being a SAHM but I would almost rather be a working mom sometimes because, of course, more money does help, but also I think I appreciate my kids more when I don't have them all the time. I miss them so I'm more patient, and more willing to play games I normally wouldn't.

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Francine - posted on 09/22/2010

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I had the best of both worlds. Right now I am a working mom. And as far as how us working moms are doing it. Simple...Just like you. Just do it. You got great intentions for you going to work. Yes, you will miss some precious moments. Yes, you won't get it back. But neither will you get back the time your sacrificing to better your life with your child. Which is a HOME. A lot of mothers are working mothers to just the intentions of surviving and living. You got a wonderful goal that can secure your babies future for a stable home. Just know that, the cope for juggling it all is well worth it, as long as you don't lose yourself. Don't forget mom and dad needs love time and you need quiet time sometimes too. So far I think no matter if your a stay at home mom or a working mom. Both worlds have it's challenges. A stay at home mom may feel uneasy to allow all the financial burdens be upon their spouse and that is why wonderful moms and wife like you take the decision to go to work. Be happy with yourself no matter what and know that whatever it is you do, you are doing with good grace and love for your family and yourself. Best wishes and don't forget your only human, we do get tired and forget our real intentions while juggling it all to keep it together. Work hard, but love harder.

Laressa - posted on 09/22/2010

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I agree with Krista, its very hard working from home with a toddler. My husband owns a small trucking company which he runs from our home. And office staff around 5 days a week. I'm supposed to be a SAHM, but guess who finds it hard to step out of the work world and be a full time mom when its all there in the house and my replacement isn't doing it "right." that sure makes for conflict, when I'm there and irritated by it and she knows it and feels insecure. Doesn't help that its my SIL. And the full time cooking at least 2 meals a day for the crew. I'm so looking forward to the office being moved out in a couple weeks. I wonder if I'll know how to 'just be a mom'??? Better find out cause baby #2 is making appearance in a few months. And I'll be busy with a 17 mo and a baby. I look forward to the break from all that cooking. Packing hubby's lunch looks like peanuts in comparison to all that.

Meghan - posted on 09/21/2010

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I am a stay at home mom now. with my first baby, I worked full time and found it to be much harder, I only worked for about 8 10 months after she was born and am staying home since.. I missed a lot when I worked and am happy that I can stay home now that I have 2 children. I think once they get older and are in school full time then I will go back to work or school.. Good luck with your choice, I'm sure it can't be easy!!

[deleted account]

I'm a stay at home mum and love it! My husband has a well-enough paid job so that we are able to do this. I love seeing Logan grow and develop everyday. For us this is what we wanted for our children as we both had our mums stay home.

I wouldn't say one is harder than the other, both have their difficulties. It depends on each familys circumstances and what they want for their child.

[deleted account]

LOL, I should have read all the posts first Nikki. I didn't realise the job was at a childcare centre!
From my experience, if you plan to work in a centre and have your child with you it is best to start when they're younger. That way they grow up understanding the routines and that mum has to look after the other children too. If they're a bit older, like 2, they can be more clingy, but I think your daughter is the same age as mine and that is a good age to start. I started back mid August and it has been good EXCEPT we are currently home sick. That's the one true pain of daycare, all the germs! You can't avoid them unfortunately. Good luck! It really is the best of both worlds, IMO :)

[deleted account]

Nikki, that's awesome! You'll get to take your daughter to work...I mean you can't get a better job that that! I hope it works out for you and that you are living it up in your OWN home soon!

Krista - posted on 09/21/2010

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Nikki, that job sounds like the best of both worlds, really! You'll still get to see your daughter and keep an eye on her, but you'll also have the fun of seeing her making all sorts of little friends. AND you'll have the fun of cashing a paycheque! Good for you!

Teresa, I'm really not sure how that works, exactly. I would check with your doctor or hospital and see what it entails. There's also data entry, which can be a bit dry, but usually pays fairly well.

[deleted account]

I think there are pros and cons for both being a SAHM or a working mum and it really depends on the individual. SAHM mums get to see all their childs firsts, they can stay in their pjs all day if needs be, they can sleep when their child does if needs be. But it is 24/7 and you can't just take a lunch break to yourself. And then there's the finances.
Being a working mum, you can have time off, get a sense of yourself back, talk to adults about adult things, but then you might miss firsts, be tired from night wakings and just miss your kids in general.

I am extremely lucky in that my husband earns really well so I don't have to work but I chose to go back part time (2 days a week) and I can take my daughter with me (I work in a daycare centre). I love being at home with her but I also love going to work, having a bit of structure in our week, spending time with other adults, thinking about something other than my baby (even if it is other babies!) and having a lunch break completely to myself!

My experience working in a daycare is that daycare can be a really good experience for a kid if you pick the right one for you. The teachers/carers really do care about the children they work with. And the children have the added benefit of socialising with other children and doing activities they may not have been exposed to at home. I wouldn't worry about attachment. Kids do get attached to teachers but it is different to the parent-child bond. You will ALWAYS be her mum and having an attachment to another person will not change that. I think it's similar to a relationship with an aunt or uncle. Loving, but not as important as the one with the parent. And you should want them to form a healthy attachment to their carer. They'll be a lot happier and healthier if they do. And as far as your attachment with each other, that won't change either. In fact it could strengthen it by proving to her that sometimes mummy might go away, but she always comes back. Kids are really adaptable.

Something I thought you might like to look into is, here in NZ we have 'in home educators' for a childcare option. Essentially, you go through an agency like Barnados or PORSE and they give you a bit of training and support and you care for preschool children in your own home. Or you can take your child and look after the other child in their home (kinda like a Nanny). Do they have that sort of thing where you live? That way you can earn extra money AND still be with your child. I have a friend who does this and she cares for 2 children along with her own son, 3 days a week.

But if that's not an option, I would suggest trying the new job and childcare. If it doesn't work, you can always quit, but at least you'll definitely know what's best for you. Good luck Nikki :)

Eronne - posted on 09/20/2010

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It depends on the work you do and of course whether or not you have a spouse. My three children were born in four years so I had my hands full but I could nurse the baby at 5am and get at least 2 hours, sometimes 3 hours in before the toddlers got up. I also had a strict routine so that I could work during nap time and from 7 at night when they all went to bed. Didn't have much of a life but had no problem getting 8 hours of work a day and had the joy of being home.

Nikki - posted on 09/20/2010

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Thank you all for your responses, they were very helpful. I have decided to take the job, a bit scary but I would rather try and see how it goes than not give it a go. It is working in a child care centre so my daughter will be there as well, so I will get to see her during the day, it will just be a bit of an adjustment for us all. Thanks again for all of your stories.

[deleted account]

Cold calls?

How do/would you go about getting hired to do medical transcription? Applying at a hospital or something? Doctor's office? Not sure about that one, but it's worth looking into..... :)

Lyndsay - posted on 09/20/2010

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I had my son at 18 and I had just graduated high school, never held steady employment, and was recieving a welfare check to support myself. I quickly realized that social assistance really does not provide you with an adequate lifestyle (simply "surviving" just doesn't cut it for me), so I entered my first year of college when my son was just a year old. He literally had his birthday on the weekend and by the Monday he was in daycare. I sent him to a home daycare because I thought it would ease the transition, since it was a similar environment and he would be receiving more individual care. I never had any problems at all, and they say the age for separation anxiety is 8 months to 2 years. He is now 3 and I'm still in college, working part-time, but he's moved to a more structured daycare facility because I thought it would help him socialize and prepare for kindergarten, which he'll enter next fall. I have absolutely no regrets and my son has a very secure attachment, even still. He knows when I leave him that I'll be back at the end of the day, he has a great time with his friends at school, and he knows how to play by himself when I need time to do stuff at home.

Serena - posted on 09/20/2010

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I originally thought I wanted to be a SAHM. I fought real hard with my husband to do so for the first 8 months of my oldest son's life. I loved the fact that I saw all his "firsts" to that point but I guess it just wasn't for me. Some mothers (and more power to you) just love the idea of spending every waking minute with their children. I'm not one of them and after 4 years of guilt I can honestly say that. I found being home with my son gave me a lot more time to think and that usually did not end well when my husband came home.
I was afraid at first too about someone else raising my child, but I found a great daycare that my son just took to her great. I also had realized that she wasn't raising him, I still was the most important woman in his life and you will be too. They know who mommy is...plus whats great about daycare is the socialization they get. It makes preschool easier for everyone including your child's teacher.
We transferred (we're a military family) and I went back to work. I loved it, interacting with adults again. (even if all I did was talk about my son...) Plus it does make the finances easier with two incomes and I like having my own money to spend on me or my children without guilt.
And I agree that it makes you appreciate the time you guys spend together. I had an experienced sitter who never told me if my children did something there first. She acted like he did it for me first and I loved that. Ignorance is bliss :)
I am now a SAHM again with two babies (5 months and 14 months) and a 4 year old preschooler part time. It is going to be a waste for me to go to work paying for three in some type of paid school/daycare because I won't have anything left over. Maybe its because my husband's schedule only really has him home two days a week or perhaps because we just transferred here so I don't know anybody but there are days where the walls just feeling like they are closing in on me...
You have to do whats best for your family and if that means working, don't feel guilty about it. We just bought our first house and I am looking forward to being 58 when we pay it off vs being retired scraping to make mortgage. Change is always hard...Good luck with your decision :)

Krista - posted on 09/20/2010

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Teresa, you are obviously very intelligent, have a good eye for detail, and type without error...have you considered medical transcription? A friend of mine does it, and she works from home. You do need to take a course, but I think it's only a year-long course, and perhaps you'd qualify for student aid?

[deleted account]

What kind of job can I do from home? I've been looking for 2.5 years for something legitimate that I CAN do... and have come up w/ nothing so far. I'd absolutely love to work from home.

Eronne - posted on 09/20/2010

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I have always considered there are three levels of difficulty in mothering...the easiest is the single mom with a fully participating ex because she gets time off, the second is a married mom because she gets help and then the poor single mom doing it alone. All of them may or may not work outside the home. All of them work inside the home. My personal opinion is its very unhealthy for children to be raised on welfare so I strongly encourage the moms doing it on their own to work. Today there are so many wonderful jobs you can do from home that it doesn't have to interfere with your kids time.

[deleted account]

"You mean that SAHMs aren't supposed to always have a spotless house, a homemade dinner on the table at 5:30pm, and make their husband's lunch for him the night before?"

Krista shhhh *finger to lips* I've told my hubby that wives don't make sandwiches for work anymore and I don't want him finding out they do *winks*

[deleted account]

I'm a SAHM but am looking for a part time evening job just to give us a little extra money. I really enjoy staying home with my son and believe that being a working mummy is so much more stressful, I am so glad that my hubby got his new job when he did so I did not have to go back to work after my maternity. I feel I would have missed out on so much. My son has gone to creche while I completed a ped first aid course, he loved it, I'm going to have to start going to the mummy coffee mornings at our local childrens centre as he would get weekly creche sessions then.

But you have to do what works for your family and what feels right to you!

Krista - posted on 09/20/2010

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My kid is in daycare when nobody's home. And our house is too new to have ghosts. So the only mess made is by the dust bunnies who are breeding madly under our bed.

[deleted account]

I think something must be wrong w/ all your kids if your houses stay mostly clean when no one is home. My kids know how to thrash a place in under 5 minutes... Of course, that is also why I make the girls do most of the cleaning... and why my house is always a disaster anyway. ;)

Rosie - posted on 09/20/2010

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i am both!! i work part time from 5 am to 10 pm m-f and every other sat. i have a schedule that is opposite of my husband so we don't have to pay for a babysitter since not doing so would negate the income i made. i do miss my husband, i very rarely see him. so that is a big negative. but i get to be involved in every aspect of my kids lives, except for getting them ready for school (which i don't miss one bit, lol).
my first child i was single so i had to work fulltime. it was hard, but i still to this day know that i had to do what i had to do, so whatever i missed was worth it. and as it turned out i didn't miss much actually. his first steps were at my husbands house (was just starting to date him then), he said his first words around me, and he never had any attachment issues. but i did feel guilty about not being there alot.

sorry if this seems like an obvious question, i just wan to make sure that you have figured in the cost of daycare for your child, and any other future children you plan on having within the next couple years. is it REALLY worth it?

[deleted account]

I am a working mom.
For me, staying home was much harder than working. I need the adult interaction and I need to bring money into the household. we found a daycare that is so absolutely amazing, I never worry about my son when he is at daycare was I know he is safe and enjoying himself. It took a few tries to find the right dayhome. Finances are also a factor in our decision. One income is not enough for us. As far as housework goes, we split 50-50 and since I start work earlier than my husband (and finish earlier) I have time to make supper and do some chores before the boys get home.

I started working part-time at first for 6 months and then went on to work full time. I guess it made the transition easier.

[deleted account]

I have a very small home based business selling jewelry. I do a homeshow once a month, and make a couple hundred dollars. It gets me out of the house, and I love meeting women. But man, since my daughter turned 2, the little business I have has suffered. Jason was asking why last night, and I said, "look around, what's your daughter doing?" He laughed and said that he'd take her with him for a few errands today since he's off. Office organization, here I come!

Tracey - posted on 09/20/2010

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You are going to feel guilty whatever age your child goes into care whether she is 9 months or 9 years. If you are worried about they don't like her / she doesn't like them / attachment problems / missing milestones, these may also be problems if you stay at home and wait until she starts school. If owning your own home is important to you then you should do what you can to make this a reality. Are you prepared to put everything on hold, not take the job and not go back to work for the next 5 years until your daughter starts school by which time house prices could go much higher and you may not be able to afford one.

Krista - posted on 09/20/2010

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Yeah, working from home with a toddler is NOT easy. It's almost the worst of both worlds, which is why i get a kick out of all of these ads telling moms that they can work from home. First of all, you get VERY little actual work done, because you can't get any work done while your kid is awake. And then when your child naps, you look around and see the kid-induced chaos and feel obliged to tidy up a bit. So there goes that work time as well. Any time that I've tried to work from home, I've managed to get MAYBE an hour's worth of work done that day, if that.

ME - posted on 09/20/2010

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I stayed home with my first child until he was 9 months old, then went to work two days a week as a college instructor. The other days I have to work from home (which can be VERY difficult). My son didn't start daycare until this year tho (my mom stayed with him last school year)...he's 2 1/2 now and in early childhood education classes at my college. He's doing terrific, and they seem to like him and he them. I missed him walking for the first time, and it was pretty hard for me...but I haven't missed ALL the firsts...I'm still with him a lot! I enjoy my work a great deal, and I feel very lucky that I get to do what I love. I think it would be far more difficult for me to go to work if I didn't like my job!

Krista - posted on 09/20/2010

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You mean that SAHMs aren't supposed to always have a spotless house, a homemade dinner on the table at 5:30pm, and make their husband's lunch for him the night before?

Man, I was doing it all wrong...

[deleted account]

Krista, birthday cakes from a box mix and store bought Halloween costumes are not just for moms that work outside the home. ;)

Krista - posted on 09/20/2010

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Christina makes a good point. A lot of kids adjust better to daycare when introduced to it before they're a year old. After that, it can be trickier, because as we all know toddlers are a LOT more set in their ways than babies are. ; )

And like Laura said, the house doesn't get that messy when nobody's home, really. My house is a LOT messier on weekends, when we're all around. On weekdays, it's pretty easy -- clean up from supper, and then after Sam's in bed, we clean up his toys and we each tackle a chore, whether it's cleaning a bathroom or folding one of our interminable piles of laundry.

And sometimes, you just have to know when to let things go. My house is always going to have a certain amount of clutter. My kid's birthday cakes will probably always be from a mix instead of from scratch. And their Halloween costumes will be bought at the store, not homemade. But in the grand scheme of things, does any of that REALLY matter? He's well-nourished, and has a good roof over his head, and he's loved to bits by us, and by his grandparents (who live close by -- my in-laws live next door, and my mom is only a few hours away), and his sitter adores him, and he has his little friends at daycare. Overall, he's doing all right, I'd say. :)

C. - posted on 09/20/2010

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I am a SAHM right now.. Once I get better, though, a friend and I want to start our own business. Both of our husbands are in the military and our children are the same age (2 yrs).



I haven't worked since I was pregnant with my son, BUT.. If you think this is going to better your family, then go for it! And don't feel guilty about it.



I honestly don't know how some people do it (housework, go to work, take care of the family, etc)- but maybe that's just b/c I barely have enough energy to walk 5 feet right now.



I will tell you that it IS possible, it takes discipline and hard work.



My MIL has had a job since both her boys were little. She has always had a clean house and food on the table when everyone came home. She even cooked her kids breakfast before they went to school. She STILL gets up at 5, works out, showers, cleans house, does laundry, gets ready for work, goes to work from 9-7, comes home, throws the laundry in the dryer, cooks dinner (most nights- there have been a FEW days since I've known her that dinner was a Lean Cuisine), picks up a little, gets ready for bed.. And she's usually in bed by 930p, sometimes as late as 10, unless she is off the next day. Let me tell you, it can be done. May not be easy, but it is possible.



Now, about the childcare. Ten months is actually a good age to get them started, IMO. That way they don't get so attached to mom, dad, whoever that they can't function unless those people are in the room.. It's not too early, not too late. There may be room for adjustment, but you will get a routine down and your child is young enough that the routine will be a piece of cake by the time she's a year and a half. And think about this for a moment.. If you feel bad about leaving her in childcare, which most moms do and that's normal, don't. If you think this job opportunity is going to be a great thing for the family in regards to providing the best for them, then you should do it. Good luck!

Ez - posted on 09/20/2010

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I only work part-time (two half-days a week), and my mother has my daughter so there's no daycare involved. I went back when Milla was 7 months old, but would not have if my Mum hadn't been the one to watch her. Personally, the idea of putting such a young baby into daycare was too terrifying. But I love working my two days, and I obviously had complete confidence in my Mum to care for her as I do. I love my job as a medical secretary, and it gives me those few hours a week back in the real adult world. Now that my daughter is older (19 mths) I've actually started looking around for a daycare that she can go to one day a week next year. It will give my Mum more of a rest, and be good for her because she really craves that stimulation.

Only you can know what feels right. But I agree with Sara H... if you're not comfortable with daycare, don't do it. Money is great, but if it's going to make you stressed and miserable it's totally not worth it.

Kate CP - posted on 09/19/2010

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What Sharon said: do what you gotta do. I was a SAHM for a very long time until my MIL suffered a brain injury requiring me to go back to work so we could afford her car payments (we decided to use her new car as it was WAY more reliable than our old one instead of letting it get repo'ed). I have a part time job now that I only work on the weekends so I don't have to worry about child care as hubby can watch the kids. It works well for us and we're happy. Would I be happier not working at all? Well, duh. ;) But, I did what I had to do! :)

Sharon - posted on 09/19/2010

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Do what you gotta do. Do what you can live with.

Do you have trustworthy day care? Will the job benefits outweigh your personal losses?

For me the answer was yes. I never regretted leaving my toddler with a daycare provider. I worked for a little while. Got our bills under control. Went back to being a sahm.

Now, almost a decade later, I'm working again and on a modest career path. I regret nothing.

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I'm SAHM right now. It's the only job I've ever wanted ever since I was 14. I love it and never wanted anything to change.

Since I am now a SINGLE SAHM w/ an ex who will never pay child support.... it's out of my hands and I will have to start working when my son goes to preschool next year. I will also be (hopefully) doing some classes online. It's freaking me out how I'm ever going to manage since I'm already stressed to the max w/ life as it is so far.....

JuLeah - posted on 09/19/2010

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stay at home moms' work very hard. I stayed home with my daughter for the first 2.5 years. Working outside the home is easier, but not as much fun really. I loved being home with her.

How could they not like her? Kids who spend time in quality care learn the world is filled with people who will care for them. It can add to their level of trust and add to their overall confidence.

You will miss stuff, but that is true for all of us. Moms' that don't miss even one minute, tend to emotionally smother their kid :)

Joanna - posted on 09/19/2010

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I'm a stay-at-home mom. Decided to be one because I don't make enough money working to justify putting my daughter in daycare... all my earnings would go to pay for it! We are very lucky that my husband's job allows me to stay at home.

I think they are both hard. I wish I could work sometimes just to get a break from parenting, but I imagine it's difficult to be away from your children, so working would be tough, too.

Jenni - posted on 09/19/2010

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I've done both... In my situation being a SAHM is harder but far more rewarding and more fun. I have a 3 yr old SD, 2 yr old son and 4 month old daughter. So things can get pretty hectic. Planning for outings is a 2 hour event. Multi-tasking is insane. Playing mediator to fights is stressful.
I went back to work when my son was a year old. Became a SAHM again when I was 4 months pregnant with my daughter. I worked in a warehouse setting and did a very mundane job but there were times I looked forward to going to work to escape the chaos and stress. To actually beable to hear my own thoughts. But of course while I was at work all I did was miss my kids. Will be returning once my daughter is a year. Wish I didn't have to because I want to spend as much time as possible with my youngins. We don't have much of a choice though if we want to eventually get our own house instead of rent.

Nikki - posted on 09/19/2010

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I was a stay at home mom til about 2 weeks ago. I loved staying at home with my son , I couldnt have been happier, yes its alot of work but it was all worth it to be home with him. In June my benefits had ended when my son turned one so by August we started to realize that a single income was going to be harder then we had thought, as well we wanted to rent a house, til we bought as our large apt just wasnt big enough anymore. I looked around and went to so many daycares and still wasnt happy about leaving Ayden, until I found one that was perfect, they were amazing with him and from the minute I walked in I felt at ease. My son has severe seperation anxiety so we spent 3 weeks taking him in every single day with me for an hour to get comfortable with the kids and the ECE's. I still was heartbroken and not ready to do it. I knew it was for the better Ayden would learn sooo much there , he would become better socialized, the whole experience would be a very big step for him, and going back to work would make our lives so much less stressful. The first week was very hard on both myself, my husband and of course our son. Listening to him cry when I left the first day tore me and my husband apart we both cried, i couldnt sleep I was about to take him out and quit my job, then the 3rd day he only cried for a couple minutes and they said the rest of the day he was happy ran around , played, ate napped well. and each day got better and better, by the end of week two he would run in and everytime i go get him he runs into my arms and hugs me and kisses me saying momma with a smile from ear to ear, he has already started babbling more, he is so happy and when we come home we spend such great time together, he has even brought home arts and crafts ( he is 15 months) i put them on the fridge. I miss him like crazy but |I know he is doing great and we even found a house to rent, we signed the papers today we move in OCT 15 , it has a huge backyard and a finished basement for his play room, a huge nursery , so at the end of the day I can give him so much more too.

Becky - posted on 09/19/2010

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I'm a stay at home mom. While I think both are challenging, honestly, I think being a working mom would be harder. Because let's face it, even when both parents work, often, the majority of the burden for the childcare and housework still falls on the mom. So you're doing double duty.
I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. I don't really trust other people to take care of my children, on a full time basis. Once in a while babysitting is fine. Plus, I love being with them. I considered going back to work now that my youngest is 1, but the thought of missing so many firsts and giving up all the stuff I'm able to do with them now just was too hard on me. I took my oldest to swimming lessons this summer, and there was a little girl in our class who was there with her nanny. Nothing against nannies or childcare, but that just made me kind of sad. Just the thought of someone else doing that stuff with them instead of me.
But, I know not everyone feels the same way I do. Some people love working. I was never that big a fan of it. I did enjoy my job, but honestly, had I had the choice between working and not, even before I had children, I would've chosen not. (don't know what I would've done instead though! Maybe travelled.) I guess I"m just kind of lazy! :)
I don't think it would cause problems with attachment. I don't buy that putting your children in full-time childcare causes attachment problems, as long as they are receiving good care in childcare and they are getting consistent, loving attention from you when they are with you.
Obviously, I can't tell you what to do. We are fortunate that I am able to stay home. If it was a finanacial necessity, I'd go back to work, but I do know I wouldn't be happy. But again, that's not the case for everyone! Is the job full-time? Is it something you'd enjoy? Would it be temporary - like just until you were able to buy your own home? Do you have any options for childcare that you feel really good about?

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