real life vs. DM

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010 ( 105 moms have responded )

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i was wondering as i reading some of these post and the comments, how many of us are like this in real life?..both good or bad..what i mean is...



Are we as passionate in real life on these subjects?



Are we judgemental or condescending the way we can come off sometimes on here?



Do we research things outside of doing it to back our stance on a debate?



Are we milder versions of ourselves on here and tigers in real life?



Are we insecure in life and not so much here, or vice versa?



Is there a difference? and if it is what is it?



And sometimes we don't know how we come off to people in real life or on the computer, so if we can ask that question of others and respond in ways that won't have this post locked and cause a 24 hour lockdown as if someone escaped from rykers island..then let's do that as well..lmbbo...(.Lauging my broken butt off)



so i will start someone can tell me how i come off on here and i will tell yo honestly if i mean too, if i knew, and if i am the same in real life.....i will also come back and talk some more because my husband is helping me get the kids off since he;s on leave and im in pain, he woke my son up for school, but i promise i haven't heard my son's bathroom door or shower,and the husband passed back out..lol so i have to go make the rounds...be right back..lol

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Jaime - posted on 12/20/2010

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Okay so I had a fancy quote picked out by C.S. Lewis because it doesn't matter how I perceive anyone...my perceptions are based on MY experiences and MY reality. But, I'm not interested in being a sheep in your farmer Bob parade Tah, so I will just say; You can't offer everyone a piece of cake and then be surprised when some people take a bite...especially when you're holding the fork!

[deleted account]

You created a post asking what people thought about you, and you got all defensive when I told you. I came on here and called you tactless, insecure and conceited because YOU ASKED what people thought of you, and that is is how you come off to me. Duh.

I know you are not fond of me, you made that clear in your unsolicited PM's before you blocked me so I couldn't reply...not that I would have, but I thought it was funny. I honestly don't care what you think of me--which is precisely why I didn't start a post asking what people thought of me, but if I had asked that question, I wouldn't get my panties in a wad because someone told me what they thought. If you don't want to know what people think of you, don't ask them.

C. - posted on 12/20/2010

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Oh cripes..

I read SOME of the posts between Dana M and Tah.. All I can say is, Dana M, I was shocked. Shocked that you would actually say something like that. First of all, I want to say that Tah is not an attention seeker. Most of the time, she lays low and doesn't say a word until she feels it's necessary. Second, I did not get that from this OP at all. She was using herself as an example. She asked some questions and then said that she would start. She wasn't asking your opinion about HER, just how YOU think you come off to people on here and basically do you have an online persona that you don't really have in real life! Wow..

Amanda - posted on 12/20/2010

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Tah- you did state in one of your posts to Nikki S that while this thread is for everyone that you do have one person in mind...... so my perception of this thread is that you have something to say to someone or a point you would like to get across but don't want to directly ruffle any feathers....
anyhoo,i should not have used the term targetted.... i don't feel targetted the word just came to mind, but i think it's safe to assume i could be that "one person you had in mind".

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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i start these post because i see alot of people being put down on here, i see post being closed and people going back and forth. People don't get how i think, that is fine as well. If you notice i start these post after heated debates and sometimes after i receive PM from people who are more upset or touched by things on here than they are willing to admit. So i do these to lighten the mood. I could start post that get heated all the time but we have enough of those and i do those as well. If noone says anything about me i am fine with that, i do it for everyone, it also helps us to get to know each other and how the other people think so maybe we can understand why they respond or react in certain ways. We are so different and i like to talk about and discuss that. How was that, did i make myself clear that time. O, and apology accepted.

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Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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jaime didn't you get your crown on another thread...you are the queen, queen of what i have a pretty good idea.

I am locking this thread because with the certain arrivals it has been brought down and made negative and into something it didn't need to be. I am sorry for those who were still posting and using this thread for what it was designed for, i am going through and reading these post and thinking...they call me the one who wants attention..HA

Jaime - posted on 12/20/2010

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No one is attacking her Christina....she specifically asked for everyone's perceptions of her. If this post was started for other reasons, then simply stating those reasons would have been a fuck of a lot easier than wading through this shit show of a conversation.

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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funny jaime, that is what i say about you, hence the okay Jaime, but anyone else, i am open to have a discussion with and have been.

C. - posted on 12/20/2010

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Look, I know why this thread was started, it had to do with stuff that went down yesterday that had to do with me. Tah told me she started it and why. Nobody needs to go off on her for thinking it was about THEM. They aren't being targeted or attacked in any way, and if they do feel that way, that's on them. She explained everything to me last night about this thread and I think you ladies are unfairly attacking her for no reason.

Jaime - posted on 12/20/2010

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Ladies, I'd save your breath...Tah has already received all the validation she needs and has made it clear that she no longer wishes to engage pragmatically in this discussion. If you don't feed the fire, it will just burn itself out...

Amanda - posted on 12/20/2010

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lol Tah i am relaxed, as i said i didn't necessarliy mean targetted... and i came across as worked up, i'm not worked up about it.

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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Okay jaime..

Amanda...no, honey, as i stated it was not about you. you were not being targeted..as a matter of fact.let me PM you so you can relax

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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@Prato..i guess you better start making those faces at the end of your jokes or add an LOL..lol...no, im really laughing out laugh with the last one...

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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no..i don't see...making everyone get along is different from helping people understand each other better, that is not what i want to do..make them get along, you think it's bad idea, okay. we get it. people still want to answer obviously so let's get on with it, this is pointless, you feel how you feel and so do i...we can agree to disagree..or not...but this has already brought down the tone and intent and is taking up too much time.

Stifler's - posted on 12/20/2010

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I'm thinking of Leah Engen when I read this. What a keyboard warrior she was. Then again maybe she is like that in real life, but I doubt it.

[deleted account]

Tah, I go into threads and put in a quick two cents just so I get the email notifications so I can follow the thread but don't necessarily want to participate. Usually because I don't have anything positive to say.

NOW do you understand why this type of thread is a bad idea. You can't make everyone get along!

C. - posted on 12/20/2010

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Um, let's see here..



Am I as passionate in RL on these subjects? Yes, I am.



Judgmental and condescending? I try not to be, b/c I know what it's like to be judged and it doesn't feel good (relax, ladies, I'm talking about being judged in real life, not on here..) So I try to be more understanding and uplifting than anything. I try to do that on here, too. I don't have the best deliverance in my posts and sometimes when I'm trying to be civil and simply ask something, sometimes people will take that as me judging them.



Mild or tiger in RL? In some ways I'm more mild in RL and in some ways I'm more intense in RL. It really depends on the situation and what's being discussed, etc..



Insecure? I am fairly insecure about certain things both in RL and on here. I'd have to say it's about a 50/50 as far as which is worse, on here or RL.



I think what a lot of people don't get is that I do make bad jokes, I will admit, but I wasn't called a 'cornball' growing up, for nothing. I have corny jokes, always have. But the thing is, people that know me in RL also see my facial expressions, notice my pause before the rest of the joke, *edited to add: tone of voice* etc, and that helps in the deliverance. On here, you pretty much miss all that. So in DM, my jokes usually come off as either rude/bitchy or just stupid.



I'll have to think of more later, but I THINK I covered most of it..

[deleted account]

Just because Nikki and Mary seemingly "agree" with your intentions, doesn't mean that people don't perceive you differently.

My perception that you are an atttention seeker has nothing to do with this thread.....well, not JUST this thread. It's my overall perception of you. Sorry! I don't really care why you started this thread -- it doesn't change my overall perception of you. If anything, it just solidified it.

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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I never said i didn't like them..ya know what..okay dana..thank you for your input. i noticed something else since we are being so honest. you can be guarded and it comes off as being negative and kinda judgemental. Like if it's a thread you wouldn't start yourself, you always have to question it to death or bring a feeling of negativity to it. I thought everyone else was having fun on the behind closed doors thread and then you come asking why everyone wants to talk about it online, they probably aren't worried about their mommy seeing it, it's all in fun, or some threads where you come on just to say that you don't want to participate or respond, if everyone else is having a good talk or a good time, why is that such a problem for you?

[deleted account]

Tah, you asked for everyone's perceptions and you're getting them. Sorry you don't like mine... I still stand by my comments.

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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Thank you Toni for getting this back on track and yes, you pretty much come off as being researched and knowing your stuff.

Mary - posted on 12/20/2010

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Toni, I definitely think you are one of the more even-handed members on here!

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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there were only 2 people who questioned why i started this thread..and also why i have started other threads i don't think it was a bad idea, it was actually doing quite well. I already said that i started the thread after heated debates where comments and negativity were thrown around and it was for everybody, Mary and Nikki may know of the one person who may have been upset over the post more than others, but it was for everyone and noone questioned it before you and kelly assumed i was starting it for me to get attention and whatever else. It was the wrong assumption and Mary and Nikki S. stepped in to say so which i appreciate, thank you ladies. I don't think it was a bad idea and i don't think anyone else does either as they were doing what it was started for, thinking about how they are and come off and some people asking if their perception of themselves was correct, you said that my post bring us closer together, now it's a bad idea and you are entitled to your views, but i would like to get it back on track and if we can't then i will lock it.

[deleted account]

I think I am the same in RL and on CoM, but then you never really know. I would say my temper is much worse in RL, although rarely at people (I normally just fume to myself). If I am speaking about a topic I feel passionate about, which is the same in RL and on CoM, then I will freely give my opinions and share my knowledge, but only when it is appropriate (likewise I wouldn't post my opinion on LGBT in a thread about cereal in bottles, but if someone was disgussing cereal in bottles, I would share). Also I like to think I am fairly open minded and try to listen to others pov and reasoning - although sometimes I know I am too keen to share my opinion without listening to others.

I read loads and so just pick up information which I store - I am the queen of useless information :-) and when I am debating here I generally know about the topics so I don't need to research it - although when someone throws up new information I didn't know I then research it because I assume the information is wrong until I see it myself (there are moms on here that I just automatically trust with their knowledge now though because I know they know their stuff).

When I feel someone annoying me and I can't respond nicely I take 5 and then come back to the thread/ PM and respond or ignore completely!

It's would be interesting to see how people perceive me and if I do come over as intended. :-)

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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okay amanda...did i miss something, because to be honest i didn't really read any post from you, so to put your mind at ease, no, it's not targeting you or anyone specific for that matter, now i need to go do some research, i thought you were starting the first post off on a lighter note when you said that about targeting you, maybe you feel singled out, don't it's for everyone including me. No one person is being singled out...

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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wow so everyone thinks i start these post because i'm insecure and fishing for compliments..wow...that's amazing..."if you really knew me"...well hopefully everyone knows better now and i won't seem like such an attention hound...

Amanda - posted on 12/20/2010

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well i'm not, i am who i am in real life and that carries into "online life" i don't say things on here that i don't, or wouldn't, or havent said in real life. contrary to popular belief i do not "target" certain people on here, but if i disagree with someone i will say so, if someone's argument is weak i will say so.

Nikki - posted on 12/20/2010

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My bad, sorry Tah. It's obvious I have foot in mouth not only in real life but in DM as well! lol

Nikki - posted on 12/20/2010

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Oh dear, well it's really not targeting anyone Amanda, and it is in no way meant to be a negative post, simply a post for others to contemplate the differences between rl and dm, to see where other people are coming from. It's all good, happy happy joy joy, no one is attacking anyone for their personalities, it's more about understanding personalities.

Dana, your all good, I can see how you though that, in fact it was my first thought to begin with then I read through again and went ohhhh, I see!

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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@Amanda..this is for everyone..lol...and i think we all are a little different here than in real life, it's a different playing field if you will.

Amanda - posted on 12/20/2010

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oh for Heaven's sake, if this is targetting me here ya go: i am actually a very kind person, opinionated with a short temper. if someone provokes me i will go there, gladly. however i do not go off unprovoked. i am sometimes sarcastic, i type as though i am talking, and it seems sometimes my posts come off mean when i am simply just asking for a clarification or more depth in an argument. there are very few people i dislike in this world and i can honestly only think of one person i don't like (my old boss). i really don't think i am different on line then in real life

[deleted account]

Wine is good, Dana! And I have no idea what they were referring to either. I only read a fraction of the threads on here, so I miss a lot of the drama :P

[deleted account]

And to Mary and Nikki, I just want to add that I know or knew nothing about any other threads or motives of Tah starting this thread. I obviously missed out on all the fun (or not fun, depending on who you ask) the last couple days, and even though I've recently been filled in, I was't there to witness it first hand, so I hope you can understand where i might have been coming from and why I might have that perception of Tah starting these types of posts. Let's not beat around the bush...

[deleted account]

You are correct, Tah, that quote was from Tara at the top of Page 2. I'm not sure why I was reading her post as yours. I must have been completely distracted. Sorry for the confusion--I even went back and took it out of my "perception of you." Here's to hoping we can move on with respect (raising my glass of wine).



PS. It is no secret that you do not care for me, you said it yourself, and I have not been blind to the hostility, but the reason you do not care for me remains a secret to me. I would love to say I don't care why you dislike me so much, but in truth, I am rather curious. I cannot think of anything that I have said that would cause such lasting anger, but perhaps it is as you intended this thread to clear up, that I came off differently in black and white than I intended. I don't know, if you'd like to enlighten me, feel free, I never blocked you on this new profile, and I do not intend to--I don't even remember what the argument that resulted in us blocking each other was about :P

Nikki - posted on 12/20/2010

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Fair enough, and I agree. It's funny because the content of this post is something that I have thought about a lot recently, at times it's all to easy to forget that there are real people behind the comments. Yeah at time there are some idiots, but generally everyone on here is good hearted and comes here with the best intentions. There are people on here who I didn't particularly care for at first but I have grown to admire and respect them once I have gotten to know them.

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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you can call out anyone you want, but the post is really for everyone. Did i have someone specific in mind, sure, but there is also the wanting people to be honest and get to know each other. If you want to start another thread about it be my guest, i don't want this one to become a debate over that because it has more than one purpose.

Nikki - posted on 12/20/2010

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So Tah are you going to bring up the person you really want to talk about or should I? :)

Nikki - posted on 12/20/2010

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I agree Mary, I know who it's about. Tah is trying to send subliminal messages in the hope it will open others eyes. After all I think that sometime we forget we are dealing with real life people, who have struggles and issues which at times effects the way their posts are written.

Stifler's - posted on 12/20/2010

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Mmm the advice I give in threads IS what I do in real life but I am more judgmental and bitchy in real life, if that's possible.

Mary - posted on 12/20/2010

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Maybe it's a nurse thing, but I immediately knew what this thread was in response to, and I believe it was not about Tah herself, but really for others.

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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o one more thing kelly.i just read through everything i posted here and i did not say.."no name calling, no direct personal insults and no ridicule for those who don't agree"..i don't usually use the word ridicule, but maybe i did, could you be getting this from another thread, or confusing me with someone else as with the PM's...i just unblocked both of you and to see if there were some messages i was by passing..and out of all of mine, i don't even see the ones from months ago. so again i am lost as to what you are talking about. As a matter of fact, it's okay, you don't have to tell me where i said anything, i will just leave well enough alone....maybe i did say that and i don't remember, maybe i did send you rude PM and don't remember (and can't find) those either, maybe you need an apology or something, if so, i am sorry for whatever you think i did, but i don't want to start an argument or whatever it is you said i want to do, i honestly just want to not have to talk about it with you. maybe this can be the end

Tah - posted on 12/20/2010

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okay kelly, i don't know what PM you are talking about because we haven't PM'd each other since like the race debate, what 6 months ago..that i remember, i have also admitted that i have lost my cool on here if i feel attacked but i am not on here just attacking people etc. I am not sure what you want from me, you said what you had to say and i feel how i feel. I would just rather not go there with you. I will say that this last post came off alot differenty then the ones prior, and with that be blessed.

[deleted account]

I don't know why you dislike me so much, Tah. I'm not so unlike you. I don't know where this "grudge" thing you keep bringing up comes from. I never said you locked a thread before I could reply...you may have, I won't deny that, I was talking about a nasty PM you sent me. I honestly don't even remember what we were arguing about / debating, it just stood out to me that you said you don't do name calling and personal insults, being that I had been the recipient of such, and seen such against others.
It happens, we get passionate--I've done it too, but I won't deny having done it.

The term Dana used "fishing for compliments" comes to mind when I read your posts. Thank you, Dana, for understanding. In my very own post I admitted I cared more than I like to admit about what people think of me (more in real life than on here, but still, kind of the same). I also admitted that I could be tactless, so I don't know why you found them so offensive or why you think I have some anterior motive to be rude to you every time I post. Not just in this thread, but others as well, if I disagree with you, you seem to think it is because I have some imagined grudge, when in reality, my opinion just differs from yours on some issues.


Dana, I think you come across on these boards exactly as you described yourself....except for "over-bearing" that term never crossed my mind, but I could imagine it, I guess :)

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