REALLY?!?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/07/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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So, I took my son to the movies tonight to see the "Smurfs" (I am a huge fan...I know...what a dork). Well the movie hadn't started yet, we were sitting in front of mom about my age, her girl about 6-7, and the grandmother...about 55. The girl out of the blue says to her mother "when I am skinny, you will get me a surprise right?" the mothers responce "well, I never said I would get you a surprise, but yes, if you get skinny I will. You just need to lose the weight first."

I of course was appalled. I looked at the little girl, and yes, she had a healthy normal amount of baby fat...no way would I say she was fat for her age. I was so hurt for her. They each had their own popcorn, and I just could not help but feel every bite this girl took she was eating her guilt. He mother and grandmother were pretty thin.

I know I was projecting my own feelings on the girl, but damn. Thoughts?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lady Heather - posted on 08/07/2011

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Life lessons for people who might actually be concerned about their little kids' weight:
1. Don't effing talk about it like it's their responsibility. Actually just don't talk about it.
2. Don't buy them effing movie theater popcorn that is just loaded up with shit. Bring them some goddam snacks from home. And you eat those goddam snacks from home too. Walk the walk yo.
3. Speaking of, how about a nice walk? They are fun and they keep the whole family active.

omg. Probably this kid doesn't even have a problem right now, but I wouldn't doubt that she will one day with awesome parenting like that.

Karla - posted on 08/07/2011

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For overweight children, I do believe doctors recommend NOT losing weight, but controlling over eating and adding exercise via something fun like sports or playground activity.

I'm totally on board with Heather here... this is not the child's responsibility and should not be discussed as such. If in fact there is a weight issue, she needs healthy choices provided for her, and for goodness sake quit judging and talking about "getting skinny." It sounds like that family has a very dysfunctional way of managing their bodies and body image. (Sorry, I'm judging big time on a small conversation, but it just sounds so putrid!)

Kellie - posted on 08/07/2011

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Firstly The Smurfs! I LOVE the Smurfs and I am totally going to drag the SO to see it LOL or get him to download it. Was it good?

Yes you were projecting, however I would have and do think the same as you. That is a totally wrong message to send to a little girl in a world that's already filled with judgment and shit about everyone "should" be a stick figure.

Why can't we just accept people for who the are no matter what their size/shape/colour/country of origin?

What's wrong with teaching a healthy body image via healthy food habits WITHOUT using shitty put down terms such as what that Mother said. A healthy size varies from person to person, it's very individual. It's really not rocket science.

Ramble Ramble Ramble LOL Bottom line, That's a very shitty thing she said to her daughter and it's obviously not the first time. I hope as she grows she doesn't develop an eating disorder, because that attitude right there suggests she's at high risk.

Kellie - posted on 08/07/2011

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Personally I don't think (unless there's a medical or allergy issue), children should be on diets. It's an appaling idea to me. Feed them properly and healthily in the first place, it's not that hard. Yes there are some extremely picky little munchkins out there that make life challenging, that's when we as parents need to get creative.

Lady Heather - posted on 08/07/2011

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Nope, you aren't allowed here and we never were when I was a kid either, but I never had movie popcorn until I was a teenager and could buy it myself. Mum made us little snacks and we hid them until it was dark. I also bring in my own stuff now because even if I want junk I ain't going to pay $10 for it. Never been caught in 27 years of movie going. :)

23 Comments

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Jenn - posted on 08/08/2011

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Unfortunately, there are far too many ignorant and stupid parents out there. What an infuriating story!!! Once while in a bathroom, a 7ish year old girl's mother berated her for not having brushed her hair and said it looked ugly. My friend was with me (she is a ballsy police officer, god love her!) and she told the little girl that she was beautiful...right in front of the mother where everyone could hear. The sweet little child smiled big through her tears.

The fact the little girl sought approval is she could get skinny is appalling. Healthy is one thing...skinny doesn't signify healthy by any means!

Jenni - posted on 08/08/2011

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I agree Marina, that is a horrible message for a young child. I can see eating disorders and poor body image in the future. Very damaging on a young girl's self-esteem in a society already pressured for perfection. Sad.



I can understand a parents' concerns for health reasons. But if the girl was not extremely overweight, it does sound like the mom and grandmother's concerns are for superfiscial reasons.



Also rewarding weight loss with surprises or treats isn't going to solve any issues long term. If I was concerned about my child's weight or lack of activity for health reasons. I'd encourage healthy eating by modelling the behaviour myself and keeping unhealthy junk foods out of my house. I'd encourage FUN physical activity that would make it a positive lifetime change. They would see physical activity as a source of entertainment and building self-esteem by encouraging their physical ability. Like dance classes, gymnastics, nature hikes, sports, tag, skipping etc.



My sister struggled with childhood obesity and my mom would have never said such things to her. My sister voiced her concerns about her weight to my mom. My mom merely helped her in her healthy living journey by teaching her about nutrition, involving her in ballet and jazz and as an older teen/young adult got her a membership for the gym and let her sign up with weight watchers. But she followed her lead and supported her weight loss/healthy living while providing encouragement for reaching her goals.



My mom also always preached to her that it wasn't about how many pounds/inches she lost. It was about her being healthy. She encourged healthy eating/activity and education over dieting.

Elfrieda - posted on 08/08/2011

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It's amazing what kids pick up even without the blatant "be skinny" messages that this poor girl is getting.
My five-year-old niece told me that she only drinks skim milk "because if you drink the milk with more fat in it, you'll get fat", and now that she's seven, doesn't like pictures of herself when she was 4, with a cute round babyface, because she looks fat. ! And the parents aren't telling her these things at all, in fact they were worried when she was younger about her not growing enough (tall enough or heavy enough). It all comes from my sister-in-law trying to lose weight, and I guess she talks about it to people and her daughters overhear. It scares me.

Bonnie - posted on 08/08/2011

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That's disgusting. And then parents wonder why their young children have eating disorders.

Kellie - posted on 08/08/2011

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Yep, then they plead lack of education and or ignorance (I guess they go hand in hand)........

Stifler's - posted on 08/08/2011

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niether do i but obviously there are parents out there with little to no common sense who feed their kid cheezels and scallywag biscuits as food instead of a treat. i personally know people who do.

Stifler's - posted on 08/07/2011

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And I take maccas and maccas coke into the movies all the time. Well I did when I was a teenager and no one ever said anything.

Stifler's - posted on 08/07/2011

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I think this is sad. Even if the kid was on a diet or severely overweight or whatever there is no need to push her to "get skinny".

Becky - posted on 08/07/2011

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That is a horrible thing to say to a child! Especially one of that age! And yeah, to say that while you're letting her eat popcorn loaded in butter?
Heather, are you allowed to bring in your own snacks there? Because here, you're not. Not that you couldn't sneak them in, but you'd get thrown out if you got caught.

Ez - posted on 08/07/2011

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Ugh what a revolting thing to say to a little girl! Even if the girl was dramatically overweight (which I realise she wasn't), speaking to her like that is setting her up for failure.

Kellie - posted on 08/07/2011

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Yes I would agree with that, realistic is fine. I know I'm overweight (obese if you go by my BMI), I actually put on more weight AFTER I had her grr! LOL but other than wanting to be more healthy (which will reduce my weight sure, but it's not my first objective) I'm happy with me. It's taken me many years and a LOT of working through the past, but I can honestly say that and mean it.

I have NO desire to be a size 8, I just want to make more of an effort to be healthier all round.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/07/2011

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I don't ever want to be her source of pressure. If I am happy with me, she will be happy with herself IMO.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/07/2011

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Realistic things are fine, yes I DO need to lose weight. But I don't want my weight issues to be my daughters downfall.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/07/2011

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I agree. I am trying to get all my baby weight off before my daughter hears me say things like "I am fat" "I need to lose weight" "I shouldn't be eating that" I don't want to be the reason she gets a complex. I want to be a healthy role model for what women look like, but I want to be back to my pre baby weight.

Kellie - posted on 08/07/2011

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Haha! That sounds Gorgeous! Rayne is only 8 months, so I don't think she'd sit there and watch it for that long, now if it was the GiggleBellies on the other hand.......



My SO is a little like that Mother in your OP, he says things to me sometimes and I'm VERY quick to tell him where to stick that attitude. I've also told him he will NOT be saying anything like that to our Daughter as she grows. There is enough pressure out there without us, her parents, adding to it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/07/2011

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My son LOVED it! He was actually laughing out loud and hard when Gargamel would get hurt, or the Smurfs were silly. It was a lot of fun seeing him enjoy it, and he watched it in 3D...kept putting up his hand to try and touch things LOL!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/07/2011

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It was cute...but of course nothing will compare to the cartoons for me. I wish they showed more of the life in the village...but alas they did not.

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